the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第10章
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strength divine in weakness' fire； And from the broken pots calls out the
silver dove。
8。
Poor am I； God knows； poor as withered leaf； Poorer or richer than； I
dare not ask。 To love aright； for me were hopeless task； Eternities too high
to comprehend。 But shall I tear my heart in hopeless grief； Or rise and
climb； and run and kneel； and bend； And drink the primal loveso love in
chief？
9。
Then love shall wake and be its own high life。 Then shall I know 'tis I
that love indeed Ready； without a moment's questioning strife； To be
forgot； like bursting water…bead； For the high good of the eternal dear； All
hope； all claim； resting； with spirit clear； Upon the living love that every
love doth breed。
10。
Ever seem to fail in utterance。 Sometimes amid the swift melodious
dance Of fluttering wordsas if it had not been； The thought has melted；
vanished into night； Sometimes I say a thing I did not mean； And lo！ 'tis
better； by thy ordered chance； Than what eluded me； floating too feathery
light。
11。
If thou wouldst have me speak； Lord； give me speech。 So many cries
are uttered now…a…days； That scarce a song； however clear and true； Will
thread the jostling tumult safe； and reach The ears of men buz…filled with
poor denays： Barb thou my words with light； make my song new； And
men will hear； or when I sing or preach。
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12。
Can anything go wrong with me？ I ask And the same moment； at a
sudden pain； Stand trembling。 Up from the great river's brim Comes a cold
breath； the farther bank is dim； The heaven is black with clouds and
coming rain； High soaring faith is grown a heavy task； And all is wrong
with weary heart and brain。
13。
〃Things do go wrong。 I know grief； pain； and fear。 I see them lord it
sore and wide around。〃 》From her fair twilight answers Truth； star…
crowned； 〃Things wrong are needful where wrong things abound。 Things
go not wrong； but Pain； with dog and spear； False faith from human hearts
will hunt and hound。 The earth shall quake 'neath them that trust the solid
ground。〃
14。
Things go not wrong when sudden I fall prone； But when I snatch my
upheld hand from thine； And； proud or careless； think to walk alone。 Then
things go wrong； when I； poor； silly sheep； To shelves and pits from the
good pasture creep； Not when the shepherd leaves the ninety and nine；
And to the mountains goes； after the foolish one。
15。
Lo！ now thy swift dogs； over stone and bush； After me； straying sheep；
loud barking； rush。 There's Fear； and Shame； and Empty…heart； and Lack；
And Lost…love； and a thousand at their back！ I see thee not； but know thou
hound'st them on； And I am lost indeedescape is none。 See！ there they
come； down streaming on my track！
16。
I rise and run； staggeringdouble and run。 But whither？whither？
whither for escape？ The sea lies all about this long…necked cape There
come the dogs； straight for me every one Me； live despair； live centre of
alarms！ Ah！ lo！ 'twixt me and all his barking harms； The shepherd； lo！I
runfall folded in his arms。
17。
There let the dogs yelp； let them growl and leap； It is no matterI will
go to sleep。 Like a spent cloud pass pain and grief and fear； Out from
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behind it unchanged love shines clear。 Oh； save me； Christ！I know not
what I am； I was thy stupid； self…willed； greedy lamb； Would be thy honest
and obedient sheep。
18。
Why is it that so often I return 》From social converse with a spirit
worn； A lack； a disappointmenteven a sting Of shame； as for some low；
unworthy thing？ Because I have not； careful； first of all； Set my door
open wide； back to the wall； Ere I at others' doors did knock and call。
19。
Yet more and more of me thou dost demand； My faith and hope in God
alone shall stand； The life of lawnot trust the rain and sun To draw the
golden harvest o'er the land。 I must not say〃This too will pass and die；〃
〃The wind will change；〃 〃Round will the seasons run。〃 Law is the body of
will； of conscious harmony。
20。
Who trusts a law； might worship a god of wood； Half his soul
slumbers； if it be not dead。 He is a live thing shut in chaos crude； Hemmed
in with dragonsa remorseless head Still hanging over its uplifted eyes。
No； God is all in all； and nowhere dies The present heart and thinking
will of good。
21。
Law is our schoolmaster。 Our master； Christ； Lived under all our laws；
yet always prayed So walked the water when the storm was highest。
Law is Thy father's； thou hast it obeyed； And it thereby subject to thee hast
made To rule it； master； for thy brethren's sakes： Well may he guide the
