the water-babies-第29章

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ire。　　There　cobblers　lecture　on　orthopedy　（whatsoever　that　may　be）　because　they　cannot　sell　their　shoes；　and　poets　on　AEsthetics　（whatsoever　that　may　be）　because　they　cannot　sell　their　poetry。　　There　philosophers　demonstrate　that　England　would　be　the　freest　and　richest　country　in　the　world；　if　she　would　only　turn　Papist　again；　penny…a…liners　abuse　the　Times；　because　they　have　not　wit　enough　to　get　on　its　staff；　and　young　ladies　walk　about　with　lockets　of　Charles　the　First's　hair　（or　of　somebody　else's；　when　the　Jews'　genuine　stock　is　used　up）；　inscribed　with　the　neat　and　appropriate　legend　…　which　indeed　is　popular　through　all　that　land；　and　which；　I　hope；　you　will　learn　to　translate　in　due　time　and　to　perpend　likewise：…


〃VICTRIX　CAUSA　DIIS　PLACUIT；　SED　VICTA　PUELLIS。〃


When　he　got　into　the　middle　of　the　town；　they　all　set　on　him　at　once；　to　show　him　his　way；　or　rather；　to　show　him　that　he　did　not　know　his　way；　for　as　for　asking　him　what　way　he　wanted　to　go；　no　one　ever　thought　of　that。

But　one　pulled　him　hither；　and　another　poked　him　thither；　and　a　third　cried　…

〃You　mustn't　go　west；　I　tell　you；　it　is　destruction　to　go　west。〃

〃But　I　am　not　going　west；　as　you　may　see；〃　said　Tom。

And　another；　〃The　east　lies　here；　my　dear；　I　assure　you　this　is　the　east。〃

〃But　I　don't　want　to　go　east；〃　said　Tom。

〃Well；　then；　at　all　events；　whichever　way　you　are　going；　you　are　going　wrong；〃　cried　they　all　with　one　voice　…　which　was　the　only　thing　which　they　ever　agreed　about；　and　all　pointed　at　once　to　all　the　thirty…and…two　points　of　the　compass；　till　Tom　thought　all　the　sign…posts　in　England　had　got　together；　and　fallen　fighting。

And　whether　he　would　have　ever　escaped　out　of　the　town；　it　is　hard　to　say；　if　the　dog　had　not　taken　it　into　his　head　that　they　were　going　to　pull　his　master　in　pieces；　and　tackled　them　so　sharply　about　the　gastrocnemius　muscle；　that　he　gave　them　some　business　of　their　own　to　think　of　at　last；　and　while　they　were　rubbing　their　bitten　calves；　Tom　and　the　dog　got　safe　away。

On　the　borders　of　that　island　he　found　Gotham；　where　the　wise　men　live；　the　same　who　dragged　the　pond　because　the　moon　had　fallen　into　it；　and　planted　a　hedge　round　the　cuckoo；　to　keep　spring　all　the　year。　　And　he　found　them　bricking　up　the　town　gate；　because　it　was　so　wide　that　little　folks　could　not　get　through。　　And；　when　he　asked　why；　they　told　him　they　were　expanding　their　liturgy。　　So　he　went　on；　for　it　was　no　business　of　his：　　only　he　could　not　help　saying　that　in　his　country；　if　the　kitten　could　not　get　in　at　the　same　hole　as　the　cat；　she　might　stay　outside　and　mew。

But　he　saw　the　end　of　such　fellows；　when　he　came　to　the　island　of　the　Golden　Asses；　where　nothing　but　thistles　grow。　　For　there　they　were　all　turned　into　mokes　with　ears　a　yard　long；　for　meddling　with　matters　which　they　do　not　understand；　as　Lucius　did　in　the　story。　And　like　him；　mokes　they　must　remain；　till；　by　the　laws　of　development；　the　thistles　develop　into　roses。　　Till　then；　they　must　comfort　themselves　with　the　thought；　that　the　longer　their　ears　are；　the　thicker　their　hides；　and　so　a　good　beating　don't　hurt　them。

Then　came　Tom　to　the　great　land　of　Hearsay；　in　which　are　no　less　than　thirty　and　odd　kings；　beside　half　a　dozen　Republics；　and　perhaps　more　by　next　mail。

And　there　he　fell　in　with　a　deep；　dark；　deadly；　and　destructive　war；　waged　by　the　princes　and　potentates　of　those　parts；　both　spiritual　and　temporal；　against　what　do　you　think？　　One　thing　I　am　sure　of。　　That　unless　I　told　you；　you　would　never　know；　nor　how　they　waged　that　war　either；　for　all　their　strategy　and　art　military　consisted　in　the　safe　and　easy　process　of　stopping　their　ears　and　screaming；　〃Oh；　don't　tell　us！〃　and　then　running　away。

