she stoops to conquer-第6章

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MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Is　this；　ungrateful　boy；　all　that　I'm　to　get　for　the　pains　I　have　taken　in　your　education？　　I　that　have　rocked　you　in　your　cradle；　and　fed　that　pretty　mouth　with　a　spoon！　　Did　not　I　work　that　waistcoat　to　make　you　genteel？　　Did　not　I　prescribe　for　you　every　day；　and　weep　while　the　receipt　was　operating？

TONY。　　Ecod！　you　had　reason　to　weep；　for　you　have　been　dosing　me　ever　since　I　was　born。　　I　have　gone　through　every　receipt　in　the　Complete　Huswife　ten　times　over；　and　you　have　thoughts　of　coursing　me　through　Quincy　next　spring。　　But；　ecod！　I　tell　you；　I'll　not　be　made　a　fool　of　no　longer。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Wasn't　it　all　for　your　good；　viper？　　Wasn't　it　all　for　your　good？

TONY。　　I　wish　you'd　let　me　and　my　good　alone；　then。　　Snubbing　this　way　when　I'm　in　spirits。　　If　I'm　to　have　any　good；　let　it　come　of　itself；　not　to　keep　dinging　it；　dinging　it　into　one　so。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　That's　false；　I　never　see　you　when　you're　in　spirits。　　No；　Tony；　you　then　go　to　the　alehouse　or　kennel。　　I'm　never　to　be　delighted　with　your　agreeable　wild　notes；　unfeeling　monster！

TONY。　　Ecod！　mamma；　your　own　notes　are　the　wildest　of　the　two。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Was　ever　the　like？　　But　I　see　he　wants　to　break　my　heart；　I　see　he　does。

HASTINGS。　　Dear　madam；　permit　me　to　lecture　the　young　gentleman　a　little。　　I'm　certain　I　can　persuade　him　to　his　duty。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Well；　I　must　retire。　　Come；　Constance；　my　love。　　You　see；　Mr。　Hastings；　the　wretchedness　of　my　situation：　was　ever　poor　woman　so　plagued　with　a　dear　sweet；　pretty；　provoking；　undutiful　boy？　　＇Exeunt　MRS。　HARDCASTLE　and　MISS　NEVILLE。＇

TONY。　　（Singing。）　　〃There　was　a　young　man　riding　by；　and　fain　would　have　his　will。　　Rang　do　didlo　dee。〃Don't　mind　her。　　Let　her　cry。　　It's　the　comfort　of　her　heart。　　I　have　seen　her　and　sister　cry　over　a　book　for　an　hour　together；　and　they　said　they　liked　the　book　the　better　the　more　it　made　them　cry。

HASTINGS。　　Then　you're　no　friend　to　the　ladies；　I　find；　my　pretty　young　gentleman？

TONY。　　That's　as　I　find　'um。

HASTINGS。　　Not　to　her　of　your　mother's　choosing；　I　dare　answer？　　And　yet　she　appears　to　me　a　pretty　well…tempered　girl。

TONY。　　That's　because　you　don't　know　her　as　well　as　I。　　Ecod！　I　know　every　inch　about　her；　and　there's　not　a　more　bitter　cantankerous　toad　in　all　Christendom。

HASTINGS。　　（Aside。）　　Pretty　encouragement　this　for　a　lover！

TONY。　　I　have　seen　her　since　the　height　of　that。　　She　has　as　many　tricks　as　a　hare　in　a　thicket；　or　a　colt　the　first　day's　breaking。

HASTINGS。　　To　me　she　appears　sensible　and　silent。

TONY。　　Ay；　before　company。　　But　when　she's　with　her　playmate；　she's　as　loud　as　a　hog　in　a　gate。

HASTINGS。　　But　there　is　a　meek　modesty　about　her　that　charms　me。

TONY。　　Yes；　but　curb　her　never　so　little；　she　kicks　up；　and　you're　flung　in　a　ditch。

HASTINGS。　　Well；　but　you　must　allow　her　a　little　beauty。Yes；　you　must　allow　her　some　beauty。

TONY。　　Bandbox！　　She's　all　a　made…up　thing；　mun。　　Ah！　could　you　but　see　Bet　Bouncer　of　these　parts；　you　might　then　talk　of　beauty。　　Ecod；　she　has　two　eyes　as　black　as　sloes；　and　cheeks　as　broad　and　red　as　a　pulpit　cushion。　　She'd　make　two　of　she。

HASTINGS。　　Well；　what　say　you　to　a　friend　that　would　take　this　bitter　bargain　off　your　hands？

TONY。　　Anon。

HASTINGS。　　Would　you　thank　him　that　would　take　Miss　Neville；　and　leave　you　to　happiness　and　your　dear　Betsy？

TONY。　　Ay；　but　where　is　there　such　a　friend；　for　who　would　take　her？

HASTINGS。　　I　am　he。　　If　you　but　assist　me；　I'll　engage　to　whip　her　off　to　France；　and　you　shall　never　hear　more　of　her。

