poor miss finch-第20章

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of　our　adversity。　Lucilla　and　I　took　it　in　turns　to　play；　and　Oscar
listened。　I　have　to　report　that　we　got　through　a　great　deal　of　music。　I
have　also　to　acknowledge　that　we　were　very　dull。



As　for　Reverend　Finch；　he　talked　his　way　through　his　share　of　the
troubles　that　were　trying　us　now；　at　the　full　compass　of　his　voice。

If　you　had　heard　the　little　priest　in　those　days；　you　would　have　supposed
that　nobody　could　feel　our　domestic　misfortunes　as　_he_　felt　them；　and
grieve　over　them　as　_he_　grieved。　He　was　a　sight　to　see；　on　the　day　of
the　medical　consultation；　strutting　up　and　down　his　wife's　sitting…room；
and　haranguing　his　audiencecomposed　of　his　wife　and　myself。　Mrs。　Finch
sat　in　one　corner；　with　the　baby　and　the　novel；　and　the　petticoat　and　the
shawl。　I　occupied　the　other　corner；　summoned　to　〃consult　with　the
rector。〃　In　plain　words；　summoned　to　hear　Mr。　Finch　declare　that　he　was
the　person　principally　overshadowed　by　the　cloud　which　hung　on　the
household。

〃I　despair；　Madame　PratolungoI　assure　you；　I　despairof　conveying　any
idea　of　how　_I_　feel　under　this　most　melancholy　state　of　things。　You　have
been　very　good；　you　have　shown　the　sympathy　of　a　true　friend。　But　you
cannot　possibly　understand　how　this　blow　has　fallen　on　Me。　I　am　crushed。
Madame　Pratolungo！〃　（he　appealed　to　me；　in　my　corner）；　〃Mrs。　Finch！〃　（he
appealed　to　his　wife；　in　_her_　corner）〃I　am　crushed。　There　is　no　other
word　to　express　it　but　the　word　I　have　used。　Crushed。〃　He　stopped　in　the
middle　of　the　room。　He　looked　expectantly　at　mehe　looked　expectantly　at
his　wife。　His　face　and　manner　said　plainly；　〃If　both　these　women　faint；　I
shall　consider　it　a　natural　and　becoming　proceeding　on　their　parts；　after
what　I　have　just　told　them。〃　I　waited　for　the　lead　of　the　lady　of　the
house。　Mrs。　Finch　did　not　roll　prostrate；　with　the　baby　and　the　novel；　on
the　floor。　Thus　encouraged；　I　presumed　to　keep　my　seat。　The　rector　still
waited　for　us。　I　looked　as　miserable　as　I　could。　Mrs。　Finch　cast　her　eyes
up　reverentially　at　her　husband；　as　if　she　thought　him　the　noblest　of
created　beings；　and　silently　put　her　handkerchief　to　her　eyes。　Mr。　Finch
was　satisfied；　Mr。　Finch　went　on。　〃My　health　has　sufferedI　assure　you；
Madame　Pratolungo；　MY　health　has　suffered。　Since　this　sad　occurrence；　my
stomach　has　given　way。　My　balance　is　lostmy　usual　regularity　is　gone。　I
am　subjectentirely　through　this　miserable　businessto　fits　of　morbid
appetite。　I　want　things　at　wrong　timesbreakfast　in　the　middle　of　the
night；　dinner　at　four　in　the　morning。　I　want　something　now！〃　Mr。　Finch
stopped；　horror…struck　at　his　condition；　pondering　with　his　eyebrows
fiercely　knit；　and　his　hand　pressed　convulsively　on　the　lower　buttons　of
his　rusty　black　waistcoat。　Mrs。　Finch's　watery　blue　eyes　looked　across
the　room　at　me；　in　a　moist　melancholy　of　conjugal　distress。　The　rector；
suddenly　enlightened　after　his　consultation　with　his　stomach；　strutted　to
the　door；　flung　it　wide　open；　and　called　down　the　kitchen　stairs　with　a
voice　of　thunder；　〃Poach　me　an　egg！〃　He　came　back　into　the　roomheld
another　consultation；　keeping　his　eyes　severely　fixed　on　mestrutted
back　in　a　furious　hurry　to　the　doorand　bellowed　a　counter…order　down
the　kitchen…stairs；　〃No　egg！　Do　me　a　red　herring！〃　He　came　back　for　the
second　time；　with　his　eyes　closed　and　his　hand　laid　distractedly　on　his
head。　He　appealed　alternately　to　Mrs。　Finch　and　to　me。　〃See　for
yourselvesMrs。　Finch！　Madame　Pratolungo！see　for　yourselves　what　a
state　I　am　in。　It's　simply　pitiable。　I　hesitate　about　the　most　trifling
things。　First；　I　think　I　want　a　poached　eggthen；　I　think　I　want　a　red
herringnow　I　don't　know　what　I　want。　Upon　my　word　of　honor　as　a
clergyman　and　a　gentleman；　I　don't　know　what　I　want！　Morbid　appetite　all
day；　morbid　wakefulness　all　nightwhat　a　condition！　I　can't　rest。　I
disturb　my　wife　at　night。　Mrs。　Finch！　I　disturb　you　at　night。　How　many
timessince　this　misfortune　fell　upon　usdo　I　turn　in　bed　before　I　fall
off　to　sleep？　Eight　times？　Are　you　certain　of　it？　Don't　exaggerate！　Are
you　certain　you　counted！　Very　well：　good　creature！　I　never　rememberI
assure　you；　Madame　Pratolungo；　I　never　remembersuch　a　complete　upset　as
this　before。　The　nearest　approach　to　it　was　some　years　since；　at　my
wife's　last　confinement　but　four。　Mrs。　Finch！　was　it　at　your　last
confinement　but　four？　or　your　last　but　five？　Your　last　but　four？　Are　you
sure。　Are　you　certain　you　are　not　misleading　our　friend　here？　Very　well：
good　creature！　Pecuniary　difficulties；　Madame　Pratolungo；　were　at　the
bottom　of　it　on　that　last　occasion。　I　got　over　the　pecuniary
difficulties。　How　am　I　to　get　over　this？　My　plans　for　Oscar　and　Lucilla
were　completely　arranged。　My　relations　with　my　wedded　children　were
pleasantly　laid　out。　I　saw　my　own　future；　I　saw　the　future　of　my　family。
What　do　I　see　now？　All；　so　to　speak；　annihilated　at　a　blow。　Inscrutable
Providence！〃　He　paused；　and　lifted　his　eyes　and　hands　devotionally　to　the
ceiling。　The　cook　appeared　with　the　red　herring。　〃Inscrutable
Providence〃proceeded　Mr。　Finch；　a　tone　lower。　〃Eat　it；　dear；〃　said　Mrs。
Finch；　〃while　it's　hot。〃　The　rector　paused　again。　His　unresting　tongue
urged　him　to　proceed；　his　undisciplined　stomach　clamored　for　the　herring。
The　cook　uncovered　the　dish。　Mr。　Finch's　nose　instantly　sided　with　Mr。
Finch's　stomach。　He　stopped　at　〃Inscrutable　Providence〃and　peppered　his
herring。

