the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第11章
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illness dies！
6。
》From sleep I wake； and wake to think of thee。 But wherefore not with
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sudden glorious glee？ Why burst not gracious on me heaven and earth In
all the splendour of a new…day…birth？ Why hangs a cloud betwixt my lord
and me？ The moment that my eyes the morning greet； My soul should
panting rush to clasp thy father…feet。
7。
Is it because it is not thou I see； But only my poor； blotted fancy of
thee？ Oh！ never till thyself reveal thy face； Shall I be flooded with life's
vital grace。 Oh make my mirror…heart thy shining…place； And then my soul；
awaking with the morn； Shall be a waking joy； eternally new…born。
8。
Lord； in my silver is much metal base； Else should my being by this
time have shown Thee thy own self therein。 Therefore do I Wake in the
furnace。 I know thou sittest by； Refininglook； keep looking in to try Thy
silver； master； look and see thy face； Else here I lie for ever； blank as any
stone。
9。
But when in the dim silver thou dost look； I do behold thy face； though
blurred and faint。 Oh joy！ no flaw in me thy grace will brook； But still
refine： slow shall the silver pass 》From bright to brighter； till； sans spot or
taint； Love； well content； shall see no speck of brass； And I his perfect face
shall hold as in a glass。
10。
With every morn my life afresh must break The crust of self； gathered
about me fresh； That thy wind…spirit may rush in and shake The darkness
out of me； and rend the mesh The spider…devils spin out of the flesh
Eager to net the soul before it wake； That it may slumberous lie； and listen
to the snake。
11。
'Tis that I am not goodthat is enough； I pry no fartherthat is not the
way。 Here； O my potter； is thy making stuff！ Set thy wheel going； let it
whir and play。 The chips in me； the stones； the straws； the sand； Cast them
out with fine separating hand； And make a vessel of thy yielding clay。
12。
What if it take a thousand years to make me； So me he leave not； angry；
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on the floor！ Nay； thou art never angry！that would break me！ Would I
tried never thy dear patience sore； But were as good as thou couldst well
expect me； Whilst thou dost make； I mar； and thou correct me！ Then were
I now content； waiting for something more。
13。
Only； my God； see thou that I content thee Oh； take thy own content
upon me； God！ Ah； never； never； sure； wilt thou repent thee； That thou hast
called thy Adam from the clod！ Yet must I mourn that thou shouldst ever
find me One moment sluggish； needing more of the rod Than thou didst
think when thy desire designed me。
14。
My God； it troubles me I am not better。 More help； I pray； still more。
Thy perfect debtor I shall be when thy perfect child I am grown。 My
Father； help meam I not thine own？ Lo； other lords have had dominion
o'er me； But now thy will alone I set before me： Thy own heart's lifeLord；
thou wilt not abhor me！
15。
In youth； when once again I had set out To find thee； Lord； my life； my
liberty； A window now and then； clouds all about； Would open into heaven：
my heart forlorn First all would tremble with a solemn glee； Then；
whelmed in peace； rest like a man outworn； That sees the dawn slow part
the closed lids of the morn。
16。
Now I grow old； and the soft…gathered years Have calmed； yea dulled
the heart's swift fluttering beat； But a quiet hope that keeps its household
seat Is better than recurrent glories fleet。 To know thee； Lord； is worth a
many tears； And when this mildew； age； has dried away； My heart will
beat again as young and strong and gay。
17。
Stronger and gayer tenfold！but； O friends； Not for itself； nor any
hoarded bliss。 I see but vaguely whither my being tends； All vaguely spy a
glory shadow…blent； Vaguely desire the 〃individual kiss；〃 But when I think
of God； a large content Fills the dull air of my gray cloudy tent。
18。
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Father of me； thou art my bliss secure。 Make of me； maker； whatsoe'er
thou wilt。 Let fancy's wings hang moulting； hope grow poor； And doubt
steam up from where a joy was spilt I lose no time to reason it plain and
clear； But fly to thee； my life's perfection dear： Not what I think； but
what thou art； makes sure。
19。
This utterance of spirit through still thought； This forming of heart…
stuff in moulds of brain； Is helpful to the soul by which 'tis wrought； The
shape reacting on the heart again； But when I am quite old； and words are
slow； Like dying things that keep their holes for woe； And memory's
withering tendrils clasp with effort vain？
20。
