the inca of perusalem-第3章

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imposing　stage　walk；　stops；　orders　the　trembling　Manager　by　a
gesture　to　place　the　jewel　case　on　the　table；　dismisses　him　with
a　frown；　touches　his　helmet　graciously　to　Ermyntrude；　and　takes
off　his　cloak。

THE　INCA。　I　beg　you；　madam；　to　be　quite　at　your　ease；　and　to
speak　to　me　without　ceremony。

ERMYNTRUDE　＇moving　haughtily　and　carelessly　to　the　table＇。　I
hadn't　the　slightest　intention　of　treating　you　with　ceremony。
＇She　sits　down：　a　liberty　which　gives　him　a　perceptible　shock。＇　I
am　quite　at　a　loss　to　imagine　why　I　should　treat　a　perfect
stranger　named　Duval：　a　captain！　almost　a　subaltern！　with　the
smallest　ceremony。

THE　INCA。　That　is　true。　I　had　for　the　moment　forgotten　my
position。

ERMYNTRUDE。　It　doesn't　matter。　You　may　sit　down。

THE　INCA　＇frowning。＇　What！

ERMYNTRUDE。　I　said；　you。。。may。。。sit。。。down。

THE　INCA。　Oh。　＇His　moustache　droops。　He　sits　down。＇

ERMYNTRUDE。　What　is　your　business？

THE　INCA。　I　come　on　behalf　of　the　Inca　of　Perusalem。

ERMYNTRUDE。　The　Allerhochst？

THE　INCA。　Precisely。

ERMYNTRUDE。　I　wonder　does　he　feel　ridiculous　when　people　call　him
the　Allerhochst。

THE　INCA　＇surprised＇。　Why　should　he？　He　IS　the　Allerhochst。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Is　he　nice　looking？

THE　INCA。　Ier。　ErI。　Ier。　I　am　not　a　good　judge。

ERMYNTRUDE。　They　say　he　takes　himself　very　seriously。

THE　INCA。　Why　should　he　not；　madam？　Providence　has　entrusted　to
his　family　the　care　of　a　mighty　empire。　He　is　in　a　position　of
half　divine；　half　paternal；　responsibility　towards　sixty　millions
of　people；　whose　duty　it　is　to　die　for　him　at　the　word　of
command。　To　take　himself　otherwise　than　seriously　would　be
blasphemous。　It　is　a　punishable　offenceseverely　punishablein
Perusalem。　It　is　called　Incadisparagement。

ERMYNTRUDE。　How　cheerful！　Can　he　laugh？

THE　INCA。　Certainly；　madam。　＇He　laughs；　harshly　and　mirthlessly。＇
Ha　ha！　Ha　ha　ha！

ERMYNTRUDE　＇frigidly＇。　I　asked　could　the　Inca　laugh。　I　did　not
ask　could　you　laugh。

THE　INCA。　That　is　true；　madam。　＇Chuckling。＇　Devilish　amusing；
that！　＇He　laughs；　genially　and　sincerely；　and　becomes　a　much　more
agreeable　person。＇　　Pardon　me：　I　am　now　laughing　because　I　cannot
help　it。　I　am　amused。　The　other　was　merely　an　imitation：　a
failure；　I　admit。

ERMYNTRUDE。　You　intimated　that　you　had　some　business？

THE　INCA　＇producing　a　very　large　jewel　case；　and　relapsing　into
solemnity。　I　am　instructed　by　the　Allerhochst　to　take　a　careful
note　of　your　features　and　figure；　and；　if　I　consider　them
satisfactory；　to　present　you　with　this　trifling　token　of　His
Imperial　Majesty's　regard。　I　do　consider　them　satisfactory。　Allow
me　＇he　opens　the　jewel　case　and　presents　it。＇

ERMYNTRUDE　＇staring　at　the　contents＇。　What　awful　taste　he　must
have！　I　can't　wear　that。

THE　INCA　＇reddening＇。　Take　care；　madam！　This　brooch　was　designed
by　the　Inca　himself。　Allow　me　to　explain　the　design。　In　the
centre；　the　shield　of　Arminius。　The　ten　surrounding　medallions
represent　the　ten　castles　of　His　Majesty。　The　rim　is　a　piece　of
the　telephone　cable　laid　by　His　Majesty　across　the　Shipskeel
canal。　The　pin　is　a　model　in　miniature　of　the　sword　of　Henry　the
Birdcatcher。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Miniature！　It　must　be　bigger　than　the　original。　My
good　man；　you　don't　expect　me　to　wear　this　round　my　neck：　it's　as
big　as　a　turtle。　＇He　shuts　the　case　with　an　angry　snap。＇　How　much
did　it　cost？

THE　INCA。　For　materials　and　manufacture　alone；　half　a　million
Perusalem　dollars；　madam。　The　Inca's　design　constitutes　it　a　work
of　art。　As　such；　it　is　now　worth　probably　ten　million　dollars。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Give　it　to　me　＇she　snatches　it＇。　I'll　pawn　it　and　buy
something　nice　with　the　money。

