the choir invisible-第15章

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ath。〃

〃At　least；　she　was　your　hostess；　Amy。〃　〃I　lent　her　my　silk　stockings　or　she'd　have　had　to　wear　cotton　ones；〃　exclaimed　Amy；　laughing。　〃We're　even。〃

〃If　you　were　merely　paying　for　a　lodging；　you　should　have　gone　to　the　inn。〃

〃There　was　nobody　at　the　tavern　who　could　wear　my　silk　stockings；　and　I　had　spent　all　my　money。〃

〃Don't　you　expect　Kitty　to　return　your　visit？

〃I　certainly　do　more's　the　pity。　She　has　such　big　feet！〃　Amy　put　out　her　toe　and　studied　it　with　vixenish　satisfaction。

〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　she　observed　at　length；　looking　round　at　her　aunt。　　〃You　have　to　work　too　hard。　And　I　have　always　been　such　a　care　to　you。　Wouldn't　you　like　to　get　rid　of　me？〃

Mrs。　Falconer　leaned　quickly；　imploringly；　toward　her。

〃Is　that　a　threat；　Amy？〃

Amy　waited　half　a　minute　and　then　began　with　a　composure　that　was　tinged　with　condescension：

〃You　have　had　so　much　trouble　in　your　life；　Aunt　Jessica；　so　much　sorrow。〃

Mrs。　Falconer　started　and　turned　upon　her　niece　her　eyes　that　were　always　exquisite　with　refinement。

〃Amy；　have　I　ever　spoken　to　you　of　the　troubles　of　my　life？〃　The　reproof　was　majestic　in　dignity　and　gentleness。

〃You　have　not。〃

〃Then　will　you　never　speak　of　them　to　me　never　againwhile　you　live！〃

Amy　began　again　with　a　dry　practical　voice；　which　had　in　it　the　sting　of　revenge；　her　aunt's　rebuke　had　nettled　her。

〃At　least；　I　have　always　been　a　trouble　to　you。　You　sew　for　me；　cook　for　me；　make　the　garden　for　me；　spin　and　weave　for　me；　and　worry　about　me。　Uncle　has　to　work　for　me　and　support　me。〃

The　turn　of　the　conversation　away　from　herself　brought　such　relief　that　Mrs。　Falconer　replied　even　warmly。

〃You　have　been　a　great　pleasure　to　him　and　to　me！　The　little　I　have　done；　you　have　repaid　a　thousand　fold。　Think　of　us　at　night　without　you！　Your　uncle　on　one　side　of　the　fireplaceme　on　the　other；　and　you　away！　Think　of　us　at　the　tablehim　at　one　end；　me　at　the　other；　and　you　away！　Think　of　me　alone　in　the　house　all　day；　while　he　is　in　the　fields！　Child；　I　have　depended　on　youmore　than　you　will　ever　understand！〃　she　added　to　herself。

〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　observed　Amy　with　the　air　of　making　a　fine　calculation；　〃perhaps　uncle　would　think　more　of　you　if　I　were　not　in　the　house。〃

〃Amy！〃

〃Perhaps　you　would　think　more　of　him！〃

〃Amy！〃　〃Perhaps　if　neither　of　you　had　me　to　depend　on；　you　might　depend　more　on　each　other　and　be　happier。〃

〃You　speak　to　me　in　this　wayon　a　subject　like　this！　You'd　better　go！〃

〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　replied　Amy；　never　budging；　〃the　time　has　been　when　I　would　have　done　so。　But　it　is　too　late　now　for　you　ever　to　tell　me　to　leave　your　presence。　I　am　a　woman！　If　I　had　not　been；　I　shouldn't　have　said　what　I　just　have。〃

Mrs。　Falconer　looked　at　her　in　silence。　This　rare　gentlewoman　had　too　profound　a　knowledge　of　the　human　heart　not　to　realize　that　she　was　completely　vanquished。　For　where　in　this　world　is　not　refinement　instantly　beaten　by　coarseness；　gentleness　by　rudeness；　all　delicacy　by　all　that　is　indelicate？　What　can　the　finest　consideration　avail　against　no　consideration？　the　sweetest　forbearance　against　intrusiveness？　the　beak　of　the　dove　against　the　beak　of　the　hawk？　　And　yet　all　these　may　have　their　victory；　for　when　the　finer　and　the　baser　metal　are　forced　to　struggle　with　each　other　in　the　same　field；　the　finer　may　always　leave　it。

With　unruffled　dignity　and　with　a　voice　that　Amy　had　never　hearda　voice　that　brought　the　blood　rushing　into　her　cheeksMrs。　Falconer　replied：〃Yes；　it　is　true：　you　are　a　woman。　This　is　the　first　day　that　you　have　ever　made　me　feel　this。　For　I　have　always　known　that　as　soon　as　you　became　one；　you　would　begin　to　speak　to　me　as　you　have　spoken。　I　shall　never　again　request　you　to　leave　my　presence：　when　it　becomes　unavoidable；　I　shall　leave　yours。〃

