the garden party(园会)-第18章
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Of course he knewno man betterthat he hadn't a ghost of a chance；
he hadn't an earthly。 The very idea of such a thing was preposterous。
So preposterous that he'd perfectly understand it if her fatherwell；
whatever her father chose to do he'd perfectly understand。 In fact；
nothing short of desperation； nothing short of the fact that this was
positively his last day in England for God knows how long； would have
screwed him up to it。 And even now。。。He chose a tie out of the chest of
drawers； a blue and cream check tie； and sat on the side of his bed。
Supposing she replied； 〃What impertinence！〃 would he be surprised？
Not in the least； he decided； turning up his soft collar and turning it down
over the tie。 He expected her to say something like that。 He didn't see；
if he looked at the affair dead soberly； what else she could say。
Here he was！ And nervously he tied a bow in front of the mirror；
jammed his hair down with both hands； pulled out the flaps of his jacket
pockets。 Making between 500 and 600 pounds a year on a fruit farm in
of all places… …Rhodesia。 No capital。 Not a penny coming to him。 No
chance of his income increasing for at least four years。 As for looks and
all that sort of thing； he was completely out of the running。 He couldn't
even boast of top…hole health； for the East Africa business had knocked
him out so thoroughly that he'd had to take six months' leave。 He was
still fearfully paleworse even than usual this afternoon； he thought；
bending forward and peering into the mirror。 Good heavens！ What had
happened？ His hair looked almost bright green。 Dash it all； he hadn't
green hair at all events。 That was a bit too steep。 And then the green
light trembled in the glass； it was the shadow from the tree outside。
Reggie turned away； took out his cigarette case； but remembering how the
mater hated him to smoke in his bedroom； put it back again and drifted
over to the chest of drawers。 No； he was dashed if he could think of one
blessed thing in his favour； while she。。。Ah！。。。He stopped dead； folded his
arms； and leaned hard against the chest of drawers。
And in spite of her position； her father's wealth； the fact that she was
an only child and far and away the most popular girl in the neighbourhood；
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in spite of her beauty and her clevernesscleverness！it was a great deal
more than that； there was really nothing she couldn't do； he fully believed；
had it been necessary； she would have been a genius at anything in spite
of the fact that her parents adored her； and she them； and they'd as soon let
her go all that way as。。。In spite of every single thing you could think of； so
terrific was his love that he couldn't help hoping。 Well； was it hope？ Or
was this queer； timid longing to have the chance of looking after her； of
making it his job to see that she had everything she wanted； and that
nothing came near her that wasn't perfectjust love？ How he loved her！
He squeezed hard against the chest of drawers and murmured to it； 〃I love
her； I love her！〃 And just for the moment he was with her on the way to
Umtali。 It was night。 She sat in a corner asleep。 Her soft chin was
tucked into her soft collar； her gold…brown lashes lay on her cheeks。 He
doted on her delicate little nose； her perfect lips； her ear like a baby's； and
the gold…brown curl that half covered it。 They were passing through the
jungle。 It was warm and dark and far away。 Then she woke up and said；
〃Have I been asleep？〃 and he answered； 〃Yes。 Are you all right？ Here；
let me〃 And he leaned forward to。。。He bent over her。 This was such
bliss that he could dream no further。 But it gave him the courage to
bound downstairs； to snatch his straw hat from the hall； and to say as he
closed the front door； 〃Well； I can only try my luck； that's all。〃
But his luck gave him a nasty jar； to say the least； almost immediately。
Promenading up and down the garden path with Chinny and Biddy； the
ancient Pekes； was the mater。 Of course Reginald was fond of the mater
and all that。 Sheshe meant well； she had no end of grit； and so on。
But there was no denying it； she was rather a grim parent。 And there had
been moments； many of them； in Reggie's life； before Uncle Alick died
and left him the fruit farm； when he was convinced that to be a widow's
only son was about the worst punishment a chap could have。 And what
made it rougher than ever was that she was positively all that he had。
