desperate remedies-第41章

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　　　　　　And　more　on　industry　than　force　relies。'

Miss　Aldclyffe　made　it　appear　more　clearly　than　ever　that　aid　to
Owen　from　herself　depended　entirely　upon　Cytherea's　acceptance　of
her　steward。　　Hemmed　in　and　distressed；　Cytherea's　answers　to　his
importunities　grew　less　uniform；　they　were　firm；　or　wavering；　as
Owen's　malady　fluctuated。　　Had　a　register　of　her　pitiful
oscillations　been　kept；　it　would　have　rivalled　in　pathos　the　diary
wherein　De　Quincey　tabulates　his　combat　with　Opiumperhaps　as
noticeable　an　instance　as　any　in　which　a　thrilling　dramatic　power
has　been　given　to　mere　numerals。　　Thus　she　wearily　and　monotonously
lived　through　the　month；　listening　on　Sundays　to　the　wellknown　round
of　chapters　narrating　the　history　of　Elijah　and　Elisha　in　famine　and
drought；　on　week…days　to　buzzing　flies　in　hot　sunny　rooms。　　'So
like；　so　very　like；　was　day　to　day。'　　Extreme　lassitude　seemed　all
that　the　world　could　show　her。

Her　state　was　in　this　wise；　when　one　afternoon；　having　been　with　her
brother；　she　met　the　surgeon；　and　begged　him　to　tell　the　actual
truth　concerning　Owen's　condition。

The　reply　was　that　he　feared　that　the　first　operation　had　not　been
thorough；　that　although　the　wound　had　healed；　another　attempt　might
still　be　necessary；　unless　nature　were　left　to　effect　her　own　cure。
But　the　time　such　a　self…healing　proceeding　would　occupy　might　be
ruinous。

'How　long　would　it　be？'　she　said。

'It　is　impossible　to　say。　　A　year　or　two；　more　or　less。'

'And　suppose　he　submitted　to　another　artificial　extraction？'

'Then　he　might　be　well　in　four　or　six　months。'

Now　the　remainder　of　his　and　her　possessions；　together　with　a　sum　he
had　borrowed；　would　not　provide　him　with　necessary　comforts　for　half
that　time。　　To　combat　the　misfortune；　there　were　two　courses　open
her　becoming　betrothed　to　Manston；　or　the　sending　Owen　to　the　County
Hospital。

Thus　terrified；　driven　into　a　corner；　panting　and　fluttering　about
for　some　loophole　of　escape；　yet　still　shrinking　from　the　idea　of
being　Manston's　wife；　the　poor　little　bird　endeavoured　to　find　out
from　Miss　Aldclyffe　whether　it　was　likely　Owen　would　be　well　treated
in　the　hospital。

'County　Hospital！'　said　Miss　Aldclyffe；　'why；　it　is　only　another
name　for　slaughter…housein　surgical　cases　at　any　rate。　　Certainly
if　anything　about　your　body　is　snapt　in　two　they　do　join　you
together　in　a　fashion；　but　'tis　so　askew　and　ugly；　that　you　may　as
well　be　apart　again。'　　Then　she　terrified　the　inquiring　and　anxious
maiden　by　relating　horrid　stories　of　how　the　legs　and　arms　of　poor
people　were　cut　off　at　a　moment's　notice；　especially　in　cases　where
the　restorative　treatment　was　likely　to　be　long　and　tedious。

'You　know　how　willing　I　am　to　help　you；　Cytherea；'　she　added
reproachfully。　　'You　know　it。　　Why　are　you　so　obstinate　then？　　Why
do　you　selfishly　bar　the　clear；　honourable；　and　only　sisterly　path
which　leads　out　of　this　difficulty？　　I　cannot；　on　my　conscience；
countenance　you；　no；　I　cannot。'

Manston　once　more　repeated　his　offer；　and　once　more　she　refused；　but
this　time　weakly；　and　with　signs　of　an　internal　struggle。　　Manston's
eye　sparkled；　he　saw　for　the　hundredth　time　in　his　life；　that
perseverance；　if　only　systematic；　was　irresistible　by　womankind。

6。　　THE　TWENTY…SEVENTH　OF　AUGUST

On　going　to　Budmouth　three　days　later；　she　found　to　her　surprise
that　the　steward　had　been　there；　had　introduced　himself；　and　had
seen　her　brother。　　A　few　delicacies　had　been　brought　him　also　by　the
same　hand。　　Owen　spoke　in　warm　terms　of　Manston　and　his　free　and
unceremonious　call；　as　he　could　not　have　refrained　from　doing　of　any
person；　of　any　kind；　whose　presence　had　served　to　help　away　the
tedious　hours　of　a　long　day；　and　who　had；　moreover；　shown　that　sort
of　consideration　for　him　which　the　accompanying　basket　implied
antecedent　consideration；　so　telling　upon　all　invalidsand　which　he
so　seldom　experienced　except　from　the　hands　of　his　sister。

