bureaucracy-第40章

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Monsieur　Poiret；〃　＇Poiret　jumped　as　if　he　had　been　shot＇　〃how　a　nation

can　do　without　heads　of　divisions；　general…secretaries　and　directors；

and　all　this　splendid　array　of　officials；　the　glory　of　France　and　of

the　Emperor　Napoleon；who　had　his　own　good　reasons　for　creating　a

myriad　of　offices？　I　don't　see　how　those　nations　have　the　audacity　to

live　at　all。　There's　Austria；　which　has　less　than　a　hundred　clerks　in

her　war　ministry；　while　the　salaries　and　pensions　of　ours　amount　to　a

third　of　our　whole　budget；　a　thing　that　was　unheard　of　before　the

Revolution。　I　sum　up　all　I've　been　saying　in　one　single　remark；

namely；　that　the　Academy　of　Inscriptions　and　Belles…lettres；　which

seems　to　have　very　little　to　do；　had　better　offer　a　prize　for　the

ablest　answer　to　the　following　question：　Which　is　the　best　organized

State；　the　one　that　does　many　things　with　few　officials；　or　the　one

that　does　next　to　nothing　with　an　army　of　them？〃



Poiret。　〃Is　that　your　last　word？〃



Bixiou。　〃Yes；　sir！　whether　English；　French；　German　or　Italian；I　let

you　off　the　other　languages。〃



Poiret　＇lifting　his　hands　to　heaven＇。　〃Gracious　goodness！　and　they

call　you　a　witty　man！〃



Bixiou。　〃Haven't　you　understood　me　yet？〃



Phellion。　〃Your　last　observation　was　full　of　excellent　sense。〃



Bixiou。　〃Just　as　full　as　the　budget　itself；　and　like　the　budget　again；

as　complicated　as　it　looks　simple；　and　I　set　it　as　a　warning；　a

beacon；　at　the　edge　of　this　hole；　this　gulf；　this　volcano；　called；　in

the　language　of　the　'Constitutionel；'　'the　political　horizon。'〃



Poiret。　〃I　should　much　prefer　a　comprehensible　explanation。〃



Bixiou。　〃Hurrah　for　Rabourdin！　there's　my　explanation；　that's　my

opinion。　Are　you　satisfied？〃



Colleville　＇gravely＇。　〃Monsieur　Rabourdin　had　but　one　defect。〃



Poiret。　〃What　was　it？〃



Colleville。　〃That　of　being　a　statesman　instead　of　a　subordinate

official。〃



Phellion　＇standing　before　Bixiou＇。　〃Monsieur！　why　did　you；　who

understand　Monsieur　Rabourdin　so　well；　why　did　you　make　that　infthat

odithat　hideous　caricature？〃



Bixiou。　〃Do　you　forget　our　bet？　don't　you　know　I　was　backing　the

devil's　game；　and　that　your　bureau　owes　me　a　dinner　at　the　Rocher　de

Cancale？〃



Poiret　＇much　put…out＇。　〃Then　it　is　a　settled　thing　that　I　am　to　leave

this　government　office　without　ever　understanding　a　sentence；　or　a

single　word　uttered　by　Monsieur　Bixiou。〃



Bixiou。　〃It　is　your　own　fault；　ask　these　gentlemen。　Gentlemen；　have

you　understood　the　meaning　of　my　observations？　and　were　those

observations　just；　and　brilliant？〃



All。　〃Alas；　yes！〃



Minard。　〃And　the　proof　is　that　I　shall　send　in　my　resignation。　I　shall

plunge　into　industrial　avocations。〃



Bixiou。　〃What！　have　you　managed　to　invent　a　mechanical　corset；　or　a

baby's　bottle；　or　a　fire　engine；　or　chimneys　that　consume　no　fuel；　or

ovens　which　cook　cutlets　with　three　sheets　of　paper？〃



Minard　＇departing。＇　〃Adieu；　I　shall　keep　my　secret。〃



Bixiou。　〃Well；　young　Poiret　junior；　you　see；all　these　gentlemen

understand　me。〃



Poiret　＇crest…fallen＇。　〃Monsieur　Bixiou；　would　you　do　me　the　honor　to

come　down　for　once　to　my　level　and　speak　in　a　language　I　can

understand？〃



Bixiou　＇winking　at　the　rest＇。　〃Willingly。〃　＇Takes　Poiret　by　the　button

of　his　frock…coat。＇　〃Before　you　leave　this　office　forever　perhaps　you

would　be　glad　to　know　what　you　are〃



Poiret　＇quickly＇。　〃An　honest　man；　monsieur。〃



Bixiou　＇shrugging　his　shoulders＇。　〃to　be　able　to　define；　explain；

and　analyze　precisely　what　a　government　clerk　is？　Do　you　know　what　he

is？〃



Poiret。　〃I　think　I　do。〃



