the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第12章
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the pure thing； trusting all to thee； To hold thou art there； for all no face we
see； How hard to think； through cold and dark and dearth； That thou art
nearer now than when eye…seen on earth。
3。
Have pity on us for the look of things； When blank denial stares us in
the face。 Although the serpent mask have lied before； It fascinates the bird
that darkling sings； And numbs the little prayer…bird's beating wings。 For
how believe thee somewhere in blank space； If through the darkness come
no knocking to our door？
4。
If we might sit until the darkness go； Possess our souls in patience
perhaps we might； But there is always something to be done； And no heart
left to do it。 To and fro The dull thought surges； as the driven waves fight
In gulfy channels。 Oh！ victorious one； Give strength to rise； go out； and
meet thee in the night。
5。
〃Wake； thou that sleepest； rise up from the dead； And Christ will give
thee light。〃 I do not know What sleep is； what is death； or what is light；
But I am waked enough to feel a woe； To rise and leave death。 Stumbling
through the night； To my dim lattice； O calling Christ！ I go； And out into
the dark look for thy star…crowned head。
6。
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There are who come to me； and write； and send； Whom I would love；
giving good things to all； But friendthat name I cannot on them spend；
'Tis from the centre of self…love they call For cherishingfor which they
first must know How to be still； and take the seat that's low： When； Lord；
shall I be fitwhen wilt thou call me friend？
7。
Wilt thou not one day； Lord？ In all my wrong； Self…love and weakness；
laziness and fear； This one thing I can say： I am content To be and have
what in thy heart I am meant To be and have。 In my best times I long After
thy will； and think it glorious…dear； Even in my worst； perforce my will to
thine is bent。
8。
My God； I look to thee for tenderness Such as I could not seek from
any man； Or in a human heart fancy or plan A something deepest prayer
will not express： Lord； with thy breath blow on my being's fires； Until；
even to the soul with self…love wan； I yield the primal love； that no return
desires。
9。
Only no word of mine must ever foster The self that in a brother's
bosom gnaws； I may not fondle failing； nor the boaster Encourage with the
breath of my applause。 Weakness needs pity； sometimes love's rebuke；
Strength only sympathy deserves and draws And grows by every faithful
loving look。
10。
'Tis but as men draw nigh to thee； my Lord； They can draw nigh each
other and not hurt。 Who with the gospel of thy peace are girt； The belt
from which doth hang the Spirit's sword； Shall breathe on dead bones； and
the bones shall live； Sweet poison to the evil self shall give； And； clean
themselves； lift men clean from the mire abhorred。
11。
My Lord； I have no clothes to come to thee； My shoes are pierced and
broken with the road； I am torn and weathered； wounded with the goad；
And soiled with tugging at my weary load： The more I need thee！ A very
prodigal I stagger into thy presence； Lord of me： One look； my Christ； and
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at thy feet I fall！
12。
Why should I still hang back； like one in a dream； Who vainly strives
to clothe himself aright； That in great presence he may seemly seem？ Why
call up feeling？dress me in the faint； Worn； faded； cast…off nimbus of
some saint？ Why of old mood bring back a ghostly gleam While there
He waits； love's heart and loss's blight！
13。
Son of the Father； elder brother mine； See thy poor brother's plight；
See how he stands Defiled and feeble； hanging down his hands！ Make me
clean； brother； with thy burning shine； 》From thy rich treasures；
householder divine； Bring forth fair garments； old and new； I pray； And
like thy brother dress me； in the old home…bred way。
14。
My prayer…bird was coldwould not away； Although I set it on the
edge of the nest。 Then I bethought me of the story old Love…fact or
loving fable； thou know'st best How； when the children had made
sparrows of clay； Thou mad'st them birds； with wings to flutter and fold：
Take； Lord； my prayer in thy hand； and make it pray。
15。
My poor clay…sparrow seems turned to a stone； And from my heart will
neither fly nor run。 I cannot feel as thou and I both would； But； Father； I
am willingmake me good。 What art thou father for； but to help thy son？
Look deep； yet deeper； in my heart； and there； Beyond where I can feel；
read thou the prayer。
16。
Oh what it were to be right sure of thee！ Sure that thou art； and the
