poor miss finch-第67章

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and　locking　myself　up　in　my　own　room。〃

In　those　terms；　I　satisfied　him　that　my　memory　of　the　events　of　that　day
was　as　clear　as　his　own。　He　listened　without　making　any　remark；　and　went
on　when　I　had　done。

〃Madame　Pratolungo　shared　your　hard　opinion　of　me；　on　that　occasion；〃　he
proceeded；　〃and　expressed　it　in　infinitely　stronger　terms。　She　betrayed
herself　to　_you_　in　the　rectory　garden。　She　betrayed　herself　to　_me；_
after　you　had　left　us　together　in　the　sitting…room。　Her　hasty　temper
again；　beyond　all　doubt！　I　quite　agree　with　you。　What　she　said　to　me　in
your　absence；　she　would　never　have　said　if　she　had　been　mistress　of
herself。〃

I　began　to　feel　a　little　startled。　〃How　is　it　that　you　now　tell　me　of
this　for　the　first　time？〃　I　said。　〃Were　you　afraid　of　distressing　me？〃

〃I　was　afraid　of　losing　you；〃　he　answered。

Hitherto；　I　had　kept　my　arm　in　his。　I　drew　it　out　now。　If　his　reply　meant
anything；　it　meant　that　he　had　once　thought　me　capable　of　breaking　faith
with　him。　He　saw　that　I　was　hurt。

〃Remember；〃　he　said；　〃that　I　had　unhappily　offended　you　that　day；　and
that　you　have　not　heard　yet　what　Madame　Pratolungo　had　the　audacity　to
say　to　me　under　those　circumstances。〃

〃What　did　she　say　to　you？〃

〃This：'It　would　have　been　a　happier　prospect　for　Lucilla；　if　she　had
been　going　to　marry　your　brother；　instead　of　marrying　you。'　I　repeat
literally：　those　were　the　words。〃

I　could　no　more　believe　it　of　her　than　I　could　have　believed　it　of
myself。

〃Are　you　really　sure？〃　I　asked　him。　〃_Can_　she　have　said　anything　so
cruel　to　you　as　that？〃

Instead　of　answering　me；　he　took　his　pocket…book　from　the　breast…pocket
of　his　coatsearched　in　itand　produced　a　morsel　of　folded　and　crumpled
paper。　He　opened　the　paper；　and　showed　me　some　writing　inside。

〃Is　that　my　writing？〃　he　asked。

It　was　his　writing。　I　had　seen　enough　of　his　letters；　since　the　recovery
of　my　sight；　to　feel　sure　of　that。

〃Read　it！〃　he　said；　〃and　judge　for　yourself。〃

＇Note。You　have　made　your　acquaintance　with　this　letter　already；　in　my
thirty…second　chapter。　I　had　said　those　foolish　words　to　Oscar　（as　you
will　find　in　my　record　of　the　time）；　under　the　influence　of　a　natural
indignation；　which　any　other　woman　with　a　spark　of　spirit　in　her　would
have　felt　in　my　place。　Instead　of　personally　remonstrating　with　me；　Oscar
had　（as　usual）　gone　home；　and　written　me　a　letter　of　expostulation。
Having；　on　my　side；　had　time　to　cooland　feeling　the　absurdity　of　our
exchanging　letters　when　we　were　within　a　few　minutes'　walk　of　each
otherI　had　gone　straight　to　Browndown；　on　receiving　the　letter：　first
crumpling　it　up；　and　（as　I　supposed）　throwing　it　into　the　fire。　After
personally　setting　myself　right　with　Oscar；　I　had　returned　to　the
rectory；　and　had　there　heard　that　Nugent　had　been　to　see　me　in　my
absence；　had　waited　a　little　while　alone　in　the　sitting…room；　and　had
gone　away　again。　When　I　tell　you　that　the　letter　which　he　was　now　showing
to　Lucilla；　was　that　same　letter　of　Oscar's；　which　I　had　（as　I　believed）
destroyed；　you　will　understand　that　I　had　thrown　it　into　the　fender
instead　of　into　the　fire；　and　that　I　failed　to　see　it　in　the　fender　on　my
return；　simply　because　Nugent　had　seen　it　first；　and　had　taken　it　away
with　him。　These　particulars　are　described　in　greater　detail　in　the
chapter　to　which　I　have　referred；　the　letter　itself　being　there　inserted
at　full　length。　However；　I　will　save　you　the　trouble　of　looking　backI
know　how　you　hate　trouble！by　transcribing　literally　what　I　find　before
me　in　the　Journal。　The　original　letter　is　pasted　on　the　page：　I　will　copy
it　from　the　page　for　the　second　time。　Am　I　not　good　to　you？　What　author
by　profession　would　do　as　much　for　you　as　this？　I　am　afraid　I　am　praising
myself！　Let　Lucilla　proceed。P。＇

