the garden party(园会)-第38章
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ride on the donkeys。〃 Off we went； solemn little loves they were； each
had a hand。 But when we came to the donkeys they were too shy to go
on。 So we stood and watched instead。 Beautiful those donkeys were！
They were the first I'd seen out of a cartfor pleasure as you might say。
They were a lovely silver…grey； with little red saddles and blue bridles and
bells jing…a…jingling on their ears。 And quite big girlsolder than me；
even were riding them； ever so gay。 Not at all common； I don't mean；
madam； just enjoying themselves。 And I don't know what it was； but the
way the little feet went； and the eyesso gentleand the soft earsmade
me want to go on a donkey more than anything in the world！
。。。Of course； I couldn't。 I had my young ladies。 And what would I
have looked like perched up there in my uniform？ But all the rest of the
day it was donkeysdonkeys on the brain with me。 I felt I should have
burst if I didn't tell some one； and who was there to tell？ But when I
went to bedI was sleeping in Mrs。 James's bedroom； our cook that was；
at the timeas soon as the lights was out； there they were； my donkeys；
jingling along； with their neat little feet and sad eyes。。。Well； madam；
would you believe it； I waited for a long time and pretended to be asleep；
and then suddenly I sat up and called out as loud as I could； 〃I do want to
go on a donkey。 I do want a donkey…ride！〃 You see； I had to say it； and
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I thought they wouldn't laugh at me if they knew I was only dreaming。
Artfulwasn't it？ Just what a silly child would think。。。
。。。No； madam； never now。 Of course； I did think of it at one time。
But it wasn't to be。 He had a little flower…shop just down the road and
across from where we was living。 Funnywasn't it？ And me such a
one for flowers。 We were having a lot of company at the time； and I was
in and out of the shop more often than not； as the saying is。 And Harry
and I （his name was Harry） got to quarrelling about how things ought to be
arranged and that began it。 Flowers！ you wouldn't believe it； madam；
the flowers he used to bring me。 He'd stop at nothing。 It was lilies…of…
the…valley more than once； and I'm not exaggerating！ Well； of course； we
were going to be married and live over the shop； and it was all going to be
just so； and I was to have the window to arrange。。。Oh； how I've done that
window of a Saturday！ Not really； of course； madam； just dreaming； as
you might say。 I've done it for Christmasmotto in holly； and alland
I've had my Easter lilies with a gorgeous star all daffodils in the middle。
I've hungwell； that's enough of that。 The day came he was to call for
me to choose the furniture。 Shall I ever forget it？ It was a Tuesday。
My lady wasn't quite herself that afternoon。 Not that she'd said anything；
of course； she never does or will。 But I knew by the way that she kept
wrapping herself up and asking me if it was coldand her little nose
looked。。。pinched。 I didn't like leaving her； I knew I'd be worrying all the
time。 At last I asked her if she'd rather I put it off。 〃Oh no； Ellen；〃 she
said； 〃you mustn't mind about me。 You mustn't disappoint your young
man。〃 And so cheerful； you know； madam； never thinking about herself。
It made me feel worse than ever。 I began to wonder。。。then she dropped
her handkerchief and began to stoop down to pick it up herselfa thing
she never did。 〃Whatever are you doing！〃 I cried； running to stop her。
〃Well；〃 she said； smiling； you know； madam； 〃I shall have to begin to
practise。〃 Oh； it was all I could do not to burst out crying。 I went over
to the dressing…table and made believe to rub up the silver； and I couldn't
keep myself in； and I asked her if she'd rather I。。。didn't get married。 〃No；
Ellen；〃 she said that was her voice； madam； like I'm giving you〃No；
Ellen； not for the wide world！〃 But while she said it； madamI was
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looking in her glass； of course； she didn't know I could see hershe put
her little hand on her heart just like her dear mother used to； and lifted her
eyes。。。Oh； madam！
When Harry came I had his letters all ready； and the ring and a ducky
little brooch he'd given mea silver bird it was； with a chain in its beak；
and on the end of the chain a heart with a dagger。 Quite the thing！ I
opened the door to him。 I never gave him time for a word。 〃There you
are；〃 I said。 〃Take them all back；〃 I said； 〃it's all over。 I'm not going to
marry you；〃 I said； 〃I can't leave my lady。〃 White！ he turned as white as
a woman。 I had to slam the door； and there I stood； all of a tremble； till I
knew he had gone。 When I opened the doorbelieve me or not； madam…
…that man was gone！ I ran out into the road just as I was； in my apron
and my house…shoes； and there I stayed in the middle of the road。。。staring。
People must have laughed if they saw me。。。
。。。Goodness gracious！What's that？ It's the clock striking！ And
here I've been keeping you awake。 Oh； madam； you ought to have
stopped me。。。Can I tuck in your feet？ I always tuck in my lady's feet；
every night； just the same。 And she says； 〃Good night； Ellen。 Sleep
sound and wake early！〃 I don't know what I should do if she didn't say
that； now。
。。。Oh dear； I sometimes think。。。whatever should I do if anything were
to。。。But； there； thinking's no good to any oneis it； madam？ Thinking
won't help。 Not that I do it often。 And if ever I do I pull myself up
sharp； 〃Now； then； Ellen。 At it againyou silly girl！ If you can't find
anything better to do than to start thinking！。。。〃
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