she stoops to conquer-第7章

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MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Consult　your　glass；　my　dear；　and　then　see　if；　with　such　a　pair　of　eyes；　you　want　any　better　sparklers。　　What　do　you　think；　Tony；　my　dear？　does　your　cousin　Con。　want　any　jewels　in　your　eyes　to　set　off　her　beauty？

TONY。　　That's　as　thereafter　may　be。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　My　dear　aunt；　if　you　knew　how　it　would　oblige　me。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　A　parcel　of　old…fashioned　rose　and　table…cut　things。　　They　would　make　you　look　like　the　court　of　King　Solomon　at　a　puppet…show。　　Besides；　I　believe；　I　can't　readily　come　at　them。　　They　may　be　missing；　for　aught　I　know　to　the　contrary。

TONY。　　（Apart　to　MRS。　HARDCASTLE。）　　Then　why　don't　you　tell　her　so　at　once；　as　she's　so　longing　for　them？　　Tell　her　they're　lost。　　It's　the　only　way　to　quiet　her。　　Say　they're　lost；　and　call　me　to　bear　witness。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　（Apart　to　TONY。）　　You　know；　my　dear；　I'm　only　keeping　them　for　you。　　So　if　I　say　they're　gone；　you'll　bear　me　witness；　will　you？　　He！　he！　he！

TONY。　　Never　fear　me。　　Ecod！　I'll　say　I　saw　them　taken　out　with　my　own　eyes。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　I　desire　them　but　for　a　day；　madam。　　Just　to　be　permitted　to　show　them　as　relics；　and　then　they　may　be　locked　up　again。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　To　be　plain　with　you；　my　dear　Constance；　if　I　could　find　them　you　should　have　them。　　They're　missing；　I　assure　you。　　Lost；　for　aught　I　know；　but　we　must　have　patience　wherever　they　are。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　I'll　not　believe　it！　this　is　but　a　shallow　pretence　to　deny　me。　　I　know　they　are　too　valuable　to　be　so　slightly　kept；　and　as　you　are　to　answer　for　the　loss

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Don't　be　alarmed；　Constance。　　If　they　be　lost；　I　must　restore　an　equivalent。　　But　my　son　knows　they　are　missing；　and　not　to　be　found。

TONY。　　That　I　can　bear　witness　to。　　They　are　missing；　and　not　to　be　found；　I'll　take　my　oath　on't。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　You　must　learn　resignation；　my　dear；　for　though　we　lose　our　fortune；　yet　we　should　not　lose　our　patience。　　See　me；　how　calm　I　am。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　Ay；　people　are　generally　calm　at　the　misfortunes　of　others。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Now　I　wonder　a　girl　of　your　good　sense　should　waste　a　thought　upon　such　trumpery。　　We　shall　soon　find　them；　and　in　the　mean　time　you　shall　make　use　of　my　garnets　till　your　jewels　be　found。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　I　detest　garnets。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　The　most　becoming　things　in　the　world　to　set　off　a　clear　complexion。　　You　have　often　seen　how　well　they　look　upon　me。　　You　SHALL　have　them。　　＇Exit。＇

MISS　NEVILLE。　　I　dislike　them　of　all　things。　　You　shan't　stir。Was　ever　anything　so　provoking；　to　mislay　my　own　jewels；　and　force　me　to　wear　her　trumpery？

TONY。　　Don't　be　a　fool。　　If　she　gives　you　the　garnets；　take　what　you　can　get。　　The　jewels　are　your　own　already。　　I　have　stolen　them　out　of　her　bureau；　and　she　does　not　know　it。　　Fly　to　your　spark；　he'll　tell　you　more　of　the　matter。　　Leave　me　to　manage　her。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　My　dear　cousin！

TONY。　　Vanish。　　She's　here；　and　has　missed　them　already。　　＇Exit　MISS　NEVILLE。＇　Zounds！　how　she　fidgets　and　spits　about　like　a　Catherine　wheel。


Enter　MRS。　HARDCASTLE。


MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Confusion！　thieves！　robbers！　we　are　cheated；　plundered；　broke　open；　undone。

TONY。　　What's　the　matter；　what's　the　matter；　mamma？　　I　hope　nothing　has　happened　to　any　of　the　good　family！

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　We　are　robbed。　　My　bureau　has　been　broken　open；　the　jewels　taken　out；　and　I'm　undone。

TONY。　　Oh！　is　that　all？　　Ha！　ha！　ha！　　By　the　laws；　I　never　saw　it　acted　better　in　my　life。　　Ecod；　I　thought　you　was　ruined　in　earnest；　ha！　ha！　ha！

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Why；　boy；　I　AM　ruined　in　earnest。　　My　bureau　has　been　broken　open；　and　all　taken　away。

TONY。　　Stick　to　that：　ha！　ha！　ha！　stick　to　that。　　I'll　bear　witness；　you　know；　call　me　to　bear　witness。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　I　tell　you；　Tony；　by　all　that's　precious；　the　jewels　are　gone；　and　I　shall　be　ruined　for　ever。

