half a life-time ago-第8章

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house；　but　these　fits　of　violence　usually　occurred　in　the　night；　and

whatever　had　been　their　consequence；　Susan　had　tidied　and　redded　up

all　signs　of　aught　unusual　before　the　morning。　　For；　above　all；　she

dreaded　lest　some　one　might　find　out　in　what　danger　and　peril　she

occasionally　was；　and　might　assume　a　right　to　take　away　her　brother

from　her　care。　　The　one　idea　of　taking　charge　of　him　had　deepened　and

deepened　with　years。　　It　was　graven　into　her　mind　as　the　object　for

which　she　lived。　　The　sacrifice　she　had　made　for　this　object　only

made　it　more　precious　to　her。　　Besides；　she　separated　the　idea　of　the

docile；　affectionate；　loutish；　indolent　Will；　and　kept　it　distinct

from　the　terror　which　the　demon　that　occasionally　possessed　him

inspired　her　with。　　The　one　was　her　flesh　and　her　bloodthe　child　of

her　dead　mother；　the　other　was　some　fiend　who　came　to　torture　and

convulse　the　creature　she　so　loved。　　She　believed　that　she　fought　her

brother's　battle　in　holding　down　those　tearing　hands；　in　binding

whenever　she　could　those　uplifted　restless　arms　prompt　and　prone　to

do　mischief。　　All　the　time　she　subdued　him　with　her　cunning　or　her

strength；　she　spoke　to　him　in　pitying　murmurs；　or　abused　the　third

person；　the　fiendish　enemy；　in　no　unmeasured　tones。　　Towards　morning

the　paroxysm　was　exhausted；　and　he　would　fall　asleep；　perhaps　only　to

waken　with　evil　and　renewed　vigour。　　But　when　he　was　laid　down；　she

would　sally　out　to　taste　the　fresh　air；　and　to　work　off　her　wild

sorrow　in　cries　and　mutterings　to　herself。　　The　early　labourers　saw

her　gestures　at　a　distance；　and　thought　her　as　crazed　as　the　idiot…

brother　who　made　the　neighbourhood　a　haunted　place。　　But　did　any

chance　person　call　at　Yew　Nook　later　on　in　the　day；　he　would　find

Susan　Dixon　cold；　calm；　collected；　her　manner　curt；　her　wits　keen。



Once　this　fit　of　violence　lasted　longer　than　usual。　　Susan's　strength

both　of　mind　and　body　was　nearly　worn　out；　she　wrestled　in　prayer

that　somehow　it　might　end　before　she；　too；　was　driven　mad；　or；　worse；

might　be　obliged　to　give　up　life's　aim；　and　consign　Willie　to　a

madhouse。　　From　that　moment　of　prayer　（as　she　afterwards

superstitiously　thought）　Willie　calmedand　then　he　droopedand　then

he　sankand；　last　of　all；　he　died　in　reality　from　physical

exhaustion。



But　he　was　so　gentle　and　tender　as　he　lay　on　his　dying　bed；　such

strange；　child…like　gleams　of　returning　intelligence　came　over　his

face；　long　after　the　power　to　make　his　dull；　inarticulate　sounds　had

departed；　that　Susan　was　attracted　to　him　by　a　stronger　tie　than　she

had　ever　felt　before。　　It　was　something　to　have　even　an　idiot　loving

her　with　dumb；　wistful；　animal　affection；　something　to　have　any

creature　looking　at　her　with　such　beseeching　eyes；　imploring

protection　from　the　insidious　enemy　stealing　on。　　And　yet　she　knew

that　to　him　death　was　no　enemy；　but　a　true　friend；　restoring　light

and　health　to　his　poor　clouded　mind。　　It　was　to　her　that　death　was　an

enemy；　to　her；　the　survivor；　when　Willie　died；　there　was　no　one　to

love　her。



Worse　doom　still；　there　was　no　one　left　on　earth　for　her　to　love。



You　now　know　why　no　wandering　tourist　could　persuade　her　to　receive

him　as　a　lodger；　why　no　tired　traveller　could　melt　her　heart　to

afford　him　rest　and　refreshment；　why　long　habits　of　seclusion　had

given　her　a　moroseness　of　manner；　and　how　care　for　the　interests　of

another　had　rendered　her　keen　and　miserly。



But　there　was　a　third　act　in　the　drama　of　her　life。







CHAPTER　V。







In　spite　of　Peggy's　prophecy　that　Susan's　life　should　not　seem　long；