I　took　the　letter　from　him　and　read　it。　At　my　request；　he　has　permitted
me　to　keep　it。　The　letter　is　my　justification　for　thinking　of　Madame
Pratolungo　as　I　now　think　of　her。　I　place　it　here；　before　I　write　another
line　in　my　Journal。



〃MADAME　PRATOLUNGO；You　have　distressed　and　pained　me　more　than　I　can
say。　There　are　faults；　and　serious　ones；　on　my　side；　I　know。　I　heartily
beg　your　pardon　for　anything　that　I　may　have　said　or　done　to　offend　you。
I　cannot　submit　to　your　hard　verdict　on　me。　If　you　knew　how　I　adore
Lucilla；　you　would　make　allowances　for　meyou　would　understand　me　better
than　you　do。　I　cannot　get　your　last　cruel　words　out　of　my　ears。　I　cannot
meet　you　again　without　some　explanation　of　them。　You　stabbed　me　to　the
heart；　when　you　said　this　evening　that　it　would　be　a　happier　prospect　for
Lucilla　if　she　had　been　going　to　marry　my　brother　instead　of　marrying　me。
I　hope　you　did　not　really　mean　that？　Will　you　please　write　and　tell　me
whether　you　did　or　not？

〃OSCAR。〃

My　first　proceeding；　after　reading　those　lines；　was　of　course　to　put　my
arm　again　in　his；　and　to　draw　him　as　close　to　me　as　close　could　be。　My
second　proceeding　followed　in　due　time。　I　asked；　naturally；　for　Madame
Pratolungo's　answer　to　that　most　affectionate　and　most　touching　letter。

〃I　have　no　answer　to　show　you；〃　he　said。

〃You　have　lost　it？〃　I　asked。

〃I　never　had　it。〃

〃What　do　you　mean？〃

〃Madame　Pratolungo　never　answered　my　letter。〃

I　made　him　repeat　thatonce；　twice。　Was　it　not　incredible　that　such　an
appeal　could　be　made　to　any　woman　not　utterly　depravedand　be　left
unnoticed？　Twice　he　reiterated　the　same　answer。　Twice　he　declared　on　his

honor　that　not　a　line　of　reply　had　been　returned　to　him。　She　was　then
utterly　depraved？　No！　there　was　a　last　excuse　left　that　justice　and
friendship　might　still　make　for　her。　I　made　it。

〃There　is　but　one　explanation　of　her　conduct；〃　I　said。　〃She　never
received　the　letter。　Where　did　you　send　it　to？〃

〃To　the　rectory。〃

〃Who　took　it？〃

〃My　own　servant。〃

〃He　may　have　lost　it　on　the　way；　and　have　been　afraid　to　tell　you。　Or　the
servant　at　the　rectory　may　have　forgotten　to　deliver　it。

Oscar　shook　his　head。　〃Quite　impossible！　I　know　Madame　Pratolungo
received　the　letter。〃

〃How？〃

〃I　found　it　crumpled　up　in　a　corner　inside　the　fender；　_in　your
sitting…room　at　the　rectory。_〃

〃Had　it　been　opened？〃

〃It　had　been　opened。　She　had　received　it；　she　had　read　it；　and　she　had
not　thrown　quite　far　enough　to　throw　it　into　the　fire。　Now；　Lucilla！　Is
Madame　Pratolungo　an　injured　woman？　and　am　I　a　man　who　has　slandered
her？〃

There　was　another　public　seat；　a　few　paces　distant　from　us。　I　could　stand
no　longer。　I　went　away　by　myself　and　sat　down。　A　dull　sensation　possessed
me。　I　could　neither　speak；　nor　cry。　There　I　sat　in　silence；　slowly
wringing　my　hands　in　my　lap；　and　feeling　the　last　ties　that　still　bound
me　to　the　once…loved　friend　of　former　days；　falling　away　one　after　the
other；　and　leaving　us　parted　for　life。

He　followed　me；　and　stood　over　mehe　summed　her　up　in　stern　quiet　tones；
which　carried　conviction　into　my　mind；　and　made　me　feel　ashamed　of　myself
for　having　ever　regretted　her。

