desperate remedies-第17章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


'and　your　touch　was　the　end　of　it。　　It　was　dreadful。　　Time；　with　his
wings；　hour…glass；　and　scythe；　coming　nearer　and　nearer　to　me
grinning　and　mocking：　　then　he　seized　me；　took　a　piece　of　me　only。　。
。　　But　I　can't　tell　you。　　I　can't　bear　to　think　of　it。　　How　those
dogs　howl！　　People　say　it　means　death。'

The　return　of　Miss　Aldclyffe　to　consciousness　was　sufficient　to
dispel　the　wild　fancies　which　the　loneliness　of　the　night　had　woven
in　Cytherea's　mind。　　She　dismissed　the　third　noise　as　something
which　in　all　likelihood　could　easily　be　explained；　if　trouble　were
taken　to　inquire　into　it：　　large　houses　had　all　kinds　of　strange
sounds　floating　about　them。　　She　was　ashamed　to　tell　Miss　Aldclyffe
her　terrors。

A　silence　of　five　minutes。

'Are　you　asleep？'　said　Miss　Aldclyffe。

'No；'　said　Cytherea；　in　a　long…drawn　whisper。

'How　those　dogs　howl；　don't　they？'

'Yes。　　A　little　dog　in　the　house　began　it。'

'Ah；　yes：　　that　was　Totsy。　　He　sleeps　on　the　mat　outside　my　father's
bedroom　door。　　A　nervous　creature。'

There　was　a　silent　interval　of　nearly　half…an…hour。　　A　clock　on　the
landing　struck　three。

'Are　you　asleep；　Miss　Aldclyffe？'　whispered　Cytherea。

'No；'　said　Miss　Aldclyffe。　　'How　wretched　it　is　not　to　be　able　to
sleep；　isn't　it？'

'Yes；'　replied　Cytherea；　like　a　docile　child。

Another　hour　passed；　and　the　clock　struck　four。　　Miss　Aldclyffe　was
still　awake。

'Cytherea；'　she　said；　very　softly。

Cytherea　made　no　answer。　　She　was　sleeping　soundly。

The　first　glimmer　of　dawn　was　now　visible。　　Miss　Aldclyffe　arose；
put　on　her　dressing…gown；　and　went　softly　downstairs　to　her　own
room。

'I　have　not　told　her　who　I　am　after　all；　or　found　out　the
particulars　of　Ambrose's　history；'　she　murmured。　　'But　her　being　in
love　alters　everything。'

3。　　HALF…PAST　SEVEN　TO　TEN　O'CLOCK　A。M。

Cytherea　awoke；　quiet　in　mind　and　refreshed。　　A　conclusion　to　remain
at　Knapwater　was　already　in　possession　of　her。

Finding　Miss　Aldclyffe　gone；　she　dressed　herself　and　sat　down　at　the
window　to　write　an　answer　to　Edward's　letter；　and　an　account　of　her
arrival　at　Knapwater　to　Owen。　　The　dismal　and　heart…breaking
pictures　that　Miss　Aldclyffe　had　placed　before　her　the　preceding
evening；　the　later　terrors　of　the　night；　were　now　but　as　shadows　of
shadows；　and　she　smiled　in　derision　at　her　own　excitability。

But　writing　Edward's　letter　was　the　great　consoler；　the　effect　of
each　word　upon　him　being　enacted　in　her　own　face　as　she　wrote　it。
She　felt　how　much　she　would　like　to　share　his　troublehow　well　she
could　endure　poverty　with　himand　wondered　what　his　trouble　was。
But　all　would　be　explained　at　last；　she　knew。

At　the　appointed　time　she　went　to　Miss　Aldclyffe's　room；　intending；
with　the　contradictoriness　common　in　people；　to　perform　with
pleasure；　as　a　work　of　supererogation；　what　as　a　duty　was　simply
intolerable。

Miss　Aldclyffe　was　already　out　of　bed。　　The　bright　penetrating　light
of　morning　made　a　vast　difference　in　the　elder　lady's　behaviour　to
her　dependent；　the　day；　which　had　restored　Cytherea's　judgment；　had
effected　the　same　for　Miss　Aldclyffe。　　Though　practical　reasons
forbade　her　regretting　that　she　had　secured　such　a　companionable
creature　to　read；　talk；　or　play　to　her　whenever　her　whim　required；
she　was　inwardly　vexed　at　the　extent　to　which　she　had　indulged　in
the　womanly　luxury　of　making　confidences　and　giving　way　to　emotions。
Few　would　have　supposed　that　the　calm　lady　sitting　aristocratically
at　the　toilet　table；　seeming　scarcely　conscious　of　Cytherea's
presence　in　the　room；　even　when　greeting　her；　was　the　passionate
creature　who　had　asked　for　kisses　a　few　hours　before。

