burlesques-第13章

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English　tung　in　which　this　very　harticle　I　write　is　wrote　too；　and

halways　been　remarkyble；　both　at　collidge　and　in　the　estamminy；　for

his　aytred　and　orror　of　perfidgus　Halbion；　Munseer　Jools　was

considered　by　the　prapriretors　of　the　newspaper　in　which　he　wrote；

at　Parris；　the　very　man　to　come　to　this　country；　igsamin　its

manners　and　customs；　cast　an　i　upon　the　politticle　and　finalshle

stat　of　the　Hempire；　and　igspose　the　mackynations　of　the　infyamous

Palmerston；　and　the　ebomminable　Sir　Pillboth　enemies　of　France；

as　is　every　other　Britten　of　that　great；　gloarus；　libberal；　and

peasable　country。　　In　one　word；　Jools　de　Chacabac　was　a　penny…a…

liner。



〃I　will　go　see　with　my　own　I's；〃　he　said；　〃that　infimus　hiland　of

which　the　innabitants　are　shopkeepers；　gorged　with　roast　beef　and

treason。　　I　will　go　and　see　the　murderers　of　the　Hirish；　the

pisoners　of　the　Chynese；　the　villians　who　put　the　Hemperor　to　death

in　Saintyleany；　the　artful　dodges　who　wish　to　smother　Europe　with

their　cotton；　and　can't　sleep　or　rest　heasy　for　henvy　and　hatred　of

the　great　inwinsable　French　nation。　　I　will　igsammin；　face　to　face；

these　hotty　insularies；　I　will　pennytrate　into　the　secrets　of　their

Jessywhittickle　cabinet；　and　beard　Palmerston　in　his　denn。〃　　When

he　jumpt　on　shor　at　Foaxton　（after　having　been　tremenguously　sick

in　the　fourcabbing）；　he　exclaimed；　〃Enfin　je　te　tiens；　Ile　maudite！

je　te　crache　a　la　figure；　vieille　Angleterre！　　Je　te　foule　a　mes

pieds　an　nom　du　monde　outrage；〃　and　so　proseaded　to　inwade　the

metropulus。



As　he　wisht　to　micks　with　the　very　chicest　sosiaty；　and　git　the

best　of　infamation　about　this　country；　Munseer　Jools　of　coarse　went

and　lodgd　in　Lester　SquareLester　Squarr；　as　he　calls　itwhich；

as　he　was　infommed　in　the　printed　suckular　presented　to　him　by　a

very　greasy　but　polite　comishner　at　the　Custumus　Stares；　was　in　the

scenter　of　the　town；　contiggus　to　the　Ouses　of　Parlyment；　the

prinsple　theayters；　the　parx；　St。　Jams　Pallice；　and　the　Corts　of

Lor。　　〃I　can　surwhey　them　all　at　one　cut　of　the　eye；〃　Jools

thought；　〃the　Sovring；　the　infamus　Ministers　plotting　the

destruction　of　my　immortial　country；　the　business　and　pleasure　of

these　pusprond　Londoners　and　aristoxy；　I　can　look　round　and　see

all。〃　　So　he　took　a　three…pair　back　in　a　French　hotel；　the　〃Hotel

de　l'Ail；〃　kep　by　Monsieur　Gigotot；　Cranbourne　Street；　Lester

Squarr；　London。



In　this　otell　there's　a　billiard…room　on　the　first　floor；　and　a

tabble…doat　at　eighteenpence　peredd　at　5　o'clock；　and　the　landlord；

who　kem　into　Jools's　room　smoaking　a　segar；　told　the　young　gent

that　the　house　was　friquented　by　all　the　Brittish　nobillaty；　who

reglar　took　their　dinners　there。　　〃They　can't　ebide　their　own

quiseen；〃　he　said。　　〃You'll　see　what　a　dinner　we'll　serve　you　to…

day。〃　　Jools　wrote　off　to　his　paper



〃The　members　of　the　haughty　and　luxurious　English　aristocracy；　like

all　the　rest　of　the　world；　are　obliged　to　fly　to　France　for　the

indulgence　of　their　luxuries。　　The　nobles　of　England；　quitting

their　homes；　their　wives；　miladies　and　mistriss；　so　fair　but　so

cold；　dine　universally　at　the　tavern。　　That　from　which　I　write　is

frequented　by　Peel　and　Palmerston。　　I　fremis　to　think　that　I　may

meet　them　at　the　board　to…day。〃



Singlar　to　say；　Peel　and　Palmerston　didn't　dine　at　the　〃Hotel　de

l'Ail〃　on　that　evening。　　〃It's　quite　igstronnary　they　don't　come；〃

said　Munseer　de　l'Ail。



〃Peraps　they're　ingaged　at　some　boxing…match　or　some　combaw　de

cock；〃　Munseer　Jools　sejested；　and　the　landlord　egreed　that　was

very　likely。