Having　reported　how　the　rector　spoke；　in　the　presence　of　the　disaster
which　had　fallen　on　the　family；　I　have　only　to　complete　the　picture　by
stating　next　what　he　did。　He　borrowed　two　hundred　pounds　of　Oscar；　and
left　off　commanding　red　herrings　in　the　day　and　disturbing　Mrs。　Finch　at
night；　immediately　afterwards。



The　dull　autumn　days　ended；　and　the　long　nights　of　winter　began。

No　change　for　the　better　appeared　in　our　prospects。　The　doctors　did　their
best　for　Oscarwithout　avail。　The　horrible　fits　came　back；　again　and

again。　Day　after　day；　our　dull　lives　went　monotonously　on。　I　almost　began
now　to　believe；　with　Lucilla；　that　a　crisis　of　some　sort　must　be　at　hand。
〃This　cannot　last；〃　I　used　to　say　to　myselfgenerally　when　I　was　very
hungry。　〃Something　will　happen　before　the　year　comes　to　an　end。〃

The　month　of　December　began；　and　something　happened　at　last。　The　family
troubles　at　the　rectory　were　matched　by　family　troubles　of　my　own。　A
letter　arrived　for　me　from　one　of　my　younger　sisters　at　Paris。　It
contained　alarming　news　of　a　person　very　dear　to　mealready　mentioned　in
the　first　of　these　pages　as　my　good　Papa。

Was　the　venerable　author　of　my　being　dangerously　ill　of　a　mortal　disease？
Alas！　he　was　not　exactly　thatbut　the　next　worst　thing　to　it。　He　was
dangerously　in　love　with　a　disreputable　young　woman。　At　what　age？　At　the
age　of　seventy…five！　What　can　we　say　of　my　surviving　parent？　We　can　only
say；　This　is　a　vigorous　nature；　Papa　has　an　evergreen　heart。

I　am　grieved　to　trouble　you　with　my　family　concerns。　But　they　mix
themselves　up　intimately；　as　you　will　see　in　due　time；　with　the　concerns
of　Oscar　and　Lucilla。　It　is　my　unhappy　destiny　that　I　cannot　possibly
take　you　through　the　present　narrative；　without　sooner　or　later
disclosing　the　one　weakness　（amiable　weakness）　of　the　gayest　and
brightest　and　best…preserved　man　of　his　time。