She　rose　and　was　moving　away。　Amy　started　up　and　caught　her。

〃Aunt　Jessica；　I've　something　to　tell　you！〃　she　cried；　her　face　dyed　scarlet　with　the　sting。

Mrs。　Falconer　released　herself　gently　and　returned　to　her　seat。

〃You　know　what　I　mean　by　what　I　said？〃　inquired　Amy；　still　confused　but　regaining　self　command　rapidly。

〃I　believe　I　know：　you　are　engaged　to　be　married。〃

The　words　were　very　faint：　they　would　have　reached　the　subtlest　ear　with　the　suggestiveness　of　a　light　dreary　wind　blowing　over　a　desolation。

〃Yes；　I　am　engaged　to　be　married。〃

Amy　affirmed　it　with　a　definite　stress。

〃It　is　this　that　has　made　you　a　woman？

〃It　is　this　that　has　made　me　a　woman。〃

After　the　silence　of　a　moment　Mrs。　Falconer　inquired：

〃You　do　not　expect　to　ask　my　consentmy　advice？〃

〃I　certainly　do　not　expect　to　ask　your　consentyour　advice。〃

Amy　was　taking　her　revenge　nowand　she　always　took　it　as　soon　as　possible。

〃Nor　your　uncle's？〃

〃Nor　my　uncle's。〃

After　another；　longer　silence：

〃Do　you　care　to　tell　me　how　long　this　engagement　has　lasted？〃

〃Certainly！Since　last　night。〃

〃Thank　you　for　telling　me　that。　I　think　I　must　go　back　to　my　work　now。〃

She　walked　slowly　away。　Amy　sat　still；　twirling　her　bonnet　strings　and　smiling　to　herself。

This　outburst　of　her　new　dignitythis　initial　assertion　of　her　womanhoodhad　come　almost　as　unexpectedly　to　herself　as　to　her　aunt。　She　had　scarcely　known　it　was　in　herself　to　do　such　a　thing。　　Certain　restrictions　had　been　chafing　her　for　a　long　time：　she　had　not　dreamed　that　they　could　so　readily　be　set　aside；　that　she　had　only　to　stamp　her　foot　violently　down　on　another　foot　and　the　other　foot　would　be　jerked　out　of　the　way。　In　the　flush　of　elation；　she　thought　of　what　had　just　taken　place　as　her　Declaration　of　Independence。　She　kept　on　celebrating　it　in　a　sort　of　intoxication　at　her　own　audacity：

〃I　have　thrown　off　the　yoke　of　the　Old　Dynasty！　Glory　for　the　thirteen　colonies！　A　Revolution　in　half　an　hour！　I'm　the　mother　of　a　new　country！　Washington；　salute　me！〃

Then；　with　perhaps　somewhat　the　feeling　of　a　pullet　that　has　whipped　a　hen　in　a　barnyard　and　that　after　an　interval　will　run　all　the　way　across　the　barnyard　to　attack　again　and　see　whether　the　victory　is　complete；　she　rose　and　went　across　the　garden；　bent　on　trying　the　virtue　of　a　final　peck。

〃But　you　haven't　congratulated　me；　Aunt　Jessica！　　You　have　turned　your　back　on　the　bride　electyou　with　all　your　fine　manners！　She　presents　herself　once　more　to　your　notice　the　future　Mrs。　Joseph　Holden；　Junior；　to　be　married　one　month　from　last　night！〃　And　unexpectedly　standing　in　front　of　Mrs。　Falconer；　Amy　made　one　of　her　low　bows　which　she　had　practised　in　the　minuet。　But　catching　the　sight　of　the　face　of　her　aunt；　she　cried　remorsefully：

〃Oh；　I　have　been　so　rude　to　you；　Aunt　Jessica！　Forgive　me！〃　There　was　something　of　the　new　sense　of　womanhood　in　her　voice　and　of　the　sisterhood　in　suffering　which　womanhood　alone　can　bring。

But　Mrs。　Falconer　had　not　heard　Amy's　last　exclamation。

〃What　do　you　mean？〃　she　asked　with　quick　tremulous　eagerness。　She　had　regained　her　firmness　of　demeanour；　which　alone　should　have　turned　back　any　expression　of　sympathy　before　it　could　have　been　offered。

〃That　I　am　to　become　Mrs。　Joseph　Holdena　month　from　last　night；〃　repeated　Amy　bewitchingly。

〃You　are　serious？〃

〃I　am　serious！〃

Mrs。　Falconer　did　not　take　Amy's　word：　she　searched　her　face　and　eyes　with　one　swift　scrutiny　that　was　like　a　merciless　white　flame　of　truth；　scorching　away　all　sham；　all　play；　all　unreality。　Then　she　dropped　her　head　quickly；　so　that　her　own　face　remained　hidden；　and　silently　plied　her　work。　But　how　the　very　earth　about　the　rake；　how　the　little　roots　and　clods；　seemed　to　come　to　life　and　leap　joyously　into　the　air！　All　at　once　she　dropped　everything　and　came　over　and　took　Amy's　hand　and　kissed　her　cheek。　Her　lovely　eyes　were　glowing；　her　face　looked　as　though　it　had　upon　it　the　rosy　shadow　of　the　peach　trees　not　far　away。

