the legacy of cain-第26章

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unnatural　sister　said　to　provoke　her　father〃

〃That　your　unnatural　sister　will　tell　you　herself；〃　Helena's
voice　added。　She　had　opened　the　door　while　we　were　too　much
absorbed　in　our　talk　to　hear　her。

Selina　attempted　to　leave　the　room。　I　caught　her　by　the　hand；　and
held　her　back。　I　was　afraid　of　what　I　might　do　if　she　left　me　by
myself。　Never　have　I　felt　anything　like　the　rage　that　tortured
me；　when　I　saw　Helena　looking　at　us　with　the　same　wicked　smile　on
her　lips　that　had　insulted　me　when　we　met　on　the　stairs。　Have
_we_　anything　to　be　ashamed　of？〃　I　said　to　Selina。　〃Stay　where
you　are。〃

〃You　may　be　of　some　use；　Miss　Jillgall；　if　you　stay；〃　my　sister
suggested。　〃Eunice　seems　to　be　trembling。　Is　she　angry；　or　is　she
ill？〃

The　sting　of　this　was　in　the　tone　of　her　voice。　It　was　the
hardest　thing　I　ever　had　to　do　in　my　lifebut　I　did　succeed　in
controlling　myself。

〃Go　on　with　what　you　have　to　say；〃　I　answered；　〃and　don't　notice
me。〃

〃You　are　not　very　polite；　my　dear；　but　I　can　make　allowances。　Oh；
come！　come！　putting　up　your　hands　to　stop　your　ears　is　too
childish。　You　would　do　better　to　express　regret　for　having　misled
your　father。　Yes！　you　did　mislead　him。　Only　a　few　days　since；　you
left　him　to　suppose　that　you　were　engaged　to　Philip。　It　became　my
duty；　after　that；　to　open　his　eyes　to　the　truth；　and　if　I
unhappily　provoked　him；　it　was　your　fault。　I　was　strictly　careful
in　the　language　I　used。　I　said：　'Dear　father；　you　have　been
misinformed　on　a　very　serious　subject。　The　only　marriage
engagement　for　which　your　kind　sanction　is　requested；　is　_my_
engagement。　_I_　have　consented　to　become　Mrs。　Philip　Dunboyne。'　〃

〃Stop！〃　I　said。

〃Why　am　I　to　stop？〃

〃Because　I　have　something　to　say。　You　and　I　are　looking　at　each
other。　Does　my　face　tell　you　what　is　passing　in　my　mind？〃

〃Your　face　seems　to　be　paler　than　usual；〃　she　answered〃that's
all。〃

〃No；〃　I　said；　〃that　is　not　all。　The　devil　that　possessed　me；　when
I　discovered　you　with　Philip；　is　not　cast　out　of　me　yet。　Silence
the　sneering　devil　that　is　in　You；　or　we　may　both　live　to　regret
it。〃

Whether　I　did　or　did　not　frighten　her；　I　cannot　say。　This　only　I
knowshe　turned　away　silently　to　the　door；　and　went　out。

I　dropped　on　the　sofa。　That　horrid　hungering　for　revenge；　which　I
felt　for　the　firs　t　time　when　I　knew　how　Helena　had　wronged　me；
began　to　degrade　and　tempt　me　again。　In　the　effort　to　get　away
from　this　new　evil　self　of　mine；　I　tried　to　find　sympathy　in
Selina；　and　called　to　her　to　come　and　sit　by　me。　She　seemed　to　be
startled　when　I　looked　at　her；　but　she　recovered　herself；　and
came　to　me；　and　took　my　hand。

〃I　wish　I　could　comfort　you！〃　she　said；　in　her　kind　simple　way。

〃Keep　my　hand　in　your　hand；〃　I　told　her；　〃I　am　drowning　in　dark
waterand　I　have　nothing　to　hold　by　but　you。〃

〃Oh；　my　darling；　don't　talk　in　that　way！〃

〃Good　Selina！　dear　Selina！　You　shall　talk　to　Me。　Say　something
harmlesstell　me　a　melancholy　storytry　to　make　me　cry。〃

My　poor　little　friend　looked　sadly　bewildered。

〃I'm　more　likely　to　cry　myself；〃　she　said。　〃This　is　so
heart…breakingI　almost　wish　I　was　back　in　the　time；　before　you
came　home；　the　time　when　your　detestable　sister　first　showed　how
she　hated　me。　I　was　happy；　meanly　happy；　in　the　spiteful
enjoyment　of　provoking　her。　Oh；　Euneece；　I　shall　never　recover　my
spirits　again！　All　the　pity　in　the　world　would　not　be　pity　enough
for　_you。_　So　hardly　treated！　so　young！　so　forlorn！　Your　good
father　too　ill　to　help　you；　your　poor　mother〃

I　interrupted　her；　she　had　interested　me　in　something　better　than
my　own　wretched　self。　I　asked　directly　if　she　had　known　my
mother。

