poor miss finch-第44章

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of　ten　years　old！　My　first　thought；　while　he　was　telling　me　this；　was　of
myself；　and　of　my　chance　with　Lucilla。　My　first　question　was；　'Did　the
child　get　used　to　the　nurse？'　I　can　give　you　his　answer　in　his　own　words。
'In　a　week's　time；　I　found　the　child　sitting　in　the　nurse's　lap　as
composedly　as　I　am　sitting　in　this　chair。'〃That　is　encouragingisn't
it？〃

〃Most　encouragingnobody　can　deny　it。〃

〃The　second　instance　was　more　curious　still。　This　time　the　case　was　the
case　of　a　grown　manand　the　object　was　to　show　me　what　strange　fantastic
images　（utterly　unlike　the　reality）　the　blind　form　of　the　people　about
them。　The　patient　was　married；　and　was　to　see　his　wife　（as　Lucilla　is　one
day　to　see　me）　for　the　first　time。　He　had　been　told；　before　he　married
her；　that　she　was　personally　disfigured　by　the　scar　of　a　wound　on　one　of
her　cheeks。　The　poor　womanah；　how　well　I　can　understand　her！trembled
for　the　consequences。　The　man　who　had　loved　her　dearly　while　he　was
blind；　might　hate　her　when　he　saw　her　scarred　face。　Her　husband　had　been
the　first　to　console　her　when　the　operation　was　determined　on。　He
declared　that　his　sense　of　touch；　and　the　descriptions　given　to　him　by
others；　had　enabled　him　to　form；　in　his　own　mind；　the　most　complete　and
faithful　image　of　his　wife's　face。　Nothing　that　Mr。　Sebright　could　say
would　induce　him　to　believe　that　it　was　physically　impossible　for　him　to
form　a　really　correct　idea　of　any　object；　animate　or　inanimate；　which　he
had　never　seen。　He　wouldn't　hear　of　it。　He　was　so　certain　of　the　result；
that　he　held　his　wife's　hand　in　his；　to　encourage　her；　when　the　bandage
was　removed　from　him。　At　his　first　look　at　her；　he　uttered　a　cry　of
horror；　and　fell　back　in　his　chair　in　a　swoon。　His　wife；　poor　thing；　was
distracted。　Mr。　Sebright　did　his　best　to　compose　her；　and　waited　till　her
husband　was　able　to　answer　the　questions　put　to　him。　It　then　appeared
that　his　blind　idea　of　his　wife；　and　of　her　disfigurement　had　been
something　so　grotesquely　and　horribly　unlike　the　reality；　that　it　was
hard　to　know　whether　to　laugh　or　to　tremble　at　it。　She　was　as　beautiful
as　an　angel；　by　comparison　with　her　husband's　favorite　idea　of　herand
yet；　because　it　was　his　idea；　he　was　absolutely　disgusted　and　terrified
at　the　first　sight　of　her！　In　a　few　weeks　he　was　able　to　compare　his　wife
with　other　women；　to　look　at　pictures；　to　understand　what　beauty　was　and
what　ugliness　wasand　from　that　time　they　have　lived　together　as　happy　a
married　couple　as　any　in　the　kingdom。〃

I　was　not　quite　sure　which　way　this　last　example　pointed。　It　alarmed　me
when　I　thought　of　Lucilla。　I　came　to　a　standstill　again。

〃How　did　Mr。　Sebright　apply　this　second　case　to　Lucilla　and　to　you？〃　I
asked。

〃You　shall　hear；〃　said　Oscar。　〃He　first　appealed　to　the　case　as
supporting　his　assertion　that　Lucilla's　idea　of　me　must　be　utterly　unlike
what　I　am　myself。　He　asked　if　I　was　now　satisfied　that　she　could　have　no
correct　conception　of　what　faces　and　colors　were　really　like？　and　if　I
agreed　with　him　in　believing　that　the　image　in　her　mind　of　the　man　with
the　blue　face；　was　in　all　probability　something　fantastically　and
hideously　unlike　the　reality？　After　what　I　had　heard；　I　agreed　with　him
as　a　matter　of　course。　'Very　well；'　says　Mr。　Sebright。　'Now　let　its
remember　that　there　is　one　important　difference　between　the　case　of　Miss
Finch；　and　the　case　that　I　have　just　mentioned。　The　husband's　blind　idea
of　his　wife　was　the　husband's　favorite　idea。　The　shock　of　the　first　sight
of　her；　was　plainly　a　shock　to　him　on　that　account。　Now　Miss　Finch's
blind　idea　of　the　blue　face　is；　on　the　contrary；　a　hateful　idea　to
herthe　image　is　an　image　that　she　loathes。　Is　it　not　fair　to　conclude
from　this；　that　the　first　sight　of　you　as　you　really　are；　is　likely　to
be；　in　her　case；　a　relief　to　her　instead　of　a　shock？　Reasoning　from　my
experience；　I　reach　that　conclusion；　and　I　advise　you；　in　your　own
interests；　to　be　present　when　the　bandage　is　taken　off。　Even　if　I　prove
to　be　mistakeneven　if　she　is　not　immediately　reconciled　to　the　sight　of
youthere　is　the　other　example　of　the　child　and　the　Indian　nurse　to
satisfy　you　that　it　is　only　a　question　of　time。　Sooner　or　later；　she　will
take　the　discovery　as　any　other　young　lady　would　take　it。　At　first；　she
will　be　indignant　with　you　for　deceiving　her；　and　then；　if　you　are　sure
of　your　place　in　her　affections；　she　will　end　in　forgiving　you。There　is
my　view　of　your　position；　and　there　are　the　grounds　on　which　I　form　it！
In　the　meantime；　my　own　opinion　remains　unshaken。　I　firmly　believe　that
you　will　never　have　occasion　to　act　on　the　advice　that　I　have　given　to
you。　When　the　bandage　is　taken　off；　the　chances　are　five　hundred　to　one
that　she　is　no　nearer　to　seeing　you　then　than　she　is　now。'　These　were　his
last　wordsand　on　that　we　parted。〃

