the water-babies-第30章

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So　the　giant　ran　round　after　the　people；　and　the　people　ran　round　after　the　giant；　and　they　are　running；　unto　this　day　for　aught　I　know；　or　do　not　know；　and　will　run　till　either　he；　or　they；　or　both；　turn　into　little　children。　　And　then；　as　Shakespeare　says　（and　therefore　it　must　be　true）　…


〃Jack　shall　have　Gill　Nought　shall　go　ill　The　man　shall　have　his　mare　again；　and　all　go　well。〃


Then　Tom　came　to　a　very　famous　island；　which　was　called；　in　the　days　of　the　great　traveller　Captain　Gulliver；　the　Isle　of　Laputa。　But　Mrs。　Bedonebyasyoudid　has　named　it　over　again　the　Isle　of　Tomtoddies；　all　heads　and　no　bodies。

And　when　Tom　came　near　it；　he　heard　such　a　grumbling　and　grunting　and　growling　and　wailing　and　weeping　and　whining　that　he　thought　people　must　be　ringing　little　pigs；　or　cropping　puppies'　ears；　or　drowning　kittens：　　but　when　he　came　nearer　still；　he　began　to　hear　words　among　the　noise；　which　was　the　Tomtoddies'　song　which　they　sing　morning　and　evening；　and　all　night　too；　to　their　great　idol　Examination　…


〃I　can't　learn　my　lesson：　　the　examiner's　coming！〃


And　that　was　the　only　song　which　they　knew。

And　when　Tom　got　on　shore　the　first　thing　he　saw　was　a　great　pillar；　on　one　side　of　which　was　inscribed；　〃Playthings　not　allowed　here；〃　at　which　he　was　so　shocked　that　he　would　not　stay　to　see　what　was　written　on　the　other　side。　　Then　he　looked　round　for　the　people　of　the　island：　　but　instead　of　men；　women；　and　children；　he　found　nothing　but　turnips　and　radishes；　beet　and　mangold　wurzel；　without　a　single　green　leaf　among　them；　and　half　of　them　burst　and　decayed；　with　toad…stools　growing　out　of　them。　　Those　which　were　left　began　crying　to　Tom；　in　half　a　dozen　different　languages　at　once；　and　all　of　them　badly　spoken；　〃I　can't　learn　my　lesson；　do　come　and　help　me！〃　　And　one　cried；　〃Can　you　show　me　how　to　extract　this　square　root？〃

And　another；　〃Can　you　tell　me　the　distance　between　＇alpha＇　Lyrae　and　＇beta＇　Camelopardis？〃

And　another；　〃What　is　the　latitude　and　longitude　of　Snooksville；　in　Noman's　County；　Oregon；　U。S。？〃

And　another；　〃What　was　the　name　of　Mutius　Scaevola's　thirteenth　cousin's　grandmother's　maid's　cat？〃

And　another；　〃How　long　would　it　take　a　school…inspector　of　average　activity　to　tumble　head　over　heels　from　London　to　York？〃

And　another；　〃Can　you　tell　me　the　name　of　a　place　that　nobody　ever　heard　of；　where　nothing　ever　happened；　in　a　country　which　has　not　been　discovered　yet？〃

And　another；　〃Can　you　show　me　how　to　correct　this　hopelessly　corrupt　passage　of　Graidiocolosyrtus　Tabenniticus；　on　the　cause　why　crocodiles　have　no　tongues？〃

And　so　on；　and　so　on；　and　so　on；　till　one　would　have　thought　they　were　all　trying　for　tide…waiters'　places；　or　cornetcies　in　the　heavy　dragoons。

〃And　what　good　on　earth　will　it　do　you　if　I　did　tell　you？〃　quoth　Tom。

Well；　they　didn't　know　that：　　all　they　knew　was　the　examiner　was　coming。

Then　Tom　stumbled　on　the　hugest　and　softest　nimblecomequick　turnip　you　ever　saw　filling　a　hole　in　a　crop　of　swedes；　and　it　cried　to　him；　〃Can　you　tell　me　anything　at　all　about　anything　you　like？〃

〃About　what？〃　says　Tom。

〃About　anything　you　like；　for　as　fast　as　I　learn　things　I　forget　them　again。　　So　my　mamma　says　that　my　intellect　is　not　adapted　for　methodic　science；　and　says　that　I　must　go　in　for　general　information。〃

Tom　told　him　that　he　did　not　know　general　information；　nor　any　officers　in　the　army；　only　he　had　a　friend　once　that　went　for　a　drummer：　　but　he　could　tell　him　a　great　many　strange　things　which　he　had　seen　in　his　travels。

So　he　told　him　prettily　enough；　while　the　poor　turnip　listened　very　carefully；　and　the　more　he　listened；　the　more　he　forgot；　and　the　more　water　ran　out　of　him。

