the inca of perusalem-第4章

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THE　INCA。　But　very　little　to　choose；　believe　me。　I　should　not
recommend　Pongo；　because　he　snores　so　frightfully　that　it　has
been　necessary　to　build　him　a　sound…proof　bedroom：　otherwise　the
royal　family　would　get　no　sleep。　But　any　of　the　others　would　suit
equally　wellif　you　are　really　bent　on　marrying　one　of　them。

ERMYNTRUDE。　If！　What　is　this？　I　never　wanted　to　marry　one　of
them。　I　thought　you　wanted　me　to。

THE　INCA。　I　did；　madam；　but　＇confidentially；　flattering　her＇　you
are　not　quite　the　sort　of　person　I　expected　you　to　be；　and　I
doubt　whether　any　of　these　young　degenerates　would　make　you
happy。　I　trust　I　am　not　showing　any　want　of　natural　feeling　when
I　say　that　from　the　point　of　view　of　a　lively；　accomplished；　and
beautiful　woman　＇Ermyntrude　bows＇　they　might　pall　after　a　time。　I
suggest　that　you　might　prefer　the　Inca　himself。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Oh；　Captain；　how　could　a　humble　person　like　myself　be
of　any　interest　to　a　prince　who　is　surrounded　with　the　ablest　and
most　far…reaching　intellects　in　the　world？

TAE　INCA　＇explosively＇。　What　on　earth　are　you　talking　about；
madam？　Can　you　name　a　single　man　in　the　entourage　of　the　Inca　who
is　not　a　born　fool？

ERMYNTRUDE。　Oh；　how　can　you　say　that！　There　is　Admiral　von
Cockpits

THE　INCA　＇rising　intolerantly　and　striding　about　the　room＇。　Von
Cockpits！　Madam；　if　Von　Cockpits　ever　goes　to　heaven；　before
three　weeks　are　over　the　Angel　Gabriel　will　be　at　war　with　the
man　in　the　moon。

ERMYNTRUDE。　But　General　Von　Schinkenburg

THE　INCA。　Schinkenburg！　I　grant　you；　Schinkenburg　has　a　genius
for　defending　market　gardens。　Among　market　gardens　he　is
invincible。　But　what　is　the　good　of　that？　The　world　does　not
consist　of　market　gardens。　Turn　him　loose　in　pasture　and　he　is
lost。　The　Inca　has　defeated　all　these　generals　again　and　again　at
manoeuvres；　and　yet　he　has　to　give　place　to　them　in　the　field
because　he　would　be　blamed　for　every　disasteraccused　of
sacrificing　the　country　to　his　vanity。　Vanity！　Why　do　they　call
him　vain？　Just　because　he　is　one　of　the　few　men　who　are　not
afraid　to　live。　Why　do　they　call　themselves　brave？　Because　they
have　not　sense　enough　to　be　afraid　to　die。　Within　the　last　year
the　world　has　produced　millions　of　heroes。　Has　it　produced　more
than　one　Inca？　＇He　resumes　his　seat。＇

ERMYNTRUDE。　Fortunately　not；　Captain。　I'd　rather　marry　Chips。

THE　INCA　＇making　a　wry　face＇。　Chips！　Oh　no：　I　wouldn't　marry
Chips。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Why？

THE　INCA　＇whispering　the　secret＇。　Chips　talks　too　much　about
himself。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Well；　what　about　Snooks？

THE　INCA。　Snooks？　Who　is　he？　Have　I　a　son　named　Snooks？　There　are
so　many＇wearily＇　so　manythat　I　often　forget。　＇Casually。＇　But
I　wouldn't　marry　him；　anyhow；　if　I　were　you。

ERMYNTRUDE。　But　hasn't　any　of　them　inherited　the　family　genius？
Surely；　if　Providence　has　entrusted　them　with　the　care　of
Perusalemif　they　are　all　descended　from　Bedrock　the　Great

THE　INCA　＇interrupting　her　impatiently＇。　Madam；　if　you　ask　me；　I
consider　Bedrock　a　grossly　overrated　monarch。

ERMYNTRUDE　＇shocked＇。　Oh；　Captain！　Take　care！　Incadisparagement。

THE　INCA。　I　repeat；　grossly　overrated。　Strictly　between
ourselves；　I　do　not　believe　all　this　about　Providence　entrusting
the　care　of　sixty　million　human　beings　to　the　abilities　of　Chips
and　the　Piffler　and　Jack　Johnson。　I　believe　in　individual　genius。
That　is　the　Inca's　secret。　It　must　be。　Why；　hang　it　all；　madam；
if　it　were　a　mere　family　matter；　the　Inca's　uncle　would　have　been
as　great　a　man　as　the　Inca。　Andwell；　everybody　knows　what　the
Inca's　uncle　was。

ERMYNTRUDE。　My　experience　is　that　the　relatives　of　men　of　genius
are　always　the　greatest　duffers　imaginable。

THE　INCA。　Precisely。　That　is　what　proves　that　the　Inca　is　a　man
of　genius。　His　relatives　ARE　duffers。

