half a life-time ago-第7章

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So　now　you've　gotten　your　answer。〃



〃I　have；〃　said　Susan。　　And　she　sighed　deeply。



〃Come；　now；〃　said　Mrs。　Gale；　encouraged　by　the　sigh；　〃one　would　think

you　don't　love　Michael；　Susan；　to　be　so　stubborn　in　yielding　to　what

I'm　sure　would　be　best　for　the　lad。〃



〃Oh！　she　does　not　care　for　me；〃　said　Michael。　　〃I　don't　believe　she

ever　did。〃



〃Don't　I？　　Haven't　I？〃　asked　Susan；　her　eyes　blazing　out　fire。　　She

left　the　room　directly；　and　sent　Peggy　in　to　make　the　tea；　and

catching　at　Will；　who　was　lounging　about　in　the　kitchen；　she　went　up…

stairs　with　him　and　bolted　herself　in；　straining　the　boy　to　her

heart；　and　keeping　almost　breathless；　lest　any　noise　she　made　might

cause　him　to　break　out　into　the　howls　and　sounds　which　she　could　not

bear　that　those　below　should　hear。



A　knock　at　the　door。　　It　was　Peggy。



〃He　wants　for　to　see　you；　to　wish　you　good…bye。〃



〃I　cannot　come。　　Oh；　Peggy；　send　them　away。〃



It　was　her　only　cry　for　sympathy；　and　the　old　servant　understood　it。

She　sent　them　away；　somehow；　not　politely；　as　I　have　been　given　to

understand。



〃Good　go　with　them；〃　said　Peggy；　as　she　grimly　watched　their

retreating　figures。　　〃We're　rid　of　bad　rubbish；　anyhow。〃　　And　she

turned　into　the　house；　with　the　intention　of　making　ready　some

refreshment　for　Susan；　after　her　hard　day　at　the　market；　and　her

harder　evening。　　But　in　the　kitchen；　to　which　she　passed　through　the

empty　house…place；　making　a　face　of　contemptuous　dislike　at　the　used

tea…cups　and　fragments　of　a　meal　yet　standing　there；　she　found　Susan；

with　her　sleeves　tucked　up　and　her　working　apron　on；　busied　in

preparing　to　make　clap…bread；　one　of　the　hardest　and　hottest　domestic

tasks　of　a　Daleswoman。　　She　looked　up；　and　first　met；　and　then

avoided　Peggy's　eye；　it　was　too　full　of　sympathy。　　Her　own　cheeks

were　flushed；　and　her　own　eyes　were　dry　and　burning。



〃Where's　the　board；　Peggy？　　We　need　clap…bread；　and；　I　reckon；　I've

time　to　get　through　with　it　to…night。〃　　Her　voice　had　a　sharp；　dry

tone　in　it；　and　her　motions　a　jerking　angularity　about　them。



Peggy　said　nothing；　but　fetched　her　all　that　she　needed。　　Susan　beat

her　cakes　thin　with　vehement　force。　　As　she　stooped　over　them；

regardless　even　of　the　task　in　which　she　seemed　so　much　occupied；　she

was　surprised　by　a　touch　on　her　mouth　of　somethingwhat　she　did　not

see　at　first。　　It　was　a　cup　of　tea；　delicately　sweetened　and　cooled；

and　held　to　her　lips；　when　exactly　ready；　by　the　faithful　old　woman。

Susan　held　it　off　a　hand's　breath；　and　looked　into　Peggy's　eyes；

while　her　own　filled　with　the　strange　relief　of　tears。



〃Lass！〃　said　Peggy；　solemnly；　〃thou　hast　done　well。　　It　is　not　long

to　bide；　and　then　the　end　will　come。〃



〃But　you　are　very　old；　Peggy；〃　said　Susan；　quivering。



〃It　is　but　a　day　sin'　I　were　young；〃　replied　Peggy；　but　she　stopped

the　conversation　by　again　pushing　the　cup　with　gentle　force　to

Susan's　dry　and　thirsty　lips。　　When　she　had　drunken　she　fell　again　to

her　labour；　Peggy　heating　the　hearth；　and　doing　all　that　she　knew

would　be　required；　but　never　speaking　another　word。　　Willie　basked

close　to　the　fire；　enjoying　the　animal　luxury　of　warmth；　for　the

autumn　evenings　were　beginning　to　be　chilly。　　It　was　one　o'clock

before　they　thought　of　going　to　bed　on　that　memorable　night。







CHAPTER　IV。







The　vehemence　with　which　Susan　Dixon　threw　herself　into　occupation

could　not　last　for　ever。　　Times　of　languor　and　remembrance　would

cometimes　when　she　recurred　with　a　passionate　yearning　to　bygone

days；　the　recollection　of　which　was　so　vivid　and　delicious；　that　it

