burlesques-第74章
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have had a FOURTH standard raised before Parisviz。； that of
Englandbut the garrison proving too strong for them； they were
compelled to lay down their sticks； and； in consideration of past
services； were permitted to leave the forts。 'Twas well for them！
as you shall hear。
The Prince of Ballybunion and the Irish force were quartered in the
fort which； in compliment to them； was called Fort Potato； and
where they made themselves as comfortable as circumstances would
admit。 The Princes had as much brandy as they liked； and passed
their time on the ramparts playing at dice； or pitch…and…toss （with
the halfpenny that one of them somehow had） for vast sums of money；
for which they gave their notes…of…hand。 The warriors of their
legion would stand round delighted； and it was； 〃Musha； Master Dan；
but that's a good throw！〃 〃Good luck to you； Misther Pat； and
throw thirteen this time！〃 and so forth。 But this sort of inaction
could not last long。 They had heard of the treasures amassed in
the palace of the Tuileries： they sighed when they thought of the
lack of bullion in their green and beautiful country。 They panted
for war！ They formed their plan。
CHAPTER VIII。
THE BATTLE OF THE FORTS。
On the morning of the 26th October； 1884； as his Majesty Louis
Philippe was at breakfast reading the Debats newspaper； and wishing
that what the journal said about 〃Cholera Morbus in the Camp of the
Pretender Henri；〃〃Chicken…pox raging in the Forts of the Traitor
Bonaparte；〃might be true； what was his surprise to hear the
report of a gun； and at the same instantwhiz！ came an eighty…
four…pound ball through the window and took off the head of the
faithful Monsieur de Montalivet； who was coming in with a plate of
muffins。
〃Three francs for the window；〃 said the monarch； 〃and the muffins
of course spoiled！〃 and he sat down to breakfast very peevishly。
Ah； King Louis Philippe； that shot cost thee more than a window…
panemore than a plate of muffinsit cost thee a fair kingdom and
fifty millions of tax…payers。
The shot had been fired from Fort Potato。 〃Gracious heavens！〃 said
the commander of the place to the Irish Prince； in a fury； 〃What
has your Highness done？〃 〃Faix；〃 replied the other； 〃Donegal and I
saw a sparrow on the Tuileries； and we thought we'd have a shot at
it； that's all。〃 〃Hurroo！ look out for squalls；〃 here cried the
intrepid Hibernian； for at this moment one of Paixhans' shells fell
into the counterscarp of the demilune on which they were standing；
and sent a ravelin and a couple of embrasures flying about their
ears。
Fort Twenty…three； which held out for Louis Philippe； seeing Fort
Twenty…four； or Potato； open a fire on the Tuileries； instantly
replied by its guns； with which it blazed away at the Bourbonite
fort。 On seeing this； Fort Twenty…two） occupied by the Imperialists；
began pummelling Twenty…three； Twenty…one began at Twenty…two； and
in a quarter of an hour the whole of this vast line of fortification
was in a blaze of flame； flashing； roaring； cannonading； rocketing；
bombing； in the most tremendous manner。 The world has never perhaps；
before or since； heard such an uproar。 Fancy twenty…four thousand
guns thundering at each other。 Fancy the sky red with the fires of
hundreds of thousands of blazing； brazen meteors； the air thick with
impenetrable smokethe universe almost in a flame！ for the noise of
the cannonading was heard on the peaks of the Andes； and broke three
windows in the English factory at Canton。 Boom； boom； boom！
for three days incessantly the giganticI may say； Cyclopean
battle went on： boom； boom； boom； bong！ The air was thick with
cannon…balls： they hurtled； they jostled each other in the heavens；
and fell whizzing； whirling； crashing； back into the very forts
from which they came。 Boom； boom； boom； bongbrrwrrwrrr！
On the second day a band might have been seen （had the smoke
permitted it） assembling at the sally…port of Fort Potato； and have
been heard （if the tremendous clang of the cannonading had allowed
it） giving mysterious signs and countersigns。 〃Tom；〃 was the word
whispered； 〃Steele〃 was the sibilated response。 （It is astonishing
how； in the roar of elements； THE HUMAN WHISPER hisses above all！）
It was the Irish Brigade assembling。 〃Now or never； boys！〃 said
their leaders； and sticking their doodeens into their mouths； they
dropped stealthily into the trenches； heedless of the broken glass
and sword…blades； rose from those trenches； formed in silent order；
and marched to Paris。 They knew they could arrive there unobserved
nobody； indeed； remarked their absence。
The frivolous Parisians were； in the meanwhile； amusing themselves
at their theatres and cafes as usual； and a new piece； in which
Arnal performed； was the universal talk of the foyers： while a new
feuilleton by Monsieur Eugene Sue； kept the attention of the reader
so fascinated to the journal； that they did not care in the least
for the vacarme without the walls。
CHAPTER IX。
LOUIS XVII。
The tremendous cannonading； however； had a singular effect upon the
inhabitants of the great public hospital of Charenton； in which it
may be remembered Louis XVII。 had been； as in mockery； confined。
His majesty of demeanor； his calm deportment； the reasonableness of