law by whom law's maker makes。
22。
Death haunts our souls with dissolution's strife； Soaks them with
unrest； makes our every breath A throe； not action； from God's purest gift
Wipes off the bloom； and on the harp of faith Its fretted strings doth
slacken still and shift： Life everywhere； perfect； and always life； Is sole
redemption from this haunting death。
23。
God； thou from death dost lift me。 As I rise； Its Lethe from my
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garment drips and flows。 Ere long I shall be safe in upper air； With thee；
my lifewith thee； my answered prayer Where thou art God in every wind
that blows； And self alone； and ever； softly dies； There shall my being
blossom； and I know it fair。
24。
I would dig； Master； in no field but thine； Would build my house only
upon thy rock； Yet am but a dull day； with a sea…sheen！ Why should I
wonder then that they should mock； Who； in the limbo of things heard and
seen； Hither and thither blowing； lose the shine Of every light that hangs
in the firmament divine。
25。
Lord； loosen in me the hold of visible things； Help me to walk by faith
and not by sight； I would； through thickest veils and coverings； See into
the chambers of the living light。 Lord； in the land of things that swell and
seem； Help me to walk by the other light supreme； Which shows thy facts
behind man's vaguely hinting dream。
26。
I see a little child whose eager hands Search the thick stream that
drains the crowded street For possible things hid in its current slow。 Near
by； behind him； a great palace stands； Where kings might welcome nobles
to their feet。 Soft sounds； sweet scents； fair sights there only go There the
child's father lives； but the child does not know。
27。
On； eager； hungry； busy…seeking child； Rise up； turn round； run in； run
up the stair。 Far in a chamber from rude noise exiled； Thy father sits；
pondering how thou dost fare。 The mighty man will clasp thee to his breast：
Will kiss thee； stroke the tangles of thy hair； And lap thee warm in fold on
fold of lovely rest。
28。
The prince of this world came； and nothing found In thee； O master；
but； ah； woe is me！ He cannot pass me； on other business bound； But；
spying in me things familiar； he Casts over me the shadow of his flight；
And straight I moan in darknessand the fight Begins afresh betwixt the
world and thee。
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29。
In my own heart； O master； in my thought； Betwixt the woolly sheep
and hairy goat Not clearly I distinguish； but I think Thou knowest that I
fight upon thy side。 The how I am ashamed of； for I shrink 》From many a
blowam borne on the battle…tide； When I should rush to the front； and
take thy foe by the throat。
30。
The enemy still hath many things in me； Yea； many an evil nest with
open hole Gapes out to him； at which he enters free。 But； like the impact
of a burning coal； His presence mere straight rouses the garrison； And all
are up in arms； and down on knee； Fighting and praying till the foe is
gone。
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OCTOBER。
1。
REMEMBER； Lord； thou hast not made me good。 Or if thou didst； it
was so long ago I have forgottenand never understood； I humbly think。
At best it was a crude； A rough…hewn goodness； that did need this woe；
This sin； these harms of all kinds fierce and rude； To shape it out； making
it live and grow。
2。
But thou art making me； I thank thee； sire。 What thou hast done and
doest thou know'st well； And I will help thee：gently in thy fire I will lie
burning； on thy potter's…wheel I will whirl patient； though my brain should
reel； Thy grace shall be enough the grief to quell； And growing strength
perfect through weakness dire。
3。
I have not knowledge； wisdom； insight； thought； Nor understanding； fit
to justify Thee in thy work； O Perfect。 Thou hast brought Me up to this
and； lo！ what thou hast wrought； I cannot call it good。 But I can cry 〃O
enemy； the maker hath not done； One day thou shalt behold； and from the
sight wilt run。〃
4。
The faith I will； aside is easily bent； But of thy love； my God； one
glimpse alone Can make me absolutely confident With faith； hope； joy；
in love responsive blent。 My soul then； in the vision mighty grown； Its
father and its fate securely known； Falls on thy bosom with exultant moan。
5。
Thou workest perfectly。 And if it seem Some things are not so well； 'tis
but because They are too loving…deep； too lofty…wise； For me； poor child；
to understand their laws： My highest wisdom half is but a dream； My love
runs helpless like a falling stream： Thy good embraces ill； and lo！ its
illness dies！
6。
》From sleep I wake； and wake to t
