the legacy of cain-第23章

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suddenly　become　big；　they　stared　me　so　strangely　in　the　face。　I
don't　know　whether　she　was　in　a　state　of　fright　or　of　wonder。　As
for　myself；　I　simply　lost　the　use　of　my　tongue。　Maria；　having　no
more　questions　to　answer；　discreetly　left　us　together。

Why　should　Helena　write　to　Philip　at　alland　especially　without
mentioning　it　to　me？　Here　was　a　riddle　which　was　more　than　I
could　guess。　I　asked　Selina　to　help　me。　She　might　at　least　have
tried；　I　thought；　but　she　looked　uneasy；　and　made　excuses。

I　said：　〃Suppose　I　go　to　Helena；　and　ask　her　why　she　wrote　to
Philip？〃　And　Selina　said：　〃Suppose　you　do；　dear。〃

I　rang　for　Maria　once　more：　〃Do　you　know　where　my　sister　is？〃

〃Just　gone　out；　miss。〃

There　was　no　help　for　it　but　to　wait　till　she　came　back；　and　to
get　through　the　time　in　the　interval　as　I　best　might。　But　for　one
circumstance；　I　might　not　have　known　what　to　do。　The　truth　is；
there　was　a　feeling　of　shame　in　me　when　I　remembered　having
listened　at　the　study　door。　Curious　notions　come　into　one's
headone　doesn't　know　how　or　why。　It　struck　me　that　I　might　make
a　kind　of　atonement　for　having　been　mean　enough　to　listen；　if　I
went　to　papa；　and　offered　to　keep　him　company　in　his　solitude。　If
we　fell　into　pleasant　talk；　I　had　a　sly　idea　of　my　ownI　meant
to　put　in　a　good　word　for　poor　Philip。

When　I　confided　my　design　to　Selina；　she　shut　up　the　piano　and
ran　across　the　room　to　me。　But　somehow　she　was　not　like　her　old
self　again；　yet。

〃You　good　little　soul；　you　are　always　right。　Look　at　me　again；
Euneece。　Are　you　beginning　to　doubt　me？　Oh；　my　darling；　don't　do
that！　It　isn't　using　me　fairly。　I　can't　bear　itI　can't　bear
it！〃

I　took　her　hand；　I　was　on　the　point　of　speaking　to　her　with　the
kindness　she　deserved　from　me。　On　a　sudden　she　snatched　her　hand
away　and　ran　back　to　the　piano。　When　she　was　seated　on　the
music…stool；　her　face　was　hidden　from　me。　At　that　moment　she
broke　into　a　strange　cryit　began　like　a　laugh；　and　it　ended
like　a　sob。

〃Go　away　to　papa！　Don't　mind　meI'm　a　creature　of　impulseha！
ha！　ha！　a　little　hystericalthe　state　of　the　weatherI　get　rid
of　these　weaknesses；　my　dear；　by　singing　to　myself。　I　have　a
favorite　song：　'My　heart　is　light；　my　will　is　free。'Go　away！
oh；　for　God's　sake；　go　away！〃

I　had　heard　of　hysterics；　of　course；　knowing　nothing　about　them；
however；　by　my　own　experience。　What　could　have　happened　to
agitate　her　in　this　extraordinary　manner？

Had　Helena's　letter　anything　to　do　with　it？　Was　my　sister
indignant　with　Philip　for　swearing　in　my　presence；　and　had　she
written　him　an　angry　letter；　in　her　zeal　on　my　behalf？　But　Selina
could　not　possibly　have　seen　the　letter　and　Helena　（who　is
often　hard　on　me　when　I　do　stupid　th　ings）　showed　little
indulgence　for　me；　when　I　was　so　unfortunate　as　to　irritate
Philip。　I　gave　up　the　hopeless　attempt　to　get　at　the　truth　by
guessing；　and　went　away　to　forget　my　troubles；　if　I　could；　in　my
father's　society。

After　knocking　twice　at　the　door　of　the　study；　and　receiving　no
reply；　I　ventured　to　look　in。

The　sofa　in　this　room　stood　opposite　the　door。　Papa　was　resting
on　it；　but　not　in　comfort。　There　were　twitching　movements　in　his
feet；　and　he　shifted　his　arms　this　way　and　that　as　if　no　restful
posture　could　he　found　for　them。　But　what　frightened　me　was　this。
His　eyes；　staring　straight　at　the　door　by　which　I　had　gone　in；
had　an　inquiring　expression；　as　if　he　actually　did　not　know　me！　I
stood　midway　between　the　door　and　the　sofa；　doubtful　about　going
nearer　to　him。

He　said：　〃Who　is　it？〃　This　to　meto　his　own　daughter。　He　said：
〃What　do　you　want？〃

I　really　could　_not_　bear　it。　I　went　up　to　him。　I　said：　〃Papa；
have　you　forgotten　Eunice？〃