〃My　dear　child；　I　never　even　saw　her！〃

〃Has　my　father　never　spoken　to　you　about　her？〃

〃Only　once；　when　I　asked　him　how　long　she　had　been　dead。　He　told
me　you　lost　her　while　you　were　an　infant；　and　he　told　me　no　more。
I　was　looking　at　her　portrait　in　the　study；　only　yesterday。　I
think　it　must　be　a　bad　portrait；　your　mother's　face　disappoints
me。〃

I　had　arrived　at　the　same　conclusion　years　since。　But　I　shrank
from　confessing　it。

〃At　any　rate；〃　Selina　continued；　〃you　are　not　like　her。　Nobody
would　ever　guess　that　you　were　the　child　of　that　lady；　with　the
long　slanting　forehead　and　the　restless　look　in　her　eyes。〃

What　Selina　had　said　of　me　and　my　mother's　portrait；　other
friends　had　said。　There　was　nothing　that　I　know　of　to　interest　me
in　hearing　it　repeatedand　yet　it　set　me　pondering　on　the　want
of　resemblance　between　my　mother's　face　and　mine；　and　wondering
（not　for　the　first　time）　what　sort　of　woman　my　mother　was。　When
my　father　speaks　of　her；　no　words　of　praise　that　he　can　utter
seem　to　be　good　enough　for　her。　Oh；　me；　I　wish　I　was　a　little
more　like　my　mother！

It　began　to　get　dark；　Maria　brought　in　the　lamp。　The　sudden
brightness　of　the　flame　struck　my　aching　eyes；　as　if　it　had　been
a　blow　from　a　knife。　I　was　obliged　to　hide　my　face　in　my
handkerchief。　Compassionate　Selina　entreated　me　to　go　to　bed。
〃Rest　your　poor　eyes；　my　child；　and　your　weary　headand　try　at
least　to　get　some　sleep。〃　She　found　me　very　docile；　I　kissed　her；
and　said　good…night。　I　had　my　own　idea。

When　all　was　quiet　in　the　house；　I　stole　out　into　the　passage　and
listened　at　the　door　of　my　father's　room。

I　heard　his　regular　breathing；　and　opened　the　door　and　went　in。
The　composing　medicine；　of　which　I　was　in　search；　was　not　on　the
table　by　his　bedside。　I　found　it　in　the　cupboardperhaps　placed
purposely　out　of　his　reach。　They　say　that　some　physic　is　poison；
if　you　take　too　much　of　it。　The　label　on　the　bottle　told　me　what
the　dose　was。　I　dropped　it　into　the　medicine　glass；　and　swallowed
it；　and　went　back　to　my　father。

Very　gently；　so　as　not　to　wake　him；　I　touched　poor　papa's
forehead　with　my　lips。　〃I　must　have　some　of　your　medicine；〃　I
whispered　to　him；　〃I　want　it；　dear；　as　badly　as　you　do。〃

Then　I　returned　to　my　own　roomand　lay　down　in　bed；　waiting　to
be　composed。


CHAPTER　XXXI。

EUNICE'S　DIARY。


My　restless　nights　are　passed　in　Selina's　room。

Her　bed　remains　near　the　window。　My　bed　has　been　placed　opposite；
near　the　door。　Our　night…light　is　hidden　in　a　corner；　so　that　the
faint　glow　of　it　is　all　that　we　see。　What　trifles　these　are　to
write　about！　But　they　mix　themselves　up　with　what　I　am　determined
to　set　down　in　my　Journal；　and　then　to　close　the　book　for　good
and　all。

I　had　not　disturbed　my　little　friend's　enviable　repose；　either
when　I　left　our　bed…chamber；　or　when　I　returned　to　it。　The　night
was　quiet；　and　the　stars　were　out。　Nothing　moved　but　the
throbbing　at　my　temples。　The　lights　and　shadows　in　our
half…darkened　room；　which　at　other　times　suggest　strange
resemblances　to　my　fancy；　failed　to　disturb　me　now。　I　was　in　a
darkness　of　my　own　making；　having　bound　a　handkerchief；　cooled
with　water；　over　my　hot　eyes。　There　was　nothing　to　interfere　with
the　soothing　influence　of　the　dose　that　I　had　taken；　if　my
father's　medicine　would　only　help　me。

I　began　badly。　The　clock　in　the　hall　struck　the　quarter　past　the
hour；　the　half…past；　the　three…quarters　past；　the　new　hour。　Time
was　awakeand　I　was　awake　with　Time。

It　was　such　a　trial　to　my　patience　that　I　thought　of　going　back
to　my　father's　room；　and　taking　a　second　dose　of　the　medicine；　no
matter　what　the　risk　might　be。　On　attempting　to　get　up；　I　became
aware　of　a　change　in　me。　There　was　a　dull　sensation　in　my　limbs
which　seemed　to　bind　them　down　on　the　bed。　It　was　the　strangest
feeling。　My　will　said；　Get　upand　my　heavy　limbs　said；　No。

