the sleeping-car - a farce-第5章
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MRS。 ROBERTS。 Right over baby。
CAMPBELL。 And which berth is baby in？
MRS。 ROBERTS （distractedly）。 Why； that's just what I can't TELL。 It
was bad enough when they were all filled up； but now since the people
have begun to come out of them； and some of them are made into seats
I can't tell。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 I'll look for you； ma'am。 I should like to wake up
all the wrong passengers on this car。 I'd take a pleasure in it。 If
you could make sure of any berth that AIN'T the one； I'll begin on
that。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 I can't even be sure of the wrong one。 No； no； you
mustn't＇THE CALIFORNIAN moves away； and pauses in front of one of
the berths； looking back inquiringly at MRS。 ROBERTS。＇ Oh； don't ask
ME！ _I_ can't tell。 ＇To CAMPBELL。＇ ISN'T he amusing？ So like all
those Californians that one reads ofso chivalrous and SO humorous！
AUNT MARY （thrusting her head from the curtains of the berth before
which THE CALIFORNIAN is standing）。 Go along with you！ What do you
want？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Aunt Mary。
AUNT MARY。 Go away。 Aunt Mary； indeed！
MRS。 ROBERTS （running toward her； followed by CAMPBELL and MR。
ROBERTS）。 Why； Aunt Mary； it IS you！ And here's Willis； and here's
Edward。
AUNT MARY。 Nonsense！ How did they get aboard？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Edward came on at Worcester and Willis at Framingham；
to surprise me。
AUNT MARY。 And a very silly performance。 Let them wait till I'm
dressed； and then I'll talk to them。 Send for the porter。 ＇She
withdraws her head behind the curtain； and then thrusts it out
again。＇ And who； pray； may THIS be？
＇She indicates THE CALIFORNIAN。＇
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh； a friend of ours from California； who's been so
kind to us all night； and who's going home with us。
AUNT MARY。 Another ridiculous surprise； I suppose。 But he shall not
surprise ME。 Young man； isn't your name Sawyer？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Yes； ma'am。
AUNT MARY。 Abram？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Abram Sawyer。 You're right there； ma'am。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh！ oh！ I knew it！ I knew that he must be somebody
belonging to us。 Oh； thank you； aunty； for thinking …
AUNT MARY。 Don't be absurd； Agnes。 Then you're my …
A VOICE from one of the berths。 Lost step…son。 Found！ found at
last！
＇THE CALIFORNIAN looks vainly round in an endeavor to identify the
speaker； and then turns again to AUNT MARY。＇
AUNT MARY。 Weren't your parents from Bath？
THE CALIFORNIAN （eagerly）。 Both of 'em； ma'amboth of 'em。
THE VOICE。 O my prophetic soul； my uncle！
AUNT MARY。 Then you're my old friend Kate Harris's daughter？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 I might be her SON； ma'am； but MY mother's name was
Susan Wakeman。
AUNT MARY （in sharp disgust）。 Call the porter； please。
＇She withdraws her head and pulls her curtains together； the rest
look blankly at one another。＇
CAMPBELL。 Another failure； and just when we thought we were sure of
you。 I don't know what we shall do about you； Mr。 Sawyer。
THE VOICE。 Adopt him。
CAMPBELL。 That's a good idea。 We will adopt you。 You shall be our
adoptive …
THE VOICE。 Baby boy。
ANOTHER VOICE。 Wife。
A THIRD VOICE。 Brother。
A FOURTH VOICE。 Early friend。
A FIFTH VOICE。 Kate Harris's daughter。
CAMPBELL （laying his hand on THE CALIFORNIAN'S shoulder； and breaking
into a laugh）。 Don't mind them。 They don't mean anything。 It's
just their way。 You come home with my sister； and spend Christmas；
and let us devote the rest of our lives to making your declining
years happy。
VOICES。 〃Good for you； Willis！〃 〃We'll all come！〃 〃No ceremony！〃
〃Small and early！〃
CAMPBELL （looking round）。 We appear to have fallen in with a party
of dry…goods drummers。 It makes a gentleman feel like an intruder。
＇The train stops； he looks out of the window。＇ We've arrived。 Come；
Agnes； come； Roberts； come； Mr。 Sawyerlet's be going。
＇They gather up their several wraps and bags； and move with great
dignity toward the door。＇
AUNT MARY （putting out her head）。 Agnes！ If you must forget your
aunt； at least remember your child。
MRS。 ROBERTS （running back in an agony of remorse）。 Oh； BABY； did I
forget you？
CAMPBELL。 Oh； AUNTY； did she forget you？ ＇He runs back； and extends
his arms to his aunt。＇ Let me help you down； Aunt Mary。
AUNT MARY。 Nonsense； Willis。 Send the porter。
CAMPBELL （turning round and confronting THE PORTER）。 He was here
upon instinct。 Shall he fetch a step…ladder？
AUNT MARY。 HE will know what to do。 Go away； Willis； go away with
that child； Agnes。 If I should happen to fall on you＇They retreat；
the curtain drops； and her voice is heard behind it addressing THE
PORTER。＇ Give me your hand； now your back； now your knee。 So！ And
very well done。 Thanks。
End