TONY。　　Sure　I　know　they're　gone；　and　I'm　to　say　so。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　My　dearest　Tony；　but　hear　me。　　They're　gone；　I　say。

TONY。　　By　the　laws；　mamma；　you　make　me　for　to　laugh；　ha！　ha！　　I　know　who　took　them　well　enough；　ha！　ha！　ha！

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Was　there　ever　such　a　blockhead；　that　can't　tell　the　difference　between　jest　and　earnest？　　I　tell　you　I'm　not　in　jest；　booby。

TONY。　　That's　right；　that's　right；　you　must　be　in　a　bitter　passion；　and　then　nobody　will　suspect　either　of　us。　　I'll　bear　witness　that　they　are　gone。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Was　there　ever　such　a　cross…grained　brute；　that　won't　hear　me？　　Can　you　bear　witness　that　you're　no　better　than　a　fool？　　Was　ever　poor　woman　so　beset　with　fools　on　one　hand；　and　thieves　on　the　other？

TONY。　　I　can　bear　witness　to　that。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Bear　witness　again；　you　blockhead　you；　and　I'll　turn　you　out　of　the　room　directly。　　My　poor　niece；　what　will　become　of　her？　　Do　you　laugh；　you　unfeeling　brute；　as　if　you　enjoyed　my　distress？

TONY。　　I　can　bear　witness　to　that。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Do　you　insult　me；　monster？　　I'll　teach　you　to　vex　your　mother；　I　will。

TONY。　　I　can　bear　witness　to　that。　　＇He　runs　off；　she　follows　him。＇


Enter　Miss　HARDCASTLE　and　Maid。


MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　What　an　unaccountable　creature　is　that　brother　of　mine；　to　send　them　to　the　house　as　an　inn！　ha！　ha！　　I　don't　wonder　at　his　impudence。

MAID。　　But　what　is　more；　madam；　the　young　gentleman；　as　you　passed　by　in　your　present　dress；　asked　me　if　you　were　the　bar…maid。　　He　mistook　you　for　the　bar…maid；　madam。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Did　he？　　Then　as　I　live；　I'm　resolved　to　keep　up　the　delusion。　　Tell　me；　Pimple；　how　do　you　like　my　present　dress？　　Don't　you　think　I　look　something　like　Cherry　in　the　Beaux　Stratagem？

MAID。　　It's　the　dress；　madam；　that　every　lady　wears　in　the　country；　but　when　she　visits　or　receives　company。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　And　are　you　sure　he　does　not　remember　my　face　or　person？

MAID。　　Certain　of　it。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　I　vow；　I　thought　so；　for；　though　we　spoke　for　some　time　together；　yet　his　fears　were　such；　that　he　never　once　looked　up　during　the　interview。　　Indeed；　if　he　had；　my　bonnet　would　have　kept　him　from　seeing　me。

MAID。　　But　what　do　you　hope　from　keeping　him　in　his　mistake？

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　In　the　first　place　I　shall　be　seen；　and　that　is　no　small　advantage　to　a　girl　who　brings　her　face　to　market。　　Then　I　shall　perhaps　make　an　acquaintance；　and　that's　no　small　victory　gained　over　one　who　never　addresses　any　but　the　wildest　of　her　sex。　　But　my　chief　aim　is；　to　take　my　gentleman　off　his　guard；　and；　like　an　invisible　champion　of　romance；　examine　the　giant's　force　before　I　offer　to　combat。

MAID。　　But　you　are　sure　you　can　act　your　part；　and　disguise　your　voice　so　that　he　may　mistake　that；　as　he　has　already　mistaken　your　person？

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Never　fear　me。　　I　think　I　have　got　the　true　bar　cantDid　your　honour　call？Attend　the　Lion　therePipes　and　tobacco　for　the　Angel。The　Lamb　has　been　outrageous　this　half…hour。

MAID。　　It　will　do；　madam。　　But　he's　here。　　＇Exit　MAID。＇


Enter　MARLOW。


MARLOW。　　What　a　bawling　in　every　part　of　the　house！　　I　have　scarce　a　moment's　repose。　　If　I　go　to　the　best　room；　there　I　find　my　host　and　his　story：　if　I　fly　to　the　gallery；　there　we　have　my　hostess　with　her　curtsey　down　to　the　ground。　　I　have　at　last　got　a　moment　to　myself；　and　now　for　recollection。　　＇Walks　and　muses。＇

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Did　you　call；　sir？　　Did　your　honour　call？

MARLOW。　　（Musing。）　　As　for　Miss　Hardcastle；　she's　too　grave　and　sentimental　for　me。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Did　your　honour　call？　　（She　still　places　herself　before　him；　he　turning　away。）