She wasn't only a combined parent； as it were； but she had quarrelled with
all her own and the governor's relations before Reggie had won his first
trouser pockets。 So that whenever Reggie was homesick out there；
sitting on his dark veranda by starlight； while the gramophone cried； 〃Dear；
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what is Life but Love？〃 his only vision was of the mater； tall and stout；
rustling down the garden path； with Chinny and Biddy at her heels。。。
The mater； with her scissors outspread to snap the head of a dead
something or other； stopped at the sight of Reggie。
〃You are not going out； Reginald？〃 she asked； seeing that he was。
〃I'll be back for tea； mater；〃 said Reggie weakly； plunging his hands
into his jacket pockets。
Snip。 Off came a head。 Reggie almost jumped。
〃I should have thought you could have spared your mother your last
afternoon；〃 said she。
Silence。 The Pekes stared。 They understood every word of the
mater's。 Biddy lay down with her tongue poked out； she was so fat and
glossy she looked like a lump of half…melted toffee。 But Chinny's
porcelain eyes gloomed at Reginald； and he sniffed faintly； as though the
whole world were one unpleasant smell。 Snip； went the scissors again。
Poor little beggars； they were getting it！
〃And where are you going； if your mother may ask？〃 asked the mater。
It was over at last； but Reggie did not slow down until he was out of
sight of the house and half…way to Colonel Proctor's。 Then only he
noticed what a top…hole afternoon it was。 It had been raining all the
morning； late summer rain； warm； heavy； quick； and now the sky was clear；
except for a long tail of little clouds； like duckings； sailing over the forest。
There was just enough wind to shake the last drops off the trees； one warm
star splashed on his hand。 Ping！another drummed on his hat。 The
empty road gleamed； the hedges smelled of briar； and how big and bright
the hollyhocks glowed in the cottage gardens。 And here was Colonel
Proctor'shere it was already。 His hand was on the gate； his elbow
jogged the syringa bushes； and petals and pollen scattered over his coat
sleeve。 But wait a bit。 This was too quick altogether。 He'd meant to
think the whole thing out again。 Here； steady。 But he was walking up
the path； with the huge rose bushes on either side。 It can't be done like
this。 But his hand had grasped the bell； given it a pull； and started it
pealing wildly； as if he'd come to say the house was on fire。 The
housemaid must have been in the hall； too； for the front door flashed open；
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and Reggie was shut in the empty drawing…room before that confounded
bell had stopped ringing。 Strangely enough； when it did； the big room；
shadowy； with some one's parasol lying on top of the grand piano； bucked
him upor rather； excited him。 It was so quiet； and yet in one moment
the door would open； and his fate be decided。 The feeling was not unlike
that of being at the dentist's； he was almost reckless。 But at the same
time； to his immense surprise； Reggie heard himself saying； 〃Lord； Thou
knowest； Thou hast not done much for me。。。〃 That pulled him up； that
made him realize again how dead serious it was。 Too late。 The door
handle turned。 Anne came in； crossed the shadowy space between them；
gave him her hand； and said； in her small； soft voice； 〃I'm so sorry； father
is out。 And mother is having a day in town； hat…hunting。 There's only
me to entertain you； Reggie。〃
Reggie gasped； pressed his own hat to his jacket buttons； and
stammered out； 〃As a matter of fact； I've only come。。。to say good…bye。〃
〃Oh！〃 cried Anne softlyshe stepped back from him and her grey eyes
danced〃what a very short visit！〃
Then； watching him； her chin tilted； she laughed outright； a long； soft
peal； and walked away from him over to the piano； and leaned against it；
playing with the tassel of the parasol。
〃I'm so sorry；〃 she said； 〃to be laughing like this。 I don't know why I
do。 It's just a bad hahabit。〃 And suddenly she stamped her grey shoe；
and took a pocket…handkerchief out of her white woolly jacket。 〃I really
must conquer it； it's too absurd；〃 said she。
〃Good heavens； Anne；〃 cried Reggie； 〃I love to hear you laughing！ I
can't imagine anything more〃
But the truth was； and they both knew it； she wasn't always laughing； it
wasn't really a habit。 Only ever since the day they'd met； ever since that
very first moment； for some strange reason that Reggie wished to God he
understood； Anne had laughed at him。 Why？ It didn't matter where
they were or what they were talking about。 They