TONY。　　Assist　you！　　Ecod　I　will；　to　the　last　drop　of　my　blood。　　I'll　clap　a　pair　of　horses　to　your　chaise　that　shall　trundle　you　off　in　a　twinkling；　and　may　be　get　you　a　part　of　her　fortin　beside；　in　jewels；　that　you　little　dream　of。

HASTINGS。　　My　dear　'squire；　this　looks　like　a　lad　of　spirit。

TONY。　　Come　along；　then；　and　you　shall　see　more　of　my　spirit　before　you　have　done　with　me。

（Singing。）　〃We　are　the　boys　That　fears　no　noise　Where　the　thundering　cannons　roar。〃　　＇Exeunt。＇



ACT　THE　THIRD。


Enter　HARDCASTLE；　alone。


HARDCASTLE。　　What　could　my　old　friend　Sir　Charles　mean　by　recommending　his　son　as　the　modestest　young　man　in　town？　　To　me　he　appears　the　most　impudent　piece　of　brass　that　ever　spoke　with　a　tongue。　　He　has　taken　possession　of　the　easy　chair　by　the　fire…side　already。　　He　took　off　his　boots　in　the　parlour；　and　desired　me　to　see　them　taken　care　of。　　I'm　desirous　to　know　how　his　impudence　affects　my　daughter。　　She　will　certainly　be　shocked　at　it。


Enter　MISS　HARDCASTLE；　plainly　dressed。


HARDCASTLE。　　Well；　my　Kate；　I　see　you　have　changed　your　dress；　as　I　bade　you；　and　yet；　I　believe；　there　was　no　great　occasion。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　I　find　such　a　pleasure；　sir；　in　obeying　your　commands；　that　I　take　care　to　observe　them　without　ever　debating　their　propriety。

HARDCASTLE。　　And　yet；　Kate；　I　sometimes　give　you　some　cause；　particularly　when　I　recommended　my　modest　gentleman　to　you　as　a　lover　to…day。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　You　taught　me　to　expect　something　extraordinary；　and　I　find　the　original　exceeds　the　description。

HARDCASTLE。　　I　was　never　so　surprised　in　my　life！　　He　has　quite　confounded　all　my　faculties！

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　I　never　saw　anything　like　it：　and　a　man　of　the　world　too！

HARDCASTLE。　　Ay；　he　learned　it　all　abroadwhat　a　fool　was　I；　to　think　a　young　man　could　learn　modesty　by　travelling。　　He　might　as　soon　learn　wit　at　a　masquerade。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　It　seems　all　natural　to　him。

HARDCASTLE。　　A　good　deal　assisted　by　bad　company　and　a　French　dancing…master。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Sure　you　mistake；　papa！　　A　French　dancing…master　could　never　have　taught　him　that　timid　lookthat　awkward　addressthat　bashful　manner

HARDCASTLE。　　Whose　look？　　whose　manner；　child？

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Mr。　Marlow's：　his　mauvaise　honte；　his　timidity；　struck　me　at　the　first　sight。

HARDCASTLE。　　Then　your　first　sight　deceived　you；　for　I　think　him　one　of　the　most　brazen　first　sights　that　ever　astonished　my　senses。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Sure；　sir；　you　rally！　　I　never　saw　any　one　so　modest。

HARDCASTLE。　　And　can　you　be　serious？　　I　never　saw　such　a　bouncing；　swaggering　puppy　since　I　was　born。　　Bully　Dawson　was　but　a　fool　to　him。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Surprising！　　He　met　me　with　a　respectful　bow；　a　stammering　voice；　and　a　look　fixed　on　the　ground。

HARDCASTLE。　　He　met　me　with　a　loud　voice；　a　lordly　air；　and　a　familiarity　that　made　my　blood　freeze　again。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　He　treated　me　with　diffidence　and　respect；　censured　the　manners　of　the　age；　admired　the　prudence　of　girls　that　never　laughed；　tired　me　with　apologies　for　being　tiresome；　then　left　the　room　with　a　bow；　and　〃Madam；　I　would　not　for　the　world　detain　you。〃

HARDCASTLE。　　He　spoke　to　me　as　if　he　knew　me　all　his　life　before；　asked　twenty　questions；　and　never　waited　for　an　answer；　interrupted　my　best　remarks　with　some　silly　pun；　and　when　I　was　in　my　best　story　of　the　Duke　of　Marlborough　and　Prince　Eugene；　he　asked　if　I　had　not　a　good　hand　at　making　punch。　　Yes；　Kate；　he　asked　your　father　if　he　was　a　maker　of　punch！

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　One　of　us　must　certainly　be　mistaken。

HARDCASTLE。　　If　he　be　what　he　has　shown　himself；　I'm　determined　he　shall　never　have　my　consent。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　And　if　he　be　the　sullen　thing　I　take　him；　he　shall　never　have　mine。