same as thy son； Jesus！ Oh； faith is deeper； wider than the sea； Yea； than
the blue of heaven that ever flees us！ Yet simple as the cry of sore…hurt
child； Or as his shout； with sudden gladness wild； When home from school
he runs； till morn set free。
17。
If I were sure thou； Father； verily art； True father of the Nazarene as
true； Sure as I am of my wife's shielding heart； Sure as of sunrise in the
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watching blue； Sure as I am that I do eat and drink； And have a heart to
love and laugh and think； Meseems in flame the joy might from my body
start。
18。
But I must know thee in a deeper way Than any of these ways； or
know thee not； My heart at peace far loftier proof must lay Than if the
wind thou me the wave didst roll； Than if I lay before thee a sunny spot；
Or knew thee as the body knows its soul； Or even as the part doth know its
perfect whole。
19。
There is no word to tell how I must know thee； No wind clasped ever a
low meadow…flower So close that as to nearness it could show thee； No
rainbow so makes one the sun and shower。 A something with thee； I am a
nothing fro' thee。 Because I am not save as I am in thee； My soul is ever
setting out to win thee。
20。
I know not howfor that I first must know thee。 I know I know thee
not as I would know thee； For my heart burns like theirs that did not know
him； Till he broke bread； and therein they must know him。 I know thee；
knowing that I do not know thee； Nor ever shall till one with me I know
thee Even as thy son； the eternal man； doth know thee。
21。
Creation under me； in； and above； Slopes upward from the base； a
pyramid； On whose point I shall stand at last； and love。 》From the first
rush of vapour at thy will； To the last poet…word that darkness chid； Thou
hast been sending up creation's hill； To lift thy souls aloft in faithful
Godhead free。
22。
I think my thought； and fancy I think thee。 Lord； wake me up； rend
swift my coffin…planks； I pray thee； let me livealive and free。 My soul
will break forth in melodious thanks； Aware at last what thou wouldst have
it be； When thy life shall be light in me； and when My life to thine is
answer and amen。
23。
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How oft I say the same things in these lines！ Even as a man； buried in
during dark； Turns ever where the edge of twilight shines； Prays ever
towards the vague eternal mark； Or as the sleeper； having dreamed he
drinks； Back straightway into thirstful dreaming sinks； So turns my will to
thee； for thee still longs； still pines。
24。
The mortal man； all careful； wise； and troubled； The eternal child in
the nursery doth keep。 To…morrow on to…day the man heaps doubled； The
child laughs； hopeful； even in his sleep。 The man rebukes the child for
foolish trust； The child replies； 〃Thy care is for poor dust； Be still； and let
me wake that thou mayst sleep。〃
25。
Till I am one； with oneness manifold； I must breed contradiction； strife；
and doubt； Things tread Thy courtlook realtake proving hold My
Christ is not yet grown to cast them out； Alas！ to me； false…judging 'twixt
the twain； The Unseen oft fancy seems； while； all about； The Seen doth
lord it with a mighty train。
26。
But when the Will hath learned obedience royal； He straight will set
the child upon the throne； To whom the seen things all； grown instant loyal；
Will gather to his feet； in homage prone The child their master they have
ever known； Then shall the visible fabric plainly lean On a Reality that
never can be seen。
27。
Thy ways are wonderful； maker of men！ Thou gavest me a child； and I
have fed And clothed and loved her； many a growing year； Lo！ now a
friend of months draws gently near； And claims her futureall beyond his
ken There he hath never loved her nor hath led： She weeps and moans；
but turns； and leaves her home so dear。
28。
She leaves； but not forsakes。 Oft in the night； Oft at mid…day when all
is still around； Sudden will rise； in dim pathetic light； Some childish
memory of household bliss； Or sorrow by love's service robed and
crowned； Rich in his love； she yet will sometimes miss The mother's
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folding arms； the mother's sealing kiss。
29。
Then first； I think； our eldest…born； although Loving； devoted； tender；
watchful； dear； The innermost of home…bred love shall know！ Yea； when at
last the janitor draws near； A still； pale joy will through the darkness go； At
thought of lying in those arms again； Which once were heaven enough for
any pain。
30。
By love doth love grow mighty in its love： Once thou shalt love us；
child； as we love thee。 Father of loves； is it not thy decree That； by our
long； far…wandering remove 》F