Bixiou　＇twisting　the　button＇。　〃I　doubt　it。〃



Poiret。　〃He　is　a　man　paid　by　government　to　do　work。〃



Bixiou。　〃Oh！　then　a　soldier　is　a　government　clerk？〃



Poiret　＇puzzled＇。　〃Why；　no。〃



Bixiou。　〃But　he　is　paid　by　the　government　to　do　work；　to　mount　guard

and　show　off　at　reviews。　You　may　perhaps　tell　me　that　he　longs　to　get

out　of　his　place；that　he　works　too　hard　and　fingers　too　little

metal；　except　that　of　his　musket。〃



Poiret　＇his　eyes　wide　open＇。　〃Monsieur；　a　government　clerk　is；

logically　speaking；　a　man　who　needs　the　salary　to　maintain　himself；

and　is　not　free　to　get　out　of　his　place；　for　he　doesn't　know　how　to　do

anything　but　copy　papers。〃



Bixiou。　〃Ah！　now　we　are　coming　to　a　conclusion。　So　the　bureau　is　the

clerk's　shell；　husk；　pod。　No　clerk　without　a　bureau；　no　bureau　without

a　clerk。　But　what　do　you　make；　then；　of　a　customs　officer？〃　＇Poiret

shuffles　his　feet　and　tries　to　edge　away；　Bixiou　twists　off　one　button

and　catches　him　by　another。＇　〃He　is；　from　the　bureaucratic　point　of

view；　a　neutral　being。　The　excise…man　is　only　half　a　clerk；　he　is　on

the　confines　between　civil　and　military　service；　neither　altogether

soldier　nor　altogether　clerk　Here；　here；　where　are　you　going？〃

＇Twists　the　button。＇　〃Where　does　the　government　clerk　proper　end？

That's　a　serious　question。　Is　a　prefect　a　clerk？〃



Poiret　＇hesitating＇。　〃He　is　a　functionary。〃



Bixiou。　〃But　you　don't　mean　that　a　functionary　is　not　a　clerk？　that's

an　absurdity。〃



Poiret　＇weary　and　looking　round　for　escape＇。　〃I　think　Monsieur　Godard

wants　to　say　something。〃



Godard。　〃The　clerk　is　the　order；　the　functionary　the　species。〃



Bixiou　＇laughing＇。　〃I　shouldn't　have　thought　you　capable　of　that

distinction；　my　brave　subordinate。〃



Poiret　＇trying　to　get　away＇。　〃Incomprehensible！〃



Bixiou。　〃La；　la；　papa；　don't　step　on　your　tether。　If　you　stand　still

and　listen；　we　shall　come　to　an　understanding　before　long。　Now；　here's

an　axiom　which　I　bequeath　to　this　bureau　and　to　all　bureaus：　Where　the

clerk　ends；　the　functionary　begins；　where　the　functionary　ends；　the

statesman　rises。　There　are　very　few　statesmen　among　the　prefects。　The

prefect　is　therefore　a　neutral　being　among　the　higher　species。　He

comes　between　the　statesman　and　the　clerk；　just　as　the　custom…house

officer　stands　between　the　civil　and　the　military。　Let　us　continue　to

clear　up　these　important　points。〃　＇Poiret　turns　crimson　with

distress。＇　〃Suppose　we　formulate　the　whole　matter　in　a　maxim　worthy　of

Larochefoucault：　Officials　with　salaries　of　twenty　thousand　francs　are

not　clerks。　From　which　we　may　deduce　mathematically　this　corollary：

The　statesman　first　looms　up　in　the　sphere　of　higher　salaries；　and

also　this　second　and　not　less　logical　and　important　corollary：

Directors…general　may　be　statesmen。　Perhaps　it　is　in　that　sense　that

more　than　one　deputy　says　in　his　heart；　'It　is　a　fine　thing　to　be　a

director…general。'　But　in　the　interests　of　our　noble　French　language

and　of　the　Academy〃



Poiret　＇magnetized　by　the　fixity　of　Bixiou's　eye＇。　〃The　French

language！　the　Academy！〃



Bixiou　＇twisting　off　the　second　button　and　seizing　another＇。　〃Yes；　in

the　interests　of　our　noble　tongue；　it　is　proper　to　observe　that

although　the　head　of　a　bureau；　strictly　speaking；　may　be　called　a

clerk；　the　head　of　a　division　must　be　called　a　bureaucrat。　These

gentlemen〃　＇turning　to　the　clerks　and　privately　showing　them　the　third

button　off　Poiret's　coat＇　〃will　appreciate　this　delicate　shade　of

meaning。　And　so；　papa　Poiret；　don't　you　see　it　is　clear　that　the

government　clerk　comes　to　a　final　end　at　the　head　of　a　division？　Now

