poor miss finch-第71章

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Suppose　I　close　the　window；　and　go　back　to　bed　again　for　a　little　while？

_Nine　o'clock。_The　maid　came　in　half　an　hour　since；　and　woke　me。　She
went　to　open　the　window　as　usual。　I　stopped　her。

〃Is　the　mist　gone？〃　I　asked。

The　girl　stared；　〃What　mist；　Miss？〃

〃Haven't　you　seen　it？〃

〃No；　Miss。〃

〃What　time　did　you　get　up？〃

〃At　seven；　Miss。〃

At　seven　I　was　still　writing　in　my　Journal；　and　the　mist　was　still　over
everything　in　the　room。　Persons　in　the　lower　ranks　of　life　are　curiously
unobservant　of　the　aspects　of　Nature。　I　never　（in　the　days　of　my
blindness）　got　any　information　from　servants　or　laborers　about　the　views
round　Dimchurch。　They　seemed　to　have　no　eyes　for　anything　beyond　the
range　of　the　kitchen；　or　the　ploughed　field。　I　got　out　of　bed；　and　took
the　maid　myself　to　the　window；　and　opened　it。

〃There！〃　I　said。　〃It　is　not　quite　so　thick　as　it　was　some　hours　since。
But　there　is　the　mist　as　plain　as　can　be！〃

The　girl　looked　backwards　and　forwards　in　a　state　of　bewilderment　between
me　and　the　view。

〃Mist？〃　she　repeated。　〃Begging　your　pardon；　Miss；　it's　a　beautiful　clear
morningas　I　see　it。〃

〃Clear？〃　I　repeated　on　my　side。

〃Yes；　Miss！〃

〃Do　you　mean　to　tell　me　it's　clear　over　the　sea？〃

〃The　sea　is　a　beautiful　blue；　Miss。　Far　and　near；　you　can　see　the　ships。〃

〃Where　are　the　ships？〃

She　pointed；　out　of　the　window；　to　a　certain　spot。

〃There　are　two　of　them；　Miss。　A　big　ship；　with　three　masts。　And　a　little
ship　just　behind；　with　one。〃

I　looked　along　her　finger；　and　strained　my　eyes　to　see。　All　I　could　make
out　was　a　dim　greyish　mist；　with　something　like　a　little　spot　or　blur　on
it；　at　the　place　which　the　maid's　finger　indicated　as　the　position
occupied　by　the　two　ships。

The　idea　struck　me　for　the　first　time　that　the　dimness　which　I　had
attributed　to　the　mist；　was；　in　plain　truth；　the　dimness　in　my　own　eyes。
For　the　moment　I　was　a　little　startled。　I　left　the　window；　and　made　the
best　excuse　that　I　could　to　the　girl。　As　soon　as　it　was　possible　to
dismiss　her；　I　sent　her　away；　and　bathed　my　eyes　with　one　of　Grosse's
lotions；　and　then　tried　them　again　in　writing　this　entry。　To　my　relief；　I
can　see　to　write　better　than　I　did　earlier　in　the　morning。　Still；　I　have
had　a　warning　to　pay　a　little　more　attention　to　Grosse's　directions　than
I　have　hitherto　done。　Is　it　possible　that　he　saw　something　in　the　state
of　my　eyes　which　he　was　afraid　to　tell　me　of？　Nonsense！　Grosse　is　not　the
sort　of　man　who　shrinks　from　speaking　out。　I　have　fatigued　my　eyesthat
is　all。　Let　me　shut　up　my　book；　and　go　down…stairs　to　breakfast。

_Ten　o'clock。_For　a　moment；　I　open　my　Journal　again。

Something　has　happened　which　I　must　positively　set　down　in　the　history　of
my　life。　I　am　so　vexed　and　so　angry！　The　maid；　（wretched　chattering
fool！）　has　told　my　aunt　what　passed　between　us　this　morning　at　my　window。
Miss　Batchford　has　taken　the　alarm；　and　has　insisted　on　writing；　not　only
to　Grosse；　but　to　my　father。　In　the　present　embittered　state　of　my
father's　feelings　against　my　aunt；　he　will　either　leave　her　letter
unanswered；　or　he　will　offend　her　by　an　angry　reply。　In　either　case；　I
shall　be　the　sufferer：　my　aunt's　sense　of　injurywhich　cannot　address
itself　to　my　fatherwill　find　a　convenient　object　to　assail　in　me。　I
shall　never　hear　the　last　of　it。　Being　already　nervous　and　dispirited；
the　prospect　of　finding　myself　involved　in　a　new　family　quarrel　quite
daunts　me。　I　feel　ungratefully　inclined　to　run　away　from　Miss　Batchford；
when　I　think　of　it！

