burlesques-第19章

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carridge　there　in　coarse。　　Miss　Hemly　lets　fall　her　booky　as　I

pass；　and　I'm　obleged　to　get　hoff　and　pick　it　hup；　&　get　splashed

up　to　the　his。　　The　gettin　on　hossback　agin　is　halways　the　juice　&

hall。　　Just　as　I　was　on；　Desperation　begins　a　porring　the　hair　with

his　4　feet；　and　sinks　down　so　on　his　anches；　that　I'm　blest　if　I

didn't　slip　hoff　agin　over　his　tail；　at　which　Ballybunnion　&　the

hother　chaps　rord　with　lafter。



〃As　Bally　has　istates　in　Queen's　County；　I've　put　him　on　the　St。

Helena　direction。　　We　call　it　the　'Great　St。　Helena　Napoleon

Junction；'　from　Jamestown　to　Longwood。　　The　French　are　taking　it

hup　heagerly。〃





〃6th　July。Dined　to…day　at　the　London　Tavin　with　one　of　the　Welsh

bords　of　Direction　I'm　hon。　　The　Cwrwmwrw　&　Plmwyddlywm；　with

tunnils　through　Snowding　and　Plinlimming。



〃Great　nashnallity　of　course。　　Ap　Shinkin　in　the　chair；　Ap　Llwydd

in　the　vice；　Welsh　mutton　for　dinner；　Welsh　iron　knives　&　forks；

Welsh　rabbit　after　dinner；　and　a　Welsh　harper；　be　hanged　to　him：　he

went　strummint　on　his　hojous　hinstrument；　and　played　a　toon

piguliarly　disagreeble　to　me。



〃It　was　PORE　MARY　HANN。　　The　clarrit　holmost　choaked　me　as　I　tried

it；　and　I　very　nearly　wep　myself　as　I　thought　of　her　bewtifle　blue

i's。　　Why　HAM　I　always　thinking　about　that　gal？　　Sasiety　is

sasiety；　it's　lors　is　irresistabl。　　Has　a　man　of　rank　I　can't　marry

a　serving…made。　　What　would　Cinqbar　and　Ballybunnion　say？



〃P。S。I　don't　like　the　way　that　Cinqbars　has　of　borroing　money；　&

halways　making　me　pay　the　bill。　　Seven　pound　six　at　the　'Shipp；'

Grinnidge；　which　I　don't　grudge　it；　for　Derbyshire's　brown　Ock　is

the　best　in　Urup；　nine　pound　three　at　the　'Trafflygar；'　and

seventeen　pound　sixteen　and　nine　at　the　'Star　and　Garter；'