Ah；　I　am　now　treading　on　egg…shells；　I　know！　The　English　specter　called
Propriety　springs　up　rampant　on　my　writing…table；　and　whispers　furiously
in　my　ear；　〃Madame　Pratolungo；　raise　a　blush　on　the　cheek　of　Innocence；
and　it　is　all　over　from　that　moment　with　you　and　your　story。〃　Oh；
inflammable　Cheek　of　Innocence；　be　good…natured　for　once；　and　I　will　rack
my　brains　to　try　if　I　can　put　it　to　you　without　offense！　May　I　picture
good　Papa　as　an　elder　in　the　Temple　of　Venus；　burning　incense
inexhaustibly　on　the　altar　of　love？　No：　Temple　of　Venus　is　Pagan；　altar
of　love　is　not　propertake　them　out。　Let　me　only　say　of　my　evergreen
parent　that　his　life　from　youth　to　age　had　been　one　unintermitting
recognition　of　the　charms　of　the　sex；　and　that　my　sisters　and　I　（being　of
the　sex）　could　not　find　it　in　our　hearts　to　abandon　him　on　that　account。
So　handsome；　so　affectionate；　so　sweet…tempered；　with　only　one　faultand
that　a　compliment　to　the　women；　who　naturally　adored　him　in　return！　We
accepted　our　destiny。　For　years　past　（since　the　death　of　Mamma）；　we
accustomed　ourselves　to　live　in　perpetual　dread　of　his　marrying　some　one
of　the　hundreds　of　unscrupulous　hussies　who　took　possession　of　him：　and；
worse　if　possible　than　that；　of　his　fighting　duels　about　them　with　men
young　enough　to　be　his　grandsons。　Papa　was　so　susceptible！　Papa　was　so
brave！　Over　and　over　again；　I　had　been　summoned　to　interfere；　as　the
daughter　who　had　the　strongest　influence　over　him。　I　had　succeeded　in
effecting　his　rescue；　now　by　one　means；　and　now　by　another；　ending
always；　however；　in　the　same　sad　way；　by　the　sacrifice　of　money　for
damageson　which　damages；　when　the　woman　is　shameless　enough　to　claim
them；　my　verdict　is；　〃Serve　her　right！〃

On　the　present　occasion；　it　was　the　old　story　over　again。　My　sisters　had
done　their　best　to　stop　it；　and　had　failed。　I　had　no　choice　but　to　appear
on　the　sceneto　begin；　perhaps；　by　boxing　her　ears：　to　end；　certainly；
by　filling　her　pockets。

My　absence　at　this　time　was　something　more　than　an　annoyanceit　was　a
downright　grief　to　my　blind　Lucilla。　On　the　morning　of　my　departure；　she
clung　to　me　as　if　she　was　determined　not　to　let　me　go。

〃What　shall　I　do　without　you？〃　she　said。　〃It　is　hard；　in　these　dreary
days；　to　lose　the　comfort　of　hearing　your　voice。　I　shall　feel　all　my
security　gone；　when　I　feel　you　no　longer　near　me。　How　many　days　shall　you
be　away？〃

〃A　day　to　get　to　Paris；〃　I　answered；　〃and　a　day　to　get　backtwo。　Five
days　（if　I　can　do　it　in　the　time）　to　thunder…strike　the　hussy；　and　to
rescue　Papaseven。　Let　us　say；　if　possible；　a　week。〃

〃You　must　be　back；　no　matter　what　happen；　before　the　new　year。〃

〃Why？〃

〃I　have　my　yearly　visit　to　pay　to　my　aunt。　It　has　been　twice　put　off。　I
must　absolutely　go　to　London　on　the　last　day　of　the　old　year；　and　stay
there　my　allotted　three　months　in　Miss　Batchford's　house。　I　had　hoped　to
be　Oscar's　wife　before　the　time　came　round　again〃　she　waited　a　moment
to　steady　her　voice。　〃That　is　all　over　now。　We　must　be　parted。　If　I　can't
leave　you　here　to　console　him　and　to　take　care　of　him；　come　what　may　of
itI　shall　stay　at　Dimchurch。〃

Her　staying　at　Dimchurch；　while　she　was　still　unmarried；　meant　（under　the
terms　of　her　uncle's　will）　sacrificing　her　fortune。　If　Reverend　Finch　had
heard　her；　he　would　not　even　have　been　able　to　say　〃Inscrutable
Providence〃he　would　have　lost　his　senses　on　the　spot。

〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　I　said；　〃I　shall　be　back；　Lucilla；　before　you　go。
Besides；　Oscar　may　get　better。　He　may　be　able　to　follow　you　to　London；
and　visit　you　at　your　aunt's。〃

She　shook　her　head；　with　such　a　sad；　sad　doubt　of　it；　that　the　tears　came
into　my　eyes。　I　gave　her　a　last　kissand　hurried　away。

My　route　was　to　Newhaven；　and　then　across　the　Channel　to　Dieppe。　I　don't
think　I　really　knew　how　fond　I　had　grown　of　Lucilla；　until　I　lost　sight
of　the　rectory　at　the　turn　in　the　road　to　Brighton。　My　natural　firmness
deserted　me；　I　felt　torturing