poor miss finch-第69章

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〃You　will　understand；　Lucilla；　that　it　is　impossible　for　me　to　notice
such　language　as　this　in　any　other　way　than　by　leaving　the　room。　If　you
can　bring　Mr。　Grosse　to　his　senses；　inform　him　that　I　will　receive　his
apologies　and　explanations　in　writing。〃　Pronouncing　these　lofty　words
with　her　severest　emphasis；　Miss　Batchford　rose　another　inch；　and　sailed
majestically　out　of　the　room。

Grosse　took　no　notice　of　the　offended　lady：　he　only　put　his　hands　in　his
pockets；　and　looked　out　of　window　once　more。　As　the　door　closed；　Oscar
left　the　corner　in　which　he　had　seated　himself；　not　over…graciously；　when
we　entered　the　room。

〃Am　I　wanted　here？〃　he　asked。

Grosse　was　on　the　point　of　answering　the　question　even　less　amiably　than
it　had　been　putwhen　I　stopped　him　by　a　look。　〃I　want　to　speak　to　you；〃
I　whispered　in　his　ear。　He　nodded；　and；　turning　sharply　to　Oscar；　put
this　question　to　him：

〃Are　you　living　in　the　house？〃

〃I　am　staying　at　the　hotel　at　the　corner。〃

〃Go　to　the　hotel；　and　wait　there　till　I　come　to　you。〃

Greatly　to　my　surprise；　Oscar　submitted　to　be　treated　in　this　peremptory
manner。　He　took　his　leave　of　me　silently；　and　left　the　room。　Grosse　drew
a　chair　close　to　mine；　and　sat　down　by　me　in　a　comforting　confidential
fatherly　way。

〃Now　my　goot…girls；〃　he　said。　〃What　have　you　been　fretting　yourself　about
since　I　was　last　in　this　house？　Open　it　all；　if　you　please；　to　Papa
Grosse。　Come　begin…begin！〃

I　suppose　he　had　exhausted　his　ill…temper　on　my　aunt　and　Oscar。　He　said
those　wordsmore　than　kindlyalmost　tenderly。　His　fierce　eyes　seemed　to
soften　behind　his　spectacles；　he　took　my　hand　and　patted　it　to　encourage
me。

There　are　some　things　written　in　these　pages　of　mine　which　it　was；　of
course；　impossible　for　me　to　confide　to　him。　With　those　necessary
reservationsand　without　entering　on　the　painful　subject　of　my　altered
relations　with　Madame　PratolungoI　owned　quite　frankly　how　sadly　changed
I　felt　myself　to　be　towards　Oscar；　and　how　much　less　happy　I　was　with
him；　in　consequence　of　the　change。　〃I　am　not　ill　as　you　suppose；〃　I
explained。　〃I　am　only　disappointed　in　myself；　and　a　little　downhearted
when　I　think　of　the　future。〃　Having　opened　it　to　him　in　this　way；　I
thought　it　time　to　put　the　question　which　I　had　determined　to　ask　when　I
next　saw　him。

〃The　restoration　of　my　sight；〃　I　said；　〃has　made　a　new　being　of　me。　In
gaining　the　sense　of　seeing；　have　I　lost　the　sense　of　feeling　which　I　had
when　I　was　blind？　I　want　to　know　if　it　will　come　back　when　I　have　got
used　to　the　novelty　of　my　position？　I　want　to　know　if　I　shall　ever　enjoy
Oscar's　society　again；　as　I　used　to　enjoy　it　in　the　old　days　before　you
cured　methe　happy　days；　Papa…Grosse；　when　I　was　an　object　of　pity；　and
when　all　the　people　spoke　of　me　as　Poor　Miss　Finch？〃

I　had　more　to　saybut　at　this　place；　Grosse　（without　meaning　it；　I　am
sure）　suddenly　stopped　me。　To　my　amazement；　he　let　go　of　my　hand；　and
turned　his　face　away　sharply；　as　if　he　resented　my　looking　at　him。　His
big　head　sank　on　his　breast。　He　lifted　his　great　hairy　hands；　shook　them
mournfully；　and　let　them　fall　on　his　knees。　This　strange　behavior　and　the
still　stranger　silence　which　accompanied　it；　made　me　so　uneasy　that　I
insisted　on　his　explaining　himself。　〃What　is　the　matter　with　you？〃　I
said。　〃Why　don't　you　answer　me？〃

He　roused　himself　with　a　start；　and　put　his　arm　round　me；　with　a
wonderful　gentleness　for　a　man　who　was　so　rough　at　other　times。

