burlesques-第17章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
maker and the weapon。 〃One； two； THREE；〃 cried O'Tool； and the two
pistols went off at that instant； and uttering a terrific curse；
the Lifeguardsman；' &c。A sentence of this nature from your pen；
my dear Snooks； would； I should think； bring a case of pistols and
a double…barrelled gun to your lodgings； and； though heaven forbid
you should use such weapons； you might sell them； you know； and we
could make merry with the proceeds。
〃If my hint is of any use to you； it is quite at your service； dear
Snooks； and should anything come of it； I hope you will remember
your friend。〃
THE DIARY OF C。 JEAMES DE LA PLUCHE； ESQ。；
WITH HIS LETTERS。
A LUCKY SPECULATOR。
〃Considerable sensation has been excited in the upper and lower
circles in the West End； by a startling piece of good fortune which
has befallen James Plush； Esq。； lately footman in a respected
family in Berkeley Square。
〃One day last week； Mr。 James waited upon his master； who is a
banker in the City； and after a little blushing and hesitation；
said he had saved a little money in service； was anxious to retire；
and to invest his savings to advantage。
〃His master （we believe we may mention； without offending delicacy；
the well…known name of Sir George Flimsy； of the house of Flimsy；
Diddler； and Flash；） smilingly asked Mr。 James what was the amount
of his savings； wondering considerably how； out of an income of
thirty guineasthe main part of which he spent in bouquets； silk
stockings； and perfumeryMr。 Plush could have managed to lay by
anything。
〃Mr。 Plush； with some hesitation； said he had been SPECULATING IN
RAILROADS； and stated his winnings to have been thirty thousand
pounds。 He had commenced his speculations with twenty； borrowed
from a fellow…servant。 He had dated his letters from the house in
Berkeley Square； and humbly begged pardon of his master for not
having instructed the Railway Secretaries who answered his
applications to apply at the area…bell。
〃Sir George； who was at breakfast； instantly rose； and shook Mr。 P。
by the hand； Lady Flimsy begged him to be seated； and partake of
the breakfast which he had laid on the table； and has subsequently
invited him to her grand dejeuner at Richmond； where it was
observed that Miss Emily Flimsy； her beautiful and accomplished
seventh daughter； paid the lucky gentleman MARKED ATTENTION。
〃We hear it stated that Mr。 P。 is of a very ancient family （Hugo de
la Pluche came over with the Conqueror）； and the new brougham which
he has started bears the ancient coat of his race。
〃He has taken apartments in the Albany； and is a director of
thirty…three railroads。 He proposes to stand for Parliament at the
next general election on decidedly conservative principles； which
have always been the politics of his family。
〃Report says； that even in his humble capacity Miss Emily Flimsy
had remarked his high demeanor。 Well； 'None but the brave；' say
we； 'deserve the fair。'〃Morning Paper。
This announcement will explain the following lines； which have been
put into our box* with a West End post…mark。 If； as we believe；
they are written by the young woman from whom the Millionnaire
borrowed the sum on which he raised his fortune； what heart will
not melt with sympathy at her tale； and pity the sorrows which she
expresses in such artless language？
If it be not too late； if wealth have not rendered its possessor
callous； if poor Maryanne BE STILL ALIVE； we trust； we trust； Mr。
Plush will do her justice。
* The letter…box of Mr。 Punch； in whose columns these papers were
first published。
〃JEAMES OF BUCKLEY SQUARE。
〃A HELIGY。
〃Come all ye gents vot cleans the plate；
Come all ye ladies maids so fair
Vile I a story vill relate
Of cruel Jeames of Buckley Square。
A tighter lad； it is confest；
Neer valked with powder in his air；
Or vore a nosegay in his breast；
Than andsum Jeames of Buckley Square。
〃O Evns！ it vas the best of sights；
Behind his Master's coach and pair；
To see our Jeames in red plush tights；
A driving hoff from Buckley Square。
He vel became his hagwilletts；
He cocked his at with SUCH a hair；
His calves and viskers VAS such pets；
That hall loved Jeames of Buckley Square。
〃He pleased the hup…stairs folks as vell；
And o！ I vithered vith despair；
Missis VOULD ring the parler bell；
And call up Jeames in Buckley Square。
Both beer and sperrits he abhord；
（Sperrits and beer I can't a bear；）
You would have thought he vas a lord
Down in our All in Buckley Square。
〃Last year he visper'd 'Mary Ann；
Ven I've an under'd pound to spare；
To take a public is my plan；
And leave this hojous Buckley Square。'
O how my gentle heart did bound；
To think that I his name should bear。
'Dear Jeames。' says I； 'I've twenty pound；
And gev them him in Buckley Square。
〃Our master vas a City gent；
His name's in railroads everywhere；
And lord； vot lots of letters vent
Betwigst his brokers and Buckley Square：
My Jeames it was the letters took；
And read them all； （I think it's fair；）
And took a leaf from Master's book；
As HOTHERS do in Buckley Square。