Thou； then as now； no less wilt be my life； And I shall know it better
than before； Praying and trusting； hoping； claiming more。 》From effort
vain； sick foil； and bootless strife； I shall； with childness fresh； look up to
thee； Thou； seeing thy child with age encumbered sore； Wilt round him
bend thine arm more carefully。
21。
And when grim Death doth take me by the throat； Thou wilt have pity
on thy handiwork； Thou wilt not let him on my suffering gloat； But draw
my soul outgladder than man or boy； When thy saved creatures from the
narrow ark Rushed out； and leaped and laughed and cried for joy； And the
great rainbow strode across the dark。
22。
Against my fears； my doubts； my ignorance； I trust in thee； O father of
my Lord！ The world went on in this same broken dance； When； worn and
mocked； he trusted and adored： I too will trust； and gather my poor best To
face the truth…faced false。 So in his nest I shall awake at length； a little
scarred and scored。
23。
Things cannot look all right so long as I Am not all right who see
therefore not right Can see。 The lamp within sends out the light Which
shows the things； and if its rays go wry； Or are not white； they must part
show a lie。 The man； half…cured； did men not trees conclude； Because he
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moving saw what else had seemed a wood。
24。
Give me； take from me； as thou wilt。 I learn Slowly and stubbornly I
learn to yield With a strange hopefulness。 As from the field Of hard…fought
battle won； the victor chief Turns thankfully； although his heart do yearn；
So from my old things to thy new I turn； With sad； thee…trusting heart； and
not in grief。
25。
If with my father I did wander free； Floating o'er hill and field where'er
we would； And； lighting on the sward before the door； Strange faces
through the window…panes should see； And strange feet standing where the
loved had stood； The dear old place theirs all； as ours before Should I be
sorrowful； father； having thee？
26。
So； Lord； if thou tak'st from me all the rest； Thyself with each
resumption drawing nigher； It shall but hurt me as the thorn of the briar；
When I reach to the pale flower in its breast。 To have thee； Lord； is to have
all thy best； Holding it by its very life divine To let my friend's hand go；
and take his heart in mine。
27。
Take from me leisure； all familiar places； Take all the lovely things of
earth and air Take from me books； take all my precious faces； Take words
melodious； and their songful linking； Take scents； and sounds； and all thy
outsides fair； Draw nearer； taking； and； to my sober thinking； Thou bring'st
them nearer all； and ready to my prayer。
28。
No place on earth henceforth I shall count strange； For every place
belongeth to my Christ。 I will go calm where'er thou bid'st me range；
Whoe'er my neighbour； thou art still my nighest。 Oh my heart's life； my
owner； will of my being！ Into my soul thou every moment diest； In thee
my life thus evermore decreeing。
29。
What though things change and pass； nor come again！ Thou； the life…
heart of all things； changest never。 The sun shines on； the fair clouds turn
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to rain； And glad the earth with many a spring and river。 The hearts that
answer change with chill and shiver； That mourn the past； sad…sick； with
hopeless pain； They know not thee； our changeless heart and brain。
30。
My halting words will some day turn to song Some far…off day； in
holy other times！ The melody now prisoned in my rimes Will one day
break aloft； and from the throng Of wrestling thoughts and words spring
up the air； As from the flower its colour's sweet despair Issues in odour；
and the sky's low levels climbs。
31。
My surgent thought shoots lark…like up to thee。 Thou like the heaven
art all about the lark。 Whatever I surmise or know in me； Idea； or but
symbol on the dark； Is living； working； thought…creating power In thee； the
timeless father of the hour。 I am thy book； thy songthy child would be。
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NOVEMBER
1。
THOU art of this world； Christ。 Thou know'st it all； Thou know'st our
evens； our morns； our red and gray； How moons； and hearts； and seasons
rise and fall； How we grow weary plodding on the way； Of future joy how
present pain bereaves； Rounding us with a dark of mere decay； Tossed
with a drift Of summer…fallen leaves。
2。
Thou knowest all our weeping； fainting； striving； Thou know'st how
very hard it is to be； How hard to rouse faint will not yet reviving； To do
the pure thing； trusting all to thee； To hold thou art there； for all no face we
see； How hard to think； through cold and dark and dearth； That thou art
nearer now than