it　did　seem　wearisome　and　endless；　as　the　years　slowly　uncoiled　their

monotonous　circles。　　To　be　sure；　she　might　have　made　change　for

herself；　but　she　did　not　care　to　do　it。　　It　was；　indeed；　more　than

〃not　caring；〃　which　merely　implies　a　certain　degree　of　vis　inertiae

to　be　subdued　before　an　object　can　be　attained；　and　that　the　object

itself　does　not　seem　to　be　of　sufficient　importance　to　call　out　the

requisite　energy。　　On　the　contrary；　Susan　exerted　herself　to　avoid

change　and　variety。　　She　had　a　morbid　dread　of　new　faces；　which

originated　in　her　desire　to　keep　poor　dead　Willie's　state　a　profound

secret。　　She　had　a　contempt　for　new　customs；　and；　indeed；　her　old

ways　prospered　so　well　under　her　active　hand　and　vigilant　eye；　that

it　was　difficult　to　know　how　they　could　be　improved　upon。　　She　was

regularly　present　in　Coniston　market　with　the　best　butter　and　the

earliest　chickens　of　the　season。　　Those　were　the　common　farm　produce

that　every　farmer's　wife　about　had　to　sell；　but　Susan；　after　she　had

disposed　of　the　more　feminine　articles；　turned　to　on　the　man's　side。

A　better　judge　of　a　horse　or　cow　there　was　not　in　all　the　country

round。　　Yorkshire　itself　might　have　attempted　to　jockey　her；　and

would　have　failed。　　Her　corn　was　sound　and　clean；　her　potatoes　well

preserved　to　the　latest　spring。　　People　began　to　talk　of　the　hoards

of　money　Susan　Dixon　must　have　laid　up　somewhere；　and　one　young

ne'er…do…weel　of　a　farmer's　son　undertook　to　make　love　to　the　woman

of　forty；　who　looked　fifty…five；　if　a　day。　　He　made　up　to　her　by

opening　a　gate　on　the　road…path　home；　as　she　was　riding　on　a　bare…

backed　horse；　her　purchase　not　an　hour　ago。　　She　was　off　before　him；

refusing　his　civility；　but　the　remounting　was　not　so　easy；　and　rather

than　fail　she　did　not　choose　to　attempt　it。　　She　walked；　and　he

walked　alongside；　improving　his　opportunity；　which；　as　he　vainly

thought；　had　been　consciously　granted　to　him。　　As　they　drew　near　Yew

Nook；　he　ventured　on　some　expression　of　a　wish　to　keep　company　with

her。　　His　words　were　vague　and　clumsily　arranged。　　Susan　turned　round

and　coolly　asked　him　to　explain　himself；　he　took　courage；　as　he

thought　of　her　reputed　wealth；　and　expressed　his　wishes　this　second

time　pretty　plainly。　　To　his　surprise；　the　reply　she　made　was　in　a

series　of　smart　strokes　across　his　shoulders；　administered　through

the　medium　of　a　supple　hazel…switch。



〃Take　that！〃　said　she；　almost　breathless；　〃to　teach　thee　how　thou

darest　make　a　fool　of　an　honest　woman　old　enough　to　be　thy　mother。

If　thou　com'st　a　step　nearer　the　house；　there's　a　good　horse…pool；

and　there's　two　stout　fellows　who'll　like　no　better　fun　than　ducking

thee。　　Be　off　wi'　thee！〃



And　she　strode　into　her　own　premises；　never　looking　round　to　see

whether　he　obeyed　her　injunction　or　not。



Sometimes　three　or　four　years　would　pass　over　without　her　hearing

Michael　Hurst's　name　mentioned。　　She　used　to　wonder　at　such　times

whether　he　were　dead　or　alive。　　She　would　sit　for　hours　by　the　dying

embers　of　her　fire　on　a　winter's　evening；　trying　to　recall　the　scenes

of　her　youth；　trying　to　bring　up　living　pictures　of　the　faces　she　had

then　knownMichael's　most　especially。　　She　thought　it　was　possible；

so　long　had　been　the　lapse　of　years；　that　she　might　now　pass　by　him

in　the　street　unknowing　and　unknown。　　His　outward　form　she　might　not

recognize；　but　himself　she　should　feel　in　the　thrill　of　her　whole

being。　　He　could　not　pass　her　unawares。



What　little　she　did　hear　about　him；　all　testified　a　downward

tendency。　　He　dranknot　at　stated　times　when　there　was　no　other　work

to　be　done；　but　continually；　whether　it　was　seed…time　or　harvest。

