burlesques-第24章

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chaps；　but　the　ideer　of　Southdown　in　a　shoot　of　armer；　and　his

cuttin　hoff　his　'strong　right　hand；'　is　rayther　too　good；　the

feller　is　about　5　fit　hi；as　ricketty　as　a　babby；　with　a　vaist

like　a　gal；　and　though　he　may　have　the　art　and　curridge　of　a　Bengal

tyger；　I'd　back　my　smallest　cab…boy　to　lick　him；that　is；　if　I　AD

a　cab…boy。　　But　io！　MY　cab…days　is　over。



〃Be　still　my　hagnizing　Art！　　I　now　am　about　to　hunfoald　the　dark

payges　of　the　Istry　of　my　life！〃





〃My　friends！　you've　seen　me　ither2　in　the　full　kerear　of　Fortn；

prawsprus　but　not　hover　prowd　of　my　prawsperraty；　not　dizzy　though

mounted　on　the　haypix　of　Good　Luckfeasting　hall　the　great　（like

the　Good　Old　Henglish　Gent　in　the　song；　which　he　has　been　my　moddle

and　igsample　through　life）；　but　not　forgitting　the　smallNo；　my

beayvior　to　my　granmother　at　Healing　shows　that。　　I　bot　her　a　new

donkey　cart　（what　the　French　call　a　cart…blansh）　and　a　handsome　set

of　peggs　for　anging　up　her　linning；　and　treated　Huncle　Bill　to　a

new　shoot　of　close；　which　he　ordered　in　St。　Jeames's　Street；　much

to　the　estonishment　of　my　Snyder　there；　namely　an　olliffgreen

velvyteen　jackit　and　smalclose；　and　a　crimsn　plush　weskoat　with

glas…buttns。　　These　pints　of　genarawsaty　in　my　disposishn　I　never

should　have　eluded　to；　but　to　show　that　I　am　naturally　of　a　noble

sort；　and　have　that　kind　of　galliant　carridge　which　is　equel　to

either　good　or　bad　forting。



〃What　was　the　substns　of　my　last　chapter？　　In　that　everythink　was

prepayred　for　my　marridgethe　consent　of　the　parents　of　my

Hangelina　was　gaynd；　the　lovely　gal　herself　was　ready　（as　I

thought）　to　be　led　to　Himing's　halterthe　trooso　was　horderedthe

wedding　dressis　were　being　phitted　hona　weddinkake　weighing　half

a　tunn　was　a　gettn　reddy　by　Mesurs　Gunter　of　Buckley　Square；　there

was　such　an　account　for　Shantilly　and　Honiton　laces　as　would　have

staggerd　hennyboddy　（I　know　they　did　the　Commissioner　when　I　came

hup　for　my　Stiffikit）；　and　has　for　Injar…shawls　I　bawt　a　dozen　sich

fine　ones　as　never　was　given　awayno　not　by　Hiss　Iness　the　Injan

Prins　Juggernaut　Tygore。　　The　juils　（a　pearl　and　dimind　shoot）　were

from　the　establishmint　of　Mysurs　Storr　and　Mortimer。　　The　honey…

moon　I　intended　to　pass　in　a　continentle　excussion；　and　was　in

treaty　for　the　ouse　at　Halberd…gate　（hopsit　Mr。　Hudson's）　as　my

town…house。　　I　waited　to　cumclude　the　putchis　untle　the　Share…

Markit　which　was　rayther　deprest　（oing　I　think　not　so　much　to　the

atax　of　the　misrable　Times　as　to　the　prodidjus　flams　of　the　Morning

Erald）　was　restored　to　its　elthy　toan。　　I　wasn't　goin　to　part　with

scrip　which　was　20　primmium　at　2　or　3：　and　bein　confidnt　that　the

Markit　would　rally；　had　bought　very　largely　for　the　two　or　three

new　accounts。



〃This　will　explane　to　those　unfortnight　traydsmen　to　womb　I　gayv

orders　for　a　large　igstent　ow　it　was　that　I　couldn't　pay　their

accounts。　　I　am　the　soal　of　onourbut　no　gent　can　pay　when　he　has