How　should　he　perceive；　amid　this　tithe…paying　of　mint；　and　anise；
and　cummin；　the　weightier　matters　which　were　left　undone？

Again　the　steward　met　her　at　Carriford　Road　Station　on　her　return
journey。　　Instead　of　being　frigid　as　at　the　former　meeting　at　the
same　place；　she　was　embarrassed　by　a　strife　of　thought；　and　murmured
brokenly　her　thanks　for　what　he　had　done。　　The　same　request　that　he
might　see　her　home　was　made。

He　had　perceived　his　error　in　making　his　kindness　to　Owen　a
conditional　kindness；　and　had　hastened　to　efface　all　recollection　of
it。　　'Though　I　let　my　offer　on　her　brother'smy　friend'sbehalf；
seem　dependent　on　my　lady's　graciousness　to　me；'　he　whispered
wooingly　in　the　course　of　their　walk；　'I　could　not　conscientiously
adhere　to　my　statement；　it　was　said　with　all　the　impulsive
selfishness　of　love。　　Whether　you　choose　to　have　me；　or　whether　you
don't；　I　love　you　too　devotedly　to　be　anything　but　kind　to　your
brother。　。　。　。　　Miss　Graye；　Cytherea；　I　will　do　anything；'　he
continued　earnestly；　'to　give　you　pleasureindeed　I　will。'

She　saw　on　the　one　hand　her　poor　and　much…loved　Owen　recovering　from
his　illness　and　troubles　by　the　disinterested　kindness　of　the　man
beside　her；　on　the　other　she　drew　him　dying；　wholly　by　reason　of　her
self…enforced　poverty。　　To　marry　this　man　was　obviously　the　course
of　common　sense；　to　refuse　him　was　impolitic　temerity。　　There　was
reason　in　this。　　But　there　was　more　behind　than　a　hundred　reasonsa
woman's　gratitude　and　her　impulse　to　be　kind。

The　wavering　of　her　mind　was　visible　in　her　tell…tale　face。　　He
noticed　it；　and　caught　at　the　opportunity。

They　were　standing　by　the　ruinous　foundations　of　an　old　mill　in　the
midst　of　a　meadow。　　Between　grey　and　half…overgrown　stoneworkthe
only　signs　of　masonry　remainingthe　water　gurgled　down　from　the　old
millpond　to　a　lower　level；　under　the　cloak　of　rank　broad　leavesthe
sensuous　natures　of　the　vegetable　world。　　On　the　right　hand　the　sun；
resting　on　the　horizon…line；　streamed　across　the　ground　from　below
copper…coloured　and　lilac　clouds；　stretched　out　in　flats　beneath　a
sky　of　pale　soft　green。　　All　dark　objects　on　the　earth　that　lay
towards　the　sun　were　overspread　by　a　purple　haze；　against　which　a
swarm　of　wailing　gnats　shone　forth　luminously；　rising　upward　and
floating　away　like　sparks　of　fire。

The　stillness　oppressed　and　reduced　her　to　mere　passivity。　　The　only
wish　the　humidity　of　the　place　left　in　her　was　to　stand　motionless。
The　helpless　flatness　of　the　landscape　gave　her；　as　it　gives　all
such　temperaments；　a　sense　of　bare　equality　with；　and　no　superiority
to；　a　single　entity　under　the　sky。

He　came　so　close　that　their　clothes　touched。　　'Will　you　try　to　love
me？　　Do　try　to　love　me！'　he　said；　in　a　whisper；　taking　her　hand。　　He
had　never　taken　it　before。　　She　could　feel　his　hand　trembling
exceedingly　as　it　held　hers　in　its　clasp。

Considering　his　kindness　to　her　brother；　his　love　for　herself；　and
Edward's　fickleness；　ought　she　to　forbid　him　to　do　this？　　How　truly
pitiful　it　was　to　feel　his　hand　tremble　soall　for　her！　　Should　she
withdraw　her　hand？　　She　would　think　whether　she　would。　Thinking；　and
hesitating；　she　looked　as　far　as　the　autumnal　haze　on　the　marshy
ground　would　allow　her　to　see　distinctly。　There　was　the　fragment　of
a　hedgeall　that　remained　of　a　'wet　old　garden'standing　in　the
middle　of　the　mead；　without　a　definite　beginning　or　ending；
purposeless　and　valueless。　It　was　overgrown；　and　choked　with
mandrakes；　and　she　could　almost　fancy　she　heard　their　shrieks。　。　。
Should　she　withdraw　her　hand？　　No；　she　could　not　withdraw　it　now；　it
was　too　late；　the　act　would　not　imply　refusal。　　She　felt　as　one　in　a
boat　without　oars；　drifting　with　closed　eyes　down　a　rivershe　knew
not　whither。

