burlesques-第20章

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The　presents　of　the　noble　gent　heavidently　made　her　uneezy。



〃The　Countiss　on　my　right　and　had　shownt　symtms　of　ixtream　disgust

at　the　beayvior　of　my　relations；　and　having　called　for　her　carridg；

got　up　to　leave　the　room；　with　the　most　dignified　hair。　　I；　of

coarse；　rose　to　conduct　her　to　her　weakle。　　Ah；　what　a　contrast　it

was！　　There　it　stood；　with　stars　and　garters　hall　hover　the

pannels；　the　footmin　in　peach…colored　tites；　the　hosses　worth　3

hundred　apiece；and　there　stood　the　horrid　LINNEN…CART；　with　'Mary

Blodder；　Laundress；　Ealing；　Middlesex；'　wrote　on　the　bord；　and

waiting　till　my　abandind　old　parint　should　come　out。



〃Cinqbars　insisted　upon　helping　her　in。　　Sir　Huddlestone　Fuddlestone；

the　great　Barnet　from　the　North；　who；　great　as　he　is；　is　as　stewpid

as　a　howl；　looked　on；　hardly　trusting　his　goggle　I's　as　they

witnessed　the　sean。　　But　little　lively　good　naterd　Lady　Kitty

Quickset；　who　was　going　away　with　the　Countiss；　held　her　little　&

out　of　the　carridge　to　me　and　said；　'Mr。　De　la　Pluche；　you　are　a

much　better　man　than　I　took　you　to　be。　　Though　her　Ladyship　IS

horrified；　&　though　your　Grandmother　DID　take　gin　for　breakfast；

don't　give　her　up。　　No　one　ever　came　to　harm　yet　for　honoring　their

father　&　mother。'



〃And　this　was　a　sort　of　consolation　to　me；　and　I　observed　that　all

the　good　fellers　thought　none　the　wuss　of　me。　　Cinqbars　said　I　was

a　trump　for　sticking　up　for　the　old　washerwoman；　Lord　George　Gills

said　she　should　have　his　linning；　and　so　they　cut　their　joax；　and　I

let　them。　　But　it　was　a　great　releaf　to　my　mind　when　the　cart　drove

hoff。



〃There　was　one　pint　which　my　Grandmother　observed；　and　which；　I

muss　say；　I　thought　lickwise：　'Ho；　Jeames；'　says　she；　'hall　those

fine　ladies　in　sattns　and　velvets　is　very　well；　but　there's　not　one

of　em　can　hold　a　candle　to　Mary　Hann。'〃





〃Railway　Spec　is　going　on　phamusly。　　You　should　see　how　polite　they

har　at　my　bankers　now！　　Sir　Paul　Pump　Aldgate；　&　Company。　　They　bow

me　out　of　the　back　parlor　as　if　I　was　a　Nybobb。　　Every　body　says

I'm　worth　half　a　millium。　　The　number　of　lines　they're　putting　me

upon　is　inkumseavable。　　I've　put　Fitzwarren；　my　man；　upon　several。

Reginald　Fitzwarren；　Esquire；　looks　splendid　in　a　perspectus；　and

the　raskle　owns　that　he　has　made　two　thowsnd。



〃How　the　ladies；　&　men　too；　foller　and　flatter　me！　　If　I　go　into

Lady　Binsis　hopra　box；　she　makes　room　for　me；　who　ever　is　there；

and　cries　out；　'O　do　make　room　for　that　dear　creature！'　　And　she

complyments　me　on　my　taste　in　musick；　or　my　new　Broom…oss；　or　the

phansy　of　my　weskit；　and　always　ends　by　asking　me　for　some　shares。

Old　Lord　Bareacres；　as　stiff　as　a　poaker；　as　prowd　as　loosyfer；　as

poor　as　Joabeven　he　condysends　to　be　sivvle　to　the　great　De　la

Pluche；　and　begged　me　at　Harthur's；　lately；　in　his　sollom；　pompus

way；　'to　faver　him　with　five　minutes'　conversation。'　　I　knew　what

was　comingapplication　for　sharesput　him　down　on　my　private

list。　　Would'nt　mind　the　Scrag　End　Junction　passing　through

Bareacreshoped　I'd　come　down　and　shoot　there。



〃I　gave　the　old　humbugg　a　few　shares　out　of　my　own　pocket。　　'There；

old　Pride；'　says　I；　'I　like　to　see　you　down　on　your　knees　to　a

footman。　　There；　old　Pompossaty！　　Take　fifty　pound；　I　like　to　see

you　come　cringing　and　begging　for　it。'　　Whenever　I　see　him　in　a

VERY　public　place；　I　take　my　change　for　my　money。　　I　digg　him　in

the　ribbs；　or　slap　his　padded　old　shoulders。　　I　call　him；

'Bareacres；　my　old　buck！'　and　I　see　him　wince。　　It　does　my　art

good。



〃I'm　in　low　sperits。　　A　disagreeable　insadent　has　just　occurred。

Lady　Pump；　the　banker's　wife；　asked　me　to　dinner。　　I　sat　on　her

right；　of　course；　with　an　uncommon　gal　ner　me；　with　whom　I　was

getting　on　in　my　fassanating　wayfull　of　lacy　ally　（as　the　Marquis

says）　and　easy　plesntry。　　Old　Pump；　from　the　end　of　the　table；

asked　me　to　drink　shampane；　and　on　turning　to　tak　the　glass　I　saw

Charles　Wackles　（with　womb　I'd　been　imployed　at　Colonel　Spurriers'