So　when　Tom　came　into　that　land；　he　found　them　all；　high　and　low；　man；　woman；　and　child；　running　for　their　lives　day　and　night　continually；　and　entreating　not　to　be　told　they　didn't　know　what：　only　the　land　being　an　island；　and　they　having　a　dislike　to　the　water　（being　a　musty　lot　for　the　most　part）；　they　ran　round　and　round　the　shore　for　ever；　which　（as　the　island　was　exactly　of　the　same　circumference　as　the　planet　on　which　we　have　the　honour　of　living）　was　hard　work；　especially　to　those　who　had　business　to　look　after。　　But　before　them；　as　bandmaster　and　fugleman；　ran　a　gentleman　shearing　a　pig；　the　melodious　strains　of　which　animal　led　them　for　ever；　if　not　to　conquest；　still　to　flight；　and　kept　up　their　spirits　mightily　with　the　thought　that　they　would　at　least　have　the　pig's　wool　for　their　pains。

And　running　after　them；　day　and　night；　came　such　a　poor；　lean；　seedy；　hard…worked　old　giant；　as　ought　to　have　been　cockered　up；　and　had　a　good　dinner　given　him；　and　a　good　wife　found　him；　and　been　set　to　play　with　little　children；　and　then　he　would　have　been　a　very　presentable　old　fellow　after　all；　for　he　had　a　heart；　though　it　was　considerably　overgrown　with　brains。

He　was　made　up　principally　of　fish　bones　and　parchment；　put　together　with　wire　and　Canada　balsam；　and　smelt　strongly　of　spirits；　though　he　never　drank　anything　but　water：　　but　spirits　he　used　somehow；　there　was　no　denying。　　He　had　a　great　pair　of　spectacles　on　his　nose；　and　a　butterfly…net　in　one　hand；　and　a　geological　hammer　in　the　other；　and　was　hung　all　over　with　pockets；　full　of　collecting　boxes；　bottles；　microscopes；　telescopes；　barometers；　ordnance　maps；　scalpels；　forceps；　photographic　apparatus；　and　all　other　tackle　for　finding　out　everything　about　everything；　and　a　little　more　too。　　And；　most　strange　of　all；　he　was　running　not　forwards　but　backwards；　as　fast　as　he　could。

Away　all　the　good　folks　ran　from　him；　except　Tom；　who　stood　his　ground　and　dodged　between　his　legs；　and　the　giant；　when　he　had　passed　him；　looked　down；　and　cried；　as　if　he　was　quite　pleased　and　comforted；　…

〃What？　who　are　you？　　And　you　actually　don't　run　away；　like　all　the　rest？〃　　But　he　had　to　take　his　spectacles　off；　Tom　remarked；　in　order　to　see　him　plainly。

Tom　told　him　who　he　was；　and　the　giant　pulled　out　a　bottle　and　a　cork　instantly；　to　collect　him　with。

But　Tom　was　too　sharp　for　that；　and　dodged　between　his　legs　and　in　front　of　him；　and　then　the　giant　could　not　see　him　at　all。

〃No；　no；　no！〃　said　Tom；　〃I've　not　been　round　the　world；　and　through　the　world；　and　up　to　Mother　Carey's　haven；　beside　being　caught　in　a　net　and　called　a　Holothurian　and　a　Cephalopod；　to　be　bottled　up　by　any　old　giant　like　you。〃

And　when　the　giant　understood　what　a　great　traveller　Tom　had　been；　he　made　a　truce　with　him　at　once；　and　would　have　kept　him　there　to　this　day　to　pick　his　brains；　so　delighted　was　he　at　finding　any　one　to　tell　him　what　he　did　not　know　before。

〃Ah；　you　lucky　little　dog！〃　said　he　at　last；　quite　simply　…　for　he　was　the　simplest；　pleasantest；　honestest；　kindliest　old　Dominie　Sampson　of　a　giant　that　ever　turned　the　world　upside　down　without　intending　it　…　〃ah；　you　lucky　little　dog！　　If　I　had　only　been　where　you　have　been；　to　see　what　you　have　seen！〃

〃Well；〃　said　Tom；　〃if　you　want　to　do　that；　you　had　best　put　your　head　under　water　for　a　few　hours；　as　I　did；　and　turn　into　a　water…　baby；　or　some　other　baby；　and　then　you　might　have　a　chance。〃

〃Turn　into　a　baby；　eh？　　If　I　could　do　that；　and　know　what　was　happening　to　me　for　but　one　hour；　I　should　know　everything　then；　and　be　at　rest。　　But　I　can't；　I　can't　be　a　little　child　again；　and　I　suppose　if　I　could；　it　would　be　no　use；　because　then　I　should　then　know　nothing　about　what　was　happening　to　me。　　Ah；　you　lucky　little　dog！〃　said　the　poor　old　giant。

〃But　why　do　you　run　after　all　these　poor　people？〃　said　Tom；　who　liked　the　giant　very　much。