I　lay　quite　still；　thinking　desperate　thoughts；　and　getting
nearer　and　nearer　to　the　end　that　I　had　been　dreading　for　so　many
days　past。　Having　been　as　well　educated　as　most　girls；　my　lessons
in　history　had　made　me　acquainted　with　assassination　and　murder。
Horrors　which　I　had　recoiled　from　reading　in　past　happy　days；　now
returned　to　my　memory；　and；　this　time；　they　interested　instead　of
revolting　me。　I　counted　the　three　first　ways　of　killing　as　I
happened　to　remember　them；　in　my　books　of　instruction：a　way　by
stabbing；　a　way　by　poison；　a　way　in　a　bed；　by　suffocation　with　a
pillow。　On　that　dreadful　night；　I　never　once　called　to　mind　what
I　find　myself　remembering　nowthe　harmless　past　time；　when　our
friends　used　to　say：　〃Eunice　is　a　good　girl；　we　are　all　fond　of
Eunice。〃　Shall　I　ever　be　the　same　lovable　creature　again？

While　I　lay　thinking；　a　strange　thing　happened。　Philip；　who　had
haunted　me　for　days　and　nights　together；　vanished　out　of　my
thoughts。　My　memory　of　the　love　which　had　begun　so　brightly；　and
had　ended　so　miserably；　became　a　blank。　Nothing　was　left　but　my
own　horrid　visions　of　vengeance　and　death。

For　a　while；　the　strokes　of　the　clock　still　reached　my　ears。　But
it　was　an　effort　to　count　them；　I　ended　in　letting　them　pass
unheeded。　Soon　afterward；　the　round　of　my　thoughts　began　to
circle　slowly　and　more　slowly。　The　strokes　of　the　clock　died　out。
The　round　of　my　thoughts　stopped。

All　this　time；　my　eyes　were　still　covered　by　the　handkerchief
which　I　had　laid　over　them。

The　darkness　began　to　weigh　on　my　spirits；　and　to　fill　me　with
distrust。　I　found　myself　suspecting　that　there　was　some
changeperhaps　an　unearthly　changepassing　over　the　room。　To
remain　blindfolded　any　longer　was　more　than　I　could　endure。　I
lifted　my　handwithout　being　conscious　of　the　heavy　sensation
which；　some　time　before；　had　laid　my　limbs　helpless　on　the　bedI
lifted　my　hand；　and　drew　the　handkerchief　away　from　my　eyes。

The　faint　glow　of　the　night…light　was　extinguished。

But　the　room　was　not　quite　dark。　There　was　a　ghastly　light
trembling　over　it；　like　nothing　that　I　have　ever　seen　by　day；
like　nothing　that　I　have　ever　seen　by　night。　I　dimly　discerned
Selina's　bed；　and　the　frame　of　the　window；　and　the　curtains　on
either　side　of　itbut　not　the　starlight；　and　not　the　shadowy
tops　of　the　trees　in　the　garden。

The　light　grew　fainter　and　fainter；　the　objects　in　the　room　faded
slowly　away。　Darkness　came。

It　may　be　a　saying　hard　to　believebut；　when　I　declare　that　I
was　not　frightened；　I　am　telling　the　truth。　Whether　the　room　was
lighted　by　awful　light；　or　sunk　in　awful　dark；　I　was　equally
interested　in　the　expectation　of　what　might　happen　next。　I
listened　calmly　for　what　I　might　hear：　I　waited　calmly　for　what　I
might　feel。

A　touch　came　first。　I　feel　it　creeping　on　my　facelike　a　little
fluttering　breeze。　The　sensation　pleased　me　for　a　while。　Soon　it
grew　colder；　and　colder；　and　colder；　till　it　froze　me。

〃Oh；　no　more！〃　I　cried　out。　〃You　are　killing　me　with　an　icy　de
ath！〃

The　dead…cold　touches　lingered　a　moment　longerand　left　me。

The　first　sound　came。

It　was　the　sound　of　a　whisper　on　my　pillow；　close　to　my　ear。　My
strange　insensibility　to　fear　remained　undisturbed。　The　whisper
was　welcome；　it　kept　me　company　in　the　dark　room。

It　said　to　me：　〃Do　you　know　who　I　am？〃

I　answered：　〃No。〃

It　said。：　〃Who　have　you　been　thinking　of　this　evening？〃

I　answered：　〃My　mother。〃

The　whisper　said：　〃I　am　your　mother。〃

〃Oh；　mother；　command　the　light　to　come　back！　Show　yourself　to
me！〃

〃No。〃

〃Why　not？〃

〃My　face　was　hidden　when　I　passed　from　life　to　death。　My　face　no
mortal　creature　may　see。〃

〃Oh；　mother；　touch　me！　Kiss　me！〃