that　question　once　settled；　there　is　no　longer　any　uncertainty；　the

government　clerk　who　has　hitherto　seemed　undefinable　is　defined。〃



Poiret。　〃Yes；　that　appears　to　me　beyond　a　doubt。〃



Bixiou。　〃Nevertheless；　do　me　the　kindness　to　answer　the　following

question：　A　judge　being　irremovable；　and　consequently　debarred　from

being；　according　to　your　subtle　distinction；　a　functionary；　and

receiving　a　salary　which　is　not　the　equivalent　of　the　work　he　does；　is

he　to　be　included　in　the　class　of　clerks？〃



Poiret　＇gazing　at　the　cornice＇。　〃Monsieur；　I　don't　follow　you。〃



Bixiou　＇getting　off　the　fourth　button＇。　〃I　wanted　to　prove　to　you；

monsieur；　that　nothing　is　simple；　but　above　alland　what　I　am　going

to　say　is　intended　for　philosophersI　wish　（if　you'll　allow　me　to

misquote　a　saying　of　Louis　XVIII。）；I　wish　to　make　you　see　that

definitions　lead　to　muddles。〃



Poiret　＇wiping　his　forehead＇。　〃Excuse　me；　I　am　sick　at　my　stomach〃

＇tries　to　button　his　coat＇。　〃Ah！　you　have　cut　off　all　my　buttons！〃



Bixiou。　〃But　the　point　is；　DO　YOU　UNDERSTAND　ME？〃



Poiret　＇angrily＇。　〃Yes；　monsieur；　I　do；　I　understand　that　you　have

been　playing　me　a　shameful　trick　and　twisting　off　my　buttons　while　I

have　been　standing　here　unconscious　of　it。〃



Bixiou　＇solemnly＇。　〃Old　man；　you　are　mistaken！　I　wished　to　stamp　upon

your　brain　the　clearest　possible　image　of　constitutional　government〃

＇all　the　clerks　look　at　Bixiou；　Poiret；　stupefied；　gazes　at　him

uneasily＇；　〃and　also　to　keep　my　word　to　you。　In　so　doing　I　employed

the　parabolical　method　of　savages。　Listen　and　comprehend：　While　the

ministers　start　discussions　in　the　Chambers　that　are　just　about　as

useful　and　as　conclusive　as　the　one　we　are　engaged　in；　the

administration　cuts　the　buttons　off　the　tax…payers。〃



All。　〃Bravo；　Bixiou！〃



Poiret　＇who　comprehends＇。　〃I　don't　regret　my　buttons。〃



Bixiou。　〃I　shall　follow　Minard's　example；　I　won't　pocket　such　a

paltry　salary　as　mine　any　longer；　I　shall　deprive　the　government　of　my

co…operation。〃　＇Departs　amid　general　laughter。＇



Another　scene　was　taking　place　in　the　minister's　reception…room；　more

instructive　than　the　one　we　have　just　related；　because　it　shows　how

great　ideas　are　allowed　to　perish　in　the　higher　regions　of　State

affairs；　and　in　what　way　statesmen　console　themselves。



Des　Lupeaulx　was　presenting　the　new　director；　Monsieur　Baudoyer；　to

the　minister。　A　number　of　persons　were　assembled　in　the　salon；two　or

three　ministerial　deputies；　a　few　men　of　influence；　and　Monsieur

Clergeot　（whose　division　was　now　merged　with　La　Billardiere's　under

Baudoyer's　direction）；　to　whom　the　minister　was　promising　an　honorable

pension。　After　a　few　general　remarks；　the　great　event　of　the　day　was

brought　up。



A　deputy。　〃So　you　lose　Rabourdin？〃



Des　Lupeaulx。　〃He　has　resigned。〃



Clergeot。　〃They　say　he　wanted　to　reform　the　administration。〃



The　Minister　＇looking　at　the　deputies＇。　〃Salaries　are　not　really　in

proportion　to　the　exigencies　of　the　civil　service。〃



De　la　Briere。　〃According　to　Monsieur　Rabourdin；　one　hundred　clerks

with　a　salary　of　twelve　thousand　francs　would　do　better　and　quicker

work　than　a　thousand　clerks　at　twelve　hundred。〃



Clergeot。　〃Perhaps　he　is　right。〃



The　Minister。　〃But　what　is　to　be　done？　The　machine　is　built　in　that

way。　Must　we　take　it　to　pieces　and　remake　it？　No　one　would　have　the

courage　to　attempt　that　in　face　of　the　Chamber；　and　the　foolish

outcries　of　the　Opposition；　and　the　fierce　denunciations　of　the　press。

It　follows　that　there　will　happen；　one　of　these　days；　some　damaging

'solution　of　continuity'　between　the　government　and　the

administration。〃