It　is　both　painful　and　satisfactory　to　think　how　often　these
antitheses　are　to　be　observed　in　the　individual　most　open　to　our
observationourselves。　　We　pass　the　evening　with　faces　lit　up　by
some　flaring　illumination　or　other：　　we　get　up　the　next　morningthe
fiery　jets　have　all　gone　out；　and　nothing　confronts　us　but　a　few
crinkled　pipes　and　sooty　wirework；　hardly　even　recalling　the　outline
of　the　blazing　picture　that　arrested　our　eyes　before　bedtime。

Emotions　would　be　half　starved　if　there　were　no　candle…light。
Probably　nine…tenths　of　the　gushing　letters　of　indiscreet　confession
are　written　after　nine　or　ten　o'clock　in　the　evening；　and　sent　off
before　day　returns　to　leer　invidiously　upon　them。　　Few　that　remain
open　to　catch　our　glance　as　we　rise　in　the　morning；　survive　the
frigid　criticism　of　dressing…time。

The　subjects　uppermost　in　the　minds　of　the　two　women　who　had　thus
cooled　from　their　fires；　were　not　the　visionary　ones　of　the　later
hours；　but　the　hard　facts　of　their　earlier　conversation。　　After　a
remark　that　Cytherea　need　not　assist　her　in　dressing　unless　she
wished　to；　Miss　Aldclyffe　said　abruptly

'I　can　tell　that　young　man's　name。'　　She　looked　keenly　at　Cytherea。
'It　is　Edward　Springrove；　my　tenant's　son。'

The　inundation　of　colour　upon　the　younger　lady　at　hearing　a　name
which　to　her　was　a　world；　handled　as　if　it　were　only　an　atom；　told
Miss　Aldclyffe　that　she　had　divined　the　truth　at　last。

'Ahit　is　he；　is　it？'　she　continued。　　'Well；　I　wanted　to　know　for
practical　reasons。　　His　example　shows　that　I　was　not　so　far　wrong　in
my　estimate　of　men　after　all；　though　I　only　generalized；　and　had　no
thought　of　him。'　　This　was　perfectly　true。

'What　do　you　mean？'　said　Cytherea；　visibly　alarmed。

'Mean？　　Why　that　all　the　world　knows　him　to　be　engaged　to　be
married；　and　that　the　wedding　is　soon　to　take　place。'　　She　made　the
remark　bluntly　and　superciliously；　as　if　to　obtain　absolution　at　the
hands　of　her　family　pride　for　the　weak　confidences　of　the　night。

But　even　the　frigidity　of　Miss　Aldclyffe's　morning　mood　was　overcome
by　the　look　of　sick　and　blank　despair　which　the　carelessly　uttered
words　had　produced　upon　Cytherea's　face。　　She　sank　back　into　a
chair；　and　buried　her　face　in　her　hands。

'Don't　be　so　foolish；'　said　Miss　Aldclyffe。　　'Come；　make　the　best　of
it。　　I　cannot　upset　the　fact　I　have　told　you　of；　unfortunately。　　But
I　believe　the　match　can　be　broken　off。'

'O　no；　no。'

'Nonsense。　　I　liked　him　much　as　a　youth；　and　I　like　him　now。　　I'll
help　you　to　captivate　and　chain　him　down。　　I　have　got　over　my　absurd
feeling　of　last　night　in　not　wanting　you　ever　to　go　away　from　meof
course；　I　could　not　expect　such　a　thing　as　that。　　There；　now　I　have
said　I'll　help　you；　and　that's　enough。　　He's　tired　of　his　first
choice　now　that　he's　been　away　from　home　for　a　while。　　The　love　that
no　outer　attack　can　frighten　away　quails　before　its　idol's　own
homely　ways；　it　is　always　so。　。　。　。　　Come；　finish　what　you　are　doing
if　you　are　going　to；　and　don't　be　a　little　goose　about　such　a
trumpery　affair　as　that。'

'Whois　he　engaged　to？'　Cytherea　inquired　by　a　movement　of　her　lips
but　no　sound　of　her　voice。　　But　Miss　Aldclyffe　did　not　answer。　　It
mattered　not；　Cytherea　thought。　　Another　womanthat　was　enough　for
her：　　curiosity　was　stunned。

She　applied　herself　to　the　work　of　dressing；　scarcely　knowing　how。
Miss　Aldclyffe　went　on：

'You　were　too　easily　won。　　I'd　have　made　him　or　anybody　else　speak
out　before　he　should　have　kissed　my　face　for　his　pleasure。　　But　you
are　one　of　those　precipitantly　fond　things　who　are　yearning　to　throw
away　their　hearts　upon　the　first　worthless　fellow　who　says　good…
morning。　　In　the　first　place；　you　shouldn't　have　loved　him　so
quickly：　　in　the　next；　if　you　must　have　loved　him　off…hand；　you
should　have　concealed　it。　　It　tickled　his　vanity：　　〃By　Jove；　that
girl's　in　love　with　me　already！〃　he　thought。'

