david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第124章
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All along you’ve thought me too umble now; I shouldn’t wonder?’
‘I am not fond of professions of humility;’ I returned; ‘or
professions of anything else。’
‘There now!’ said Uriah; looking flabby and lead…coloured in the
moonlight。 ‘Didn’t I know it! But how little you think of the
rightful umbleness of a person in my station; Master Copperfield!
Father and me was both brought up at a foundation school for
boys; and mother; she was likewise brought up at a public; sort of
charitable; establishment。 They taught us all a deal of
umbleness—not much else that I know of; from morning to night。
We was to be umble to this person; and umble to that; and to pull
off our caps here; and to make bows there; and always to know our
place; and abase ourselves before our betters。 And we had such a
lot of betters! Father got the monitor…medal by being umble。 So
did I。 Father got made a sexton by being umble。 He had the
character; among the gentlefolks; of being such a well…behaved
man; that they were determined to bring him in。 “Be umble;
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Uriah;” says father to me; “and you’ll get on。 It was what was
always being dinned into you and me at school; it’s what goes
down best。 Be umble;” says father;” and you’ll do!” And really it
ain’t done bad!’
It was the first time it had ever occurred to me; that this
detestable cant of false humility might have originated out of the
Heep family。 I had seen the harvest; but had never thought of the
seed。
‘When I was quite a young boy;’ said Uriah; ‘I got to know what
umbleness did; and I took to it。 I ate umble pie with an appetite。 I
stopped at the umble point of my learning; and says I; “Hold
hard!” When you offered to teach me Latin; I knew better。 “People
like to be above you;” says father; “keep yourself down。” I am very
umble to the present moment; Master Copperfield; but I’ve got a
little power!’
And he said all this—I knew; as I saw his face in the
moonlight—that I might understand he was resolved to
recompense himself by using his power。 I had never doubted his
meanness; his craft and malice; but I fully comprehended now; for
the first time; what a base; unrelenting; and revengeful spirit; must
have been engendered by this early; and this long; suppression。
His account of himself was so far attended with an agreeable
result; that it led to his withdrawing his hand in order that he
might have another hug of himself under the chin。 Once apart
from him; I was determined to keep apart; and we walked back;
side by side; saying very little more by the way。 Whether his spirits
were elevated by the communication I had made to him; or by his
having indulged in this retrospect; I don’t know; but they were
raised by some influence。 He talked more at dinner than was usual
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with him; asked his mother (off duty; from the moment of our reentering the house) whether he was not growing too old for a
bachelor; and once looked at Agnes so; that I would have given all
I had; for leave to knock him down。
When we three males were left alone after dinner; he got into a
more adventurous state。 He had taken little or no wine; and I
presume it was the mere insolence of triumph that was upon him;
flushed perhaps by the temptation my presence furnished to its
exhibition。
I had observed yesterday; that he tried to entice Mr。 Wickfield
to drink; and; interpreting the look which Agnes had given me as
she went out; had limited myself to one glass; and then proposed
that we should follow her。 I would have done so again today; but
Uriah was too quick for me。
‘We seldom see our present visitor; sir;’ he said; addressing Mr。
Wickfield; sitting; such a contrast to him; at the end of the table;
‘and I should propose to give him welcome in another glass or two
of wine; if you have no objections。 Mr。 Copperfield; your elth and
appiness!’
I was obliged to make a show of taking the hand he stretched
across to me; and then; with very different emotions; I took the
hand of the broken gentleman; his partner。
‘Come; fellow…partner;’ said Uriah; ‘if I may take the liberty;—
now; suppose you give us something or another appropriate to
Copperfield!’
I pass over Mr。 Wickfield’s proposing my aunt; his proposing
Mr。 Dick; his proposing Doctors’ Commons; his proposing Uriah;
his drinking everything twice; his consciousness of his own
weakness; the ineffectual effort that he made against it; the
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struggle between his shame in Uriah’s deportment; and his desire
to conciliate him; the manifest exultation with which Uriah twisted
and turned; and held him up before me。 It made me sick at heart
to see; and my hand recoils from writing it。
‘Come; fellow…partner!’ said Uriah; at last; ‘I’ll give you another
one; and I umbly ask for bumpers; seeing I intend to make it the
divinest of her sex。’
Her father had his empty glass in his hand。 I saw him set it
down; look at the picture she was so like; put his hand to his
forehead; and shrink back in his elbow…chair。
‘I’m an umble individual to give you her elth;’ proceeded Uriah;
‘but I admire—adore her。’
No physical pain that her father’s grey head could have borne; I
think; could have been more terrible to me; than the mental
endurance I saw compressed now within both his hands。
‘Agnes;’ said Uriah; either not regarding him; or not knowing
what the nature of his action was; ‘Agnes Wickfield is; I am safe to
say; the divinest of her sex。 May I speak out; among friends? To be
her father is a proud distinction; but to be her usband—’
Spare me from ever again hearing such a cry; as that with
which her father rose up from the table! ‘What’s the matter?’ said
Uriah; turning of a deadly colour。 ‘You are not gone mad; after all;
Mr。 Wickfield; I hope? If I say I’ve an ambition to make your
Agnes my Agnes; I have as good a right to it as another man。 I
have a better right to it than any other man!’
