burlesques-第21章

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my　dear　fellow；　lend　me　five　hundred　and　oblige



〃'Yours；　very　gratefully；



〃'BAREACRES。'





〃Note。Bareacres　may　press　me　about　the　Depity　Leftnant；　but　I'M

for　the　cavvlery。〃





〃Jewly　will　always　be　a　sacrid　anniwussary　with　me。　　It　was　in　that

month　that　I　became　persnally　ecquaintid　with　my　Prins　and　my

gracious　Sovarink。



〃Long　before　the　hospitious　event　acurd；　you　may　imadgin　that　my

busm　was　in　no　triffling　flutter。　　Sleaplis　of　nights；　I　past　them

thinking　of　the　great　ewentor　if　igsosted　natur　DID　clothes　my

highlidsthe　eyedear　of　my　waking　thoughts　pevaded　my　slummers。

Corts；　Erls；　presntations；　Goldstix；　gracious　Sovarinx　mengling　in

my　dreembs　unceasnly。　　I　blush　to　say　it　（for　humin　prisumpshn

never　surely　igseeded　that　of　my　wicked　wickid　vishn）；　one　night　I

actially　dremt　that　Her　R。　H。　the　Princess　Hallis　was　grown　up；　and

that　there　was　a　Cabinit　Counsel　to　detummin　whether　her　&　was　to

be　bestoad　on　me　or　the　Prins　of　Sax…Muffinhausen…Pumpenstein；　a

young　Prooshn　or　Germing　zion　of　nobillaty。　　I　ask　umly　parding　for

this　hordacious　ideer。



〃I　said；　in　my　fommer　remarx；　that　I　had　detummined　to　be　presented

to　the　notus　of　my　reveared　Sovaring　in　a　melintary　coschewm。　　The

Court…shoots　in　which　Sivillians　attend　a　Levy　are　so　uncomming

like　thethelivries　（ojous　wud！　I　8　to　put　it　down）　I　used　to

wear　before　entering　sosiaty；　that　I　couldn't　abide　the　notium　of

wearing　one。　　My　detummination　was　fumly　fixt　to　apeer　as　a　Yominry

Cavilry　Hoffiser；　in　the　galleant　youniform　of　the　North　Diddlesex

Huzzas。



〃Has　that　redgmint　had　not　been　out　sins　1803；　I　thought　myself

quite　hotherized　to　make　such　halterations　in　the　youniform　as

shuited　the　presnt　time　and　my　metured　and　elygint　taste。　　Pig…

tales　was　out　of　the　question。　　Tites　I　was　detummind　to　mintain。

My　legg　is　praps　the　finist　pint　about　me；　and　I　was　risolved　not

to　hide　it　under　a　booshle。



〃I　phixt　on　scarlit　tites；　then；　imbridered　with　goold；　as　I　have

seen　Widdicomb　wear　them　at　Hashleys　when　me　and　Mary　Hann　used　to

go　there。　　Ninety…six　guineas　worth　of　rich　goold　lace　and　cord　did

I　have　myhandering　hall　hover　those　shoperb　inagspressables。



〃Yellow　marocky　Heshn　boots；　red　eels；　goold　spurs　and　goold

tassels　as　bigg　as　belpulls。



〃JackitFrench　gray　and　silver　oringe　fasings　&　cuphs；　according

to　the　old　patn；　belt；　green　and　goold；　tight　round　my　pusn；　&

