the sleeping-car - a farce-第4章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



husband；　or　your　baby；　or　your　husband's　wife；　or　…



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　How　funny　you　are！　　You　KNOW　you're　Willis　Campbell；

my　only　brother。　　Now　DON'T　try　to　keep　it　up　any　longer；　Willis。



＇Voices　from　various　berths。　　〃Give　us　a　rest；　Willis！〃　　〃Joke's　too

thin；　Willis！〃　　〃You're　played　out；　Willis！〃　　〃Own　up；　old　fellow

own　up！〃



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（issuing　from　his　berth；　and　walking　up　and　down　the

aisle；　as　before；　till　quiet　is　restored）。　　I　haven't　got　any　sister；

and　my　name　ain't　Willis；　and　it　ain't　Campbell。　　I'm　very　sorry；

because　I'd　like　to　oblige　you　any　way　I　could。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（in　deep　mortification）。　　It's　I　who　ought　to　apologize；

and　I　do　most　humbly。　　I　don't　know　what　to　say；　but　when　I　got　to

thinking　about　it；　and　how　kind　you　had　been　to　me；　and　how　sweet　you

had　been　under　all　myinterruptions；　I　felt　perfectly　sure　that　you

couldn't　be　a　mere　stranger；　and　then　the　idea　struck　me　that　you

must　be　my　brother　in　disguise；　and　I　was　so　certain　of　it　that　I

couldn't　help　just　letting　you　know　that　we'd　found　you　out；　and　…



MR。　ROBERTS　（offering　a　belated　and　feeble　moral　support）。　　Yes。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（promptly　turning　upon　him）。　　And　YOU　ought　to　have　kept

me　from　making　such　a　simpleton　of　myself；　Edward。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（soothingly）。　　Well；　ma'am；　that　ain't　always　so

easy。　　A　man　may　mean　well；　and　yet　not　be　able　to　carry　out　his

intentions。　　But　it's　all　right。　　And　I　reckon　we'd　better　try　to

quiet　down　again；　and　get　what　rest　we　can。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Why；　yes；　certainly；　and　I　will　tryoh；　I　will　TRY

not　to　disturb　you　again。　　And　if　there's　anything　we　can　do　in

reparation　after　we　reach　Boston；　we　shall　be　so　glad　to　do　it！



＇They　bow　themselves　away；　and　return　to　their　seat；　while　THE

CALIFORNIAN　re…enters　his　berth。＇





III。





The　train　stops　at　Framingham；　and　THE　PORTER　comes　in　with　a

passenger　whom　he　shows　to　the　seat　opposite　MR。　and　MRS。　ROBERTS。



THE　PORTER。　　You　can　sit　here；　sah。　　We'll　be　in　in　about　an　hour

now。　　Hang　up　your　bag　for　you；　sah？



THE　PASSENGER。　　No；　leave　it　on　the　seat　here。



＇THE　PORTER　goes　out；　and　the　ROBERTSES　maintain　a　dejected　silence。

The　bottom　of　the　bag；　thrown　carelessly　on　the　seat；　is　toward　the

ROBERTSES；　who　regard　it　listlessly。＇



MRS。　ROBERTS　（suddenly　clutching　her　husband's　arm；　and　hissing　in

his　ear）。　　See！　　＇She　points　to　the　white　lettering　on　the　bag；　where

the　name　〃Willis　Campbell；　San　Francisco；〃　is　distinctly　legible。＇

But　it　can't　be；　it　must　be　some　other　Campbell。　　I　can't　risk　it。



MR。　ROBERTS。　　But　there's　the　name。　　It　would　be　very　strange　if

there　were　two　people　from　San　Francisco　of　exactly　the　same　name。

_I_　will　speak。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（as　wildly　as　one　can　in　whisper）。　　No；　no；　I　can't　let