No　signs　of　Oscar；　and　no　news　of　Oscaryet。

_Twelve　o'clock。_But　one　trial　more　was　wanted　to　make　my　life　here
quite　unendurable。　The　trial　has　come。

A　letter　from　Oscar　（sent　by　a　messenger　from　his　hotel）　has　just　been
placed　in　my　hands。　It　informs　me　that　he　has　decided　on　leaving　Ramsgate
by　the　next　train。　The　next　train　starts　in　forty　minutes。　Good　God！　what
am　I　to　do？

My　eyes　are　burning。　I　know　it　does　them　harm　to　cry。　How　can　I　help
crying？　It　is　all　over　between　us；　if　I　let　Oscar　go　away　alonehis
letter　as　good　as　tells　me　so。　Oh；　why　have　I　behaved　so　coldly　to　him？　I
ought　to　make　any　sacrifice　of　my　own　feelings　to　atone　for　it。　And　yet；
there　is　an　obstinate　something　in　me　that　shrinksWhat　am　I　to　do？　what
am　I　to　do？

I　must　drop　the　pen；　and　try　if　I　can　think。　My　eyes　completely　fail　me。
I　can　write　no　more。

＇Note。I　copy　the　letter　to　which　Lucilla　refers。

Nugent's　own　assertion　is；　that　he　wrote　it　in　a　moment　of　remorse；　to
give　her　an　opportunity　of　breaking　the　engagement　by　which　she
innocently　supposed　herself　to　be　held　to　him。　He　declares　that　he
honestly　believed　the　letter　would　offend　her；　when　he　wrote　it。　The
other　interpretation　of　the　document　is；　that　finding　himself　obliged　to
leave　Ramsgateunder　penalty　（if　he　remained）　of　being　exposed　by　Grosse
as　an　impostor；　when　the　surgeon　visited　his　patient　on　the　next
dayNugent　seized　the　opportunity　of　making　his　absence　the　means　of
working　on　Lucilla's　feelings；　so　as　to　persuade　her　to　accompany　him　to
London。　Don't　ask　me　which　of　these　two　conclusions　I　favor。　For　reasons
which　you　will　understand　when　you　have　come　to　the　end　of　my　narrative；
I　would　rather　not　express　my　opinion；　either　one　way　or　the　other。

Read　the　letterand　determine　for　yourselves：

〃MY　DARLING；After　a　sleepless　night；　I　have　decided　on　leaving
Ramsgate；　by　the　next　train　that　starts　after　you　receive　these　lines。
Last　night's　experience　has　satisfied　me　that　my　presence　here　（after
what　I　said　to　you　on　the　pier）　only　distresses　you。　Some　influence　that
is　too　strong　for　you　to　resist　has　changed　your　heart　towards　me。　When
the　time　comes　for　you　to　determine　whether　you　will　be　my　wife　on　the
conditions　that　I　have　proposed；　I　see　but　too　plainly　that　you　will　say
No。　Let　me　make　it　less　hard　for　you；　my　love；　to　do　that；　by　leaving　you
to　write　the　wordinstead　of　saying　it　to　me。　If　you　wish　for　your
freedom；　cost　me　what　it　may；　I　will　absolve　you　from　your　engagement。　I
love　you　too　dearly　to　blame　you。　My　address　in　London　is　on　the　other
leaf。　Farewell！

〃OSCAR。〃

The　address　given　on　the　blank　leaf　is　at　an　hotel。

A　few　lines　more　in　the　Journal　follow　the　lines　last　quoted　in　this
place。　Except　a　word　or　two；　here　and　there；　it　is　impossible　any　longer
to　decipher　the　writing。　The　mischief　done　to　her　eyes　by　her　reckless
use　of　them；　by　her　fits　of　crying；　by　her　disturbed　nights；　by　the
long…continued　strain　on　her　of　agitation　and　suspense；　has　evidently
justified　the　worst　of　those　unacknowledged　forebodings　which　Grosse　felt
when　he　saw　her。　The　last　lines　of　the　Journal　are；　as　writing；　actually
inferior　to　her　worst　penmanship　when　she　was　blind。

However；　the　course　which　she　ended　in　taking　on　receipt　of　the　letter
which　you　have　just　read；　is　sufficiently　indicated　by　a　note　of　Nugent's
writing；　left　at　Miss　Batchford's　residence　at　Ramsgate　by　a　porter　from
the　railway。　After…events　make　it　necessary　to　preserve　this　note　also。
It　runs　thus：