settin　hoff　the　cemetry　of　my　figgar　NOT　DISADVINTAJUSLY。



〃A　huzza　paleese　of　pupple　velvit　&　sable　fir。　　A　sayber　of

Demaskus　steal；　and　a　sabertash　（in　which　I　kep　my　Odiclone　and

imbridered　pocket　ankercher）；　kimpleat　my　acooterments；　which；

without　vannaty；　was；　I　flatter　myself；　UNEAK。



〃But　the　crownding　triumph　was　my　hat。　　I　couldnt　wear　a　cock　At。

The　huzzahs　dont　use　'em。　　I　wouldnt　wear　the　hojous　old　brass

Elmet　&　Leppardskin。　　I　choas　a　hat　which　is　dear　to　the　memry　of

hevery　Brittn；　an　at　which　was　inwented　by　my　Feeld　Marshle　and

adord　Prins；　an　At　which　VULGAR　PREJIDIS　&　JOAKING　has　in　vane

etempted　to　run　down。　　I　chose　the　HALBERT　AT。　　I　didn't　tell

Bareacres　of　this　egsabishn　of　loilty；　intending　to　SURPRISE　him。

The　white　ploom　of　the　West　Diddlesex　Yomingry　I　fixt　on　the　topp

of　this　Shacko；　where　it　spread　hout　like　a　shaving…brush。



〃You　may　be　sure　that　befor　the　fatle　day　arrived；　I　didnt　niglect

to　practus　my　part　well；　and　had　sevral　REHUSTLES；　as　they　say。



〃This　was　the　way。　　I　used　to　dress　myself　in　my　full　togs。　　I　made

Fitzwarren；　my　boddy　servnt；　stand　at　the　dor；　and　figger　as　the

Lord　in　Waiting。　　I　put　Mrs。　Bloker；　my　laundress；　in　my　grand　harm

chair　to　reprasent　the　horgust　pusn　of　my　Sovring；　Frederick；　my

secknd　man；　standing　on　her　left；　in　the　hattatude　of　an　illustrus

Prins　Consort。　　Hall　the　Candles　were　lighted。　　'Captain　de　la

Pluche；　presented　by　Herl　Bareacres；'　Fitzwarren；　my　man；

igsclaimed；　as　adwancing　I　made　obasins　to　the　Thrown。　　Nealin　on

one　nee；　I　cast　a　glans　of　unhuttarable　loilty　towards　the　British

Crownd；　then　stepping　gracefully　hup；　（my　Dimascus　Simiter　WOULD

git　betwigst　my　ligs；　in　so　doink；　which　at　fust　was　wery

disagreeble）rising　hup　grasefly；　I　say；　I　flung　a　look　of　manly

but　respeckfl　hommitch　tords　my　Prins；　and　then　ellygntly　ritreated

backards　out　of　the　Roil　Presents。　　I　kep　my　4　suvnts　hup　for　4

hours　at　this　gaym　the　night　before　my　presntation；　and　yet　I　was

the　fust　to　be　hup　with　the　sunrice。　　I　COODNT　sleep　that　night。

By　abowt　six　o'clock　in　the　morning　I　was　drest　in　my　full　uniform；

and　I　didnt　know　how　to　pass　the　interveaning　hours。



〃'My　Granmother　hasnt　seen　me　in　full　phigg；'　says　I。　　'It　will

rejoice　that　pore　old　sole　to　behold　one　of　her　race　so　suxesfle　in

life。　　Has　I　ave　read　in　the　novle　of　〃Kennleworth；〃　that　the　Herl

goes　down　in　Cort　dress　and　extoneshes　Hamy　Robsart；　I　will　go　down

in　all　my　splender　and　astownd　my　old　washywoman　of　a　Granmother。'