He　gave　her　hand　a　gentle　pressure；　and　relinquished　it。

Then　it　seemed　as　if　he　were　coming　to　the　point　again。　　No；　he　was
not　going　to　urge　his　suit　that　evening。　　Another　respite。

7。　　THE　EARLY　PART　OF　SEPTEMBER

Saturday　came；　and　she　went　on　some　trivial　errand　to　the　village
post…office。　　It　was　a　little　grey　cottage　with　a　luxuriant　jasmine
encircling　the　doorway；　and　before　going　in　Cytherea　paused　to
admire　this　pleasing　feature　of　the　exterior。　　Hearing　a　step　on　the
gravel　behind　the　corner　of　the　house；　she　resigned　the　jasmine　and
entered。　　Nobody　was　in　the　room。　　She　could　hear　Mrs。　Leat；　the
widow　who　acted　as　postmistress；　walking　about　over　her　head。
Cytherea　was　going　to　the　foot　of　the　stairs　to　call　Mrs。　Leat；　but
before　she　had　accomplished　her　object；　another　form　stood　at　the
half…open　door。　　Manston　came　in。

'Both　on　the　same　errand；'　he　said　gracefully。

'I　will　call　her；'　said　Cytherea；　moving　in　haste　to　the　foot　of　the
stairs。

'One　moment。'　　He　glided　to　her　side。　　'Don't　call　her　for　a
moment；'　he　repeated。

But　she　had　said；　'Mrs。　Leat！'

He　seized　Cytherea's　hand；　kissed　it　tenderly；　and　carefully
replaced　it　by　her　side。

She　had　that　morning　determined　to　check　his　further　advances；　until
she　had　thoroughly　considered　her　position。　　The　remonstrance　was
now　on　her　tongue；　but　as　accident　would　have　it；　before　the　word
could　be　spoken　Mrs。　Leat　was　stepping　from　the　last　stair　to　the
floor；　and　no　remonstrance　came。

With　the　subtlety　which　characterized　him　in　all　his　dealings　with
her；　he　quickly　concluded　his　own　errand；　bade　her　a　good…bye；　in
the　tones　of　which　love　was　so　garnished　with　pure　politeness　that
it　only　showed　its　presence　to　herself；　and　left　the　houseputting
it　out　of　her　power　to　refuse　him　her　companionship　homeward；　or　to
object　to　his　late　action　of　kissing　her　hand。

The　Friday　of　the　next　week　brought　another　letter　from　her　brother。
In　this　he　informed　her　that；　in　absolute　grief　lest　he　should
distress　her　unnecessarily；　he　had　some　time　earlier　borrowed　a　few
pounds。　　A　week　ago；　he　said；　his　creditor　became　importunate；　but
that　on　the　day　on　which　he　wrote；　the　creditor　had　told　him　there
was　no　hurry　for　a　settlement；　that　'his　SISTER'S　SUITOR　had
guaranteed　the　sum。'　　'Is　he　Mr。　Manston？　tell　me；　Cytherea；'　said
Owen。

He　also　mentioned　that　a　wheeled　chair　had　been　anonymously　hired
for　his　especial　use；　though　as　yet　he　was　hardly　far　enough
advanced　towards　convalescence　to　avail　himself　of　the　luxury。　　'Is
this　Mr。　Manston's　doing？'　he　inquired。

She　could　dally　with　her　perplexity；　evade　it；　trust　to　time　for
guidance；　no　longer。　　The　matter　had　come　to　a　crisis：　　she　must
once　and　for　all　choose　between　the　dictates　of　her　understanding
and　those　of　her　heart。　　She　longed；　till　her　soul　seemed　nigh　to
bursting；　for　her　lost　mother's　return　to　earth；　but　for　one　minute；
that　she　might　have　tender　counsel　to　guide　her　through　this；　her
great　difficulty。

As　for　her　heart；　she　half　fancied　that　it　was　not　Edward's　to　quite
the　extent　that　it　once　had　been；　she　thought　him　cruel　in
conducting　himself　towards　her　as　he　did　at　Budmouth；　cruel
afterwards　in　making　so　light　of　her。　　She　knew　he　had　stifled　his
love　for　herwas　utterly　lost　to　her。　　But　for　all　that　she　could
not　help　indulging　in　a　woman's　pleasure　of　recreating　defunct
agonies；　and　lacerating　herself　with　them　now　and　then。

'If　I　were　rich；'　she　thought；　'I　would　give　way　to　the