Richmond；　with　the　Countess　St。　Emilion　&　the　Baroness　Frontignac。

Not　one　word　of　French　could　I　speak；　and　in　consquince　had　nothink

to　do　but　to　make　myself　halmost　sick　with　heating　hices　and

desert；　while　the　hothers　were　chattering　and　parlyvooing。



〃Ha！　I　remember　going　to　Grinnidge　once　with　Mary　Hann；　when　we

were　more　happy　（after　a　walk　in　the　park；　where　we　ad　one　gingy…

beer　betwigst　us）；　more　appy　with　tea　and　a　simple　srimp　than　with

hall　this　splender！〃





〃July　24。My　first…floor　apartmince　in　Halbiny　is　now　kimpletely

and　chasely　furnishedthe　droring…room　with　yellow　satting　and

silver　for　the　chairs　and　sophieshemrall　green　tabbinet　curtings

with　pink　velvet　&　goold　borders　and　fringes；　a　light　blue

Haxminster　Carpit；　embroydered　with　tulips；　tables；　secritaires；

cunsoles；　&c。；　as　handsome　as　goold　can　make　them；　and　candle…

sticks　and　shandalers　of　the　purest　Hormolew。



〃The　Dining…room　furniture　is　all　HOAK；　British　Hoak；　round

igspanding　table；　like　a　trick　in　a　Pantimime；　iccommadating　any

number　from　8　to　24to　which　it　is　my　wish　to　restrict　my　parties。

Curtings　crimsing　damask；　Chairs　crimsing　myrocky。　　Portricks　of　my

favorite　great　men　decorats　the　wallnamely；　the　Duke　of

Wellington。　　There's　four　of　his　Grace。　　For　I've　remarked　that　if

you　wish　to　pass　for　a　man　of　weight　and　considdration　you　should

holways　praise　and　quote　him。　　I　have　a　valluble　one　lickwise　of　my

Queend；　and　2　of　Prince　Halberthas　a　Field　Martial　and　halso　as　a

privat　Gent。　　I　despise　the　vulgar　SNEARS　that　are　daily　hullered

aginst　that　Igsolted　Pottentat。　　Betwigxt　the　Prins　&　the　Duke

hangs　me；　in　the　Uniform　of　the　Cinqbar　Malitia；　of　which　Cinqbars

has　made　me　Capting。



〃The　Libery　is　not　yet　done。



〃But　the　Bedd…roomb　is　the　Jem　of　the　whole。　　If　you　could　but　see

it！　such　a　Bedworr！　　Ive　a　Shyval　Dressing　Glass　festooned　with

Walanseens　Lace；　and　lighted　up　of　evenings　with　rose…colored

tapers。　　Goold　dressing…case　and　twilet　of　Dresding　Cheny。　　My　bed

white　and　gold　with　curtings　of　pink　and　silver　brocayd　held　up　a

top　by　a　goold　Qpid　who　seems　always　a　smilin　angillicly　hon　me；

has　I　lay　with　my　Ed　on　my　piller　hall　sarounded　with　the　finest

Mechlin。　　I　have　a　own　man；　a　yuth　under　him；　2　groombs；　and　a

fimmale　for　the　House。　　I've　7　osses：　in　cors　if　I　hunt　this　winter

I　must　increase　my　ixtablishment。



〃N。B。　　Heverythink　looking　well　in　the　City。　　St。　Helenas；　12　pm。；

Madagascars；　9　5/8；　Saffron　Hill　and　Rookery　Junction；　24；　and　the

new　lines　in　prospick　equily　incouraging。





〃People　phansy　it's　hall　gaiety　and　pleasure　the　life　of　us

fashnabble　gents　about　towndBut　I　can　tell　'em　it's　not　hall

goold　that　glitters。　　They　don't　know　our　momints　of　hagony；　hour

ours　of　studdy　and　reflecshun。　　They　little　think　when　they　see

Jeames　de　la　Pluche；　Exquire；　worling　round　in　a　walce　at　Halmax

with　Lady　Hann；　or　lazaly　stepping　a　kidrill　with　Lady　Jane；　poring

helegant　nothinx　into　the　Countess's　hear　at　dinner；　or　gallopin

his　hoss　Desperation　hover　the　exorcisin　ground　in　the　Park；they

little　think　that　leader　of　the　tong；　seaminkly　so　reckliss；　is　a

careworn　mann！　and　yet　so　it　is。



〃Imprymus。　　I've　been　ableged　to　get　up　all　the　ecomplishments　at

double　quick；　&　to　apply　myself　with　treemenjuous　energy。



〃First；in　horder　to　give　myself　a　hideer　of　what　a　gentleman

reely　is；　I've　read　the　novvle　of　'Pelham'　six　times；　and　am　to　go

through　it　4　times　mor。



〃I　practis　ridin　and　the　acquirement　of　'a　steady　and　&　a　sure　seat

across　Country'　assijuously　4　times　a　week；　at　the　Hippydrum　Riding

Grounds。　　Many's　the　tumbil　I've　ad；　and　the　aking　boans　I've

suffered　from；　though　I　was　grinnin　in　the　Park　or　laffin　at　the

Opra。



〃Every　morning　from　6　till　9；　the　innabitance　of　Halbany　may　have

been　surprised　to　hear　the　sounds　of　music　ishuing　from　the

apartmince　of　Jeames　de　la　Pluche；　Exquire；　Letter　Hex。　　It's　my

dancing…master。　　From　six　to　nine　we　have　walces　and　polkiesat

nine；　'mangtiang　&　depotment；'　as　he　calls　it　&　the　manner　of

hentering　a　room；　complimenting　the　ost　and　ostess　&　compotting

yourself　at　table。　　At　nine　I　henter　from　my　dressing…room　（has　to

a　party）；　I　make　my　bowmy　master　（he's　a　Marquis　in　France；　and

ad　misfortins；　being　connected　with　young　Lewy　Nepoleum）　reseaves

meI　hadwancespeak　abowt　the　weather　&　the　toppix　of　the　day　in

an　elegant　&　cussory　manner。　　Brekfst　is　enounced　by　Fitzwarren；　my

mannwe　precede　to　the　festive　bordcomplimence　is　igschanged

with　the　manner　of　drinking　wind；　addressing　your　neighbor；