Oscar　and　I　walked　on　again　for　a　little　way；　in　silence。

I　had　nothing　to　say　against　Mr。　Sebright's　reasons；　it　was　impossible　to
question　the　professional　experience　from　which　they　were　drawn。　As　to
blind　people　in　general；　I　felt　no　doubt　that　his　advice　was　good；　and
that　his　conclusions　were　arrived　at　correctly。　But　Lucilla's　was　no
ordinary　character。　My　experience　of　her　was　better　experience　than　Mr。
Sebright'sand　the　more　I　thought　of　the　future；　the　less　inclined　I
felt　to　share　Oscar's　hopeful　view。　She　was　just　the　person　to　say
something　or　do　something；　at　the　critical　moment　of　the　experiment；
which　would　take　the　wisest　previous　calculation　by　surprise。　Oscar's
prospects　never　had　looked　darker　to　me　than　they　looked　at　that　moment。

It　would　have　been　useless　and　cruel　to　have　said　to　him　what　I　have　just
said　here。　I　put　as　bright　a　face　on　it　as　I　could；　and　asked　if　he
proposed　to　follow　Mr。　Sebright's　advice。

〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃With　a　certain　reservation　of　my　own；　which　occurred　to
me　after　I　had　left　his　house。〃

〃May　I　ask　what　it　is？〃

〃Certainly。　I　mean　to　beg　Nugent　to　leave　Dimchurch；　before　Lucilla　tries
her　sight　for　the　first　time。　He　will　do　that；　I　know；　to　please　me。〃

〃And　when　he　has　done　it；　what　then？〃

〃Then　I　mean　to　be　presentas　Mr。　Sebright　suggestedwhen　the　bandage
is　taken　off。〃

〃Previously　telling　Lucilla；〃　I　interposed；　〃that　it　is　you　who　are　in
the　room？〃

〃No。　There　I　take　the　precaution　that　I　alluded　to　just　now。　I　propose　to
leave　Lucilla　under　the　impression　that　it　is　I　who　have　left　Dimchurch；
and　that　Nugent's　face　is　the　face　she　sees。　If　Mr。　Sebright　proves　to　be
right；　and　if　her　first　sensation　is　a　sensation　of　relief；　I　will　own
the　truth　to　her　the　same　day。　If　not；　I　will　wait　to　make　my　confession
until　she　has　become　reconciled　to　the　sight　of　me。　That　plan　meets　every
possible　emergency。　It　is　one　of　the　few　good　ideas　that　my　stupid　head
has　hit　on　since　I　have　been　at　Dimchurch。〃

He　said　those　last　words　with　such　an　innocent　air　of　triumph；　that　I
really　could　not　find　it　in　my　heart　to　damp　his　ardor　by　telling　him
what　I　thought　of　his　idea。　All　I　said　was；　〃Don't　forget；　Oscar；　that
the　cleverest　plans　are　at　the　mercy　of　circumstances。　At　the　last
moment；　an　accident　may　happen　which　will　force　you　to　speak　out。〃

We　came　in　sight　of　the　rectory　as　I　gave　him　that　final　warning。　Nugent
was　strolling　up　and　down　the　road　on　the　look…out　for　us。　I　left　Oscar
to　tell　his　story　over　again　to　his　brother；　and　went　into　the　house。