no　moneyit's　not　MY　fault　if　that　old　screw　Lady　Bareacres

cabbidged　three　hundred　yards　of　lace；　and　kep　back　4　of　the

biggest　diminds　and　seven　of　the　largist　Injar　Shawlsit's　not　MY

fault　if　the　tradespeople　didn　git　their　goods　back；　and　that　Lady

B。　declared　they　were　LOST。　　I　began　the　world　afresh　with　the

close　on　my　back；　and　thirteen　and　six　in　money；　concealing

nothink；　giving　up　heverythink；　Onist　and　undismayed；　and　though

beat；　with　pluck　in　me　still；　and　ready　to　begin　agin。



〃Wellit　was　the　day　before　that　apinted　for　my　Unium。　　The

'Ringdove'　steamer　was　lying　at　Dover　ready　to　carry　us　hoff。　　The

Bridle　apartmince　had　been　hordered　at　Salt　Hill；　and　subsquintly

at　Balong　sur　Marethe　very　table　cloth　was　laid　for　the　weddn

brexfst　in　Ill　Street；　and　the　Bride's　Right　Reverend　Huncle；　the

Lord　Bishop　of　Bullocksmithy；　had　arrived　to　sellabrayt　our　unium。

All　the　papers　were　full　of　it。　　Crowds　of　the　fashnable　world　went

to　see　the　trooso；　and　admire　the　Carridges　in　Long　Hacre。　　Our

travleng　charrat　（light　bloo　lined　with　pink　satting；　and

vermillium　and　goold　weals）　was　the　hadmaration　of　all　for　quiet

ellygns。　　We　were　to　travel　only　4；　viz。　me；　my　lady；　my　vally；　and

Mary　Hann　as　famdyshamber　to　my　Hangelina。　　Far　from　oposing　our

match；　this　worthy　gal　had　quite　givn　into　it　of　late；　and　laught

and　joakt；　and　enjoyd　our　plans　for　the　fewter　igseedinkly。



〃I'd　left　my　lovely　Bride　very　gay　the　night　beforeaving　a

multachewd　of　bisniss　on；　and　Stockbrokers'　and　bankers'　accounts

to　settle：　atsettrey　atsettrey。　　It　was　layt　before　I　got　these　in

horder：　my　sleap　was　feavrish；　as　most　mens　is　when　they　are　going

to　be　marrid　or　to　be　hanged。　　I　took　my　chocklit　in　bed　about　one：

tride　on　my　wedding　close；　and　found　as　ushle　that　they　became　me

exeedingly。



〃One　thing　distubbed　my　mindtwo　weskts　had　been　sent　home。　　A

blush…white　satting　and　gold；　and　a　kinary　colored　tabbinet

imbridered　in　silver：　which　should　I　wear　on　the　hospicious　day？

This　hadgitated　and　perplext　me　a　good　deal。　　I　detummined　to　go

down　to　Hill　Street　and　cumsult　the　Lady　whose　wishis　were

henceforth　to　be　my　HALLINALL；　and　wear　whichever　SHE　phixt　on。



〃There　was　a　great　bussel　and　distubbans　in　the　Hall　in　Ill　Street：

which　I　etribyouted　to　the　eproaching　event。　　The　old　porter　stared

meost　uncommon　when　I　kem　inthe　footman　who　was　to　enounce　me

laft　I　thoughtI　was　going　up　stairs



〃'Her　ladyship's　notnot　at　HOME；'　says　the　man；　'and　my　lady's

hill　in　bed。'



〃'Git　lunch；'　says　I；　'I'll　wait　till　Lady　Hangelina　returns。'



〃At　this　the　feller　loox　at　me　for　a　momint　with　his　cheex　blown

out　like　a　bladder；　and　then　busts　out　in　a　reglar　guffau！　the

porter　jined　in　it；　the　impident　old　raskle：　and　Thomas　says；

slapping　his　and　on　his　thy；　without　the　least　respectI　say；

Huffy；　old　boy！　ISN'T　this　a　good　un？'



〃'Wadyermean；　you　infunnle　scoundrel；'　says　I；　'hollaring　and

laffing　at　me？'