Tom　thought　he　was　crying：　　but　it　was　only　his　poor　brains　running　away；　from　being　worked　so　hard；　and　as　Tom　talked；　the　unhappy　turnip　streamed　down　all　over　with　juice；　and　split　and　shrank　till　nothing　was　left　of　him　but　rind　and　water；　whereat　Tom　ran　away　in　a　fright；　for　he　thought　he　might　be　taken　up　for　killing　the　turnip。

But；　on　the　contrary；　the　turnip's　parents　were　highly　delighted；　and　considered　him　a　saint　and　a　martyr；　and　put　up　a　long　inscription　over　his　tomb　about　his　wonderful　talents；　early　development；　and　unparalleled　precocity。　　Were　they　not　a　foolish　couple？　　But　there　was　a　still　more　foolish　couple　next　to　them；　who　were　beating　a　wretched　little　radish；　no　bigger　than　my　thumb；　for　sullenness　and　obstinacy　and　wilful　stupidity；　and　never　knew　that　the　reason　why　it　couldn't　learn　or　hardly　even　speak　was；　that　there　was　a　great　worm　inside　it　eating　out　all　its　brains。　But　even　they　are　no　foolisher　than　some　hundred　score　of　papas　and　mammas；　who　fetch　the　rod　when　they　ought　to　fetch　a　new　toy；　and　send　to　the　dark　cupboard　instead　of　to　the　doctor。

Tom　was　so　puzzled　and　frightened　with　all　he　saw；　that　he　was　longing　to　ask　the　meaning　of　it；　and　at　last　he　stumbled　over　a　respectable　old　stick　lying　half　covered　with　earth。　　But　a　very　stout　and　worthy　stick　it　was；　for　it　belonged　to　good　Roger　Ascham　in　old　time；　and　had　carved　on　its　head　King　Edward　the　Sixth；　with　the　Bible　in　his　hand。

〃You　see；〃　said　the　stick；　〃there　were　as　pretty　little　children　once　as　you　could　wish　to　see；　and　might　have　been　so　still　if　they　had　been　only　left　to　grow　up　like　human　beings；　and　then　handed　over　to　me；　but　their　foolish　fathers　and　mothers；　instead　of　letting　them　pick　flowers；　and　make　dirt…pies；　and　get　birds'　nests；　and　dance　round　the　gooseberry　bush；　as　little　children　should；　kept　them　always　at　lessons；　working；　working；　working；　learning　week…day　lessons　all　week…days；　and　Sunday　lessons　all　Sunday；　and　weekly　examinations　every　Saturday；　and　monthly　examinations　every　month；　and　yearly　examinations　every　year；　everything　seven　times　over；　as　if　once　was　not　enough；　and　enough　as　good　as　a　feast　…　till　their　brains　grew　big；　and　their　bodies　grew　small；　and　they　were　all　changed　into　turnips；　with　little　but　water　inside；　and　still　their　foolish　parents　actually　pick　the　leaves　off　them　as　fast　as　they　grow；　lest　they　should　have　anything　green　about　them。〃

〃Ah！〃　said　Tom；　〃if　dear　Mrs。　Doasyouwouldbedoneby　knew　of　it　she　would　send　them　a　lot　of　tops；　and　balls；　and　marbles；　and　ninepins；　and　make　them　all　as　jolly　as　sand…boys。〃

〃It　would　be　no　use；〃　said　the　stick。　　〃They　can't　play　now；　if　they　tried。　　Don't　you　see　how　their　legs　have　turned　to　roots　and　grown　into　the　ground；　by　never　taking　any　exercise；　but　sapping　and　moping　always　in　the　same　place？　　But　here　comes　the　Examiner…　of…all…Examiners。　　So　you　had　better　get　away；　I　warn　you；　or　he　will　examine　you　and　your　dog　into　the　bargain；　and　set　him　to　examine　all　the　other　dogs；　and　you　to　examine　all　the　other　water…　babies。　　There　is　no　escaping　out　of　his　hands；　for　his　nose　is　nine　thousand　miles　long；　and　can　go　down　chimneys；　and　through　keyholes；　upstairs；　downstairs；　in　my　lady's　chamber；　examining　all　little　boys；　and　the　little　boys'　tutors　likewise。　　But　when　he　is　thrashed　…　so　Mrs。　Bedonebyasyoudid　has　promised　me　…　I　shall　have　the　thrashing　of　him：　　and　if　I　don't　lay　it　on　with　a　will　it's　a　pity。〃

Tom　went　off：　　but　rather　slowly　and　surlily；　for　he　was　somewhat　minded　to　face　this　same　Examiner…of…all…Examiners；　who　came　striding　among　the　poor　turnips；　binding　heavy　burdens　and　grievous　to　be　borne；　and　laying　them　on　little　children's　shoulders；　like　the　Scribes　and　Pharisees　of　old；　and　not　touching　the　same　with　one　of　his　fingers；　for　he　had　plenty　of　money；　and　a　fine　house　to　live　in；　and　so　forth；　which　was　more　than　the　poor　little　turnips　had。