seemed　as　though　it　were　the　reality；　and　the　present　bleak　bareness

the　dream。　　She　smiled　anew　at　the　magical　sweetness　of　some　touch　or

tone　which　in　memory　she　felt　and　heard；　and　drank　the　delicious　cup

of　poison；　although　at　the　very　time　she　knew　what　the　consequences

of　racking　pain　would　be。



〃This　time；　last　year；〃　thought　she；　〃we　went　nutting　togetherthis

very　day　last　year；　just　such　a　day　as　to…day。　　Purple　and　gold　were

the　lights　on　the　hills；　the　leaves　were　just　turning　brown；　here　and

there　on　the　sunny　slopes　the　stubble…fields　looked　tawny；　down　in　a

cleft　of　yon　purple　slate…rock　the　beck　fell　like　a　silver　glancing

thread；　all　just　as　it　is　to…day。　　And　he　climbed　the　slender；

swaying　nut…trees；　and　bent　the　branches　for　me　to　gather；　or　made　a

passage　through　the　hazel　copses；　from　time　to　time　claiming　a　toll。

Who　could　have　thought　he　loved　me　so　little？who？who？〃



Or；　as　the　evening　closed　in；　she　would　allow　herself　to　imagine　that

she　heard　his　coming　step；　just　that　she　might　recall　time　feeling　of

exquisite　delight　which　had　passed　by　without　the　due　and　passionate

relish　at　the　time。　　Then　she　would　wonder　how　she　could　have　had

strength；　the　cruel；　self…piercing　strength；　to　say　what　she　had

done；　to　stab　himself　with　that　stern　resolution；　of　which　the　sear

would　remain　till　her　dying　day。　　It　might　have　been　right；　but；　as

she　sickened；　she　wished　she　had　not　instinctively　chosen　the　right。

How　luxurious　a　life　haunted　by　no　stern　sense　of　duty　must　be！　　And

many　led　this　kind　of　life；　why　could　not　she？　　O；　for　one　hour　again

of　his　sweet　company！　　If　he　came　now；　she　would　agree　to　whatever　he

proposed。



It　was　a　fever　of　the　mind。　　She　passed　through　it；　and　came　out

healthy；　if　weak。　　She　was　capable　once　more　of　taking　pleasure　in

following　an　unseen　guide　through　briar　and　brake。　　She　returned　with

tenfold　affection　to　her　protecting　care　of　Willie。　　She　acknowledged

to　herself　that　he　was　to　he　her　all…in…all　in　life。　　She　made　him

her　constant　companion。　　For　his　sake；　as　the　real　owner　of　Yew　Nook；

and　she　as　his　steward　and　guardian；　she　began　that　course　of　careful

saving；　and　that　love　of　acquisition；　which　afterwards　gained　for　her

the　reputation　of　being　miserly。　　She　still　thought　that　he　might

regain　a　scanty　portion　of　senseenough　to　require　some　simple

pleasures　and　excitement；　which　would　cost　money。　　And　money　should

not　be　wanting。　　Peggy　rather　assisted　her　in　the　formation　of　her

parsimonious　habits　than　otherwise；　economy　was　the　order　of　the

district；　and　a　certain　degree　of　respectable　avarice　the

characteristic　of　her　age。　　Only　Willie　was　never　stinted　nor

hindered　of　anything　that　the　two　women　thought　could　give　him

pleasure；　for　want　of　money。



There　was　one　gratification　which　Susan　felt　was　needed　for　the

restoration　of　her　mind　to　its　more　healthy　state；　after　she　had

passed　through　the　whirling　fever；　when　duty　was　as　nothing；　and

anarchy　reigned；　a　gratification　that；　somehow；　was　to　be　her　last

burst　of　unreasonableness；　of　which　she　knew　and　recognised　pain　as

the　sure　consequence。　　She　must　see　him　once　more；herself　unseen。



The　week　before　the　Christmas　of　this　memorable　year；　she　went　out　in

the　dusk　of　the　early　winter　evening；　wrapped　close　in　shawl　and

cloak。　　She　wore　her　dark　shawl　under　her　cloak；　putting　it　over　her

head　in　lieu　of　a　bonnet；　for　she　knew　that　she　might　have　to　wait

long　in　concealment。　　Then　she　tramped　over　the　wet　fell…path；　shut

in　by　misty　rain　for　miles　and　miles；　till　she　came　to　the　place

where　he　was　lodging；　a　farm…house　in　Langdale；　with　a　steep；　stony