employing　your　napking　&　finger…glas；　&c。　　And　then　we　fall　to

brekfst；　when　I　prommiss　you　the　Marquis　don't　eat　like　a　commoner。

He　says　I'm　gettn　on　very　wellsoon　I　shall　be　able　to　inwite

people　to　brekfst；　like　Mr。　Mills；　my　rivle　in　Halbany；　Mr。

Macauly；　（who　wrote　that　sweet　book　of　ballets；　'The　Lays　of

Hancient　Rum；'）　&　the　great　Mr。　Rodgers　himself。





〃The　above　was　wrote　some　weeks　back。　　I　HAVE　given　brekfst　sins

then；　reglar　Deshunys。　　I　have　ad　Earls　and　YcountsBarnits　as

many　as　I　chose：　and　the　pick　of　the　Railway　world；　of　which　I　form

a　member。　　Last　Sunday　was　a　grand　Fate。　　I　had　the　Eleet　of　my

friends：　the　display　was　sumptious；　the　company　reshershy。

Everything　that　Dellixy　could　suggest　was　provided　by　Gunter。　　I

had　a　Countiss　on　my　right　&　（the　Countess　of　Wigglesbury；　that

loveliest　and　most　dashing　of　Staggs；　who　may　be　called　the　Railway

Queend；　as　my　friend　George　H　is　the　Railway　King；）　on　my　left

the　Lady　Blanche　Bluenose；　Prince　Towrowski；　the　great　Sir

Huddlestone　Fuddlestone　from　the　North；　and　a　skoar　of　the　fust　of

the　fashn。　　I　was　in　my　GLOARYthe　dear　Countess　and　Lady　Blanche

was　dying　with　lauffing　at　my　joax　and　funI　was　keeping　the　whole

table　in　a　roarwhen　there　came　a　ring　at　my　door…bell；　and　sudnly

Fitzwarren；　my　man；　henters　with　an　air　of　constanation。　　'Theres

somebody　at　the　door；'　says　he　in　a　visper。



〃'Oh；　it's　that　dear　Lady　Hemily；'　says　I；　'and　that　lazy　raskle　of

a　husband　of　hers。　　Trot　them　in；　Fitzwarren；'　（for　you　see　by　this

time　I　had　adopted　quite　the　manners　and　hease　of　the　arristoxy。）

And　so；　going　out；　with　a　look　of　wonder　he　returned　presently；

enouncing　Mr。　&　Mrs。　Blodder。



〃I　turned　gashly　pail。　　The　tablethe　gueststhe　Countiss

Towrouski；　and　the　rest；　weald　round　&　round　before　my　hagitated

I's。　　IT　WAS　MY　GRANDMOTHER　AND　Huncle　Bill。　　She　is　a　washerwoman

at　Healing　Common；　and　hehe　keeps　a　wegetable　donkey…cart。



〃Y；　Y　hadn't　John；　the　tiger；　igscluded　them？　　He　had　tried。　　But

the　unconscious；　though　worthy　creeters；　adwanced　in　spite　of　him；

Huncle　Bill　bringing　in　the　old　lady　grinning　on　his　harm！



〃Phansy　my　feelinx。〃





〃Immagin　when　these　unfortnat　members　of　my　famly　hentered　the

room：　you　may　phansy　the　ixtonnishment　of　the　nobil　company　presnt。

Old　Grann　looked　round　the　room　quite　estounded　by　its　horiental

splender；　and　huncle　Bill　（pulling　off　his　phantail；　&　seluting　the

company　as　respeckfly　as　his　wulgar　natur　would　alow）　says

'Crikey；　Jeames；　you've　got　a　better　birth　here　than　you　ad　where

you　were　in　the　plush　and　powder　line。'　　'Try　a　few　of　them　plovers

hegs；　sir；'　I　says；　whishing；　I'm　asheamed　to　say；　that　somethink

would　choke　huncle　B…；　'and　I　hope；　mam；　now　you've　ad　the

kindniss　to　wisit　me；　a　little　refreshment　won't　be　out　of　your

way。'



〃This　I　said；　detummind　to　put　a　good　fase　on　the　matter：　and

because　in　herly　times　I'd　reseaved　a　great　deal　of　kindniss　from

the　hold　lady；　which　I　should　be　a　roag　to　forgit。　　She　paid　for　my

schooling；　she　got　up　my　fine　linning　gratis；　shes　given　me　many　&

many　a　lb；　and　manys　the　time　in　appy　appy　days　when　me　and

Maryhann　has　taken　tea。　　But　never　mind　THAT。　　'Mam；'　says　I；　'you

must　be　tired　hafter　your　walk。'



〃'Walk？　　Nonsince；　Jeames；'　says　she；　'it's　Saturday；　&　I　came　in；

in　THE　CART。'　　'Black　or　green　tea；　maam？'　says　Fitzwarren；

intarupting　her。　　And　I　will　say　the　feller　showed　his　nouce　&　good

breeding　in　this　difficklt　momink；　for　he'd　halready　silenced

huncle　Bill；　whose　mouth　was　now　full　of　muffinx；　am；　Blowny

sausag；　Perrigole　pie；　and　other　dellixies。



〃'Wouldn't　you　like　a　little　SOMETHINK　in　your　tea；　Mam；'　says　that

sly　wagg　Cinqbars。　　'HE　knows　what　I　likes；'　replies　the　hawfle

hold　Lady；　pinting　to　me；　（which　I　knew　it　very　well；　having　often

seen　her　take　a　glass　of　hojous　gin　along　with　her　Bohee）；　and　so　I

was　ableeged　to　horder　Fitzwarren　to　bring　round　the　licures；　and

to　help　my　unfortnit　rellatif　to　a　bumper　of　Ollands。　　She　tost　it

hoff　to　the　elth　of　the　company；　giving　a　smack　with　her　lipps

after　she'd　emtied　the　glas；　which　very　nearly　caused　me　to　phaint

with　hagny。　　But；　luckaly　for　me；　she　didn't　igspose　herself　much

farther：　for　when　Cinqbars　was　pressing　her　to　take　another　glas；　I

cried　out；　'Don't；　my　lord；'　on　which　old　Grann　hearing　him

edressed　by　his　title；　cried　out；　'A　Lord！　o　law！'　and　got　up　and

made　him　a　cutsy；　and　coodnt　be　peswaded　to　speak　another　word。

The　presents　of　the　noble　gent　heavidently　made　her　uneezy。