But　when　he　got　near；　he　looked　so　big　and　burly　and　dictatorial；　and　shouted　so　loud　to　Tom；　to　come　and　be　examined；　that　Tom　ran　for　his　life；　and　the　dog　too。　　And　really　it　was　time；　for　the　poor　turnips；　in　their　hurry　and　fright；　crammed　themselves　so　fast　to　be　ready　for　the　Examiner；　that　they　burst　and　popped　by　dozens　all　round　him；　till　the　place　sounded　like　Aldershot　on　a　field…　day；　and　Tom　thought　he　should　be　blown　into　the　air；　dog　and　all。

As　he　went　down　to　the　shore　he　passed　the　poor　turnip's　new　tomb。　But　Mrs。　Bedonebyasyoudid　had　taken　away　the　epitaph　about　talents　and　precocity　and　development；　and　put　up　one　of　her　own　instead　which　Tom　thought　much　more　sensible：…


〃Instruction　sore　long　time　I　bore；　And　cramming　was　in　vain；　Till　heaven　did　please　my　woes　to　ease　With　water　on　the　brain。〃


So　Tom　jumped　into　the　sea；　and　swam　on　his　way；　singing：…


〃Farewell；　Tomtoddies　all；　I　thank　my　stars　That　nought　I　know　save　those　three　royal　r's：　Reading　and　riting　sure；　with　rithmetick；　Will　help　a　lad　of　sense　through　thin　and　thick。〃


Whereby　you　may　see　that　Tom　was　no　poet：　　but　no　more　was　John　Bunyan；　though　he　was　as　wise　a　man　as　you　will　meet　in　a　month　of　Sundays。

And　next　he　came　to　Oldwivesfabledom；　where　the　folks　were　all　heathens；　and　worshipped　a　howling　ape。　　And　there　he　found　a　little　boy　sitting　in　the　middle　of　the　road；　and　crying　bitterly。

〃What　are　you　crying　for？〃　said　Tom。

〃Because　I　am　not　as　frightened　as　I　could　wish　to　be。〃

〃Not　frightened？　　You　are　a　queer　little　chap：　　but；　if　you　want　to　be　frightened；　here　goes　…　Boo！〃

〃Ah；〃　said　the　little　boy；　〃that　is　very　kind　of　you；　but　I　don't　feel　that　it　has　made　any　impression。〃

Tom　offered　to　upset　him；　punch　him；　stamp　on　him；　fettle　him　over　the　head　with　a　brick；　or　anything　else　whatsoever　which　would　give　him　the　slightest　comfort。

But　he　only　thanked　Tom　very　civilly；　in　fine　long　words　which　he　had　heard　other　folk　use；　and　which　therefore；　he　thought　were　fit　and　proper　to　use　himself；　and　cried　on　till　his　papa　and　mamma　came；　and　sent　off　for　the　Powwow　man　immediately。　　And　a　very　good…natured　gentleman　and　lady　they　were；　though　they　were　heathens；　and　talked　quite　pleasantly　to　Tom　about　his　travels；　till　the　Powwow　man　arrived；　with　his　thunderbox　under　his　arm。

And　a　well…fed；　ill…favoured　gentleman　he　was；　as　ever　served　Her　Majesty　at　Portland。　　Tom　was　a　little　frightened　at　first；　for　he　thought　it　was　Grimes。　　But　he　soon　saw　his　mistake：　　for　Grimes　always　looked　a　man　in　the　face；　and　this　fellow　never　did。　　And　when　he　spoke；　it　was　fire　and　smoke；　and　when　he　sneezed；　it　was　squibs　and　crackers；　and　when　he　cried　（which　he　did　whenever　it　paid　him）；　it　was　boiling　pitch；　and　some　of　it　was　sure　to　stick。

〃Here　we　are　again！〃　cried　he；　like　the　clown　in　a　pantomime。　　〃So　you　can't　feel　frightened；　my　little　dear　…　eh？　　I'll　do　that　for　you。　　I'll　make　an　impression　on　you！　　Yah！　　Boo！　　Whirroo！　Hullabaloo！〃

And　he　rattled；　thumped；　brandished　his　thunder…box；　yelled；　shouted；　raved；　roared；　stamped；　and　danced　corrobory　like　any　black　fellow；　and　then　he　touched　a　spring　in　the　thunderbox；　and　out　popped　turnip…ghosts　and　magic…lanthorns　and　pasteboard　bogies　and　spring…heeled　Jacks；　and　sallaballas；　with　such　a　horrid　din；　clatter；　clank；　roll；　rattle；　and　roar；　that　the　little　boy　turned　up　the　whites　of　his　eyes；　and　fainted　right　away。

And　at　that　his　poor　heathen　papa　and　mamma　were　as　much　delighted　as　if　they　had　found　a　gold　mine；　and　fell　down　upon　their　knees　before　the　Powwow　man；　and　gave　him