My　name　seemed　（if　one　may　say　such　a　thing）　to　bring　him　to
himself　again。　He　sat　upon　the　sofaand　laughed　as　he　answered
me。

〃My　dear　child；　what　delusion　has　got　into　that　pretty　little
head　of　yours？　Fancy　her　thinking　that　I　had　forgotten　my　own
daughter！　I　was　lost　in　thought；　Eunice。　For　the　moment；　I　was
what　they　call　an　absent　man。　Did　I　ever　tell　you　the　story　of
the　absent　man？　He　went　to　call　upon　some　acquaintance　of　his；
and　when　the　servant　said；　'What　name；　sir？'　He　couldn't　answer。
He　was　obliged　to　confess　that　he　had　forgotten　his　own　name。　The
servant　said；　'That's　very　strange。'　The　absent　man　at　once
recovered　himself。　'That's　it！'　he　said：　'my　name　is　Strange。'
Droll；　isn't　it？　If　I　had　been　calling　on　a　friend　to…day；　I
daresay　_I_　might　have　forgotten　my　name；　too。　Much　to　think　of；
Eunicetoo　much　to　think　of。〃

Leaving　the　sofa　with　a　sigh。　as　if　he　was　tired　of　it；　he　began
walking　up　and　down。　He　seemed　to　be　still　in　good　spirits。
〃Well；　my　dear；〃　he　said；　〃what　can　I　do　for　you？〃

〃I　came　here；　papa　to　see　if　there　was　anything　I　could　do　for
You。〃

He　looked　at　some　sheets　of　paper；　strung　together；　and　laid　on
the　table。　They　were　covered　with　writing　（from　his　dictation）　in
my　sister's　hand。　〃I　ought　to　get　on　with　my　work；〃　he　said。
〃Where　is　Helena？〃

I　told　him　that　she　had　gone　out；　and　begged　leave　to　try　what　I
could　do　to　supply　her　place。

The　request　seemed　to　please　him；　but　he　wanted　time　to　think。　I
waited；　noticing　that　his　face　grew　gradually　worried　and
anxious。　There　came　a　vacant　look　into　his　eyes　which　it　grieved
me　to　see；　he　appeared　to　have　quite　lost　himself　again。　〃Read
the　last　page；〃　he　said；　pointing　to　the　manuscript　on　the　table；
〃I　don't　remember　where　I　left　off。〃

I　turned　to　the　last　page。　As　well　as　I　could　tell；　it　related　to
some　publication；　which　he　was　recommending　to　religious　persons
of　our　way　of　thinking。

Before　I　had　read　half…way　through　it；　he　began　to　dictate；
speaking　so　rapidly　that　my　pen　was　not　always　able　to　follow
him。　My　handwriting　is　as　bad　as　bad　can　be　when　I　am　hurried。　To
make　matters　worse　still；　I　was　confused。　What　he　was　now　saying
seemed　to　have　nothing　to　do　with　what　I　had　been　reading。

Let　me　try　if　I　can　call　to　mind　the　substance　of　it。

He　began　in　the　most　strangely　sudden　way　by　asking：　〃Why　should
there　be　any　fear　of　discovery；　when　every　possible　care　had　been
taken　to　prevent　it？　The　danger　from　unexpected　events　was　far
more　disquieting。　A　man　might　find　himself　bound　in　honor　to
disclose　what　it　had　been　the　chief　anxiety　of　his　life　to
conceal。　For　example；　could　he　let　an　innocent　person　be　the
victim　of　deliberate　suppression　of　the　truthno　matter　how
justifiable　that　suppression　might　appear　to　be？　On　the　other
hand；　dreadful　consequences　might　follow　an　honorable　confession。
There　might　be　a　cruel　sacrifice　of　tender　affection；　there　might
be　a　shocking　betrayal　of　innocent　hope　and　trust。〃

I　remember　those　last　words；　just　as　he　dictated　them；　because　he
suddenly　stopped　there；　looking；　poor　dear；　distressed　and
confused。　He　put　his　hand　to　his　head；　and　went　back　to　the　sofa。

〃I'm　tired；〃　he　said。　〃Wait　for　me　while　I　rest。〃

In　a　few　minutes　he　fell　asleep。　It　was　a　deep　repose　that　came
to　him　now；　and；　though　I　don't　think　it　lasted　much　longer　than
half　an　hour；　it　produced　a　wonderful　change　in　him　for　the
better　when　he　woke。　He　spoke　quietly　and　kindly；　and　when　he
returned　to　me　at　the　table　and　looked　at　the　page　on　which　I　had
been　writing；　he　smiled。

