burlesques-第34章

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an　officer　without　a　lance；　he　had　fired　both　his　pistols　at　me；

and　was　twenty　yards　in　advance　of　his　comrades；　there　was　a

similar　distance　between　the　two　lancers　who　rode　behind　him。　　I

determined　then　to　wait　for　No。　1；　and　as　he　came　up　delivered　cut

3　at　his　horse's　near　legoff　it　flew；　and　down；　as　I　expected；

went　horse　and　man。　　I　had　hardly　time　to　pass　my　sword　through　my

prostrate　enemy；　when　No。　2　was　upon　me。　　If　I　could　but　get　that

fellow's　horse；　thought　I；　I　am　safe；　and　I　executed　at　once　the

plan　which　I　hoped　was　to　effect　my　rescue。



I　had；　as　I　said；　left　the　podesta　with　Sheeny's　portmanteau；　and；

unwilling　to　part　with　some　of　the　articles　it　containedsome

shirts；　a　bottle　of　whiskey；　a　few　cakes　of　Windsor　soap；　&c。　&c。；

I　had　carried　it　thus　far　on　my　shoulders；　but　now　was　compelled

to　sacrifice　it　malgre　moi。　　As　the　lancer　came　up；　I　dropped　my

sword　from　my　right　hand；　and　hurled　the　portmanteau　at　his　head；

with　aim　so　true；　that　he　fell　back　on　his　saddle　like　a　sack；　and

thus　when　the　horse　galloped　up　to　me；　I　had　no　difficulty　in

dismounting　the　rider：　the　whiskey…bottle　struck　him　over　his　right

eye；　and　he　was　completely　stunned。　　To　dash　him　from　the　saddle

and　spring　myself　into　it；　was　the　work　of　a　moment；　indeed；　the

two　combats　had　taken　place　in　about　a　fifth　part　of　the　time　which

it　has　taken　the　reader　to　peruse　the　description。　　But　in　the

rapidity　of　the　last　encounter；　and　the　mounting　of　my　enemy's

horse；　I　had　committed　a　very　absurd　oversightI　was　scampering

away　WITHOUT　MY　SWORD！　　What　was　I　to　do？to　scamper　on；　to　be

sure；　and　trust　to　the　legs　of　my　horse　for　safety！



The　lancer　behind　me　gained　on　me　every　moment；　and　I　could　hear

his　horrid　laugh　as　he　neared　me。　　I　leaned　forward　jockey…fashion

in　my　saddle；　and　kicked；　and　urged；　and　flogged　with　my　hand；　but

all　in　vain。　　Closercloserthe　point　of　his　lance　was　within　two

feet　of　my　back。　　Ah！　ah！　he　delivered　the　point；　and　fancy　my

agony　when　I　felt　it　enterthrough　exactly　fifty…nine　pages　of　the

New　Monthly　Magazine。　　Had　it　not　been　for　that　Magazine；　I　should

have　been　impaled　without　a　shadow　of　a　doubt。　　Was　I　wrong　in

feeling　gratitude？　　Had　I　not　cause　to　continue　my　contributions　to

that　periodical？



When　I　got　safe　into　Morella；　along　with　the　tail　of　the　sallying

party；　I　was　for　the　first　time　made　acquainted　with　the　ridiculous

result　of　the　lancer's　thrust　（as　he　delivered　his　lance；　I　must

tell　you　that　a　ball　came　whiz　over　my　head　from　our　fellows；　and

entering　at　his　nose；　put　a　stop　to　HIS　lancing　for　the　future）。　　I

hastened　to　Cabrera's　quarter；　and　related　to　him　some　of　my

adventures　during　the　day。



〃But；　General；〃　said　he；　〃you　are　standing。　　I　beg　you　chiudete

l'uscio　（take　a　chair）。〃



I　did　so；　and　then　for　the　first　time　was　aware　that　there　was　some

foreign　substance　in　the　tail　of　my　coat；　which　prevented　my

sitting　at　ease。　　I　drew　out　the　Magazine　which　I　had　seized；　and

there；　to　my　wonder；　DISCOVERED　THE　CHRISTINO　LANCE　twisted　up　like

a　fish…hook；　or　a　pastoral　crook。



〃Ha！　ha！　ha！〃　said　Cabrera　（who　is　a　notorious　wag）。



〃Valdepenas　madrilenos；〃　growled　out　Tristany。



〃By　my　cachuca　di　caballero　（upon　my　honor　as　a　gentleman）；〃

shrieked　out　Ros　d'Eroles；　convulsed　with　laughter；　〃I　will　send　it

to　the　Bishop　of　Leon　for　a　crozier。〃



〃Gahagan　has　CONSECRATED　it；〃　giggled　out　Ramon　Cabrera；　and　so

they　went　on　with　their　muchacas　for　an　hour　or　more。　　But；　when

they　heard　that　the　means　of　my　salvation　from　the　lance　of　the