Instedd　of　English　there　was；　however；　plenty　of　foring　sociaty；　of

every　nation　under　the　sun。　　Most　of　the　noblemen　were　great

hamatures　of　hale　and　porter。　　The　tablecloth　was　marked　over　with

brown　suckles；　made　by　the　pewter…pots　on　that　and　the　previous

days。



〃It　is　the　usage　here；〃　wrote　Jools　to　his　newspaper；　〃among　the

Anglais　of　the　fashonne　to　absorb　immense　quantities　of　ale　and

porter　during　their　meals。　　These　stupefying；　but　cheap；　and　not

unpalatable　liquors　are　served　in　shining　pewter　vessels。　　A　mug　of

foaming　hafanaf　（so　a　certain　sort　of　beer　is　called）　was　placed　by

the　side　of　most　of　the　convives。　　I　was　disappointed　of　seeing　Sir

Peel：　he　was　engaged　to　a　combat　of　cocks　which　occurs　at　Windsor。〃



Not　one　word　of　English　was　spoke　during　this　dinner；　excep　when

the　gentlemen　said　〃Garsong　de　l'afanaf；〃　but　Jool　was　very　much

pleased　to　meet　the　eleet　of　the　foringers　in　town；　and　ask　their

opinion　about　the　reel　state　of　thinx。　　Was　it　likely　that　the

bishops　were　to　be　turned　out　of　the　Chambre　des　Communes？　　Was　it

true　that　Lor　Palmerston　had　boxed　with　Lor　Broghamm　in　the　House

of　Lords；　until　they　were　sepparayted　by　the　Lor　Maire？　　Who　was

the　Lor　Maire？　　Wasn't　he　Premier　Minister？　and　wasn't　the

Archeveque　de　Cantorbery　a　Quaker？　　He　got　answers　to　these

questions　from　the　various　gents　round　about　during　the　dinner

which；　he　remarked；　was　very　much　like　a　French　dinner；　only

dirtier。　　And　he　wrote　off　all　the　infamation　he　got　to　his

newspaper。



〃The　Lord　Maire；　Lord　Lansdowne；　is　Premier　Ministre。　　His　Grace

has　his　dwelling　in　the　City。　　The　Archbishop　of　Cantabery　is　not

turned　Quaker；　as　some　people　stated。　　Quakers　may　not　marry；　nor

sit　in　the　Chamber　of　Peers。　　The　minor　bishops　have　seats　in

the　House　of　Commons；　where　they　are　attacked　by　the　bitter

pleasantries　of　Lord　Brougham。　　A　boxer　is　in　the　house；　he　taught

Palmerston　the　science　of　the　pugilate；　who　conferred　upon　him　the

seat；〃　&c。　&c。



His　writing　hover；　Jools　came　down　and　ad　a　gaym　at　pool　with　two

Poles；　a　Bulgian；　and　2　of　his　own　countrymen。　　This　being　done

amidst　more　hafanaf；　without　which　nothink　is　done　in　England；　and

as　there　was　no　French　play　that　night；　he　&　the　two　French　gents

walked　round　and　round　Lester　Squarr　smoking　segaws　in　the　faces　of

other　French　gents　who　were　smoaking　2。　　And　they　talked　about　the

granjer　of　France　and　the　perfidgusness　of　England；　and　looked　at

the　aluminated　pictur　of　Madame　Wharton　as　Haryadney　till　bedtime。

But　befor　he　slep；　he　finished　his　letter　you　may　be　sure；　and

called　it　his　〃Fust　Imprestiuns　of　Anglyterre。〃



〃Mind　and　wake　me　early；〃　he　said　to　Boots；　the　ony　Brittish

subject　in　the　〃Hotel　de　l'Ail；〃　and　who　therefore　didn't

understand　him。　　〃I　wish　to　be　at　Smithfield　at　6　hours　to　see　THE

MEN　SELL　THEIR　WIVES。〃　　And　the　young　roag　fell　asleep；　thinking

what　sort　of　a　one　he'd　buy。



This　was　the　way　Jools　passed　his　days；　and　got　infamation　about

Hengland　and　the　Henglishwalking　round　and　round　Lester　Squarr

all　day；　and　every　day　with　the　same　company；　occasionally

dewussified　by　an　Oprer　Chorus…singer　or　a　Jew　or　two；　and　every

afternoon　in　the　Quadrant　admiring　the　genteal　sosiaty　there。

Munseer　Jools　was　not　over　well　funnisht　with　pocket…money；　and　so

his　pleasure　was　of　the　gratis　sort　cheafly。



Well；　one　day　as　he　and　a　friend　was　taking　their　turn　among　the

aristoxy　under　the　Quadrantthey　were　struck　all　of　a　heap　by

seeing　　But；　stop！　who　WAS　Jools's　friend？　　Here　you　have

pictures　of　bothbut　the　Istory　of　Jools's　friend　must　be　kep　for

another　innings。





II。





