burlesques-第30章

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prepared　to　part　from　his　Andromache。　　And　now　arose　his

perplexity：　what　must　be　done　with　his　daughter；　his　Julia？　　He

knew　his　wife's　peculiarities　of　living；　and　did　not　much　care　to

trust　his　daughter　to　her　keeping；　but　in　vain　he　tried　to　find　her

an　asylum　among　the　respectable　ladies　of　his　regiment。　　Lady　Gutch

offered　to　receive　her；　but　would　have　nothing　to　do　with　Mrs。

Jowler；　the　surgeon's　wife；　Mrs。　Sawbone；　would　have　neither　mother

nor　daughter；　there　was　no　help　for　it；　Julia　and　her　mother　must

have　a　house　together；　and　Jowler　knew　that　his　wife　would　fill　it

with　her　odious　blackamoor　friends。



I　could　not；　however；　go　forth　satisfied　to　the　campaign　until　I

learned　from　Julia　my　fate。　　I　watched　twenty　opportunities　to　see

her　alone；　and　wandered　about　the　Colonel's　bungalow　as　an　informer

does　about　a　public…house；　marking　the　incomings　and　the　outgoings

of　the　family；　and　longing　to　seize　the　moment　when　Miss　Jowler；

unbiassed　by　her　mother　or　her　papa；　might　listen；　perhaps；　to　my

eloquence；　and　melt　at　the　tale　of　my　love。



But　it　would　not　doold　Jowler　seemed　to　have　taken　all　of　a

sudden　to　such　a　fit　of　domesticity；　that　there　was　no　finding　him

out　of　doors；　and　his　rhubarb…colored　wife　（I　believe　that　her　skin

gave　the　first　idea　of　our　regimental　breeches）；　who　before　had

been　gadding　ceaselessly　abroad；　and　poking　her　broad　nose　into

every　menage　in　the　cantonment；　stopped　faithfully　at　home　with　her

spouse。　　My　only　chance　was　to　beard　the　old　couple　in　their　den；


and　ask　them　at　once　for　their　cub。



So　I　called　one　day　at　tiffin：old　Jowler　was　always　happy　to　have

my　company　at　this　meal；　it　amused　him；　he　said；　to　see　me　drink

Hodgson's　pale　ale　（I　drank　two　hundred　and　thirty…four　dozen　the

first　year　I　was　in　Bengal）and　it　was　no　small　piece　of　fun；

certainly；　to　see　old　Mrs。　Jowler　attack　the　currie…bhaut；she　was

exactly　the　color　of　it；　as　I　have　had　already　the　honor　to　remark；

and　she　swallowed　the　mixture　with　a　gusto　which　was　never

equalled；　except　by　my　poor　friend　Dando　apropos　d'huitres。　　She

consumed　the　first　three　platefuls　with　a　fork　and　spoon；　like　a

Christian；　but　as　she　warmed　to　her　work；　the　old　hag　would　throw

away　her　silver　implements；　and　dragging　the　dishes　towards　her；　go

to　work　with　her　hands；　flip　the　rice　into　her　mouth　with　her

fingers；　and　stow　away　a　quantity　of　eatables　sufficient　for　a

sepoy　company。　　But　why　do　I　diverge　from　the　main　point　of　my

story？



Julia；　then；　Jowler；　and　Mrs。　J。　were　at　luncheon：　the　dear　girl

was　in　the　act　to　sabler　a　glass　of　Hodgson　as　I　entered。　　〃How　do

you　do；　Mr。　Gagin？〃　said　the　old　hag；　leeringly。　　〃Eat　a　bit　o'