THE　INCA。　Impossible；　madam。　A　design　by　the　Inca　must　not　be
exhibited　for　sale　in　the　shop　window　of　a　pawnbroker。　＇He　flings
himself　into　his　chair；　fuming。＇

ERMYNTRUDE。　So　much　the　better。　The　Inca　will　have　to　redeem　it
to　save　himself　from　that　disgrace；　and　the　poor　pawnbroker　will
get　his　money　back。　Nobody　would　buy　it；　you　know。

THE　INCA。　May　I　ask　why？

ERMYNTRUDL。　Well；　look　at　it！　Just　look　at　it！　I　ask　you！

THE　INCA　＇his　moustache　drooping　ominously＇。　I　am　sorry　to　have
to　report　to　the　Inca　that　you　have　no　soul　for　fine　art。　＇He
rises　sulkily。＇　The　position　of　daughter…in…law　to　the　Inca　is
not　compatible　with　the　tastes　of　a　pig。　＇He　attempts　to　take
back　the　brooch。＇

ERMYNTRUDE　＇rising　and　retreating　behind　her　chair　with　the
brooch＇。　Here！　you　let　that　brooch　alone。　You　presented　it　to　me
on　behalf　of　the　Inca。　It　is　mine。　You　said　my　appearance　was
satisfactory。

THE　INCA。　Your　appearance　is　not　satisfactory。　The　Inca　would　not
allow　his　son　to　marry　you　if　the　boy　were　on　a　desert　island　and
you　were　the　only　other　human　being　on　it　＇he　strides　up　the
room。＇

ERMYNTRUDE　＇calmly　sitting　down　and　replacing　the　case　on　the
table＇。　How　could　he？　There　would　be　no　clergyman　to　marry　us。　It
would　have　to　be　quite　morganatic。

THE　INCA　＇returning＇。　Such　an　expression　is　out　of　place　in　the
mouth　of　a　princess　aspiring　to　the　highest　destiny　on　earth。　You
have　the　morals　of　a　dragoon。　＇She　receives　this　with　a　shriek　of
laughter。　He　struggles　with　his　sense　of　humor。＇　At　the　same　time
＇he　sits　down＇　there　is　a　certain　coarse　fun　in　the　idea　which
compels　me　to　smile　＇he　turns　up　his　moustache　and　smiles。＇

ERMYNTRUDE。　When　I　marry　the　Inca's　son；　Captain；　I　shall　make
the　Inca　order　you　to　cut　off　that　moustache。　It　is　too
irresistible。　Doesn't　it　fascinate　everyone　in　Perusalem？

THE　INCA　＇leaning　forward　to　her　energetically＇。　By　all　the
thunders　of　Thor；　madam；　it　fascinates　the　whole　world。

ERMYNTRUDE。　What　I　like　about　you；　Captain　Duval；　is　your
modesty。

THE　INCA　＇straightening　up　suddenly＇。　Woman；　do　not　be　a　fool。

ERMYNTRUDE　＇indignant＇。　Well！

THE　INCA。　You　must　look　facts　in　the　face。　This　moustache　is　an
exact　copy　of　the　Inca's　moustache。　Well；　does　the　world　occupy
itself　with　the　Inca's　moustache　or　does　it　not？　Does　it　ever
occupy　itself　with　anything　else？　If　that　is　the　truth；　does　its
recognition　constitute　the　Inca　a　coxcomb？　Other　potentates　have
moustaches：　even　beards　and　moustaches。　Does　the　world　occupy
itself　with　those　beards　and　moustaches？　Do　the　hawkers　in　the
streets　of　every　capital　on　the　civilized　globe　sell　ingenious
cardboard　representations　of　their　faces　on　which；　at　the　pulling
of　a　simple　string；　the　moustaches　turn　up　and　down；　so＇he
makes　his　moustache　turn；　up　and　down　several　times＇？　No！　I　say
No。　The　Inca's　moustache　is　so　watched　and　studied　that　it　has
made　his　face　the　political　barometer　of　the　whole　continent。
When　that　moustache　goes　up；　culture　rises　with　it。　Not　what　you
call　culture；　but　Kultur；　a　word　so　much　more　significant　that　I
hardly　understand　it　myself　except　when　I　am　in　specially　good
form。　When　it　goes　down；　millions　of　men　perish。

ERMYNTRUDE。　You　know；　if　I　had　a　moustache　like　that；　it　would
turn　my　head。　I　should　go　mad。　Are　you　quite　sure　the　Inca　isn't
mad？

THE　INCA。　How　can　he　be　mad；　madam？　What　is　sanity？　The　condition
of　the　Inca's　mind。　What　is　madness？　The　condition　of　the　people
who　disagree　with　the　Inca。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Then　I　am　a　lunatic　because　I　don't　like　that
ridiculous　brooch。

THE　INCA。　No；　madam：　you　are　only　an　idiot。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Thank　you。