〃I　do　congratulate　you；〃　she　said　sweetly；　but　with　the　reserve　which　Amy's　accession　to　womanhood　and　the　entire　conversation　of　the　morning　made　an　unalterable　barrier　to　her。　〃You　have　not　needed　advice：　you　have　chosen　wisely。　You　shall　have　a　beautiful　wedding。　I　will　make　your　dress　myself。　The　like　of　it　will　never　have　been　seen　in　the　wilderness。　You　shall　have　all　the　finest　linen　in　the　weaving…room。　Only　a　month！　How　shall　we　ever　get　ready！if　we　stand　idling　here！　Oh；　the　work；　the　work！〃　she　cried　and　turned　to　hers　with　a　dismissing　smileunable　to　trust　herself　to　say　more。

〃And　I　must　go　and　take　the　things　out　of　my　bundle；〃　cried　Amy；　catching　the　contagion　of　all　this　and　bounding　away　to　the　house。　Some　five　minutes　later　Mrs。　Falconer　glanced　at　the　sun：　it　was　eleven　o'clocktime　to　be　getting　dinner。

When　she　reached　her　room；　Amy　was　standing　beside　the　bed；　engaged　in　lifting　out　of　the　bundle　the　finery　now　so　redolent　of　the　ball。　〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　she　remarked　carelessly；　without　looking　round；　〃I　forgot　to　tell　you　that　John　Gray　had　a　fight　with　a　panther　in　his　schoolroom　this　morning；〃　and　she　gave　several　gossamer…like　touches　to　the　white　lace　tucker。　Mrs。　Falconer　had　seated　herself　in　a　chair　to　rest。　She　had　taken　off　her　bonnet；　and　her　fingers　were　unconsciously　busy　with　the　lustrous　edges　of　her　heavy　hair。　At　Amy's　words　her　hands　fell　to　her　lap。　But　she　had　long　ago　learned　the　value　of　silence　and　self…control　when　she　was　most　deeply　moved：　Amy　had　already　surprised　her　once　that　morning。

〃The　panther　bit　him　in　the　shoulder　close　to　the　neck；〃　continued　Amy；　folding　the　tucker　away　and　lifting　out　the　blue　silk　coat。　〃They　were　on　the　floor　of　the　school…house　in　the　last　struggle　when　Erskine　got　there。　He　had　gone　for　Phoebe　Lovejoy's　cows；　because　it　was　raining　and　she　couldn't　go　herself；　and　he　heard　John　as　he　was　passing。　He　said　his　voice　sounded　like　the　bellow　of　a　dying　bull。〃　〃Is　he　much　hurt？　Where　is　he？　Did　you　go　to　see　him？　　ho　dressed　his　wound？　Who　is　with　him？〃

〃They　carried　him　home；〃　said　Amy；　turning　round　to　the　light　and　pressing　the　beautiful　silk　coat　in　against　her　figure　with　little　kicks　at　the　skirt。　〃No；　I　didn't　go；　Joseph　came　round　and　told　me。　He　didn't　think　the　wound　was　very　dangerousnecessarily。　　One　of　his　hands　was　terribly　clawed。〃

〃A　panther？　In　town？　In　his　schoolroom？〃

〃You　know　Erskine　keeps　a　pet　panther。　I　heard　him　tell　Mrs。　Poythress　it　was　a　female；〃　said　Amy　with　an　apologetic　icy；　knowing　little　laugh。　〃And　he　said　this　one　had　been　prowling　about　in　the　edge　of　the　canebrakes　for　several　days。　He　had　been　trying　to　get　a　shot　at　it。　He　says　it　was　nearly　starved：　that　was　why　it　wanted　to　eat　John　whole　before　breakfast。〃

Amy　turned　back　to　the　bed　and　shook　out　delicately　the　white　muslin　dressthe　dress　that　John　had　hung　on　the　wall　of　his　cabinthat　had　wound　itself　around　his　figure　so　clingingly。


There　was　silence　in　the　room。　Amy　had　now　reached　the　silk　stockings；　and　taking　up　one；　she　blew　down　into　it　and　quickly　peeped　over　the　side；　to　see　whether　it　would　fill　out　to　life…sizewith　a　mischievous　wink。

〃I　am　going　to　him　at　once。〃

Amy　looked　up　in　amazement。　〃But；　Aunt　Jessica；〃　she　observed　reproachfully；　〃who　will　get　uncle's　dinner？　You　know　I　can't。〃　〃Tell　your　uncle　what　has　happened　as　soon　as　he　comes。〃

She　had　risen　and　was　making　some　rapid　preparations。

〃I　want　my　dinner；〃