〃My　dear；　it's　they　that　have　been　running　after　me；　father　and　son；　for　hundreds　and　hundreds　of　years；　throwing　stones　at　me　till　they　have　knocked　off　my　spectacles　fifty　times；　and　calling　me　a　malignant　and　a　turbaned　Turk；　who　beat　a　Venetian　and　traduced　the　State　…　goodness　only　knows　what　they　mean；　for　I　never　read　poetry　…　and　hunting　me　round　and　round　…　though　catch　me　they　can't；　for　every　time　I　go　over　the　same　ground；　I　go　the　faster；　and　grow　the　bigger。　　While　all　I　want　is　to　be　friends　with　them；　and　to　tell　them　something　to　their　advantage；　like　Mr。　Joseph　Ady：　　only　somehow　they　are　so　strangely　afraid　of　hearing　it。　　But；　I　suppose　I　am　not　a　man　of　the　world；　and　have　no　tact。〃

〃But　why　don't　you　turn　round　and　tell　them　so？〃

〃Because　I　can't。　　You　see；　I　am　one　of　the　sons　of　Epimetheus；　and　must　go　backwards；　if　I　am　to　go　at　all。〃

〃But　why　don't　you　stop；　and　let　them　come　up　to　you？〃

〃Why；　my　dear；　only　think。　　If　I　did；　all　the　butterflies　and　cockyolybirds　would　fly　past　me；　and　then　I　should　catch　no　more　new　species；　and　should　grow　rusty　and　mouldy；　and　die。　　And　I　don't　intend　to　do　that；　my　dear；　for　I　have　a　destiny　before　me；　they　say：　　though　what　it　is　I　don't　know；　and　don't　care。〃

〃Don't　care？〃　said　Tom。

〃No。　　Do　the　duty　which　lies　nearest　you；　and　catch　the　first　beetle　you　come　across；　is　my　motto；　and　I　have　thriven　by　it　for　some　hundred　years。　　Now　I　must　go　on。　　Dear　me；　while　I　have　been　talking　to　you；　at　least　nine　new　species　have　escaped　me。〃

And　on　went　the　giant；　behind　before；　like　a　bull　in　a　china…shop；　till　he　ran　into　the　steeple　of　the　great　idol　temple　（for　they　are　all　idolaters　in　those　parts；　of　course；　else　they　would　never　be　afraid　of　giants）；　and　knocked　the　upper　half　clean　off；　hurting　himself　horribly　about　the　small　of　the　back。

But　little　he　cared；　for　as　soon　as　the　ruins　of　the　steeple　were　well　between　his　legs；　he　poked　and　peered　among　the　falling　stones；　and　shifted　his　spectacles；　and　pulled　out　his　pocket…　magnifier；　and　cried　…

〃An　entirely　new　Oniscus；　and　three　obscure　Podurellae！　　Besides　a　moth　which　M。　le　Roi　des　Papillons　（though　he；　like　all　Frenchmen；　is　given　to　hasty　inductions）　says　is　confined　to　the　limits　of　the　Glacial　Drift。　　This　is　most　important！〃

And　down　he　sat　on　the　nave　of　the　temple　（not　being　a　man　of　the　world）　to　examine　his　Podurellae。　　Whereon　（as　was　to　be　expected）　the　roof　caved　in　bodily；　smashing　the　idols；　and　sending　the　priests　flying　out　of　doors　and　windows；　like　rabbits　out　of　a　burrow　when　a　ferret　goes　in。

But　he　never　heeded；　for　out　of　the　dust　flew　a　bat；　and　the　giant　had　him　in　a　moment。

〃Dear　me！　　This　is　even　more　important！　　Here　is　a　cognate　species　to　that　which　Macgilliwaukie　Brown　insists　is　confined　to　the　Buddhist　temples　of　Little　Thibet；　and　now　when　I　look　at　it；　it　may　be　only　a　variety　produced　by　difference　of　climate！〃

And　having　bagged　his　bat；　up　he　got；　and　on　he　went；　while　all　the　people　ran；　being　in　none　the　better　humour　for　having　their　temple　smashed　for　the　sake　of　three　obscure　species　of　Podurella；　and　a　Buddhist　bat。

〃Well；〃　thought　Tom；　〃this　is　a　very　pretty　quarrel；　with　a　good　deal　to　be　said　on　both　sides。　　But　it　is　no　business　of　mine。〃

And　no　more　it　was；　because　he　was　a　water…baby；　and　had　the　original　sow　by　the　right　ear；　which　you　will　never　have；　unless　you　be　a　baby；　whether　of　the　water；　the　land；　or　the　air；　matters　not；　provided　you　can　only　keep　on　continually　being　a　baby。

So　the　giant　ran　round　after　the　people；　and　the　people　ran　round　after　the　giant；　and　they　are　running；　unt