THE　INCA。　Mark　you：　It　is　not　to　be　expected　that　you　should　see
eye　to　eye　with　the　Inca。　That　would　be　presumption。　It　is　for
you　to　accept　without　question　or　demur　the　assurance　of　your
Inca　that　the　brooch　is　a　masterpiece。

ERMYNTRUDE。　MY　Inca！　Oh；　come！　I　like　that。　He　is　not　my　Inca
yet。

THE　INCA。　He　is　everybody's　Inca；　madam。　His　realm　will　yet
extend　to　the　confines　of　the　habitable　earth。　It　is　his　divine
right；　and　let　those　who　dispute　it　look　to　themselves。　Properly
speaking；　all　those　who　are　now　trying　to　shake　his　world
predominance　are　not　at　war　with　him；　but　in　rebellion　against
him。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Well；　he　started　it；　you　know。

THE　INCA。　Madam；　be　just。　When　the　hunters　surround　the　lion；　the
lion　will　spring。　The　Inca　had　kept　the　peace　of　years。　Those　who
attacked　him　were　steeped　in　blood；　black　blood；　white　blood；
brown　blood；　yellow　blood；　blue　blood。　The　Inca　had　never　shed　a
drop。

ERMYNTRUDE。　He　had　only　talked。

THE　INCA。　Only　TALKED！　ONLY　talked！　What　is　more　glorious　than
talk？　Can　anyone　in　the　world　talk　like　him？　Madam；　when　he
signed　the　declaration　of　war；　he　said　to　his　foolish　generals
and　admirals；　'Gentlemen；　you　will　all　be　sorry　for　this。'　And
they　are。　They　know　now　that　they　had　better　have　relied　on　the
sword　of　the　spirit：　in　other　words；　on　their　Inca's　talk；　than
on　their　murderous　cannons。　The　world　will　one　day　do　justice　to
the　Inca　as　the　man　who　kept　the　peace　with　nothing　but　his
tongue　and　his　moustache。　While　he　talked：　talked　just　as　I　am
talking　now　to　you；　simply；　quietly；　sensibly；　but　GREATLY；　there
was　peace；　there　was　prosperity；　Perusalem　went　from　success　to
success。　He　has　been　silenced　for　a　year　by　the　roar　of
trinitrotoluene　and　the　bluster　of　fools；　and　the　world　is　in
ruins。　What　a　tragedy！　＇He　is　convulsed　with　grief。＇

ERMYNTRUDE。　Captain　Duval；　I　don't　want　to　be　unsympathetic；　but
suppose　we　get　back　to　business。

THE　INCA。　Business！　What　business？

ERMYNTRUDE。　Well；　MY　business。　You　want　me　to　marry　one　of　the
Inca's　sons：　I　forget　which。

THE　INCA。　As　far　as　I　can　recollect　the　name；　it　is　His　Imperial
Highness　Prince　Eitel　William　Frederick　George　Franz　Josef
Alexander　Nicholas　Victor　Emmanuel　Albert　Theodore　Wilson

ERMYNTRUDE　＇interrupting＇。　Oh；　please；　please；　mayn't　I　have　one
with　a　shorter　name？　What　is　he　called　at　home？

THE　INCA。　He　is　usually　called　Sonny；　madam。　＇With　great　charm　of
manner。＇　But　you　will　please　understand　that　the　Inca　has　no
desire　to　pin　you　to　any　particular　son。　There　is　Chips　and　Spots
and　Lulu　and　Pongo　and　the　Corsair　and　the　Piffler　and　Jack
Johnson　the　Second；　all　unmarried。　At　least　not　seriously
married：　nothing；　in　short；　that　cannot　be　arranged。　They　are　all
at　your　service。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Are　they　all　as　clever　and　charming　as　their　father？

THE　INCA　＇lifts　his　eyebrows　pityingly；　shrugs　his　shoulders；
then；　with　indulgent　paternal　contempt＇。　Excellent　lads；　madam。
Very　honest　affectionate　creatures。　I　have　nothing　against　them。
Pongo　imitates　farmyard　soundscock　crowing　and　that　sort　of
thingextremely　well。　Lulu　plays　Strauss's　Sinfonia　Domestica　on
the　mouth　organ　really　screamingly。　Chips　keeps　owls　and　rabbits。
Spots　motor　bicycles。　The　Corsair　commands　canal　barges　and
steers　them　himself。　The　Piffler　writes　plays；　and　paints　most
abominably。　Jack　Johnson　trims　ladies'　hats；　and　boxes　with
professionals　hired　for　that　purpose。　He　is　invariably
victorious。　Yes：　they　all　have　their　different　little　talents。
And　also；　of　course；　their　family　resemblances。　For　example；　they
all　smoke；　they　all　quarrel　with　one　another；　and　they　none　of
them　appreciate　their　father；　who；　by　the　way；　is　no　mean
painter；　though　the　Piffler　pretends　to　ridicule　his　efforts。

ERMYNTRUDE。　Quite　a　large　choice；　eh？

THE　INCA。　But　very　little　to　choose；　believe　me。　I　should　not
recommend　Pongo；　because　he　snores　so　frightful