currie…bhaut；〃and　she　thrust　the　dish　towards　me；　securing　a　heap

as　it　passed。　　〃What！　Gagy　my　boy；　how　do；　how　do？〃　said　the　fat

Colonel。　　〃What！　run　through　the　body？got　well　againhave　some

Hodgsonrun　through　your　body　too！〃and　at　this；　I　may　say；

coarse　joke　（alluding　to　the　fact　that　in　these　hot　climates　the

ale　oozes　out　as　it　were　from　the　pores　of　the　skin）　old　Jowler

laughed：　a　host　of　swarthy　chobdars；　kitmatgars；　sices；　consomahs；

and　bobbychies　laughed　too；　as　they　provided　me；　unasked；　with　the

grateful　fluid。　　Swallowing　six　tumblers　of　it；　I　paused　nervously

for　a　moment；　and　then　said



〃Bobbachy；　consomah；　ballybaloo　hoga。〃



The　black　ruffians　took　the　hint　and　retired。



〃Colonel　and　Mrs。　Jowler；〃　said　I　solemnly；　〃we　are　alone；　and　you；

Miss　Jowler；　you　are　alone　too；　that　isI　meanI　take　this

opportunity　to（another　glass　of　ale；　if　you　please）to　express；

once　for　all；　before　departing　on　a　dangerous　campaign〃（Julia

turned　pale）〃before　entering；　I　say；　upon　a　war　which　may　stretch

in　the　dust　my　high…raised　hopes　and　me；　to　express　my　hopes　while

life　still　remains　to　me；　and　to　declare　in　the　face　of　heaven；

earth；　and　Colonel　Jowler；　that　I　love　you；　Julia！〃　　The　Colonel；

astonished；　let　fall　a　steel　fork；　which　stuck　quivering　for　some

minutes　in　the　calf　of　my　leg；　but　I　heeded　not　the　paltry

interruption。　　〃Yes；　by　yon　bright　heaven；〃　continued　I；　〃I　love

you；　Julia！　　I　respect　my　commander；　I　esteem　your　excellent　and

beauteous　mother；　tell　me；　before　I　leave　you；　if　I　may　hope　for　a

return　of　my　affection。　　Say　that　you　love　me；　and　I　will　do　such

deeds　in　this　coming　war　as　shall　make　you　proud　of　the　name　of

your　Gahagan。〃



The　old　woman；　as　I　delivered　these　touching　words；　stared；

snapped；　and　ground　her　teeth；　like　an　enraged　monkey。　　Julia　was

now　red；　now　white；　the　Colonel　stretched　forward；　took　the　fork

out　of　the　calf　of　my　leg；　wiped　it；　and　then　seized　a　bundle　of

letters　which　I　had　remarked　by　his　side。



〃A　cornet！〃　said　he；　in　a　voice　choking　with　emotion；　〃a　pitiful；

beggarly　Irish　cornet　aspire　to　the　hand　of　Julia　Jowler！　　Gag；

Gahagan；　are　you　mad；　or　laughing　at　us？　　Look　at　these　letters；

young　manat　these　letters；　I　sayone　hundred　and　twenty…four

epistles　from　every　part　of　India　（not　including　one　from　the

Governor…General；　and　six　from　his　brother；　Colonel　Wellesley；）

one　hundred　and　twenty…four　proposals　for　the　hand　of　Miss　Jowler！

Cornet　Gahagan；〃　he　continued；　〃I　wish　to　think　well　of　you：　you

are　the　bravest；　the　most　modest；　and；　perhaps；　the　handsomest　man

in　our　corps；　but　you　have　not　got　a　single　rupee。　　You　ask　me　for

Julia；　and　you　do　not　possess　even　an　anna！〃（Here　the　old　rogue

grinned；　as　if　he　had　made　a　capital　pun）。〃No；　no；〃　said　he；

waxing　good…natured；　〃Gagy；　my　boy；　it　is　nonsense！　　Julia；　love；

retire　with　your　mamma；　this　silly　young　gentleman　will　remain　and

smoke　a　pipe　with　me。〃



I　took　one；　it　was　the　bitterest　chillum　I　ever　smoked　in　my　life。



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I　am　not　going　to　give　here　an　account　of　my　military　services；