〃'Oh；　here's　Miss　Mary　Hann　coming　up；'　says　Thomas；　'ask　HER'and

indeed　there　came　my　little　Mary　Hann　tripping　down　the　stairsher

&s　in　her　pockits；　and　when　she　saw　me；　SHE　began　to　blush　and　look

hod　&　then　to　grin　too。



〃'In　the　name　of　Imperence；'　says　I；　rushing　on　Thomas；　and

collaring　him　fit　to　throttle　him'no　raskle　of　a　flunky　shall

insult　ME；'　and　I　sent　him　staggerin　up　aginst　the　porter；　and　both

of　'em　into　the　hall…chair　with　a　floppwhen　Mary　Hann；　jumping

down；　says；　'O　James！　　O　Mr。　Plush！　read　this'and　she　pulled　out

a　billy　doo。



〃I　reckanized　the　and…writing　of　Hangelina。〃





〃Deseatful　Hangelina's　billy　ran　as　follows：



〃'I　had　all　along　hoped　that　you　would　have　relinquished

pretensions　which　you　must　have　seen　were　so　disagreeable　to　me；

and　have　spared　me　the　painful　necessity　of　the　step　which　I　am

compelled　to　take。　　For　a　long　time　I　could　not　believe　my　parents

were　serious　in　wishing　to　sacrifice　me；　but　have　in　vain　entreated

them　to　spare　me。　　I　cannot　undergo　the　shame　and　misery　of　a　union

with　you。　　To　the　very　last　hour　I　remonstrated　in　vain；　and　only

now　anticipate　by　a　few　hours；　my　departure　from　a　home　from　which

they　themselves　were　about　to　expel　me。



〃'When　you　receive　this；　I　shall　be　united　to　the　person　to　whom；

as　you　are　aware；　my　heart　was　given　long　ago。　　My　parents　are

already　informed　of　the　step　I　have　taken。　　And　I　have　my　own　honor

to　consult；　even　before　their　benefit：　they　will　forgive　me；　I　hope

and　feel；　before　long。



〃'As　for　yourself；　may　I　not　hope　that　time　will　calm　your

exquisite　feelings　too？　　I　leave　Mary　Ann　behind　me　to　console　you。

She　admires　you　as　you　deserve　to　be　admired；　and　with　a　constancy

which　I　entreat　you　to　try　and　imitate。　　Do；　my　dear　Mr。　Plush；

tryfor　the　sake　of　your　sincere　friend　and　admirer；　A。



〃'P。S。　　I　leave　the　wedding…dresses　behind　for　her：　the　diamonds

are　beautiful；　and　will　become　Mrs。　Plush　admirably。'





〃This　was　hall！Confewshn！　　And　there　stood　the　footmen　sniggerin；

and　that　hojus　Mary　Hann　half　a　cryin；　half　a　laffing　at　me！　　'Who

has　she　gone　hoff　with？'　rors　I；　and　Mary　Hann　（smiling　with　one

hi）　just　touched　the　top　of　one　of　the　Johns'　canes　who　was　goin

out　with　the　noats　to　put　hoff　the　brekfst。　　It　was　Silvertop　then！



〃I　bust　out　of　the　house　in　a　stayt　of　diamoniacal　igsitement！



〃The　stoary　of　that　ilorpmint　I　have　no　art　to　tell。　　Here　it　is

from　the　Morning　Tatler　newspaper：





〃ELOPEMENT　IN　HIGH　LIFE。



〃THE　ONLY　AUTHENTIC　ACCOUNT。



〃The　neighborhood　of　Berkeley　Square；　and　the　whole　fashionable

world；　has　been　thrown　into　a　state　of　the　most　painful　excitement

by　an　event　which　has　just　placed　a　noble　family　in　great

perplexity　and　affliction。



〃It　has　long　been　known　among　the　select　nobility　and　gentry　that　a

marriage　was　on　the　tapis　between　the　only　daughter　of　a　Noble

Earl；　and　a　Gentleman　whose　rapid　fortunes　in　the　railway　world

have　been　the　theme　of　general　remark。　　Yesterday's　paper；　it　was

supposed；　in　all　human　probability　would　have　contained　an　account

of　the　marriage　of　James　De　la　Pl…che；　Esq。；　and　the　Lady　Angelina

；　daughter　of　the　Right　honorable　the　Earl　of　B…re…cres。　　The

preparations　for　this　ceremony　were　complete：　we　had　the　pleasure

of　inspecting　the　rich　trousseau　（prepared　by　Miss　Twiddler；　of

Pall　Mall）；　the　magnificent　jewels　from　the　establishment　of

Messrs。　Storr　and　Mortimer；　the　elegant　marriage　cake；　which；

already　cut　up　and　portioned；　is；　alas！　not　destined　to　be　eaten　by

the　friends　of　Mr。　De　la　Pl…che；　the　superb　carriages；　and

magnificent　liveries；　which　had　been　provided　in　a　style　of　the

most　lavish　yet　tasteful　sumptuosity。　　The　Right　Reverend　the　Lord

Bishop　of　Bullocksmithy　had　arrived　in　town　to　celebrate　the

nuptials；　and　is　staying　at　Mivart's。　　What　must　have　been　the

feelings　of　that　venerable　prelate；　what　those　of　the　agonized　and

noble　parents　of　the　Lady　Angelinawhen　it　was　discovered；　on　the

day　previous　to　the　wedding；　that　her　Ladyship　had　fled　the

paternal　mansion！　　To　the　venerable　Bishop　the　news　of　his　noble

niece's　departure　might　have　been　fatal：　we　have　it　from　the

waiters　of　Mivart's　that　his　Lordship　was　about　to　indulge　in　the

refreshment　of　turtle　soup　when　the　news　was　brought　to　him；

immediate　apoplexy　was　apprehended；　but　Mr。　Macann；　the　celebrated

surgeon　of　Westminster；　was　luckily　passing　through　Bond　Street　at

the　time；　and　being　promptly　called　in；　bled　and　relieved　the

exemplary　patient。　　His　Lordship　will　return　to　the　Palace；

Bullocksmithy；　tomorrow。



〃The　frantic　agonies　of　the　Right　Honorable　the　Earl　of　Bareacres

can　be　imagined　by　every　paternal　heart。　　Far　be　it　from　us　to

disturbimpossible　is　it　for　us　to　describe　their　noble　sorrow。

Our　reporters　have　made　inquiries　every　ten　minutes　at　the　Earl's

mansion　in　Hill　Street；　regarding　the　health　of　the　Noble　Peer　and

his　incomparable　Countess。　　They　have　been　re