ERMYNTRUDE。　But　bless　my　soul；　Captain；　if　all　the　Inca's
generals　are　incapables；　and　all　his　relatives　duffers；　Perusalem
will　be　beaten　in　the　war；　and　then　it　will　become　a　republic；
like　France　after　1871；　and　the　Inca　will　be　sent　to　St　Helena。

THE　INCA　＇triumphantly＇。　That　is　just　what　the　Inca　is　playing
for；　madam。　It　is　why　he　consented　to　the　war。

ERMYNTRUDE。　What！

THE　INCA。　Aha！　The　fools　talk　of　crushing　the　Inca；　but　they
little　know　their　man。　Tell　me　this。　Why　did　St　Helena　extinguish
Napoleon？

ERMYNTRUDE。　I　give　it　up。

THE　INCA。　Because；　madam；　with　certain　rather　remarkable
qualities；　which　I　should　be　the　last　to　deny；　Napoleon　lacked
versatility。　After　all；　any　fool　can　be　a　soldier：　we　know　that
only　too　well　in　Perusalem；　where　every　fool　is　a　soldier。　But
the　Inca　has　a　thousand　other　resources。　He　is　an　architect。
Well；　St　Helena　presents　an　unlimited　field　to　the　architect。　He
is　a　painter：　need　I　remind　you　that　St　Helena　is　still　without　a
National　Gallery？　He　is　a　composer：　Napoleon　left　no　symphonies
in　St　Helena。　Send　the　Inca　to　St　Helena；　madam；　and　the　world
will　crowd　thither　to　see　his　works　as　they　crowd　now　to　Athens
to　see　the　Acropolis；　to　Madrid　to　see　the　pictures　of　Velasquez；
to　Bayreuth　to　see　the　music　dramas　of　that　egotistical　old　rebel
Richard　Wagner；　who　ought　to　have　been　shot　before　he　was　forty；
as　indeed　he　very　nearly　was。　Take　this　from　me：　hereditary
monarchs　are　played　out：　the　age　for　men　of　genius　has　come：　the
career　is　open　to　the　talents：　before　ten　years　have　elapsed
every　civilized　country　from　the　Carpathians　to　the　Rocky
Mountains　will　be　a　Republic。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Then　goodbye　to　the　Inca。

THE　INCA。　On　the　contrary；　madam；　the　Inca　will　then　have　his
first　real　chance。　He　will　be　unanimously　invited　by　those
Republics　to　return　from　his　exile　and　act　as　Superpresident　of
all　the　republics。

ERMYNTRUDE。　But　won't　that　be　a　come…down　for　him？　Think　of　it！
after　being　Inca；　to　be　a　mere　President！

THE　INCA。　Well；　why　not！　An　Inca　can　do　nothing。　He　is　tied　hand
and　foot。　A　constitutional　monarch　is　openly　called　an
India…rubber　stamp。　An　emperor　is　a　puppet。　The　Inca　is　not
allowed　to　make　a　speech：　he　is　compelled　to　take　up　a　screed　of
flatulent　twaddle　written　by　some　noodle　of　a　minister　and　read
it　aloud。　But　look　at　the　American　President！　He　is　the
Allerhochst；　if　you　like。　No；　madam；　believe　me；　there　is　nothing
like　Democracy；　American　Democracy。　Give　the　people　voting
papers：　good　long　voting　papers；　American　fashion；　and　while　the
people　are　reading　the　voting　papers　the　Government　does　what　it
likes。

ERMYNTRUDE。　What！　You　too　worship　before　the　statue　of　Liberty；
like　the　Americans？

THE　INCA。　Not　at　all；　madam。　The　Americans　do　not　worship　the
statue　of　Liberty。　They　have　erected　it　in　the　proper　place　for　a
statue　of　Liberty：　on　its　tomb　＇he　turns　down　his　moustaches。＇

ERMYNTRUDE　＇laughing＇。　Oh！　You'd　better　not　let　them　hear　you　say
that；　Captain。

THE　INCA。　Quite　safe；　madam：　they　would　take　it　as　a　joke。　＇He
rises。　And　now；　prepare　yourself　for　a　surprise。　＇She　rises＇。　A
shock。　Brace　yourself。　Steel　yourself。　And　do　not　be　afraid。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Whatever　on　earth　can　you　be　going　to　tell　me；
Captain？

THE　INCA。　Madam；　I　am　no　captain。　I

ERMYNTRUDE。　You　are　the　Inca　in　disguise。

THE　INCA。　Good　heavens！　how　do　you　know　that？　Who　has　betrayed
me？

ERMYNTRUDE。　How　could　I　help　divining　it；　Sir？　Who　is　there　in
the　world　like　you？　Your　magnetism

