burlesques-第12章
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heiress； and her story was told by Franklin Fox to Lord Bagnigge；
who； for a wonder； was interested in the tale。 Borodino's
pretensions were discussed； and the way in which the fair Amethyst
was confined。 Fitzbattleaxe House； in Belgrave Square； isas
everybody knowsthe next mansion to that occupied by Amethyst。 A
communication was made between the two houses。 She never went out
except accompanied by the duchess's guard； which it was impossible
to overcome。
〃Impossible！ Nothing's impossible；〃 said Lord Bagnigge。
〃I bet you what you like you don't get in；〃 said the young Marquis
of Martingale。
〃I bet you a thousand ponies I stop a week in the heiress's house
before the season's over；〃 Lord Bagnigge replied with a yawn； and
the bet was registered with shouts of applause。
But it seemed as if the Fates had determined against Lord Bagnigge；
for the very next day； riding in the Park； his horse fell with him；
he was carried home to his house with a fractured limb and a
dislocated shoulder； and the doctor's bulletins pronounced him to
be in the most dangerous state。
Martingale was a married man； and there was no danger of HIS riding
by the Fitzbattleaxe carriage。 A fortnight after the above events；
his lordship was prancing by her Grace's great family coach； and
chattering with Lady Gwinever about the strange wager。
〃Do you know what a pony is； Lady Gwinever？〃 he asked。 Her
ladyship said yes： she had a cream…colored one at Castle Barbican；
and stared when Lord Martingale announced that he should soon have
a thousand ponies； worth five…and…twenty pounds each； which were
all now kept at Coutts's。 Then he explained the circumstances of
the bet with Bagnigge。 Parliament was to adjourn in ten days； the
season would be over！ Bagnigge was lying ill chez lui； and the
five…and…twenty thousand were irrecoverably his。 And he vowed he
would buy Lord Binnacle's yachtcrew； captain； guns and all。
On returning home that night from Lady Polkimore's； Martingale
found among the many billets upon the gold plateau in his
antichambre； the following brief one； which made him start
〃DEAR MARTINGALE。Don't be too sure of Binnacle's yacht。 There
are still ten days before the season is over； and my ponies may lie
at Coutts's for some time to come。
〃Yours；
〃BAGNIGGE。
〃P。 S。I write with my left hand； for my right is still splintered
up from that confounded fall。〃
III。
The tall footman； number four； who had come in the place of John；
cashiered； （for want of proper mollets； and because his hair did
not take powder well；） had given great satisfaction to the under…
butler； who reported well of him to his chief； who had mentioned
his name with praise to the house…steward。 He was so good…looking
and well…spoken a young man； that the ladies in the housekeeper's
room deigned to notice him more than once； nor was his popularity
diminished on account of a quarrel in which he engaged with
Monsieur Anatole； the enormous Walloon chasseur； who was one day
found embracing Miss Flouncy； who waited on Amethyst's own maid。
The very instant Miss Flouncy saw Mr。 Jeames entering the Servants'
Hall； where Monsieur Anatole was engaged in 〃aggravating〃 her； Miss
Flouncy screamed： at the next moment the Belgian giant lay
sprawling upon the carpet； and Jeames； standing over him； assumed
so terrible a look； that the chasseur declined any further combat。
The victory was made known to the house…steward himself； who； being
a little partial to Miss Flouncy herself； complimented Jeames on
his valor； and poured out a glass of Madeira in his own room。
Who was Jeames？ He had come recommended by the Bagnigge people。
He had lived； he said； in that family two years。 〃But where there
was no ladies；〃 he said； 〃a gentleman's hand was spiled for
service；〃 and Jeames's was a very delicate hand； Miss Flouncy
admired it very much； and of course he did not defile it by menial
service： he had in a young man who called him sir； and did all the
coarse work； and Jeames read the morning paper to the ladies； not
spellingly and with hesitation； as many gentlemen do； but easily
and elegantly； speaking off the longest words without a moment's
difficulty。 He could speak French； too； Miss Flouncy found； who
was studying it under Mademoiselle Grande fille…de…chambre de
confiance； for when she said to him； 〃Polly voo Fransy； Munseer
Jeames？〃 he replied readily； 〃We； Mademaselle； j'ay passay boco de
tong a Parry。 Commong voo potty voo？〃 How Miss Flouncy admired
him as he stood before her； the day after he had saved Miss
Amethyst when the horses had run away with her in the Park！
Poor Flouncy； poor Flouncy！ Jeames had been but a week in
Amethyst's service； and already the gentle heart of the washing…
girl was irrecoverably gone！ Poor Flouncy！ Poor Flouncy！ he
thought not of thee。
It happened thus。 Miss Amethyst being engaged to drive with her
cousin the prince in his phaeton； her own carriage was sent into
the Park simply with her companion； who had charge of her little
Fido； the dearest little spaniel in the world。 Jeames and
Frederick were behind the carriage with their long sticks and neat
dark liveries； the horses were worth a thousand guineas each； the
coachman a late lieutenant…colonel of cavalry： the whole ring could
not boast a more elegant turn…out。