scoundrelly　Christino　had　been　the　Magazine　containing　my　own

history；　their　laugh　was　changed　into　wonder。　　I　read　them

（speaking　Spanish　more　fluently　than　English）　every　word　of　my

story。　　〃But　how　is　this？〃　said　Cabrera。　　〃You　surely　have　other

adventures　to　relate？〃



〃Excellent　Sir；〃　said　I；　〃I　have；〃　and　that　very　evening；　as　we　sat

over　our　cups　of　tertullia　（sangaree）；　I　continued　my　narrative　in

nearly　the　following　words：



〃I　left　off　in　the　very　middle　of　the　battle　of　Delhi；　which　ended；

as　everybody　knows；　in　the　complete　triumph　of　the　British　arms。

But　who　gained　the　battle？　　Lord　Lake　is　called　Viscount　Lake　of

Delhi　and　Laswaree；　while　Major　Gahanonsense；　never　mind　HIM；

never　mind　the　charge　he　executed　when；　sabre　in　hand；　he　leaped

the　six…foot　wall　in　the　mouth　of　the　roaring　cannon；　over　the

heads　of　the　gleaming　pikes；　when；　with　one　hand　seizing　the　sacred

peishcush；　or　fishwhich　was　the　banner　always　borne　before

Scindiah；he；　with　his　good　sword；　cut　off　the　trunk　of　the　famous

white　elephant；　which；　shrieking　with　agony；　plunged　madly　into　the

Mahratta　ranks；　followed　by　his　giant　brethren；　tossing；　like　chaff

before　the　wind；　the　affrighted　kitmatgars。　　He；　meanwhile；　now

plunging　into　the　midst　of　a　battalion　of　consomahs；　now　cleaving

to　the　chine　a　screaming　and　ferocious　bobbachee；*　rushed　on；　like

the　simoom　across　the　red　Zaharan　plain；　killing　with　his　own　hand；

a　hundred　and　forty…thrbut　never　mind'ALONE　HE　DID　IT；'

sufficient　be　it　for　him；　however；　that　the　victory　was　won：　he

cares　not　for　the　empty　honors　which　were　awarded　to　more　fortunate

men！





*　The　double…jointed　camel　of　Bactria；　which　the　classic　reader　may

recollect　is　mentioned　by　Suidas　（in　his　Commentary　on　the　Flight

of　Darius）；　is　so　called　by　the　Mahrattas。





〃We　marched　after　the　battle　to　Delhi；　where　poor　blind　old　Shah

Allum　received　us；　and　bestowed　all　kinds　of　honors　and　titles　on

our　General。　　As　each　of　the　officers　passed　before　him；　the　Shah

did　not　fail　to　remark　my　person；*　and　was　told　my　name。





*　There　is　some　trifling　inconsistency　on　the　Major's　part。　　Shah

Allum　was　notoriously　blind：　how；　then；　could　he　have　seen　Gahagan？

The　thing　is　manifestly　impossible。





〃Lord　Lake　whispered　to　him　my　exploits；　and　the　old　man　was　so

delighted　with　the　account　of　my　victory　over　the　elephant　（whose

trunk　I　use　to　this　day）；　that　he　said；　'Let　him　be　called

GUJPUTI；'　or　the　lord　of　elephants；　and　Gujputi　was　the　name　by

which　I　was　afterwards　familiarly　known　among　the　natives；the

men；　that　is。　　The　women　had　a　softer　appellation　for　me；　and

called　me　'Mushook；'　or　charmer。



〃Well；　I　shall　not　describe　Delhi；　which　is　doubtless　well　known　to

the　reader；　nor　the　siege　of　Agra；　to　which　place　we　went　from

Delhi；　nor　the　terrible　day　at　Laswaree；　which　went　nigh　to　finish

the　war。　　Suffice　it　to　say　that　we　were　victorious；　and　that　I　was

wounded；　as　I　have　invariably　been　in　the　two　hundred　and　four

occasions　when　I　have　found　myself　in　action。　　One　point；　however；

became　in　the　course　of　this　campaign　QUITE　evidentTHAT　SOMETHING

MUST　BE　DONE　FOR　GAHAGAN。　　The　country　cried　shame；　the　King's

troops　grumbled；　the　sepoys　openly　murmured　that　their　Gujputi　was

only　a　lieutenant；　when　he　had　performed　such　signal　services。

What　was　to　be　done？　　Lord　Wellesley　was　in　an　evident　quandary。

'Gahagan；'　wrote　he；　'to　be　a　subaltern　is　evidently　not　your　fate

YOU　WERE　BORN　FOR　COMMAND；　but　Lake　and　General　Wellesley　are　good

officers；　they　cannot　be　turned　outI　must　make　a　post　for　you。

What　say　you；　my　dear　fellow；　to　a　corps　of　IRREGULAR　HORSE？'