〃It　is　nothing；　my　pretty　lofe；〃　he　said。　〃I　am　out　of　sort；　as　you　call
it。　Your　English　climates　sometimes　gives　your　English　blue　devil　to
foreign　mens　like　me。　I　have　got　him　nowan　English　blue　devil　in　a
German　inside。　Soh！　I　shall　go　and　walk　him　out；　and　come　back
empty…cheerful；　and　see　you　again。〃　He　rose；　after　this　curious
explanation；　and　attempted　some　sort　of　answera　very　odd　oneto　the
question　which　I　had　asked　of　him。　〃As　to　that　odder　thing；〃　he　went　on；
〃yes…indeed…yes。　You　have　hit　your　nail　on　his　head。　It　is；　as　you　say；
your　seeings　which　has　got　in　the　way　of　your　feelings。　When　your
seeings…feelings　has　got　used　to　one　anodder；　your　seeings　will　stay
where　he　is；　your　feelings　will　come　back　to　where　they　was；　one　will
balance　the　odder；　you　will　feel　as　you　did；　you　will　see　as　you　didn't；
all　at　the　same　times；　all　jolly…nice　again　as　before。　You　have　my
opinions。　Now　let　me　walk　out　my　blue　devil。　I　swear　to　come　back　again
with　a　new　inside。　By…bye…my…Feench…good…bye。〃

Saying　all　this　in　a　violent　hurry；　as　if　he　was　eager　to　get　away；　he
gave　me　a　kiss　on　the　forehead；　snatched　up　his　shabby　hat；　and　ran　out
of　the　room。

What　did　it　mean？

Does　he　persist　in　thinking　me　seriously　ill？　I　am　too　weary　to　puzzle　my
brains　in　the　effort　to　understand　my　dear　old　surgeon。　It　is　one　o'clock
in　the　morning；　and　I　have　still　to　write　the　story　of　all　that　happened
later　in　the　day。　My　eyes　are　beginning　to　ache；　and；　strange　to　say；　I
have　hardly　been　able　to　see　the　last　two　or　three　lines　I　have　written。
They　look　as　if　the　ink　was　fading　from　them。　If　Grosse　knew　what　I　am
about　at　this　moment！　His　last　words　to　me；　when　he　went　back　to　his
patients　in　London；　were：〃No　more　readings！　no　more　writings　till　I
come　again！〃　It　is　all　very　well　to　talk　in　that　way。　I　have　got　so　used
to　my　Journal　that　I　can't　do　without　it。　Nevertheless；　I　must　stop
nowfor　the　best　of　reasons。　Though　I　have　got　three　lighted　candles　on
my　table；　I　really　cannot　see　to　write　any　more。

To　bed！　to　bed！

＇Note。I　have　purposely　abstained　from　interrupting　Lucilla's　Journal
until　my　extracts　from　it　had　reached　this　place。　Here　the　writer　pauses；
and　gives　me　a　chance；　and　here　there　are　matters　that　must　be　mentioned；
of　which　she　had　personally　no　knowledge　at　the　time。

You　have　seen　how　her　faithful　instinct　still　tries　to　reveal　to　my　poor
darling　the　cruel　deception　that　is　being　practiced　on　herand　still
tries　in　vain。　In　spite　of　herself；　she　shrinks　from　the　man　who　is
tempting　her　to　go　away　with　himthough　he　pleads　in　the　character　of
her　betrothed　husband。　In　spite　of　herself；　she　detects　the　weak　places
in　the　case　which　Nugent　has　made　out　against　methe　absence　of
sufficient　motive　for　the　conduct　of　which　he　accuses　me；　and　the　utter
improbability　of　my　plotting　and　intriguing　（without　anything　to　gain　by
it）　to　make　her　marry　the　man　who　was　not　the　man　of　her　choice。　She
feels　these　hesitations　and　difficulties。　But　what　they　really　signify　it
is　morally　impossible　for　her　to　guess。

Thus　far；　no　doubt；　her　strange　and　touching　position　has　been　plainly
revealed　to　you。　But　can　I　feel　quite　so　sure　that　you　understand　how
seriously　she　has　been　affected　by　the　anxiety；　disappointment；　and
suspense　which　have　combined　together　to　torture　her　at　this　critical
interval　in　her　life？

I　doubt　it；　for　the　sufficient　reason　that　you　have　only　had　her　Journal
to　enlighten　you；　and　that　her　Journal　shows　she　does　not　understand　it
herself。　As　things　are；　it　seems　to　be　time　for　me　to　step　on　the　stage；
and　to　discover　to　you　plainly　what　her　surgeon　really　thought　of　her；　by
telling　you　what　passed　between　Grosse　and　Nugent；　when　the　German
presented　himself　at　the　hotel。

I　am　writing　now　（as　a　matter　of　course）　from　information　given　to　me；　at
an　after…period；　by　the　persons　themselves。　As　to　particulars；　the
accounts　vary。　As　to　results；　they　both　agree。