HARDCASTLE。　　In　one　thing　then　we　are　agreedto　reject　him。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　Yes：　but　upon　conditions。　　For　if　you　should　find　him　less　impudent；　and　I　more　presumingif　you　find　him　more　respectful；　and　I　more　importunateI　don't　knowthe　fellow　is　well　enough　for　a　manCertainly；　we　don't　meet　many　such　at　a　horse…race　in　the　country。

HARDCASTLE。　　If　we　should　find　him　soBut　that's　impossible。　　The　first　appearance　has　done　my　business。　　I'm　seldom　deceived　in　that。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　And　yet　there　may　be　many　good　qualities　under　that　first　appearance。

HARDCASTLE。　　Ay；　when　a　girl　finds　a　fellow's　outside　to　her　taste；　she　then　sets　about　guessing　the　rest　of　his　furniture。　　With　her；　a　smooth　face　stands　for　good　sense；　and　a　genteel　figure　for　every　virtue。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　I　hope；　sir；　a　conversation　begun　with　a　compliment　to　my　good　sense；　won't　end　with　a　sneer　at　my　understanding？

HARDCASTLE。　　Pardon　me；　Kate。　　But　if　young　Mr。　Brazen　can　find　the　art　of　reconciling　contradictions；　he　may　please　us　both；　perhaps。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　And　as　one　of　us　must　be　mistaken；　what　if　we　go　to　make　further　discoveries？

HARDCASTLE。　　Agreed。　　But　depend　on't　I'm　in　the　right。

MISS　HARDCASTLE。　　And　depend　on't　I'm　not　much　in　the　wrong。　　＇Exeunt。＇


Enter　Tony；　running　in　with　a　casket。


TONY。　　Ecod！　I　have　got　them。　　Here　they　are。　　My　cousin　Con's　necklaces；　bobs　and　all。　　My　mother　shan't　cheat　the　poor　souls　out　of　their　fortin　neither。　　O！　my　genus；　is　that　you？


Enter　HASTINGS。


HASTINGS。　　My　dear　friend；　how　have　you　managed　with　your　mother？　　I　hope　you　have　amused　her　with　pretending　love　for　your　cousin；　and　that　you　are　willing　to　be　reconciled　at　last？　　Our　horses　will　be　refreshed　in　a　short　time；　and　we　shall　soon　be　ready　to　set　off。

TONY。　　And　here's　something　to　bear　your　charges　by　the　way　（giving　the　casket）；　your　sweetheart's　jewels。　　Keep　them：　and　hang　those；　I　say；　that　would　rob　you　of　one　of　them。

HASTINGS。　　But　how　have　you　procured　them　from　your　mother？

TONY。　　Ask　me　no　questions；　and　I'll　tell　you　no　fibs。　　I　procured　them　by　the　rule　of　thumb。　　If　I　had　not　a　key　to　every　drawer　in　mother's　bureau；　how　could　I　go　to　the　alehouse　so　often　as　I　do？　　An　honest　man　may　rob　himself　of　his　own　at　any　time。

HASTINGS。　　Thousands　do　it　every　day。　　But　to　be　plain　with　you；　Miss　Neville　is　endeavouring　to　procure　them　from　her　aunt　this　very　instant。　　If　she　succeeds；　it　will　be　the　most　delicate　way　at　least　of　obtaining　them。

TONY。　　Well；　keep　them；　till　you　know　how　it　will　be。　　But　I　know　how　it　will　be　well　enough；　she'd　as　soon　part　with　the　only　sound　tooth　in　her　head。

HASTINGS。　　But　I　dread　the　effects　of　her　resentment；　when　she　finds　she　has　lost　them。

TONY。　　Never　you　mind　her　resentment；　leave　ME　to　manage　that。　　I　don't　value　her　resentment　the　bounce　of　a　cracker。　　Zounds！　here　they　are。　　Morrice！　Prance！　　＇Exit　HASTINGS。＇


Enter　MRS。　HARDCASTLE　and　MISS　NEVILLE。


MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Indeed；　Constance；　you　amaze　me。　　Such　a　girl　as　you　want　jewels！　　It　will　be　time　enough　for　jewels；　my　dear；　twenty　years　hence；　when　your　beauty　begins　to　want　repairs。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　But　what　will　repair　beauty　at　forty；　will　certainly　improve　it　at　twenty；　madam。

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Yours；　my　dear；　can　admit　of　none。　　That　natural　blush　is　beyond　a　thousand　ornaments。　　Besides；　child；　jewels　are　quite　out　at　present。　　Don't　you　see　half　the　ladies　of　our　acquaintance；　my　Lady　Kill…daylight；　and　Mrs。　Crump；　and　the　rest　of　them；　carry　their　jewels　to　town；　and　bring　nothing　but　paste　and　marcasites　back。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　But　who　knows；　madam；　but　somebody　that　shall　be　nameless　would　like　me　best　with　all　my　little　finery　about　me？

MRS。　HARDCASTLE。　　Consult　your　glass；　my　dear；　and　then　see　if；　with　such　a　pair　of　eyes；　you　want　any　better　sparklers。　　What　do　you　th