his pretensions； had not failed to strike with awe and respect his
four thousand comrades of captivity。 The Emperor of China； the
Princess of the Moon； Julius Caesar； Saint Genevieve； the patron
saint of Paris； the Pope of Rome； the Cacique of Mexico； and
several singular and illustrious personages who happened to be
confined there； all held a council with Louis XVII。； and all agreed
that now or never was the time to support his legitimate pretensions
to the Crown of France。 As the cannons roared around them； they
howled with furious delight in response。 They took counsel
together： Dr。 Pinel and the infamous jailers； who； under the name of
keepers； held them in horrible captivity； were pounced upon and
overcome in a twinkling。 The strait…waistcoats were taken off from
the wretched captives languishing in the dungeons； the guardians
were invested in these shameful garments； and with triumphant
laughter plunged under the Douches。 The gates of the prison were
flung open； and they marched forth in the blackness of the storm！
。 。 。 。 。 。
On the third day； the cannonading was observed to decrease； only a
gun went off fitfully now and then。
。 。 。 。 。 。
On the fourth day； the Parisians said to one another； 〃Tiens！ ils
sont fatigues； les cannoniers des forts！〃and why？ Because there
was no more powder？Ay； truly； there WAS no more powder。
There was no more powder； no more guns； no more gunners； no more
forts； no more nothing。 THE FORTS HAD BLOWN EACH OTHER UP。 The
battle…roar ceased。 The battle…clouds rolled off。 The silver
moon； the twinkling stars； looked blandly down from the serene
azure；and all was peacestillnessthe stillness of death。
Holy； holy silence！
Yes： the battle of Paris was over。 And where were the combatants？
All gonenot one left！And where was Louis Philippe？ The
venerable Prince was a captive in the Tuileries； the Irish Brigade
was encamped around it： they had reached the palace a little too
late； it was already occupied by the partisans of his Majesty Louis
XVII。
That respectable monarch and his followers better knew the way to
the Tuileries than the ignorant sons of Erin。 They burst through
the feeble barriers of the guards； they rushed triumphant into the
kingly halls of the palace； they seated the seventeenth Louis on
the throne of his ancestors； and the Parisians read in the Journal
des Debats； of the fifth of November； an important article； which
proclaimed that the civil war was concluded：
〃The troubles which distracted the greatest empire in the world are
at an end。 Europe； which marked with sorrow the disturbances which
agitated the bosom of the Queen of Nations； the great leader of
Civilization； may now rest in peace。 That monarch whom we have
long been sighing for； whose image has lain hidden； and yet oh！ how
passionately worshipped； in every French heart； is with us once
more。 Blessings be on him； blessingsa thousand blessings upon
the happy country which is at length restored to his beneficent；
his legitimate； his reasonable sway！
〃His Most Christian Majesty Louis XVII。 yesterday arrived at his
palace of the Tulleries； accompanied by his august allies。 His
Royal Highness the Duke of Orleans has resigned his post as
Lieutenant…General of the kingdom； and will return speedily to take
up his abode at the Palais Royal。 It is a great mercy that the
children of his Royal Highness； who happened to be in the late
forts round Paris； （before the bombardment which has so happily
ended in their destruction；） had returned to their father before
the commencement of the cannonading。 They will continue； as
heretofore； to be the most loyal supporters of order and the
throne。
〃None can read without tears in their eyes our august monarch's
proclamation。
〃'Louis； by &c。
〃'My children！ After nine hundred and ninety…nine years of
captivity； I am restored to you。 The cycle of events predicted by
the ancient Magi； and the planetary convolutions mentioned in the
lost Sibylline books； have fulfilled their respective idiosyncrasies；
and ended （as always in the depths of my dungeons I confidently
expected） in the triumph of the good Angel； and the utter
discomfiture of the abominable Blue Dragon。
〃'When the bombarding began； and the powers of darkness commenced
their hellish gunpowder evolutions； I was close byin my palace of
Charenton； three hundred and thirty…three thousand miles off； in
the ring of SaturnI witnessed your misery。 My heart was affected
by it； and I said； 〃Is the multiplication…table a fiction？ are the
signs of the Zodiac mere astronomers' prattle？〃
〃'I clapped chains； shrieking and darkness； on my physician； Dr。
Pinel。 The keepers I shall cause to be roasted alive。 I summoned
my allies round about me。 The high contracting Powers came to my
bidding： monarchs from all parts of the earth； sovereigns from the
Moon and other illumined orbits； the white necromancers； and the
pale imprisoned genii。 I whispered the mystic sign； and the doors
flew open。 We entered Paris in triumph； by the Charenton bridge。
Our luggage was not examined at the Octroi。 The bottle…green ones
were scared at our shouts； and retreated； howling： they knew us；
and trembled。
〃'My faithful Peers and Deputies will rally around me。 I have a
friend in Turkeythe Grand Vizier of the Mussulmans： he was a
Protestant onceLord Brougham by name。 I have sent to him to
legislate for