To　hasten　away　at　the　end　of　the　toilet；　to　tell　Mrs。　Morriswho
stood　waiting　in　a　little　room　prepared　for　her；　with　tea　poured
out；　bread…and…butter　cut　into　diaphanous　slices；　and　eggs　arranged…
…that　she　wanted　no　breakfast：　　then　to　shut　herself　alone　in　her
bedroom；　was　her　only　thought。　　She　was　followed　thither　by　the
well…intentioned　matron　with　a　cup　of　tea　and　one　piece　of　bread…
and…butter　on　a　tray；　cheerfully　insisting　that　she　should　eat　it。

To　those　who　grieve；　innocent　cheerfulness　seems　heartless　levity。
'No；　thank　you；　Mrs。　Morris；'　she　said；　keeping　the　door　closed。
Despite　the　incivility　of　the　action；　Cytherea　could　not　bear　to　let
a　pleasant　person　see　her　face　then。

Immediate　revocationeven　if　revocation　would　be　more　effective　by
postponementis　the　impulse　of　young　wounded　natures。　　Cytherea
went　to　her　blotting…book；　took　out　the　long　letter　so　carefully
written；　so　full　of　gushing　remarks　and　tender　hints；　and　sealed　up
so　neatly　with　a　little　seal　bearing　'Good　Faith'　as　its　motto；　tore
the　missive　into　fifty　pieces；　and　threw　them　into　the　grate。　　It
was　then　the　bitterest　of　anguishes　to　look　upon　some　of　the　words
she　had　so　lovingly　written；　and　see　them　existing　only　in　mutilated
forms　without　meaningto　feel　that　his　eye　would　never　read　them；
nobody　ever　know　how　ardently　she　had　penned　them。

Pity　for　one's　self　for　being　wasted　is　mostly　present　in　these
moods　of　abnegation。

The　meaning　of　all　his　allusions；　his　abruptness　in　telling　her　of
his　love；　his　constraint　at　first；　then　his　desperate　manner　of
speaking；　was　clear。　　They　must　have　been　the　last　flickerings　of　a
conscience　not　quite　dead　to　all　sense　of　perfidiousness　and
fickleness。　　Now　he　had　gone　to　London：　　she　would　be　dismissed　from
his　memory；　in　the　same　way　as　Miss　Aldclyffe　had　said。　　And　here
she　was　in　Edward's　own　parish；　reminded　continually　of　him　by　what
she　saw　and　heard。　　The　landscape；　yesterday　so　much　and　so　bright
to　her；　was　now　but　as　the　banquet…hall　desertedall　gone　but
herself。

Miss　Aldclyffe　had　wormed　her　secret　out　of　her；　and　would　now　be
continually　mocking　her　for　her　trusting　simplicity　in　believing
him。　　It　was　altogether　unbearable：　　she　would　not　stay　there。

She　went　downstairs　and　found　Miss　Aldclyffe　had　gone　into　the
breakfast…room；　but　that　Captain　Aldclyffe；　who　rose　later　with
increasing　infirmities；　had　not　yet　made　his　appearance。　　Cytherea
entered。　　Miss　Aldclyffe　was　looking　out　of　the　window；　watching　a
trail　of　white　smoke　along　the　distant　landscapesignifying　a
passing　train。　　At　Cytherea's　entry　she　turned　and　looked　inquiry。

'I　must　tell　you　now；'　began　Cytherea；　in　a　tremulous　voice。

'Well；　what？'　Miss　Aldclyffe　said。

'I　am　not　going　to　stay　with　you。　　I　must　go　awaya　very　long　way。
I　am　very　sorry；　but　indeed　I　can't　remain！'

'Poohwhat　shall　we　hear　next？'　　Miss　Aldclyffe　surveyed　Cytherea's
face　with　leisurely　criticism。　　'You　are　breaking　your　heart　again
about　that　worthless　young　Springrove。　　I　knew　how　it　would　be。　　It
is　as　Hallam　says　of　Julietwhat　little　reason　you　may　have
possessed　originally　has　all　been　whirled　away　by　this　love。　　I
shan't　take　this　notice；　mind。'

'Do　let　me　go！'

Miss　Aldclyffe　took　her　new　pet's　hand；　and　said　with　severity；　'As
to　hindering　you；　if　you　are　determined　to　go；　of　course　that's
absurd。　　But　you　are　not　now　in　a　state　of　mind　fit　for　deciding
upon　any　such　proceeding；　and　I　shall　not　listen　to　what　you　have　to
say。　　Now；　Cythie；　come　with　me；　we'll　let　this　volcano　burst　and
spend　itself；　and　after　that　we'll　see　what　had　better　be　done。'
She　took　Cytherea　into　her　workroom；