house）　grinning　over　his　shoulder　at　the　butler。



〃The　beest　reckonised　me。　　Has　I　was　putting　on　my　palto　in　the

hall；　he　came　up　again：　'HOW　DY　DOO；　Jeames？'　says　he；　in　a　findish

visper。　　'Just　come　out　here；　Chawles；'　says　I；　'I've　a　word　for

you；　my　old　boy。'　　So　I　beckoned　him　into　Portland　Place；　with　my

pus　in　my　hand；　as　if　I　was　going　to　give　him　a　sovaring。



〃'I　think　you　said　〃Jeames；〃　Chawles；'　says　I；　'and　grind　at　me　at

dinner？'



〃'Why；　sir。'　says　he；　'we're　old　friends；　you　know。'



〃'Take　that　for　old　friendship　then；'　says　I；　and　I　gave　him　just

one　on　the　noas；　which　sent　him　down　on　the　pavemint　as　if　he'd

been　shot。　　And　mounting　myjesticly　into　my　cabb；　I　left　the　rest

of　the　grinning　scoundrills　to　pick　him　up；　&　droav　to　the　Clubb。〃





〃Have　this　day　kimpleated　a　little　efair　with　my　friend　George；

Earl　Bareacres；　which　I　trust　will　be　to　the　advantidge　both　of

self　&　that　noble　gent。　　Adjining　the　Bareacre　proppaty　is　a　small

piece　of　land　of　about　100　acres；　called　Squallop　Hill；　igseeding

advantageous　for　the　cultivation　of　sheep；　which　have　been　found　to

have　a　pickewlear　fine　flaviour　from　the　natur　of　the　grass；　tyme；

heather；　and　other　hodarefarus　plants　which　grows　on　that　mounting

in　the　places　where　the　rox　and　stones　don't　prevent　them。

Thistles　here　is　also　remarkable　fine；　and　the　land　is　also　devided

hoff　by　luxurient　Stone　Hedgesmuch　more　usefle　and　ickonomicle

than　your　quickset　or　any　of　that　rubbishing　sort　of　timber：　indeed

the　sile　is　of　that　fine　natur；　that　timber　refuses　to　grow　there

altogether。　　I　gave　Bareacres　50L。　an　acre　for　this　land　（the

igsact　premium　of　my　St。　Helena　Shares）a　very　handsom　price　for

land　which　never　yielded　two　shillings　an　acre；　and　very　convenient

to　his　Lordship　I　know；　who　had　a　bill　coming　due　at　his　Bankers

which　he　had　given　them。　　James　de　la　Pluche；　Esquire；　is　thus　for

the　fust　time　a　landed　propriatoror　rayther；　I　should　say；　is

about　to　reshume　the　rank　&　dignity　in　the　country　which　his

Hancestors　so　long　occupied。



〃I　have　caused　one　of　our　inginears　to　make　me　a　plann　of　the

Squallop　Estate；　Diddlesexshire；　the　property　of　&c。　&c。；　bordered

on　the　North　by　Lord　Bareacres'　Country；　on　the　West　by　Sir　Granby

Growler；　on　the　South　by　the　Hotion。　　An　Arkytect　&　Survare；　a

young　feller　of　great　emagination；　womb　we　have　employed　to　make　a

survey　of　the　Great　Caffranan　line；　has　built　me　a　beautiful　Villar

（on　paper）；　Plushton　Hall；　Diddlesex；　the　seat　of　I　de　la　P。；

Esquire。　　The　house　is　reprasented　a　handsome　Itallian　Structer；

imbusmd　in　woods；　and　circumwented　by　beautiful　gardings。　　Theres　a

lake　in　front　with　boatsful　of　nobillaty　and　musitions　floting　on

its　placid　suffaceand　a　curricle　is　a　driving　up　to　the　grand

hentrance；　and　me　in　it；　with　Mrs。；　or　perhaps　Lady　Hangelana　de　la

Pluche。　　I　speak　adwisedly。　　I　MAY　be　going　to　form　a　noble

kinexion。　　I　may　be　（by　marridge）　going　to　unight　my　family　once

more　with　Harrystoxy；　from　which　misfortn　has　for　some　sentries

separated　us。　　I　have　dreams　of　that　sort。



〃I've　sean　sevral　times　in　a　dalitifle　vishn　a　SERTING　ERL；

standing　in　a　hattitude　of　bennydiction；　and　rattafying　my　union

with　a　serting　butifle　young　lady；　his　daughter。　　Phansy　Mr。　or　Sir

Jeames　and　lady　Hangelina　de　la　Pluche！　　Ho！　what　will　the　old

washywoman；　my　grandmother；　say？　　She　may　sell　her　mangle　then；　and