they　will　appear　in　my　great　national　autobiography；　in　forty

volumes；　which　I　am　now　preparing　for　the　press。　　I　was　with　my

regiment　in　all　Wellesley's　brilliant　campaigns；　then　taking　dawk；

I　travelled　across　the　country　north…eastward；　and　had　the　honor　of

fighting　by　the　side　of　Lord　Lake　at　Laswaree；　Deeg；　Furruckabad；

Futtyghur；　and　Bhurtpore：　but　I　will　not　boast　of　my　actionsthe

military　man　knows　them；　MY　SOVEREIGN　appreciates　them。　　If　asked

who　was　the　bravest　man　of　the　Indian　army；　there　is　not　an　officer

belonging　to　it　who　would　not　cry　at　once；　GAHAGAN。　　The　fact　is；　I

was　desperate：　I　cared　not　for　life；　deprived　of　Julia　Jowler。



With　Julia's　stony　looks　ever　before　my　eyes；　her　father's　stern

refusal　in　my　ears；　I　did　not　care；　at　the　close　of　the　campaign；

again　to　seek　her　company　or　to　press　my　suit。　　We　were　eighteen

months　on　service；　marching　and　countermarching；　and　fighting

almost　every　other　day：　to　the　world　I　did　not　seem　altered；　but

the　world　only　saw　the　face；　and　not　the　seared　and　blighted　heart

within　me。　　My　valor；　always　desperate；　now　reached　to　a　pitch　of

cruelty；　I　tortured　my　grooms　and　grass…cutters　for　the　most

trifling　offence　or　error；I　never　in　action　spared　a　man；I

sheared　off　three　hundred　and　nine　heads　in　the　course　of　that

single　campaign。



Some　influence；　equally　melancholy；　seemed　to　have　fallen　upon　poor

old　Jowler。　　About　six　months　after　we　had　left　Dum　Dum；　he

received　a　parcel　of　letters　from　Benares　（whither　his　wife　had

retired　with　her　daughter）；　and　so　deeply　did　they　seem　to　weigh

upon　his　spirits；　that　he　ordered　eleven　men　of　his　regiment　to　be

flogged　within　two　days；　but　it　was　against　the　blacks　that　he

chiefly　turned　his　wrath。　　Our　fellows；　in　the　heat　and　hurry　of

the　campaign；　were　in　the　habit　of　dealing　rather　roughly　with

their　prisoners；　to　extract　treasure　from　them：　they　used　to　pull

their　nails　out　by　the　root；　to　boil　them　in　kedgeree　pots；　to　flog

them　and　dress　their　wounds　with　cayenne　pepper；　and　so　on。

Jowler；　when　he　heard　of　these　proceedings；　which　before　had　always

justly　exasperated　him　（he　was　a　humane　and　kind　little　man）；　used

now　to　smile　fiercely　and　say；　〃D…　the　black　scoundrels！　　Serve

them　right；　serve　them　right！〃



One　day；　about　a　couple　of　miles　in　advance　of　the　column；　I　had

been　on　a　foraging…party　with　a　few　dragoons；　and　was　returning

peaceably　to　camp；　when　of　a　sudden　a　troop　of　Mahrattas　burst　on

us　from　a　neighboring　mango…tope；　in　which　they　had　been　hidden：　in

an　instant　three　of　my　men's　saddles　were　empty；　and　I　was　left

with　but　seven　more　to　make　head　against　at　least　thirty　of　these

vagabond　black　horsemen。　　I　never　saw　in　my　life　a　nobler　figure

than　the　leader　of　the　troopmounted　on　a　splendid　black　Arab：　he

was　as　tall；　very　nearly；　as　myself；　he　wore　a　steel　cap　and　a

shirt　of　mail；　and　carried　a　beautiful　French　carbine；　which　had

already　done　execution　upon　two　of　my　men。　　I　saw　that　our　only

chance　of　safety　lay　in　the　destruction　of　this　man。　　I　shouted　to

him　in　a　voice　of　thunder　（in　the　Hindustanee　tongue　of　course）；

〃Stop；　dog；　if　you　dare；　and　encounter　a　man！〃



In　reply　his　lance　came　whirling　in　the　air　over　my　head；　and

mortally　transfixed　poor　Foggarty　of　ours；　who　was　behind　me。

Grinding　my　teeth　and　swearing　horribly；　I　drew　that　scimitar　which

never　yet　failed　its　blow；*　and　rushed　at　the　Indian。　　He　came　down

at　full　gallop；　his　own　sword　making　ten　thousand　gleaming　circles

in　the　air；　shrieking　his　cry　of　battle。





*　In　my　affair　with　Macgillicuddy；　I　was　fool　enough　to　go　out　with

small…swordsmiserable　weapons　only　fit　for　tailors。G。　O'G。　G。





The　contest　did　not　last　an　instant。　　With　my　first　blow　I　cut　off

his　sword…arm　at　the　wrist；　my　second　I　levelled　at　his　head。　　I

said　that　he　wore　a　steel　cap；　with　a　gilt　iron　spike　of　six

inches；　and　a　hood　of　chain　mail。　　I　rose　in　my　stirrups　and

delivered　〃ST。　GEORGE；〃　my　sword　caught　the　spike　exactly　on　the

point；　split　it　sheer　in　two；　cut　crashing　through　the　steel　cap

and　hood；　and　was　only　stopped　by　a　ruby　which　he　wore　in　his　back…

plate。　　His　head；　cut　clean　in　two　between　the　eyebrows　and

nostrils；　even　between　the　two　front　teeth；　fell　one　side　on　each

shoulder；　and　he　galloped　on　till　his　horse　was　stopped　by　my　men；

who　were　not　a　little　amused　at　the　feat。



As　I　had　expected；　the　remaining　ruffians　fled　on　seeing　their

leader's　fate。　　I　took　home　his　helmet　by　way　of　curiosity；　and　we

made　a　single　prisoner；　who　was　instantly　carried　before　old

Jowler。



We　asked　the　prisoner　the　name　of　the　leader　of　the　troop；　he　said

it　was　Chowder　Loll。



〃Chowder　Loll！〃　shrieked　Colonel　Jowler。　　〃O　fate！　thy　hand　is

here！〃　　He　rushed　wildly　into　his　tentthe　next　day　applied　for

leave　of　absence。　　Gutch　took　the　command　of　the　regiment；　and　I

saw　him　no　more　for　some　time。



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As　I　had　distinguished　myself　not　a　little　during　the　war；　General

Lake　sent　me　up　with　des