I had my arms round Mr。 Wickfield; imploring him by
everything that I could think of; oftenest of all by his love for
Agnes; to calm himself a little。 He was mad for the moment;
tearing out his hair; beating his head; trying to force me from him;
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and to force himself from me; not answering a word; not looking at
or seeing anyone; blindly striving for he knew not what; his face all
staring and distorted—a frightful spectacle。
I conjured him; incoherently; but in the most impassioned
manner; not to abandon himself to this wildness; but to hear me。 I
besought him to think of Agnes; to connect me with Agnes; to
recollect how Agnes and I had grown up together; how I honoured
her and loved her; how she was his pride and joy。 I tried to bring
her idea before him in any form; I even reproached him with not
having firmness to spare her the knowledge of such a scene as
this。 I may have effected something; or his wildness may have
spent itself; but by degrees he struggled less; and began to look at
me—strangely at first; then with recognition in his eyes。 At length
he said; ‘I know; Trotwood! My darling child and you—I know!
But look at him!’
He pointed to Uriah; pale and glowering in a corner; evidently
very much out in his calculations; and taken by surprise。
‘Look at my torturer;’ he replied。 ‘Before him I have step by
step abandoned name and reputation; peace and quiet; house and
home。’
‘I have kept your name and reputation for you; and your peace
and quiet; and your house and home too;’ said Uriah; with a sulky;
hurried; defeated air of compromise。 ‘Don’t be foolish; Mr。
Wickfield。 If I have gone a little beyond what you were prepared
for; I can go back; I suppose? There’s no harm done。’
‘I looked for single motives in everyone;’ said Mr。 Wickfield; and
I was satisfied I had bound him to me by motives of interest。 But
see what he is—oh; see what he is!’
‘You had better stop him; Copperfield; if you can;’ cried Uriah;
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with his long forefinger pointing towards me。 ‘He’ll say something
presently—mind you!—he’ll be sorry to have said afterwards; and
you’ll be sorry to have heard!’
‘I’ll say anything!’ cried Mr。 Wickfield; with a desperate air。
‘Why should I not be in all the world’s power if I am in yours?’
‘Mind! I tell you!’ said Uriah; continuing to warn me。 ‘If you
don’t stop his mouth; you’re not his friend! Why shouldn’t you be
in all the world’s power; Mr。 Wickfield? Because you have got a
daughter。 You and me know what we know; don’t we? Let
sleeping dogs lie—who wants to rouse ’em? I don’t。 Can’t you see I
am as umble as I can be? I tell you; if I’ve gone too far; I’m sorry。
What would you have; sir?’
‘Oh; Trotwood; Trotwood!’ exclaimed Mr。 Wickfield; wringing
his hands。 ‘What I have come down to be; since I first saw you in
this house! I was on my downward way then; but the dreary;
dreary road I have traversed since! Weak indulgence has ruined
me。 Indulgence in remembrance; and indulgence in forgetfulness。
My natural grief for my child’s mother turned to disease; my
natural love for my child turned to disease。 I have infected
everything I touched。 I have brought misery on what I dearly love;
I know—you know! I thought it possible that I could truly love one
creature in the world; and not love the rest; I thought it possible
that I could truly mourn for one creature gone out of the world;
and not have some part in the grief of all who mourned。 Thus the
lessons of my life have been perverted! I have preyed on my own
morbid coward heart; and it has preyed on me。 Sordid in my grief;
sordid in my love; sordid in my miserable escape from the darker
side of both; oh see the ruin I am; and hate me; shun me!’
He dropped into a chair; and weakly sobbed。 The excitement
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into which he had been roused was leaving him。 Uriah came out of
his corner。
‘I don’t know all I have done; in my fatuity;’ said Mr。 Wickfield;
putting out his hands; as if to deprecate my condemnation。 ‘He
knows best;’ meaning Uriah Heep; ‘for he has always been at my
elbow; whispering me。 You see the millstone that he is about my
neck。 You find him in my house; you find him in my business。 You
heard him; but a little time ago。 What need have I to say more!’
‘You haven’t need to say so much; nor half so much; nor
anything at all;’ observed Uriah; half defiant; and half fawning。
‘You wouldn’t have took it up so; if it hadn’t been for the wine。
You’ll think better of it tomorrow; sir。 If I have said too much; or
more than I meant; what of it? I haven’t stood by it!’
The door opened; and Agnes; gliding in; without a vestige of
colour in her face; put her arm round his neck