THE　INCA。　True：　I　had　forgotten　my　magnetism。　But　you　know　now
that　beneath　the　trappings　of　Imperial　Majesty　there　is　a　Man：
simple；　frank；　modest；　unaffected；　colloquial：　a　sincere　friend；
a　natural　human　being；　a　genial　comrade；　one　eminently　calculated
to　make　a　woman　happy。　You；　on　the　other　hand；　are　the　most
charming　woman　I　have　ever　met。　Your　conversation　is　wonderful。　I
have　sat　here　almost　in　silence；　listening　to　your　shrewd　and
penetrating　account　of　my　character；　my　motives；　if　I　may　say　so；
my　talents。　Never　has　such　justice　been　done　me：　never　have　I
experienced　such　perfect　sympathy。　Will　youI　hardly　know　how　to
put　thiswill　you　be　mine？

ERMYNTRUDE。　Oh；　Sir；　you　are　married。

THE　INCA。　I　am　prepared　to　embrace　the　Mahometan　faith；　which
allows　a　man　four　wives；　if　you　will　consent。　It　will　please　the
Turks。　But　I　had　rather　you　did　not　mention　it　to　the　Inca…ess。
if　you　don't　mind。

ERMYNTRUDE。　This　is　really　charming　of　you。　But　the　time　has　come
for　me　to　make　a　revelation。　It　is　your　Imperial　Majesty's　turn
now　to　brace　yourself。　To　steel　yourself。　I　am　not　the　princess。
I　am

THE　INCA。　The　daughter　of　my　old　friend　Archdeacon　Daffodil
Donkin；　whose　sermons　are　read　to　me　every　evening　after　dinner。
I　never　forget　a　face。

ERMYNTRUDE。　You　knew　all　along！

THE　INCA　＇bitterly；　throwing　himself　into　his　chair＇。　And　you
supposed　that　I；　who　have　been　condemned　to　the　society　of
princesses　all　my　wretched　life；　believed　for　a　moment　that　any
princess　that　ever　walked　could　have　your　intelligence！

ERMYNTRUDE。　How　clever　of　you；　Sir！　But　you　cannot　afford　to
marry　me。

THE　INCA　＇springing　up＇。　Why　not？

ERMYNTRUDE。　You　are　too　poor。　You　have　to　eat　war　bread。　Kings
nowadays　belong　to　the　poorer　classes。　The　King　of　England　does
not　even　allow　himself　wine　at　dinner。

THE　INCA　＇delighted＇。　Haw！　Ha　ha！　Haw！　haw！　＇He　is　convulsed　with
laughter；　and　；finally　has　to　relieve　his　feelings　by　waltzing
half　round　the　room。＇

ERMYNTRUDE。　You　may　laugh；　Sir；　but　I　really　could　not　live　in
that　style。　I　am　the　widow　of　a　millionaire；　ruined　by　your
little　war。

THE　INCA。　A　millionaire！　What　are　millionaires　now；　with　the
world　crumbling？

ERMYNTRUDE。　Excuse　me：　mine　was　a　hyphenated　millionaire。

THE　INCA。　A　highfalutin　millionaire；　you　mean。　＇Chuckling＇。　Haw！
ha　ha！　really　very　nearly　a　pun；　that。　＇He　sits　down　in　her
chair。＇

ERMYNTRUDE　＇revolted；　sinking　into　his　chair＇。　I　think　it　quite
the　worst　pun　I　ever　heard。

THE　INCA。　The　best　puns　have　all　been　made　years　ago：　nothing
remained　but　to　achieve　the　worst。　However；　madam　＇he　rises
majestically；　and　she　is　about　to　rise　also＇。　No：　I　prefer　a
seated　audience　＇she　falls　back　into　her　seat　at　the　imperious
wave　of　his　hand＇。　So　＇he　clicks　his　heels＇。　Madam；　I　recognize
my　presumption　in　having　sought　the　honor　of　your　hand。　As　you
say；　I　cannot　afford　it。　Victorious　as　I　am；　I　am　hopelessly
bankrupt；　and　the　worst　of　it　is；　I　am　intelligent　enough　to　know
it。　And　I　shall　be　beaten　in　consequence；　because　my　most
implacable　enemy；　though　only　a　few　months　further　away　from
bankruptcy　than　myself；　has　not　a　ray　of　intelligence；　and　will
go　on　fighting　until　civilization　is　destroyed；　unless　I；　out　of
sheer　pity　for　the　world；　condescend　to　capitulate。

ERMYNTRUDE。　The　sooner　the　better；　Sir。　Many　fine　young　men　are
dying　while　you　wait。

THE　INCA　＇flinching　painfully＇。　Why？　Why　do　they　do　it？

ERMYNTRUDE。　Because　you　make　them。

THE　INCA。　Stuff！　How　can　I？　I　am　only　one　man；　and　they　are
millions。　Do　you　suppose　they　would　really　kill　each　other　if
they　didn't　want　to；　merely　for　the　sake　of　my　beautiful　eyes？　Do
not　be　deceived　by　newspaper　claptrap；　madam。　I　was　swept　away　by
a　passion　not　my　own；　which　imposed　itself　on　me。　By　myself　I　am
nothing。　I　dare　not　walk　down　the　principal　street　of　my　own
capital　in　a　coat　two　years　old；　though　the　s