you。　　We've　made　ourselves　the　laughing…stock　of　the　whole　car

already　with　our　mistakes；　and　I　can't　go　on。　　I　would　rather　perish

than　ask　him。　　You　don't　suppose　it　COULD　be？　　No；　it　couldn't。

There　may　be　twenty　Willis　Campbells　in　San　Francisco；　and　there

probably　are。　　Do　you　think　he　looks　like　me！　　He　has　a　straight

nose；　but　you　can't　tell　anything　about　the　lower　part　of　his　face；

the　beard　covers　it　so；　and　I　can't　make　out　the　color　of　his　eyes　by

this　light。　　But　of　course　it's　all　nonsense。　　Still　if　it　SHOULD　be！

It　would　be　very　stupid　of　us　to　ride　all　the　way　from　Framingham　to

Boston　with　that　name　staring　one　in　the　eyes。　　I　wish　he　would　turn

it　away。　　If　it　really　turned　out　to　BE　Willis；　he　would　think　we

were　awfully　stiff　and　cold。　　But　I　can't　help　it；　I　CAN'T　go

attacking　every　stranger　I　see；　and　accusing　him　of　being　my　brother。

No；　no；　I　can't；　and　I　WON'T；　and　that's　all　about　it。　　＇She　leans

forward　and　addresses　the　stranger　with　sudden　sweetness。＇　　Excuse

me；　sir；　but　I　AM　very　much　interested　by　the　name　on　your　bag。　　Not

that　I　think　you　are　even　acquainted　with　him；　and　there　are　probably

a　great　many　of　them　there；　but　your　coming　from　the　same　city　and

all　DOES　seem　a　little　queer；　and　I　hope　you　won't　think　me　intrusive

in　speaking　to　you；　because　if　you　SHOULD　happen；　by　the　thousandth

of　a　chance；　to　be　the　right　one；　I　should　be　SO　happy！



CAMPBELL。　　The　right　what；　madam？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　The　right　Willis　Campbell。



CAMPBELL。　　I　hope　I'm　not　the　wrong　one；　though　after　a　week's　pull

on　the　railroad　it's　pretty　hard　for　a　man　to　tell　which　Willis

Campbell　he　is。　　May　I　ask　if　your　Willis　Campbell　had　friends　in

Boston？



MRS。　ROBERTS　（eagerly）。　　He　had　a　sister　and　a　brother…in…law　and　a

nephew。



CAMPBELL。　　Name　of　Roberts？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Every　one。



CAMPBELL。　　Then　you're　…



MRS。　ROBERTS　（ecstatically）。　　Agnes！



CAMPBELL。　　And　he's　…



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Mr。　Roberts！



CAMPBELL。　　And　the　baby's　…



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Asleep！



CAMPBELL。　　Then　_I_　am　the　right　one。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　Willis！　　Willis！　　Willis！　　To　think　of　our　meeting

in　this　way！　　＇She　kisses　and　embraces　him；　while　MR。　ROBERTS　shakes

one　of　his　hands　which　he　finds　disengaged。＇　　HOW　in　the　world　did　it

happen？



CAMPBELL。　　Ah；　I　found　myself　a　little　ahead　of　time；　and　I　stopped

off　with　an　old　friend　of　mine　at　Framingham；　I　didn't　want　to

disappoint　you　when　you　came　to　meet　this　train；　or　get　you　up　last

night　at　midnight。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　And　I　was　in　Albany；　and　I've　been　moving　heaven　and

earth　to　get　home　before　you　arrived；　and　Edward　came　aboard　at

Worcester　to　surprise　me；　andOh；　you've　never　seen　the　baby！　　I'll

run　right　and　get　him　this　instant；　just　as　he　is；　and　bring　him。

Edward；　you　be　explaining　to　WillisOh；　my　goodness！　　＇Looking

wildly　about。＇　　I　don't　remember　the　berth；　and　I　shall　be　sure　to

wake　up　that　poor　California　gentleman　again。　　WHAT　shall　I　do？



CAMPBELL。　　What　California　gentleman？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　somebody　we've　been　stirring　up　the　whole　blessed

night。　　First　I　took　him　for　baby；　and　then　Edward　took　him　for　me；

and　then　I　took　him　for　baby　again；　and　then　we　both　took　him　for

you。



CAMPBELL。　　Did　he　look　like　any　of　us？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Like　US？　　He's　eight　feet　tall；　if　he's　an　inch；　in

his　stockingsand　he's　always　in　themand　he　has　a　long　black　beard

and　mustaches；　and　he's　very　lanky；　and　stoops　over　a　good　deal；　but

he's　just　as　lovely　as　he　can　be　and　live；　and　he's　been　as　kind　and

patient　as　twenty　Jobs。



CAMPBELL。　　Speaks　in　a　sort　of　soft；　slow　grind？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Yes。



CAMPBELL。　　Gentle　and　deferential　to　ladies？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　As　pie。



CAMPBELL。　　It's　Tom　Goodall。　　I'll　have　him　out　of　there　in　half　a

second。　　I　want　you　to　take　him　home　with　you；　Agnes。　　He's　the　best

fellow　in　the　world。　　WHICH　is　his　berth？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Don't　ask　me；　Willis。　　But　if　you'd　go　for　baby；

you'll　be　sure　to　find　him。



MR。　ROBERTS　（timidly　indicating　a　berth）。　　I　think　that's　the　one。



CAMPBELL　（plunging　at　it；　and　pulling　the　curtains　open）。　　You　old

Tom　Goodall！



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（appearing）。　　I　ain't　any　Tom　Goodall。　　My　name's