To　make　this　detummination；　to　horder　my　Broom；　to　knock　down

Frederick　the　groomb　for　delaying　to　bring　it；　was　with　me　the　wuck

of　a　momint。　　The　next　sor　as　galliant　a　cavyleer　as　hever　rode　in

a　cabb；　skowering　the　road　to　Healing。



〃I　arrived　at　the　well…known　cottitch。　　My　huncle　was　habsent　with

the　cart；　but　the　dor　of　the　humble　eboad　stood　hopen；　and　I　passed

through　the　little　garding　where　the　close　was　hanging　out　to　dry。

My　snowy　ploom　was　ableeged　to　bend　under　the　lowly　porch；　as　I

hentered　the　apartmint。



〃There　was　a　smell　of　tea　therethere's　always　a　smell　of　tea

therethe　old　lady　was　at　her　Bohee　as　usual。　　I　advanced　tords

her；　but　ha！　phansy　my　extonishment　when　I　sor　Mary　Hann！



〃I　halmost　faintid　with　himotion。　　'Ho；　Jeames！'　（she　has　said　to

me　subsquintly）　'mortial　mann　never　looked　so　bewtifle　as　you　did

when　you　arrived　on　the　day　of　the　Levy。　　You　were　no　longer

mortial；　you　were　diwine！'