Not　fur　from　that　knowble　and　cheerflie　Squear　which　Munseer　Jools

de　Chacabac　had　selacted　for　his　eboad　in　Londonnot　fur；　I　say；

from　Lester　Squarr；　is　a　rainje　of　bildings　called　Pipping's

Buildings；　leading　to　Blue　Lion　Court；　leading　to　St。　Martin's

Lane。　　You　know　Pipping's　Buildings　by　its　greatest　ornament；　an　am

and　beefouce　（where　Jools　has　often　stood　admiring　the　degstaraty

of　the　carver　a…cuttin　the　varous　jints）；　and　by　the　little

fishmungur's；　where　you　remark　the　mouldy　lobsters；　the　fly…blown

picklesammon；　the　playbills；　and　the　gingybear　bottles　in　the

windowabove　all；　by　the　〃Constantinople〃　Divan；　kep　by　the　Misses

Mordeky；　and　well　known　to　every　lover　of　〃a　prime　sigaw　and　an

exlent　cup　of　reel　Moky　Coffy　for　6d。〃



The　Constantinople　Divann　is　greatly　used　by　the　foring　gents　of

Lester　Squar。　　I　never　ad　the　good　fortn　to　pass　down　Pipping's

Buildings　without　seeing　a　haf　a　duzen　of　'em　on　the　threshole　of

the　extablishment；　giving　the　street　an　oppertunity　of　testing　the

odar　of　the　Misses　Mordeky's　prime　Avannas。　　Two　or　three　mor　may

be　visable　inside；　settn　on　the　counter　or　the　chestis；　indulging

in　their　fav'rit　whead；　the　rich　and　spisy　Pickwhick；　the　ripe

Manilly；　or　the　flagrant　and　arheumatic　Qby。



〃These　Divanns　are；　as　is　very　well　known；　the　knightly　resott　of

the　young　Henglish　nobillaty。　　It　is　ear　a　young　Pier；　after　an

arjus　day　at　the　House　of　Commons；　solazes　himself　with　a　glas　of

gin…and…water　（the　national　beveridge）；　with　cheerful　conversation

on　the　ewents　of　the　day；　or　with　an　armless　gaym　of　baggytell　in

the　back…parlor。〃



So　wrote　at　least　our　friend　Jools　to　his　newspaper；　the　Horriflam；

and　of　this　back…parlor　and　baggytell…bord；　of　this　counter；　of

this　〃Constantinople〃　Divan；　he　became　almost　as　reglar　a

frequenter　as　the　plaster　of　Parish　Turk　who　sits　smoking　a　hookey

between　the　two　blue　coffee…cups　in　the　winder。



I　have　oftin；　smokin　my　own　shroot　in　silents　in　a　corner　of　the

Diwann；　listened　to　Jools　and　his　friends　inwaying　aginst　Hingland；

and　boastin　of　their　own　immortial　country。　　How　they　did　go　on

about　Wellintun；　and　what　an　arty　contamp　they　ad　for　him！how

they　used　to　prove　that　France　was　the　Light；　the　Scenter…pint；　the

Igsample　and　hadmiration　of　the　whole　world！　　And　though　I　scarcely

take　a　French　paper　now…a…days　（I　lived　in　early　days　as　groom　in　a

French　famly　three　years；　and　therefore　knows　the　languidg）；

though；　I　say；　you　can't　take　up　Jools's　paper；　the　Orriflam；

without　readin　that　a　minister　has　committed　bribery　and　perjury；

or　that　a　littery　man　has　committed　perjury　and　murder；　or　that　a

Duke　has　stabbed　his　wife　in　fifty　places；　or　some　story　equally

horrible；　yet　for　all　that　it's　admiral　to　see　how　the　French　gents

will　swaggerhow　they　will　be　the　scenters　of　civilizationhow

they　will　be　the　Igsamples　of　Europ；　and　nothink　shall　prevent　'em

knowing　they　will　have　it；　I　say　I　listen；　smokin　my　pip　in

silence。　　But　to　our　tail。



Reglar　every　evening　there　came　to　the　〃Constantanople〃　a　young

gent　etired　in　the　igth　of　fashn；　and　indead　presenting　by　the

cleanlyness　of　his　appearants　and　linning　（which　was　generally　a

pink　or　blew　shurt；　with　a　cricketer　or　a　dansuse　pattern）　rather　a

contrast　to　the　dinjy　and　whistkcard　sosaity　of　the　Diwann。　　As　for

wiskars；　this　young　mann　had　none　beyond　a　little　yallow　tought　to

his　chin；　which　you　woodn　notas；　only　he　was　always　pulling　at　it。

His　statue　was　diminnative；　but　his　coschume　supubb；　for　he　had　the

tippiest　Jane　boots；　the　ivoryheadest　canes；　the　most　gawjus

scarlick　Jonville　ties；　and　the　most　Scotch…plaidest　trowseys；　of

any　custo