Abram　Sawyer。



CAMPBELL　（falling　back）。　　Well；　sir；　you're　right。　　I'm　awfully　sorry

to　disturb　you；　but；　from　my　sister's　description　here；　I　felt

certain　you　must　be　my　old　friend　Tom　Goodall。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　I　ain't　surprised　at　it。　　I'm　only　surprised　I

AIN'T　Tom　Goodall。　　I've　been　a　baby　twice；　and　I've　been　a　man's

wife　once；　and　once　I've　been　a　long…lost　brother。



CAMPBELL　（laughing）。　　Oh；　they've　found　HIM。　　I'M　the　long…lost

brother。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（sleepily）。　　Has　she　found　the　other　one？



CAMPBELL。　　Yes；　all　right；　I　believe。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Has　HE　found　what　HE　wanted？



CAMPBELL。　　Yes；　we're　all　together　here。　　＇THE　CALIFORNIAN　makes　a

movement　to　get　into　bed　again。＇　　Oh；　don't！　　You'd　better　make　a

night　of　it　now。　　It's　almost　morning　anyway。　　We　want　you　to　go　home

with　us；　and　Mrs。　Roberts　will　give　you　a　bed　at　her　house；　and　let

you　sleep　a　week。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Well；　I　reckon　you're　right；　stranger。　　I　seem　to

be　in　the　hands　of　Providence　to…night　anyhow。　　＇He　pulls　on　his

boots　and　coat；　and　takes　his　seat　beside　CAMPBELL。＇　　I　reckon　there

ain't　any　use　in　fighting　against　Providence。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（briskly；　as　if　she　had　often　tried　it　and　failed）。　　Oh；

not　the　least　in　the　world。　　I'm　sure　it　was　all　intended；　and　if　you

had　turned　out　to　be　Willis　at　last；　I　should　be　CERTAIN　of　it。　　What

surprises　me　is　that　you　shouldn't　turn　out　to　be　anybody；　after　all。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Yes；　it　is　kind　of　curious。　　But　I　couldn't　help

it。　　I　did　my　best。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　don't　speak　of　it。　　WE　are　the　ones　who　ought　to

apologize。　　But　if　you　only　had　been　somebody；　it　would　have　been

such　a　good　joke！　　We　could　always　have　had　such　a　laugh　over　it；

don't　you　see？



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Yes；　ma'am；　it　would　have　been　funny。　　But　I　hope

you've　enjoyed　it　as　it　is。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　very　much；　thanks　to　you。　　Only　I　can't　seem　to

get　reconciled　to　your　not　being　anybody；　after　all。　　You　MUST　at

least　be　some　one　we've　heard　about；　don't　you　think？　　It's　so

strange　that　you　and　Willis　never　even　met。　　Don't　you　think　you　have

some　acquaintances　in　common？



CAMPBELL。　　Look　here；　Agnes；　do　you　always　shout　at　the　top　of　your

voice　in　this　way　when　you　converse　in　a　sleeping…car？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Was　I　talking　loud　again？　　Well；　you　can't　help　it　if

you　want　to　make　people　hear　you。



CAMPBELL。　　But　there　must　be　a　lot　of　them　who　don't　want　to　hear

you。　　I　wonder　that　the　passengers　who　are　not　blood…relations　don't

throw　things　at　youboots　and　hand…bags　and　language。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Why；　that's　what　they've　BEEN　doinglanguage；　at

leastand　I'm　only　surprised　they're　not　doing　it　now。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（rising）。　　They'd　better　not；　ma'am。



＇He　patrols　the　car　from　end　to　end；　and　quells　some　rising　murmurs；

halting　at　the　rebellious　berths　as　he　passes。＇



MRS。　ROBERTS　（enraptured　by　his　companionship）。　　Oh；　he　MUST　be　some

connection。　　＇She　glances　through　the　window。＇　　I　do　believe　that　was

Newton；　or　Newtonville；　or　West　Newton；　or　Newton　Centre。　　I　must　run

and　wake　up　baby；　and　get　him　dressed。　　I　shan't　want　to　wait　an

instant　after　we　get　in。　　Why；　we're　slowing　up！　　Why；　I　do　believe

we're　there！　　Edward；　we're　there！　　Only　fancy　being　there　already！



MR。　ROBERTS。　　Yes；　my　dear。　　Only　we're　not　quite　there　yet。　　Hadn't

we　better　call　your　aunt　Mary？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I'd　forgotten　her。



CAMPBELL。　　Is　Aunt　Mary　with　you？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　To　be　sure　she　is。　　Didn't　I　tell　you？　　She　came　on

expressly　to　meet　you。



CAMPBELL　（starting　up　impetuously）。　　Which　berth　is　she　in？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Right　over　baby。



CAMPBELL。　　And　which　berth　is　baby　in？



MRS。　ROBERTS　（distractedly）。　　Why；　that's　just　what　I　can't　TE