burlesques-第41章
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might have carried me； had not at this moment a soldier rushed in；
screaming； 〃The enemy； the enemy！〃
CHAPTER VIII。
THE CAPTIVE。
It was high time； indeed； that I should make my appearance。 Waving
my sword with one hand； and seizing my telescope with the other； I
at once frightened and examined the enemy。 Well they knew when
they saw that flamingo…plume floating in the breezethat awful
figure standing in the breachthat waving war…sword sparkling in
the skywell； I say； they knew the name of the humble individual
who owned the sword； the plume； and the figure。 The ruffians were
mustered in front； the cavalry behind。 The flags were flying； the
drums； gongs； tambourines； violoncellos； and other instruments of
Eastern music； raised in the air a strange； barbaric melody； the
officers （yatabals）； mounted on white dromedaries； were seen
galloping to and fro； carrying to the advancing hosts the orders of
Holkar。
You see that two sides of the fort of Futtyghur （rising as it does
on a rock that is almost perpendicular） are defended by the
Burrumpooter river； two hundred feet deep at this point； and a
thousand yards wide； so that I had no fear about them attacking me
in THAT quarter。 My guns； therefore （with their six…and…thirty
miserable charges of shot） were dragged round to the point at which
I conceived Holkar would be most likely to attack me。 I was in a
situation that I did not dare to fire； except at such times as I
could kill a hundred men by a single discharge of a cannon； so the
attacking party marched and marched； very strongly； about a mile
and a half off； the elephants marching without receiving the
slightest damage from us； until they had come to within four
hundred yards of our walls （the rogues knew all the secrets of our
weakness； through the betrayal of the dastardly Ghorumsaug； or they
never would have ventured so near）。 At that distanceit was about
the spot where the Futtyghur hill began gradually to risethe
invading force stopped； the elephants drew up in a line； at right
angles with our wall （the fools！ they thought they should expose
themselves too much by taking a position parallel to it）； the
cavalry halted too； andafter the deuce's own flourish of trumpets
and banging of gongs； to be sure；somebody； in a flame…colored
satin…dress； with an immense jewel blazing in his pugree （that
looked through my telescope like a small but very bright planet）；
got up from the back of one of the very biggest elephants； and
began a speech。
The elephants were； as I said； in a line formed with admirable
precision； about three hundred of them。 The following little
diagram will explain matters：
__G
｜
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 ｜
E ｜
｜
｜
｜ F
E is the line of elephants。 F is the wall of the fort。 G a gun in
the fort。 NOW the reader will see what I did。
The elephants were standing； their trunks waggling to and fro
gracefully before them； and I； with superhuman skill and activity；
brought the gun G （a devilish long brass gun） to bear upon them。 I
pointed it myself； bang！ it went； and what was the consequence？
Why； this：
X
____________________ ｜__G
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 ｜
E ｜
｜
｜
｜ F
F is the fort； as before。 G is the gun； as before。 E； the
elephants； as we have previously seen them。 What then is X？ X IS
THE LINE TAKEN BY THE BALL FIRED FROM G； which took off ONE HUNDRED
AND THIRTY…FOUR elephants' trunks； and only spent itself in the
tusk of a very old animal； that stood the hundred and thirty…fifth。
I say that such a shot was never fired before or since； that a gun
was never pointed in such a way。 Suppose I had been a common man；
and contented myself with firing bang at the head of the first
animal？ An ass would have done it； prided himself had he hit his
mark； and what would have been the consequence？ Why； that the ball
might have killed two elephants and wounded a third； but here；
probably； it would have stopped； and done no further mischief。 The
TRUNK was the place at which to aim； there are no bones there； and
away； consequently； went the bullet； shearing； as I have said；
through one hundred and thirty…five probosces。 Heavens！ what a
howl there was when the shot took effect！ What a sudden stoppage
of Holkar's speech！ What a hideous snorting of elephants！ What a
rush backwards was made by the whole army； as if some demon was
pursuing them！
Away they went。 No sooner did I see them in full retreat； than；
rushing forward myself； I shouted to my men； 〃My friends； yonder
lies your dinner！〃 We flung open the gateswe tore down to the
spot where the elephants had fallen： seven of them were killed； and
of those that escaped to die of their hideous wounds elsewhere；
most had left their trunks behind them。 A great quantity of them
we seized； and I myself； cutting up with my scimitar a couple of
the fallen animals； as a butcher would a calf； motioned to the men
to take the pieces back to the fort； where barbacued elephant was
served round for dinner； instead of the miserable allowance of an
olive and a glass of wine； which I had promised to my female
friends； in my speech to them。 The animal reserved for the ladies