〃MADAM；I　write；　by　Lucilla's　wish；　to　beg　that　you　will　not　be　anxious
on　discovering　that　your　niece　has　left　Ramsgate。　She　accompanies　me；　at
my　express　request；　to　the　house　of　a　married　lady　who　is　a　relative　of
mine；　and　under　whose　care　she　will　remain；　until　the　time　arrives　for
our　marriage。　The　reasons　which　have　led　to　her　taking　this　step；　and
which　oblige　her　to　keep　her　new　place　of　residence　concealed　for　the
present；　will　be　frankly　stated　to　you　and　to　her　father　on　the　day　when
we　are　man　and　wife。　In　the　meantime；　Lucilla　begs　that　you　will　excuse
her　abrupt　departure；　and　that　you　will　be　so　good　as　to　send　this　letter
on　to　her　father。　Both　you　and　he　will；　I　hope；　remember　that　she　is　of
an　age　to　act　for　herself；　and　that　she　is　only　hastening　her　marriage
with　a　man　to　whom　she　has　been　long　engaged；　with　the　sanction　and
approval　of　her　familyBelieve　me；　Madam；　your　faithful　Servant；

〃OSCAR　DUBOURG。〃

This　letter　was　delivered　at　luncheon…timealmost　at　the　moment　when　the
servant　had　announced　to　her　mistress　that　Miss　Finch　was　nowhere　to　be
found；　and　that　her　traveling…bag　had　disappeared　from　her　room。　The
London　train　had　then　started。　Miss　Batchford；　having　no　right　to
interfere；　decidedafter　consultation　with　a　friendon　at　once
traveling　to　Dimchurch；　and　placing　the　matter　in　Mr。　Finch's　hands。P。＇

CHAPTER　THE　FORTY…SIXTH

The　Italian　Steamer

LUCILLA'S　Journal　has　told　you　all　that　Lucilla　can　tell。　Permit　me　to
reappear　in　these　pages。　Shall　I　say；　with　your　favorite　English　clown；
reappearing　every　year　in　your　barbarous　English　pantomime；　〃Here　I　am
again：　how　do　you　do？〃　NoI　had　better　leave　that　out。　Your　clown　is　one
of　your　national　institutions。　With　this　mysterious　source　of　British
amusement　let　no　foreign　person　presume　to　trifle。

I　arrived　at　Marseilles；　as　well　as　I　can　remember；　on　the　fifteenth　of
August。

You　cannot　be　expected　to　feel　any　interest　in　good　Papa。　I　will　pass
over　this　venerable　victim　of　the　amiable　delusions　of　the　heart；　as
rapidly　as　respect　and　affection　will　permit。　The　duel　（I　hope　you
remember　the　duel？）　had　been　fought　with　pistols；　and　the　bullet　had　not
been　extracted　when　I　joined　my　sisters　at　the　sufferer's　bedside。　He　was
delirious　and　did　not　know　me。　Two　days　later；　the　removal　of　the　bullet
was　accomplished　by　the　surgeon　in　attendance。　For　a　time；　he　improved
after　this。　Then　there　was　a　relapse。　It　was　only　on　the　first　of
September　that　we　were　permitted　to　hope　he　might　still　be　spared　to　us。

On　that　date；　I　was　composed　enough　to　think　again　of　Lucilla；　and　to
remember　Mrs。　Finch's　polite　request　to　me　that　I　would　write　to　her　from
Marseilles。

I　wrote　briefly；　telling　the　damp　lady　of　the　rectory　（only　at　greater
length）　what　I　have　told　here。　My　main　motive　in　doing　this　was；　I
confess；　to　obtain；　through　Mrs。　Finch；　some　news　of　Lucilla。　After
posting　the　letter；　I　attended　to　another　duty　which　I　had　neglected
while　my　father　was　in　danger　of　death。　I　went　to　the　person　to　whom　my
lawyer　had　recommended　me；　to　institute　that　search　for　Oscar　which　I　had
determined　to　set　on　foot　when　I　left　London。　The　person　was　connected
with　the　police；　in　the　capacity　（as　nearly　as　I　can　express　it　in
English）　of　a　sort　of　private　superintendentnot　officially　recognized；
but　secretly　trusted　for　all　that。

When　he　heard　of　the　time　that　had　elapsed　without　any　discovery　of　the
slightest　trace　of　the　fugitive；　he　looked　grave；　and　declared；　honestly
enough；　that　he　doubted　if　he　could　reward　my　confidence　in　him　by
proving　himself　to　be　of　the　slightest　service　to　me。　Seeing；　however；
that　I　was　earnestly　bent　on　making　some　sort　of　effort；　he　put　a　last
question　to　me　in　these　terms：〃You　have　not　described　the　gentleman
yet。　Is　there；　by　lucky　chance；　anything　remarkable　in　his　personal
appearance？〃

〃There　is　something　very　remarkable；　sir；〃　I　answered。　〃Describe　it
exactly；　ma'am；　if　you　please。〃

I　described　Oscar's　complexion。　My　excellent　superintendent　showed
encouraging　signs　of　interest　as　he　listened。　He　was　a　most
elegantly…dressed　gentleman；　with　the　gracious　manners　of　a　prince。　It
was