Encouraged with my twenty pound；
Of which poor I was unavare；
He wrote the Companies all round；
And signed hisself from Buckley Square。
And how John Porter used to grin；
As day by day； share after share；
Came railvay letters pouring in；
'J。 Plush； Esquire； in Buckley Square。'
〃Our servants' All was in a rage
Scrip； stock； curves； gradients； bull and bear；
Vith butler； coachman； groom and page；
Vas all the talk in Buckley Square。
But O！ imagine vot I felt
Last Vensday veek as ever were；
I gits a letter； which I spelt
'Miss M。 A。 Hoggins； Buckley Square。'
〃He sent me back my money true
He sent me back my lock of air；
And said； 'My dear； I bid ajew
To Mary Hann and Buckley Square。
Think not to marry； foolish Hann；
With people who your betters are；
James Plush is now a gentleman；
And youa cook in Buckley Square。
〃'I've thirty thousand guineas won；
In six short months； by genus rare；
You little thought what Jeames was on；
Poor Mary Hann； in Buckley Square。
I've thirty thousand guineas net；
Powder and plush I scorn to vear；
And so； Miss Mary Hann； forget
For hever Jeames； of Buckley Square。'〃
。 。 。 。 。 。
The rest of the MS。 is illegible； being literally washed away in a
flood of tears。
A LETTER FROM 〃JEAMES； OF BUCKLEY SQUARE。〃
〃ALBANY； LETTER X。 August 10； 1845。
〃SIR；Has a reglar suscriber to your emusing paper； I beg leaf to
state that I should never have done so； had I supposed that it was
your abbit to igspose the mistaries of privit life； and to hinjer
the delligit feelings of umble individyouals like myself； who have
NO IDEER of being made the subject of newspaper criticism。
〃I elude； sir； to the unjustafiable use which has been made of my
name in your Journal； where both my muccantile speclations and the
HINMOST PASHSN OF MY ART have been brot forrards in a ridicklus way
for the public emusemint。
〃What call； sir； has the public to inquire into the suckmstansies
of my engagements with Miss Mary Hann Oggins； or to meddle with
their rupsher？ Why am I to be maid the hobjick of your REDICULE IN
A DOGGRIL BALLIT impewted to her？ I say IMPEWTED； because； in MY
time at least； Mary Hann could only sign her ＋ mark （has I've
hoften witnist it for her when she paid hin at the Savings Bank）；
and has for SACRIFICING TO THE MEWSES and making POATRY； she was as
HINCAPIBLE as Mr。 Wakley himself。
〃With respect to the ballit； my baleaf is； that it is wrote by a
footman in a low famly； a pore retch who attempted to rivle me in
my affections to Mary Hanna feller not five foot six； and with no
more calves to his legs than a donkeywho was always a…ritin
（having been a doctor's boy） and who I nockt down with a pint of
porter （as he well recklex） at the 3 Tuns Jerming Street； for
daring to try to make a but of me。 He has signed Miss H's name to
his NONSINCE AND LIES： and you lay yourself hopen to a haction for
libel for insutting them in your paper。
〃It is false that I have treated Miss H。 hill in HANY way。 That I
borrowed 20lb of her is TREW。 But she confesses I paid it back。
Can hall people say as much of the money THEY'VE lent or borrowed？
No。 And I not only paid it back； but giv her the andsomest
pres'nts： WHICH I NEVER SHOULD HAVE ALLUDED TO； but for this
attack。 Fust； a silver thimble （which I found in Missus's work…
box）； secknd； a vollom of Byrom's poems； third； I halways brought
her a glas of Curasore； when we ad a party； of which she was
remarkable fond。 I treated her to Hashley's twice； （and halways a
srimp or a hoyster by the way；） and a THOWSND DELIGIT ATTENTIONS；
which I sapose count for NOTHINK。
〃Has for marridge。 Haltered suckmstancies rendered it himpossable。
I was gone into a new spear of lifemingling with my native
aristoxy。 I breathe no sallible of blame against Miss H。； but his
a hilliterit cookmaid fit to set at a fashnable table？ Do young
fellers of rank genrally marry out of the Kitching？ If we cast our
i's upon a low…born gal； I needn say it's only a tempory
distraction； pore passy le tong。 So much for HER claims upon me。
Has for THAT BEEST OF A DOCTOR'S BOY he's unwuthy the notas of a
Gentleman。
〃That I've one thirty thousand lb； AND PRAPS MORE； I dont deny。 Ow
much has the Kilossus of Railroads one； I should like to know； and
what was his cappitle？ I hentered the market with 20lb； specklated
Jewdicious； and ham what I ham。 So may you be （if you have 20lb；
and praps you haven't）So may you be： if you choose to go in &
win。
〃I for my part am jusly PROWD of my suxess； and could give you a
hundred instances of my gratatude。 For igsample； the fust pair of
hosses I bought （and a better pair of steppers I dafy you to see in
hany curracle；） I crisn'd Hull and Selby； in grateful elusion to my
transackshns in that railroad。 My riding Cob I called very
unhaptly my Dublin and Galway。 He came down with me the other day；
and I've jest sold him at 1/4 discount。
〃At fust with prudence and modration I only kep two grooms for my
stables； one of whom lickwise waited on me at table。 I have now a
confidenshle servant； a vally de shamberHe curls my air； insp