was a young white onethe fattest and tenderest I ever ate； in my
life： they are very fair eating； but the flesh has an India…rubber
flavor； which； until one is accustomed to it； is unpalatable。
It was well that I had obtained this supply； for； during my absence
on the works； Mrs。 Vandegobbleschroy and one or two others had
forced their way into the supper…room； and devoured every morsel of
the garrison larder； with the exception of the cheeses； the olives；
and the wine； which were locked up in my own apartment； before
which stood a sentinel。 Disgusting Mrs。 Van！ When I heard of her
gluttony； I had almost a mind to eat HER。 However； we made a very
comfortable dinner off the barbacued steaks； and when everybody had
done； had the comfort of knowing that there was enough for one meal
more。
The next day； as I expected； the enemy attacked us in great force；
attempting to escalade the fort； but by the help of my guns； and my
good sword； by the distinguished bravery of Lieutenant Macgillicuddy
and the rest of the garrison； we beat this attack off completely；
the enemy sustaining a loss of seven hundred men。 We were
victorious； but when another attack was made； what were we to do？
We had still a little powder left； but had fired off all the shot；
stones； iron…bars； &c。 in the garrison！ On this day； too； we
devoured the last morsel of our food： I shall never forget Mrs。
Vandegobbleschroy's despairing look； as I saw her sitting alone；
attempting to make some impression on the little white elephant's
roasted tail。
The third day the attack was repeated。 The resources of genius are
never at an end。 Yesterday I had no ammunition； to…day； I
discovered charges sufficient for two guns； and two swivels； which
were much longer； but had bores of about blunderbuss size。
This time my friend Loll Mahommed； who had received； as the reader
may remember； such a bastinadoing for my sake； headed the attack。
The poor wretch could not walk； but he was carried in an open
palanquin； and came on waving his sword； and cursing horribly in
his Hindustan jargon。 Behind him came troops of matchlock…men； who
picked off every one of our men who showed their noses above the
ramparts： and a great host of blackamoors with scaling…ladders；
bundles to fill the ditch； fascines； gabions； culverins； demilunes；
counterscarps； and all the other appurtenances of offensive war。
On they came： my guns and men were ready for them。 You will ask
how my pieces were loaded？ I answer； that though my garrison were
without food； I knew my duty as an officer； and had put the two
Dutch cheeses into the two guns； and had crammed the contents of a
bottle of olives into each swivel。
They advanced；whish！ went one of the Dutch cheeses；bang！ went
the other。 Alas！ they did little execution。 In their first
contact with an opposing body； they certainly floored it but they
became at once like so much Welsh…rabbit； and did no execution
beyond the man whom they struck down。
〃Hogree； pogree； wongree…fum （praise to Allah and the forty…nine
Imaums！）〃 shouted out the ferocious Loll Mahommed when he saw the
failure of my shot。 〃Onward； sons of the Prophet！ the infidel has
no more ammunition。 A hundred thousand lakhs of rupees to the man
who brings me Gahagan's head！〃
His men set up a shout； and rushed forwardhe； to do him justice；
was at the very head； urging on his own palanquin…bearers； and
poking them with the tip of his scimitar。 They came panting up the
hill： I was black with rage； but it was the cold； concentrated rage
of despair。 〃Macgillicuddy；〃 said I； calling that faithful
officer； 〃you know where the barrels of powder are？〃 He did。 〃You
know the use to make of them？〃 He did。 He grasped my hand。
〃Goliah；〃 said he； 〃farewell！ I swear that the fort shall be in
atoms； as soon as yonder unbelievers have carried it。 Oh； my poor
mother！〃 added the gallant youth； as sighing； yet fearless； he
retired to his post。
I gave one thought to my blessed； my beautiful Belinda； and then；
stepping into the front； took down one of the swivels；a shower of
matchlock balls came whizzing round my head。 I did not heed them。
I took the swivel； and aimed coolly。 Loll Mahommed； his palanquin；
and his men； were now not above two hundred yards from the fort。
Loll was straight before me； gesticulating and shouting to his men。
I firedbang！ ！ ！
I aimed so true； that one hundred and seventeen best Spanish olives
were lodged in a lump in the face of the unhappy Loll Mahommed。
The wretch； uttering a yell the most hideous and unearthly I ever
heard； fell back dead； the frightened bearers flung down the
palanquin and ranthe whole host ran as one man： their screams
might be heard for leagues。 〃Tomasha； tomasha；〃 they cried； 〃it is
enchantment！〃 Away they fled； and the victory a third time was
ours。 Soon as the fight was done； I flew back to my Belinda。 We
had eaten nothing for twenty…four hours； but I forgot hunger in the
thought of once more beholding HER！
The sweet soul turned towards me with a sickly smile as I entered；
and almost fainted in my arms； but alas！ it was not love which
caused in her bosom an emotion so strongit was hunger！ 〃Oh！ my
Goliah；〃 whispered she； 〃for three days I have no