The prince drove his curricle； and had charge of his belle cousine。
It may have been the red fezzes in the carriage of the Turkish
ambassador which frightened the prince's grays； or Mrs。 Champignon's
new yellow liveries； which were flaunting in the Park； or hideous
Lady Gorgon's preternatural ugliness； who passed in a low
pony…carriage at the time； or the prince's own want of skill；
finally； but certain it is that the horses took fright； dashed
wildly along the mile； scattered equipages； pietons； dandies' cabs；
and snobs' pheaytons。 Amethyst was screaming； and the prince；
deadly pale； had lost all presence of mind； as the curricle came
rushing by the spot where Miss Amethyst's carriage stood。
〃I'm blest；〃 Frederick exclaimed to his companion； 〃if it ain't the
prince a…drivin our missis！ They'll be in the Serpingtine； or
dashed to pieces； if they don't mind。〃 And the runaway steeds at
this instant came upon them as a whirlwind。
But if those steeds ran at a whirlwind pace； Jeames was swifter。
To jump from behind； to bound after the rocking； reeling curricle；
to jump into it； aided by the long stick which he carried and used
as a leaping…pole； and to seize the reins out of the hands of the
miserable Borodino； who shrieked piteously as the dauntless valet
leapt on his toes and into his seat； was the work of an instant。
In a few minutes the mad； swaying rush of the horses was reduced to
a swift but steady gallop； presently into a canter； then a trot；
until finally they pulled up smoking and trembling； but quite
quiet； by the side of Amethyst's carriage； which came up at a rapid
pace。
〃Give me the reins； malappris！ tu m'ecrases le corps； manant！〃
yelled the frantic nobleman； writhing underneath the intrepid
charioteer。
〃Tant pis pour toi； nigaud；〃 was the reply。 The lovely Amethyst of
course had fainted； but she recovered as she was placed in her
carriage； and rewarded her preserver with a celestial smile。
The rage； the fury； the maledictions of Borodino； as he saw the
lattera liveried menialstoop gracefully forward and kiss
Amethyst's hand； may be imagined rather than described。 But Jeames
heeded not his curses。 Having placed his adored mistress in the
carriage； he calmly resumed his station behind。 Passion or danger
seemed to have no impression upon that pale marble face。
Borodino went home furious； nor was his rage diminished； when； on
coming to dinner that day； a recherche banquet served in the
Frangipane best style； and requesting a supply of a puree a la
bisque aux ecrevisses； the clumsy attendant who served him let fall
the assiette of vermeille cisele； with its scalding contents； over
the prince's chin； his Mechlin jabot； and the grand cordon of the
Legion of honor which he wore。
〃Infame；〃 howled Borodino； 〃tu l'as fait expres！〃
〃Oui； je l'ai fait expres；〃 said the man； with the most perfect
Parisian accent。 It was Jeames。
Such insolence of course could not be passed unnoticed even after
the morning's service； and he was chassed on the spot。 He had been
but a week in the house。
The next month the newspapers contained a paragraph which may
possibly elucidate the above mystery； and to the following effect：
〃Singular Wager。One night； at the end of last season； the young
and eccentric Earl of B…gn…gge laid a wager of twenty…five thousand
pounds with a broken sporting patrician； the dashing Marquis of
M…rt…ng…le； that he would pass a week under the roof of a celebrated
and lovely young heiress； who lives not a hundred miles from
B…lgr…ve Squ…re。 The bet having been made； the earl pretended an
illness； and having taken lessons from one of his lordship's own
footmen （Mr。 James Plush； whose name he also borrowed） in 'the
MYSTERIES of the PROFESSION；' actually succeeded in making an entry
into Miss P…ml…co's mansion； where he stopped one week exactly；
having time to win his bet； and to save the life of the lady； whom
we hear he is about to lead to the altar。 He disarmed the Prince
of Borodino in a duel fought on Calais sandsand； it is said；
appeared at the C club wearing his PLUSH COSTUME under a cloak；
and displaying it as a proof that he had won his wager。〃
Such； indeed； were the circumstances。 The young couple have not
more than nine hundred thousand a year； but they live cheerfully；
and manage to do good； and Emily de Pentonville； who adores her
daughter…in…law and her little grandchildren； is blest in seeing
her darling son enfin un homme range。
CRINOLINE。
BY JE…MES PL…SH； ESQ。
I。
I'm not at libbaty to divulj the reel names of the 2 Eroes of the
igstrawny Tail which I am abowt to relait to those unlightnd
paytrons of letarature and true connyshures of merritthe great
Brittish publicBut I pledj my varacity that this singlar story of
rewmantic love； absobbing pashn； and likewise of GENTEEL LIFE； is；
in the main fax； TREW。 The suckmstanzas I elude to； ocurd in the
rain of our presnt Gratious Madjisty and her beluvd and roil
Concert Prince Halbert。
Welthen。 Some time in the seazen of 18 （mor I dar not rewheel）
there arrived in this metropulus； per seknd class of the London and
Dover Railway； an ellygant young foring gentleman； whom I shall
danomminate Munseer Jools De Chacabac。
Having read through 〃The Vicker of Wackfield〃 in the same oridganal
English tung in which this very harticle I write is wrote too； and
halways been remarkyble； both at collidge and in the