lane　leading　up　to　it：　　this　lane　was　entered　by　a　gate　out　of　the

main　road；　and　by　the　gate　were　a　few　bushesthorns；　but　of　them　the

leaves　had　fallen；　and　they　offered　no　concealment：　　an　old　wreck　of

a　yew…tree　grew　among　them；　however；　and　underneath　that　Susan

cowered　down；　shrouding　her　face；　of　which　the　colour　might　betray

her；　with　a　corner　of　her　shawl。　　Long　did　she　wait；　cold　and　cramped

she　became；　too　damp　and　stiff　to　change　her　posture　readily。　　And

after　all；　he　might　never　come！　　But；　she　would　wait　till　daylight；

if　need　were；　and　she　pulled　out　a　crust；　with　which　she　had

providently　supplied　herself。　　The　rain　had　ceased；a　dull；　still；

brooding　weather　had　succeeded；　it　was　a　night　to　hear　distant

sounds。　　She　heard　horses'　hoofs　striking　and　splashing　in　the

stones；　and　in　the　pools　of　the　road　at　her　back。　　Two　horses；　not

well…ridden；　or　evenly　guided；　as　she　could　tell。



Michael　Hurst　and　a　companion　drew　near：　　not　tipsy；　but　not　sober。

They　stopped　at　the　gate　to　bid　each　other　a　maudlin　farewell。

Michael　stooped　forward　to　catch　the　latch　with　the　hook　of　the　stick

which　he　carried；　he　dropped　the　stick；　and　it　fell　with　one　end

close　to　Susan；indeed；　with　the　slightest　change　of　posture　she

could　have　opened　the　gate　for　him。　　He　swore　a　great　oath；　and

struck　his　horse　with　his　closed　fist；　as　if　that　animal　had　been　to

blame；　then　he　dismounted；　opened　the　gate；　and　fumbled　about　for　his

stick。　　When　he　had　found　it　（Susan　had　touched　the　other　end）　his

first　use　of　it　was　to　flog　his　horse　well；　and　she　had　much　ado　to

avoid　its　kicks　and　plunges。　　Then；　still　swearing；　he　staggered　up

the　lane；　for　it　was　evident　he　was　not　sober　enough　to　remount。



By　daylight　Susan　was　back　and　at　her　daily　labours　at　Yew　Nook。

When　the　spring　came；　Michael　Hurst　was　married　to　Eleanor

Hebthwaite。　　Others；　too；　were　married；　and　christenings　made　their

firesides　merry　and　glad；　or　they　travelled；　and　came　back　after　long

years　with　many　wondrous　tales。　　More　rarely；　perhaps；　a　Dalesman

changed　his　dwelling。　　But　to　all　households　more　change　came　than　to

Yew　Nook。　　There　the　seasons　came　round　with　monotonous　sameness；　or；

if　they　brought　mutation；　it　was　of　a　slow；　and　decaying；　and

depressing　kind。　　Old　Peggy　died。　　Her　silent　sympathy；　concealed

under　much　roughness；　was　a　loss　to　Susan　Dixon。　　Susan　was　not　yet

thirty　when　this　happened；　but　she　looked　a　middle…aged；　not　to　say

an　elderly　woman。　　People　affirmed　that　she　had　never　recovered　her

complexion　since　that　fever；　a　dozen　years　ago；　which　killed　her

father；　and　left　Will　Dixon　an　idiot。　　But　besides　her　gray

sallowness；　the　lines　in　her　face　were　strong；　and　deep；　and　hard。

The　movements　of　her　eyeballs　were　slow　and　heavy；　the　wrinkles　at

the　corners　of　her　mouth　and　eyes　were　planted　firm　and　sure；　not　an

ounce　of　unnecessary　flesh　was　there　on　her　bonesevery　muscle

started　strong　and　ready　for　use。　　She　needed　all　this　bodily

strength；　to　a　degree　that　no　human　creature；　now　Peggy　was　dead；

knew　of：　　for　Willie　had　grown　up　large　and　strong　in　body；　and；　in

general；　docile　enough　in　mind；　but；　every　now　and　then；　he　became

first　moody；　and　then　violent。　　These　paroxysms　lasted　but　a　day　or

two；　and　it　was　Susan's　anxious　care　to　keep　their　very　existence

hidden　and　unknown。　　It　is　true；　that　occasional　passers…by　on　that

lonely　road　heard　sounds　at　night　of　knocking　about　of　furniture；

blows；　and　cries；　as　of　some　tearing　demon　within　the　solitary　farm…

house；　but　these　fits　of　violence　usually　occurred　in　the　night；　and

whatever　had　been　their　consequence；　Susan