His　children　were　all　ill　at　the　same　time；　then　one　died；　while　the

others　recovered；　but　were　poor　sickly　things。　　No　one　dared　to　give

Susan　any　direct　intelligence　of　her　former　lover；　many　avoided　all

mention　of　his　name　in　her　presence；　but　a　few　spoke　out　either　in

indifference　to；　or　ignorance　of；　those　bygone　days。　　Susan　heard

every　word；　every　whisper；　every　sound　that　related　to　him。　　But　her

eye　never　changed；　nor　did　a　muscle　of　her　face　move。



Late　one　November　night　she　sat　over　her　fire；　not　a　human　being

besides　herself　in　the　house；　none　but　she　had　ever　slept　there　since

Willie's　death。　　The　farm…labourers　had　foddered　the　cattle　and　gone

home　hours　before。　　There　were　crickets　chirping　all　round　the　warm

hearth…stones；　there　was　the　clock　ticking　with　the　peculiar　beat

Susan　had　known　from　her　childhood；　and　which　then　and　ever　since　she

had　oddly　associated　within　the　idea　of　a　mother　and　child　talking

together；　one　loud　tick；　and　quicka　feeble；　sharp　one　following。



The　day　had　been　keen；　and　piercingly　cold。　　The　whole　lift　of　heaven

seemed　a　dome　of　iron。　　Black　and　frost…bound　was　the　earth　under　the

cruel　east　wind。　　Now　the　wind　had　dropped；　and　as　the　darkness　had

gathered　in；　the　weather…wise　old　labourers　prophesied　snow。　　The

sounds　in　the　air　arose　again；　as　Susan　sat　still　and　silent。　　They

were　of　a　different　character　to　what　they　had　been　during　the

prevalence　of　the　east　wind。　　Then　they　had　been　shrill　and　piping；

now　they　were　like　low　distant　growling；　not　unmusical；　but　strangely

threatening。　　Susan　went　to　the　window；　and　drew　aside　the　little

curtain。　　The　whole　world　was　whitethe　air　was　blinded　with　the

swift　and　heavy　fall　of　snow。　　At　present　it　came　down　straight；　but

Susan　knew　those　distant　sounds　in　the　hollows　and　gulleys　of　the

hills　portended　a　driving　wind　and　a　more　cruel　storm。　　She　thought

of　her　sheep；　were　they　all　folded？　the　new…born　calf；　was　it　bedded

well？　　Before　the　drifts　were　formed　too　deep　for　her　to　pass　in　and

outand　by　the　morning　she　judged　that　they　would　be　six　or　seven

feet　deepshe　would　go　out　and　see　after　the　comfort　of　her　beasts。

She　took　a　lantern；　and　tied　a　shawl　over　her　head；　and　went　out　into

the　open　air。　　She　had　tenderly　provided　for　all　her　animals；　and　was

returning；　when；　borne　on　the　blast　as　if　some　spirit…cryfor　it

seemed　to　come　rather　down　from　the　skies　than　from　any　creature

standing　on　earth's　levelshe　heard　a　voice　of　agony；　she　could　not

distinguish　words；　it　seemed　rather　as　if　some　bird　of　prey　was　being

caught　in　the　whirl　of　the　icy　wind；　and　torn　and　tortured　by　its

violence。　　Again　up　high　above！　　Susan　put　down　her　lantern；　and

shouted　loud　in　return；　it　was　an　instinct；　for　if　the　creature　were

not　human；　which　she　had　doubted　but　a　moment　before；　what　good　could

her　responding　cry　do？　　And　her　cry　was　seized　on　by　the　tyrannous

wind；　and　borne　farther　away　in　the　opposite　direction　to　that　from

which　the　call　of　agony　had　proceeded。　　Again　she　listened；　no　sound：

then　again　it　rang　through　space；　and　this　time　she　was　sure　it　was

human。　　She　turned　into　the　house；　and　heaped　turf　and　wood　on　the

fire；　which；　careless　of　her　own　sensations；　she　had　allowed　to　fade

and　almost　die　out。　　She　put　a　new　candle　in　her　lantern；　she　changed

her　shawl　for　a　maud；　and　leaving　the　door　on　latch；　she　sallied　out。

Just　at　the　moment　when　her　ear　first　encountered　the　weird　noises　of

the　storm；　on　issuing　forth　into　the　open　air；　she　thought　she　heard

the　words；　〃O　God！　　O　help！〃　　They　were　a　guide　to　her；　if　words　they

were；　for　they　came　straight　from　a　rock　not　a