〃R！　what　little　Justas　the　hartist　has　done　to　my　mannly　etractions

in　the　groce　carriketure　he's　made　of　me。〃*





*　This　refers　to　an　illustrated　edition　of　the　work。



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



〃Nothing；　perhaps；　ever　created　so　great　a　sensashun　as　my

hentrance　to　St。　Jeames's；　on　the　day　of　the　Levy。　　The　Tuckish

Hambasdor　himself　was　not　so　much　remarked　as　my　shuperb　turn　out。



〃As　a　Millentary　man；　and　a　North　Diddlesex　Huzza；　I　was　resolved

to　come　to　the　ground　on　HOSSBACK。　　I　had　Desparation　phigd　out　as

a　charger；　and　got　4　Melentery　dresses　from　Ollywell　Street；　in

which　I　drest　my　2　men　（Fitzwarren；　hout　of　livry；　woodnt　stand

it；）　and　2　fellers　from　Rimles；　where　my　hosses　stand　at　livry。　　I

rode　up　St。　Jeames's　Street；　with　my　4　Hadycongsthe　people

huzzayingthe　gals　waving　their　hankerchers；　as　if　I　were　a　Foring

Prinshall　the　winders　crowdid　to　see　me　pass。



〃The　guard　must　have　taken　me　for　a　Hempror　at　least；　when　I　came；

for　the　drums　beat；　and　the　guard　turned　out　and　seluted　me　with

presented　harms。



〃What　a　momink　of　triumth　it　was！　　I　sprung　myjestickly　from

Desperation。　　I　gav　the　rains　to　one　of　my　horderlies；　and；

salewting　the　crowd；　I　past　into　the　presnts　of　my　Most　Gracious

Mrs。



〃You；　peraps；　may　igspect　that　I　should　narrait　at　lenth　the

suckmstanzas　of　my　hawjince　with　the　British　Crown。　　But　I　am　not

one　who　would　gratafy　IMPUTTNINT　CURAIOSATY。　　Rispect　for　our

reckonized　instatewtions　is　my　fust　quallaty。　　I；　for　one；　will　dye

rallying　round　my　Thrown。



〃Suffise　it　to　say；　when　I　stood　in　the　Horgust　Presnts；when　I

sor　on　the　right　&　of　my　Himperial　Sovring　that　Most　Gracious

Prins；　to　admire　womb　has　been　the　chief　Objick　of　my　life；　my

busum　was　seased　with　an　imotium　which　my　Penn　rifewses　to

dixcribemy　trembling　knees　halmost　rifused　their　hoffisI

reckleck　nothing　mor　until　I　was　found　phainting　in　the　harms　of

the　Lord　Chamberling。　　Sir　Robert　Peal　apnd　to　be　standing　by　（I

knew　our　wuthy　Primmier　by　Punch's　picturs　of　him；　igspecially　his

ligs）；　and　he　was　conwussing　with　a　man　of　womb　I　shall　say

nothink；　but　that　he　is　a　hero　of　100　fites；　AND　HEVERY　FITE　HE　FIT

HE　ONE。　　Nead　I　say　that　I　elude　to　Harthur　of　Wellingting？　　I

introjuiced　myself　to　these　Jents；　and　intend　to　improve　the

equaintance；　and　peraps　ast　Guvmint　for　a　Barnetcy。



〃But　there　was　ANOTHER　pusn　womb　on　this　droring…room　I　fust　had

the　inagspressable　dalite　to　beold。　　This　was　that　Star　of　fashing；

that　Sinecure　of　neighboring　i's；　as　Milting　observes；　the

ecomplisht　Lady　Hangelina　Thistlewood；　daughter　of　my　exlent　frend；

John　George　Godfrey　de　Bullion　Thistlewood；　Earl　of　Bareacres；

Baron　Southdown；　in　the　Peeridge　of　the　United　Kingdom；　Baron

Haggismore；　in　Scotland；　K。T。；　Lord　Leftnant　of　the　County　of

Diddlesex；　&c。　&c。　　This　young　lady　was　with　her　Noble　Ma；　when　I

was　kinducted　tords　her。　　And　surely　never　lighted　on　this　hearth　a

more　delightfle　vishn。　　In　that　gallixy　of　Bewty　the　Lady　Hangelina

was　the　fairest　Starin　that　reath　of　Loveliness　the　sweetest

Rosebud！　　Pore　Mary　Hann；　my　Art's　young　affeckshns　had　been

senterd　on　thee；　but　like　water　through　a　sivv；　her　immidge

disappeared　in　a　momink；　and　left　me　intransd　in　the　presnts　of

Hangelina。



〃Lady　Bareacres　made　me　a　myjestick　bowa　grand　and　hawfle　pusnage

her　Ladyship　is；　with　a　Roming　Nose；　and　an　enawmus　ploom　of

Hostridge　phethers；　the　fare　Hangelina　smiled　with　a　sweetness

perfickly　bewhildring；　and　said；　'O；　Mr。　De　la　Pluche；　I'm　so

delighted　to　make　your　acquaintance。　　I　have　often　heard　of　you。'



〃'Who；'　says　I；　'has　mentioned　my　insiggnificknt　igsistance　to　the

fair　Lady　Hangelina？　kel　bonure　igstrame　poor　mwaw！'　　（For　you　see

I've　not　studdied　'Pelham'　for　nothink；　and　have　lunt　a　few　French

phraces；　without　which　no　Gent　of　fashn　speaks　now。）



〃'O；'　replies　my　lady；　'it　was　Papa　first；　and　then　a　very；　VERY

old　friend　of　yours。'



〃'Whose　name　is；'　says　I；　pusht　on　by　my　stoopid　curawsaty



〃'HogginsMary　Ann　Hoggins'ansurred　my　lady　（laffing　phit　to

splitt　her　little　sides）。　　'She　is　my　maid；　Mr。　De　la　Pluche；　and

I'm　afraid　you　are　a　very　sad；　sad　person。'



〃'A　mere　baggytell；'　says　I。　　'In　fommer　days　I　WAS　equainted　with

that　young　woman；　but　haltered　suckmstancies　have　sepparated　us　for

hever；　and　mong　cure　is　irratreevably　perdew　elsewhere。'



〃'Do　tell　me　all　about　it。　　Who　is　it？　　When　was　it？　　We　are　all

dying　to　know。〃



〃'Since　about　two　minnits；　and　the　Ladys　name　begins　with　a　HA；'

says　I；　looking　her　tendarly　in　the　face；　and　conjring　up　hall　the

fassanations　of　my　smile。



〃'Mr。　De　la　Pluche；'　here　said　a　gentleman　in　whiskers　and

mistashes　standing　by；　'hadn't　you　better　take　your　spurs　out　of

the　Countess　of　Bareacres'　train？''Never　mind　Mamma's　train'

（said　Lady　Hangelina）：　'this　is　the　great　Mr。　De　la　Pluche；　who　is

to　make　all　our　fortunesyours　too。　　Mr。　de　la　Pluche；　let　me

prese