shall　too　by　my　honor　as　a　Gent。〃





〃As　for　Squallop　Hill；　its　not　to　be　emadgind　that　I　was　going　to

give　5000　lb。　for　a　bleak　mounting　like　that；　unless　I　had　some

ideer　in　vew。　　Ham　I　not　a　Director　of　the　Grand　Diddlesex？　　Don't

Squallop　lie　amediately　betwigst　Old　Bone　House；　Single　Gloster；

and　Scrag　End；　through　which　cities　our　line　passes？　　I　will　have

400；000　lb。　for　that　mounting；　or　my　name　is　not　Jeames。　　I　have

arranged　a　little　barging　too　for　my　friend　the　Erl。　　The　line　will

pass　through　a　hangle　of　Bareacre　Park。　　He　shall　have　a　good

compensation　I　promis　you；　and　then　I　shall　get　back　the　3000　I

lent　him。　　His　banker's　acount；　I　fear；　is　in　a　horrid　state。〃





＇The　Diary　now　for　several　days　contains　particulars　of　no　interest

to　the　public：Memoranda　of　City　dinnersmeetings　of　Directors

fashionable　parties　in　which　Mr。　Jeames　figures；　and　nearly　always

by　the　side　of　his　new　friend；　Lord　Bareacres；　whose　〃pompossaty；〃

as　previously　described；　seems　to　have　almost　entirely　subsided。＇





We　then　come　to　the　following：





〃With　a　prowd　and　thankfle　Art；　I　copy　off　this　morning's　Gayzett

the　following　news：



〃'Commission　signed　by　the　Lord　Lieutenant　of　the　County　of

Diddlesex。



〃'JAMES　AUGUSTUS　DE　LA　PLUCHE；　Esquire；　to　be　Deputy　Lieutenant。'〃





〃'North　Diddlesex　Regiment　of　Yeomanry　Cavalry。



〃'James　Augustus　de　la　Pluche；　Esquire；　to　be　Captain；　vice

Blowhard；　promoted。〃'





〃And　his　it　so？　　Ham　I　indeed　a　landed　propriatora　Deppaty

Leftnanta　Capting？　　May　I　hatend　the　Cort　of　my　Sovring？　and　dror

a　sayber　in　my　country's　defens？　　I　wish　the　French　WOOD　land；　and

me　at　the　head　of　my　squadring　on　my　hoss　Desparation。　　How　I'd

extonish　'em！　　How　the　gals　will　stare　when　they　see　me　in

youniform！　　How　Mary　Hann　wouldbut　nonsince！　　I'm　halways

thinking　of　that　pore　gal。　　She's　left　Sir　John's。　　She　couldn't

abear　to　stay　after　I　went；　I've　heerd　say。　　I　hope　she's　got　a

good　place。　　Any　sumn　of　money　that　would　sett　her　up　in　bisniss；

or　make　her　comfarable；　I'd　come　down　with　like　a　mann。　　I　told　my

granmother　so；　who　sees　her；　and　rode　down　to　Healing　on　porpose　on

Desparation　to　leave　a　five　lb。　noat　in　an　anvylope。　　But　she's

sent　it　back；　sealed　with　a　thimbill。〃





Tuesday。Reseaved　the　folloing　letter　from　Lord　B；　rellatiff

to　my　presntation　at　Cort　and　the　Youniform　I　shall　wear　on　that

hospicious　seramony：





〃'MY　DEAR　DE　LA　PLUCHE；I　THINK　you　had　better　be　presented　as　a

Deputy　Lieutenant。　　As　for　the　Diddlesex　Yeomanry；　I　hardly　know

what　the　uniform　is　now。　　The　last　time　we　were　out　was　in　1803；

when　the　Prince　of　Wales　reviewed　us；　and　when　we　wore　French　gray

jackets；　leathers；　red　morocco　boots；　crimson　pelisses；　brass

helmets　with　leopard…skin　and　a　white　plume；　and　the　regulation

pig…tail　of　eighteen　inches。　　That　dress　will　hardly　answer　at

present；　and　must　be　modified；　of　coarse。　　We　were　called　the　White

Feathers；　in　those　days。　　For　my　part；　I　decidedly　recommend　the

Deputy　Lieutenant。



〃'I　shall　be　happy　to　present　you　at　the　Levee　and　at　the　Drawing…

room。　　Lady　Bareacres　will　be　in　town　for　the　13th；　with　Angelina；

who　will　be　presented　on　that　day。　　My　wife　has　heard　much　of　you；

and　is　anxious　to　make　your　acquaintance。



〃'All　my　people　are　backward　with　their　rents：　for　heaven's　sake；

my　dear　fellow；　lend　me　five　hundred　and　oblige



〃'Yours；　very　gratefully；



〃'BAREACRES。'





〃Note。Bareacres　may