〃It　was　thus　that　the　famous　corps　of　AHMEDNUGGAR　IRREGULARS　had

its　origin；　a　guerilla　force；　it　is　true；　but　one　which　will　long

be　remembered　in　the　annals　of　our　Indian　campaigns。



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



〃As　the　commander　of　this　regiment；　I　was　allowed　to　settle　the

uniform　of　the　corps；　as　well　as　to　select　recruits。　　These　were

not　wanting　as　soon　as　my　appointment　was　made　known；　but　came

flocking　to　my　standard　a　great　deal　faster　than　to　the　regular

corps　in　the　Company's　service。　　I　had　European　officers；　of

course；　to　command　them；　and　a　few　of　my　countrymen　as　sergeants；

the　rest　were　all　natives；　whom　I　chose　of　the　strongest　and

bravest　men　in　India；　chiefly　Pitans；　Afghans；　Hurrumzadehs；　and

Calliawns：　for　these　are　well　known　to　be　the　most　warlike

districts　of　our　Indian　territory。



〃When　on　parade　and　in　full　uniform　we　made　a　singular　and　noble

appearance。　　I　was　always　fond　of　dress；　and；　in　this　instance；

gave　a　carte　blanche　to　my　taste；　and　invented　the　most　splendid

costume　that　ever　perhaps　decorated　a　soldier。　　I　am；　as　I　have

stated　already；　six　feet　four　inches　in　height；　and　of　matchless

symmetry　and　proportion。　　My　hair　and　beard　are　of　the　most

brilliant　auburn；　so　bright　as　scarcely　to　be　distinguished　at　a

distance　from　scarlet。　　My　eyes　are　bright　blue；　overshadowed　by

bushy　eyebrows　of　the　color　of　my　hair；　and　a　terrific　gash　of　the

deepest　purple；　which　goes　over　the　forehead；　the　eyelid；　and　the

cheek；　and　finishes　at　the　ear；　gives　my　face　a　more　strictly

military　appearance　than　can　be　conceived。　　When　I　have　been

drinking　（as　is　pretty　often　the　case）　this　gash　becomes　ruby

bright；　and　as　I　have　another　which　took　off　a　piece　of　my　under…

lip；　and　shows　five　of　my　front　teeth；　I　leave　you　to　imagine　that

'seldom　lighted　on　the　earth'　（as　the　monster　Burke　remarked　of　one

of　his　unhappy　victims）；　'a　more　extraordinary　vision。'　　I　improved

these　natural　advantages；　and；　while　in　cantonment　during　the　hot

winds　at　Chittybobbary；　allowed　my　hair　to　grow　very　long；　as　did

my　beard；　which　reached　to　my　waist。　　It　took　me　two　hours　daily　to

curl　my　hair　in　ten　thousand　little　cork…screw　ringlets；　which

waved　over　my　shoulders；　and　to　get　my　moustaches　well　round　to　the

corners　of　my　eyelids。　　I　dressed　in　loose　scarlet　trousers　and　red

morocco　boots；　a　scarlet　jacket；　and　a　shawl　of　the　same　color

round　my　waist；　a　scarlet　turban　three　feet　high；　and　decorated

with　a　tuft　of　the　scarlet　feathers　of　the　flamingo；　formed　my

head…dress；　and　I　did　not　allow　myself　a　single　ornament；　except　a

small　silver　skull　and　crossbones　in　front　of　my　turban。　　Two　brace

of　pistols；　a　Malay　creese；　and　a　tulwar；　sharp　on　both　sides；　and

very　nearly　six　feet　in　length；　completed　this　elegant　costume。　　My

two　flags　were　each　surmounted　with　a　red　skull　and　cross…bones；

and　ornamented；　one　with　a　black；　and　the　other　with　a　red　beard

（of　enormous　length；　taken　from　men　slain　in　battle　by　me）。　　On　one

flag　were　of　course　the　arms　of　John　Company；　on　the　other；　an

image　of　myself　bestriding　a　prostrate　elephant；　with　the　simple

word；　'Gujputi'　written　underneath　in　the　Nagaree；　Persian；　and

Sanscrit　characters。　　I　rode　my　black　horse；　and　looked；　by　the

immortal　gods；　like　Mars。　　To　me　might　be　applied　the　words　which

were　written　concerning　handsome　General　Webb；　in　Marlborough's

time：





　　　　〃'To　noble　danger　he　conducts　the　way；

　　　　　　His　great　example　all　his　troop　obey；

　　　　　　Before　the　front　the　Major　sternly　rides；

　　　　　　With　such　an　air　as　Mars　to　battle　strides。

　　　　　　Propitious　heaven　must　su