MARLOW。　　No；　child。　　（Musing。）　　Besides；　from　the　glimpse　I　had　of　her；　I　think　she　squints。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　I'm　sure；　sir；　I　heard　the　bell　ring。

MARLOW。　　No；　no。　　（Musing。）　　I　have　pleased　my　father；　however；　by　coming　down；　and　I'll　to…morrow　please　myself　by　returning。　　＇Taking　out　his　tablets；　and　perusing。＇

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Perhaps　the　other　gentleman　called；　sir？

MARLOW。　　I　tell　you；　no。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　I　should　be　glad　to　know；　sir。　　We　have　such　a　parcel　of　servants！

MARLOW。　　No；　no；　I　tell　you。　　（Looks　full　in　her　face。）　　Yes；　child；　I　think　I　did　call。　　I　wantedI　wantedI　vow；　child；　you　are　vastly　handsome。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　O　la；　sir；　you'll　make　one　ashamed。

MARLOW。　　Never　saw　a　more　sprightly　malicious　eye。　　Yes；　yes；　my　dear；　I　did　call。　　Have　you　got　any　of　yourawhat　d'ye　call　it　in　the　house？

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　No；　sir；　we　have　been　out　of　that　these　ten　days。

MARLOW。　　One　may　call　in　this　house；　I　find；　to　very　little　purpose。　　Suppose　I　should　call　for　a　taste；　just　by　way　of　a　trial；　of　the　nectar　of　your　lips；　perhaps　I　might　be　disappointed　in　that　too。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Nectar！　nectar！　　That's　a　liquor　there's　no　call　for　in　these　parts。　　French；　I　suppose。　　We　sell　no　French　wines　here；　sir。

MARLOW。　　Of　true　English　growth；　I　assure　you。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Then　it's　odd　I　should　not　know　it。　　We　brew　all　sorts　of　wines　in　this　house；　and　I　have　lived　here　these　eighteen　years。

MARLOW。　　Eighteen　years！　　Why；　one　would　think；　child；　you　kept　the　bar　before　you　were　born。　　How　old　are　you？

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　O！　sir；　I　must　not　tell　my　age。　　They　say　women　and　music　should　never　be　dated。

MARLOW。　　To　guess　at　this　distance；　you　can't　be　much　above　forty　（approaching）。　　Yet；　nearer；　I　don't　think　so　much　（approaching）。　　By　coming　close　to　some　women　they　look　younger　still；　but　when　we　come　very　close　indeed（attempting　to　kiss　her）。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Pray；　sir；　keep　your　distance。　　One　would　think　you　wanted　to　know　one's　age；　as　they　do　horses；　by　mark　of　mouth。

MARLOW。　　I　protest；　child；　you　use　me　extremely　ill。　　If　you　keep　me　at　this　distance；　how　is　it　possible　you　and　I　can　ever　be　acquainted？

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　And　who　wants　to　be　acquainted　with　you？　　I　want　no　such　acquaintance；　not　I。　　I'm　sure　you　did　not　treat　Miss　Hardcastle；　that　was　here　awhile　ago；　in　this　obstropalous　manner。　　I'll　warrant　me；　before　her　you　looked　dashed；　and　kept　bowing　to　the　ground；　and　talked；　for　all　the　world；　as　if　you　was　before　a　justice　of　peace。

MARLOW。　　（Aside。）　　Egad；　she　has　hit　it；　sure　enough！　　（To　her。）　　In　awe　of　her；　child？　　Ha！　ha！　ha！　　A　mere　awkward　squinting　thing；　no；　no。　　I　find　you　don't　know　me。　　I　laughed　and　rallied　her　a　little；　but　I　was　unwilling　to　be　too　severe。　　No；　I　could　not　be　too　severe；　curse　me！

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　O！　then；　sir；　you　are　a　favourite；　I　find；　among　the　ladies？

MARLOW。　　Yes；　my　dear；　a　great　favourite。　　And　yet　hang　me；　I　don't　see　what　they　find　in　me　to　follow。　　At　the　Ladies'　Club　in　town　I'm　called　their　agreeable　Rattle。　　Rattle；　child；　is　not　my　real　name；　but　one　I'm　known　by。　　My　name　is　Solomons；　Mr。　Solomons；　my　dear；　at　your　service。　　（Offering　to　salute　her。）

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Hold；　sir；　you　are　introducing　me　to　your　club；　not　to　yourself。　　And　you're　so　great　a　favourite　there；　you　say？

MARLOW。　　Yes；　my　dear。　　There's　Mrs。　Mantrap；　Lady　Betty　Blackleg；　the　Countess　of　Sligo；　Mrs。　Langhorns；　old　Miss　Biddy　Buckskin；　and　your　humble　servant；　keep　up　the　spirit　of　the　place。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Then　it's　a　very　merry　place；　I　suppose？

MARLOW。　　Yes；　as　merry　as　cards；　supper；　wine；　and　old　women　can　make　us。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　And　their　agreeable