The　discovery　that　Nugent　was　at　Ramsgate　necessarily　took　Grosse　by
surprise。　With　his　previous　knowledge；　however；　of　the　situation　of
affairs　at　Dimchurch；　he　could　be　at　no　loss　to　understand　in　what
character　Nugent　had　presented　himself　to　Lucilla；　and　he　could　certainly
not　fail　to　understandafter　what　he　had　seen　and　what　she　had　herself
told　himthat　the　deception　was；　under　present　circumstances；　producing
the　worst　possible　effect　on　her　mind。　Arriving　at　this　conclusion；　he
was　not　a　man　to　hesitate　about　the　duty　that　lay　before　him。　When　he
entered　the　room　at　the　hotel　in　which　Nugent　was　waiting；　he　announced
the　object　of　his　visit　in　these　four　plain　words；　as　follows：

〃Pack　up；　and　go！〃

Nugent　coolly　offered　him　a　chair；　and　asked　what　he　meant。

Grosse　refused　the　chairbut　consented　to　explain　himself　in　terms
variously　reported　by　the　two　parties。　Combining　the　statements；　and
translating　Grosse　（in　this　grave　matter）　into　plain　English；　I　find　that
the　German　must　have　expressed　himself　in　these；　or　nearly　in　these；
words：

〃As　a　professional　man；　Mr。　Nugent；　I　invariably　refuse　to　enter　into
domestic　considerations　connected　with　my　patients　with　which　I　have
nothing　to　do。　In　the　case　of　Miss　Finch；　my　business　is　not　with　your
family　complications。　My　business　is　to　secure　the　recovery　of　the　young
lady's　sight。　If　I　find　her　health　improving；　I　don't　inquire　how　or　why。
No　matter　what　private　and　personal　frauds　you　may　be　practicing　upon
her；　I　have　nothing　to　say　to　themmore；　I　am　ready　to　take　advantage　of
them　myselfso　long　as　their　influence　is　directly　beneficial　in　keeping
her　morally　and　physically　in　the　condition　in　which　I　wish　her　to　be。
But；　the　instant　I　discover　that　this　domestic　conspiracy　of　yoursthis
personation　of　your　brother　which　once　quieted　and　comforted　heris
unfavorably　affecting　her　health　of　body　and　her　peace　of　mind；　I
interfere　between　you　in　the　character　of　her　medical　attendant；　and　stop
it　on　medical　grounds。　You　are　producing　in　my　patient　a　conflict　of
feeling；　whichin　a　nervous　temperament　like　herscannot　go　on　without
serious　injury　to　her　health。　And　serious　injury　to　her　health　means
serious　injury　to　her　eyes。　I　won't　have　thatI　tell　you　plainly　to　pack
up　and　go。　I　meddle　with　nothing　else。　After　what　you　have　yourself　seen；
I　leave　you　to　decide　whether　you　will　restore　your　brother　to　Miss
Finch；　or　not。　All　I　say　is；　Go。　Make　any　excuse　you　like；　but　go　before
you　have　done　more　mischief。　You　shake　your　head！　Is　that　a　sign　that　you
refuse？　Take　a　day　to　think；　before　you　make　up　your　mind。　I　have
patients　in　London　to　whom　I　am　obliged　to　go　back。　But　the　day　after
to…morrow；　I　shall　return　to　Ramsgate。　If　I　find　you　still　here；　I　shall
tell　Miss　Finch　you　are　no　more　Oscar　Dubourg　than　I　am。　In　her　present
state；　I　see　less　danger　in　giving　her　even　that　serious　shock　than　in
leaving　her　to　the　slow　torment　of　mind　which　you　are　inflicting　by　your
continued　presence　in　this　place。　My　last　word　is　said。　I　go　back　by　the
next　train；　in　an　hour's　time。　Good　morning；　Mr。　Nugent。　If　you　are　a
wise　man；　you　will　meet　me　at　the　station。〃

After　this；　the　accounts　vary。　Nugent's　statement　asserts　that　he
accompanied　Grosse　on　his　way　back　to　Miss　Batchford's　lodging；　arguing
the　matter　with　him；　and　only　leaving　him　at　the　door　of　the　house。
Grosse's　statement；　on　the　other　hand；　makes　no　allusion　to　this。　The
disagreement　between　them　is；　however；　of　no　consequence　here。　It　is
admitted；　on　either　side；　that　the　result　of　the　interview　was　the　same。
When　Grosse　took　the　train　for　London；　Nugent　Dubourg　was　not　at　the
station。　The　next　entry　in　the　Journal　shows　that　he　remained　that　day
and　night；　at　least；　at　Ramsgate。

You　now　know；　from　the　narr