Lucilla　was　at　her　piano　when　I　entered　the　sitting…room。　She　was　not
only　playingbut　（a　rare　thing　with　her）　singing　too。　The　song　was；
poetry　and　music　both；　of　her　own　composing。　〃I　shall　see　him！　I　shall
see　him！〃　In　those　four　words　the　composition　began　and　ended。　She
adapted　them　to　all　the　happy　melodies　in　her　memory。　She　accompanied
them　with　hands　that　seemed　to　be　mad　for　joyhands　that　threatened
every　moment　to　snap　the　chords　of　the　instrument。　Never；　since　my　first
day　at　the　rectory；　had　I　heard　such　a　noise　in　our　quiet　sitting…room　as
I　heard　now。　She　was　in　a　fever　of　exhilaration　which；　in　my　foreboding
frame　of　mind　at　that　moment；　it　pained　and　shocked　me　to　see。　I　lifted
her　off　the　music…stool；　and　shut　up　the　piano　by　main　force。

〃Compose　yourself　for　heaven's　sake；〃　I　said。　〃Do　you　want　to　be
completely　exhausted　when　the　German　comes　tomorrow？〃

That　consideration　instantly　checked　her。　She　suddenly　became　quiet；　with
the　abrupt　facility　of　a　child。

〃I　forgot　that；〃　she　said；　sitting　down　in　a　corner；　with　a　face　of
dismay。　〃He　might　refuse　to　perform　the　operation！　Oh；　my　dear；　quiet　me
down　somehow。　Get　a　book；　and　read　to　me。〃

I　got　the　book。　Ah；　the　poor　author！　Neither　she　nor　I　paid　the　slightest
attention　to　him。　Worse　still；　we　abused　him　for　not　interesting　usand
then　shut　him　up　with　a　bang；　and　pushed　him　rudely　into　his　place　on　the
book…shelf；　and　left　him　upside　down　and　went　to　bed。

She　was　standing　at　her　window　when　I　went　in　to　wish　her　good　night。　The
mellow　moonlight　fell　tenderly　on　her　lovely　face。

〃Moon　that　I　have　never　seen；〃　she　murmured　softly；　〃I　feel　you　looking
at　me！　Is　the　time　coming　when　I　shall　look　at　You？〃　She　turned　from　the
window；　and　eagerly　put　my　fingers　on　her　pulse。　〃Am　I　quite　composed
again？〃　she　asked。　〃Will　he　find　me　well　to…morrow？　Feel　it！　feel　it！　Is
it　quiet　now？〃

I　felt　itthrobbing　faster　and　faster。

〃Sleep　will　quiet　it；〃　I　saidand　kissed　her；　and　left　her。



She　slept　well。　As　for　me；　I　passed　such　a　wretched　night；　and　got　up　so
completely　worn　out；　that　I　had　to　go　back　to　my　room　after　breakfast；
and　lie　down　again。　Lucilla　persuaded　me　to　do　it。　〃Herr　Grosse　won't　be
here　till　the　afternoon；〃　she　said。　〃Rest　till　he　comes。〃

We　had　reckoned　without　allowing　for　the　eccentric　character　of　our
German　surgeon。　Excepting　the　business　of　his　profession；　Herr　Grosse　did
everything　by　impulse；　and　nothing　by　rule。　I　had　not　long　fallen　into　a
broken　unrefreshing　sleep；　when　I　felt　Zillah's　hand　on　my　shoulder；　and
heard　Zillah's　voice　in　my　ear。

〃Please　to　get　up；　ma'am！　He's　herehe　has　come　from　London　by　the
morning　train。〃

I　hurried　into　the　sitting…room。

There；　at　the　table；　sat　Herr　Grosse　with　an　open　instrument…case　before
him；　his　wild　black　eyes　gloating　over　a　hideous　array　of　scissors；
probes；　and　knives；　and　his　shabby　hat　hard　by　with　lint　and　bandages
huddled　together　anyhow　inside　it。　And　there　stood　Lucilla　by　his　side；
stooping　over　himwith　one　hand　laid　familiarly　on　his　shoulder；　and
with　the　other　deftly　fingering　one　of　his　horrid　instruments　to　find　out
what　it　was　like！


THE　END　OF　THE　FIRST　PART



PART　THE　SECOND


CHAPTER　THE　THIRTY…FOURTH

Nugent　shows　his　Hand

I　CLOSED　the　First　Part　of　my　narrative　on　the　day　of　the　operation；　the
twenty…fifth　of　June。

I　open　the　Second　Part；　between　six　and　seven　weeks　later；　on　the　ninth
of　August。

How　did　the　time　pass　at　Dimchurch　in　that　interval？

Searching　backwards　in　my　memory；　I　call　to　life　again　the　domestic
history　of　the　six　weeks。　It　looks；　on　retrospection；　miserably　dull　and
empty　of　incident。　I　wonder　when　I　contemplate　it　now；　how　we　got　through
that　weary　intervalhow　we　bore　that　forced　inaction；　that　unrelieved
oppression　of　suspense。