〃Oh；　my　dear；　what　bad　writing！　I　declare　I　can't　read　what　I
myself　told　you　to　write。　No！　no！　don't　be　downhearted　about　it。
You　are　not　used　to　writing　from　dictation；　and　I　daresay　I　have
been　too　quick　for　you。〃　He　kissed　me　and　encouraged　me。　〃You
know　how　fond　I　am　of　my　little　girl；〃　he　said；　〃I　am　afraid　I
like　my　Eunice　just　the　least　in　the　world　more　than　I　like　my
Helena。　Ah；　you　are　beginning　to　look　a　little　happier　now！〃

He　had　filled　me　with　such　confidence　and　such　pleasure　that　I
could　not　help　thinking　of　my　sweetheart。　Oh　dear；　when　shall　I
learn　to　be　distrustful　of　my　own　feelings？　The　temptation　to　say
a　good　word　for　Philip　quite　mastered　any　little　discretion　that
I　possessed。

I　said　to　papa：　〃If　you　knew　how　to　make　me　happier　than　I　have
ever　been　in　all　my　life　before；　would　you　do　it？〃

〃Of　course　I　would。〃

〃Then　send　for　Philip；　dear；　and　be　a　little　kinder　to　him；　this
time。〃

His　pale　face　turned　red　with　anger；　he　pushed　me　away　from　him。

〃That　man　again！〃　he　burst　out。　〃Am　I　never　to　hear　the　last　of
him？　Go　away；　Eunice。　You　are　of　no　use　here。〃　He　took　up　my
unfortunate　page　of　writing　and　ridiculed　it　with　a　bitter　laugh。
〃What　is　this　fit　for？〃　He　crumpled　it　up　in　his　hand　and　tossed
it　into　the　fire。

I　ran　out　of　the　room　in　such　a　state　of　mortification　that　I
hardly　knew　what　I　was　about。　If　some　hard…hearted　person　had
come　to　me　with　a　cup　of　poison；　and　had　said：　〃Eunice；　you　are
not　fit　to　live　any　longer；　take　this；〃　I　do　believe　I　should
have　taken　it。　If　I　thought　of　anything；　I　thought　of　going　back
to　Selina。　My　ill　luck　still　pursued　me；　she　had　disappeared。　I
looked　about　in　a　helpless　way；　completely　at　a　loss　what　to　do
nextso　stupefied；　I　may　even　say；　that　it　was　some　time　before
I　noticed　a　little　three…cornered　note　on　the　table　by　which　I
was　standing。　The　note　was　addressed　to　me：


〃EVER…DEAREST　EUNEECEI　have　tried　to　make　myself　useful　to　you；
and　have　failed。　But　how　can　I　see　the　sad　sight　of　your
wretchedness；　and　not　feel　the　impulse　to　try　again？　I　have　gone
to　the　hotel　to　find　Philip；　and　to　bring　him　back　to　you　a
penitent　and　faithful　man。　Wait　for　me；　and　hope　for　great
things。　A。　hundred　thousand　kisses　to　my　sweet　Euneece。

〃S。　J。〃


Wait　for　her；　after　reading　that　note！　How　could　she　expect　it？　I
had　only　to　follow　her；　and　to　find　Philip。　In　another　minute；　I
was　on　my　way　to　the　hotel。


CHAPTER　XXVIII。


HELENA'S　DIARY。


LOOKING　at　the　last　entry　in　my　Journal；　I　see　myself
anticipating　that　the　event　of　to…day　will　decide　Philip's　future
and　mine。　This　has　proved　prophetic。　All　further　concealment　is
now　at　an　end。

Forced　to　it　by　fate；　or　helped　to　it　by　chance；　Eunice　has　made
the　discovery　of　her　lover's　infidelity。　〃In　all　human
probability〃　（as　my　father　says　in　his　sermons）；　we　two　sisters
are　enemies　for　life。


I　am　not　suspected；　as　Eunice　is；　of　making　appointments　with　a
sweetheart。　So　I　am　free　to　go　out　alone；　and　to　go　where　I
please。　Philip　and　I　were　punctual　to　our　appointment　this
afternoon。

Our　place　of　meeting　was　in　a　secluded　corner　of　the　town　park。
We　found　a　rustic　seat　in　our　retirement；　set　up　（one　would
suppose）　as　a　concession　to　the　taste　of　visitors　who　are　fond　of
solitude。　The　view　in　front　of　us　was　bounded　by　the　park　wall
and　railings；　and　our　seat　was　prettily　approached　on　one　side　by
a　plantation　of　young　trees。　No　entrance　gate　was　near；　no
carriage　road　crossed　the　grass。　A　more　safe　and　more　solitary
nook　for　conversation；　between　two　persons　desiring　to　be　alone；
it　would　be　hard　to　find　in　most　public　parks。　Lovers　are　said　to
know　it　well；　and　to　be　especially　fon　d　of　it　toward　evening。　We
were　there　in　broad　daylight；　and　we　had　the　seat　to　ourselves。

My　memory　of　what　passed　between　us　is；　in　some　degree；　disturbed
by　the　formidable　interruption　which　brought　our　talk　to　an　end。

But　among　other