〃Look　back　for　the　last　time；　Lucilla；　at　what　this　woman　has　said　and
done。　You　will　find　that　the　idea　of　your　marrying　Nugent　is；　under　one
form　or　another；　always　present　to　her　mind。　Present　alike　when　she
forgets　herself；　and　speaks　in　a　rageor　when　she　reflects；　and　speaks
with　a　purpose。　At　one　time；　she　tells　you　that　you　would　have　fallen　in
love　with　Nugent；　if　you　had　seen　him　first。　At　another　time；　she　stands
by　while　Nugent　is　personating　me　to　you；　and　never　interferes　to　stop
it。　On　a　third　occasion；　she　sees　that　you　are　offended　with　me；　and
triumphs　so　cruelly　in　seeing　it；　that　she　tells　me　to　my　face；　your
prospect　would　have　been　a　much　happier　one；　if　you　had　been　engaged　to
marry　my　brother　instead　of　me。　She　is　asked　in　writing；　civilly　and
kindly　asked；　to　explain　what　she　means　by　those　abominable　words？　She
has　had　time　to　reflect　since　she　spoke　them；　and　what　does　she　do？　Does
she　answer　me？　No！　She　contemptuously　tosses　my　letter　into　the
fire…place。　Add　to　these　plain　facts　what　you　yourself　have　observed。
Nugent　has　all　her　admiration；　Nugent　is　her　favorite：　from　the　first；
she　has　always　disliked　and　wronged　_me。_　Add　to　this；　again；　that　Nugent
（as　I　know　for　certain）　privately　confessed　to　her　that　he　was　himself　in
love　with　you。　Look　at　all　these　circumstancesand　what　plain　conclusion
follows？　I　ask　you　once　moreIs　Madame　Pratolungo　a　slandered　woman？　or
am　I　right　in　warning　you　（as　you　once　warned　me）　to　beware　of　her？〃

What　could　I　do　but　own　that　he　was　right？　It　was　due　to　him；　and　due　to
me；　to　close　my　heart　to　her；　from　that　moment。　Oscar　sat　down　by　me；　and
took　my　hand。

〃After　my　experience　of　her　in　the　past；〃　he　went　on　softly；　〃can　you
wonder　that　I　dread　what　she　may　do　in　the　future？　Has　no　such　thing　ever
happened　as　the　parting　of　true　lovers　by　treachery　which　has　secretly
undermined　their　confidence　in　each　other。　Is　Madame　Pratolungo　not
clever　enough　and　unscrupulous　enough　to　undermine　_our_　confidence；　and
to　turn　against　us；　to　the　wickedest　purpose；　the　influence　which　she
already　possesses　at　the　rectory？　How　do　we　know　that　she　is　not　in
communication　with　Nugent　at　this　moment？〃

I　stopped　him　thereI　could　not　endure　it。　〃You　have　seen　your　brother；〃
I　said。　〃You　have　told　me　that　you　and　he　understand　each　other。　What
have　you　to　dread　after　that？〃

〃I　have　to　dread　Madame　Pratolungo's　influence；　and　my　brother's
infatuation　for　you；〃　he　answered。　〃The　promises　which　he　has　honestly
made　to　me；　are　promises　which　I　cannot　depend　on　when　my　back　is　turned；
and　when　Madame　Pratolungo　may　be　with　him　in　my　absence。　Something　under
the　surface　is　going　on　already！　I　don't　like　that　mysterious　letter；
which　is　only　to　be　shown　to　you　on　certain　conditions。　I　don't　like　your
father's　silence。　He　has　had　time　to　answer　your　letter。　Has　he　done　it？
He　has　had　time　to　answer　my　postscript。　Has　he　done　it？〃

Those　were　awkward　questions。　He　had　certainly　left　both　our　letters
unansweredthus　far。　Still；　the　next　post　might　bring　his　reply。　I
persisted　in　taking　this　view；　and　I　said　so　to　Oscar。　He　persisted　just
as　obstinately　on　his　side。

〃Suppose　we　go　on　to　the　end　of　the　week；〃　he　said；　〃and　still　no　letter
from　your　father　comes；　for　you；　or　for　me？　Will　you　admit；　_then；_　that
his　silence　is　suspicious？〃

〃I　will　admit　that　his　silence　shows　a　sad　want　of　proper　consideration
for　_you；_〃　I　replied。

〃And　there　you　will　stop？　You　won't　see　（what　I　see）　the　influence　of
Madame　Pratolungo　making　itself　felt　at　the　rectory；　and　poisoning　your
father's　mind　against　our　marriage？〃

He　was　pressing　me　rather　hardly。　I　did　my　best；　however；　to　tell　him
honestly　what　was　passing　in　my　mind。

〃I　can　see；〃　I　said；　〃that　Madame　Pratolungo　has　behaved　most　cruelly　to
you。　And　I　believe；　after　what　you　have　told　me；　that　she　would　rejoice
if　I　broke　my　engagement；　and　married　your　brother。　But　I　can　_not_
understand　that　she　is　mad　enough　to　be　actually　plotting　to　make　me　do
it。　Nobody　knows　better　than　she　does　how　faithfully　I　love　you；　and　how
hopeless　it　would　be　to　attempt　to　make　me　marry　another　man。　Would　the
stupidest　woman　living；　who　looked　at　you　two　brothers　（knowing　what　she
knows）；　be　stu