the legacy of cain-第14章

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a　friend；　what　more　_could_　I　have　done？〃

I　had　it　on　the　tip　of　my　tongue　to　say：　〃The　cook　doesn't　ask
you　to　buy　cheese　for　her；　or　to　teach　her　how　to　keep　eggs；　or
to　improve　the　fit　of　her　gown；　all　she　wants　is　to　have　her
kitchen　to　herself。〃　But　here　again　it　was　necessary　to　remember
that　this　odious　person　was　my　father's　guest。

〃Pray　don't　distress　yourself；〃　I　began；　〃I　am　sure　you　are　not
to　blame；　Miss　Jillgall〃

〃Oh；　don't！〃

〃Don'twhat？〃

〃Don't　call　me　Miss　Jillgall。　I　call　you　Helena。　Call　me　Selina。〃

I　had　really　not　supposed　it　possible　that　she　could　be　more
unendurable　than　ever。　When　she　mentioned　her　Christian　name；　she
succeeded　nevertheless　in　producing　that　result。　In　the　whole
list　of　women's　names；　is　there　any　one　to　be　found　so　absolutely
sickening　as　〃Selina〃？　I　forced　myself　to　pronounce　it；　I　made
another　neatly…expressed　apology；　I　said　English　servants　were　so
very　peculiar。　Selina　was　more　than　satisfied；　she　was　quite
delighted。

〃Is　that　it；　indeed？　An　explanation　was　all　I　wanted。　How　good　of
you！　And　now　tell　meis　there　no　chance；　in　the　house　or　out　of
the　house；　of　my　making　myself　useful？　Oh；　what's　that？　Do　I　see
a　chance？　I　do！　I　do！〃

Miss　Jillgall's　eyes　are　more　than　mortal。　At　one　time；　they　are
microscopes。　At　another　time；　they　are　telescopes。　She　discovered
（right　across　the　room）　the　torn　place　in　the　window…curtain。　In
an　instant；　she　snatched　a　dirty　little　leather　case　out　of　her
pocket；　threaded　her　needle　and　began　darning　the　curtain。　She
sang　over　her　work。　〃My　heart　is　light；　my　will　is　free〃　I　can
repeat　no　more　of　it。　When　I　heard　her　singing　voice；　I　became
reckless　of　consequences；　and　ran　out　of　the　room　with　my　hands
over　my　ears。


CHAPTER　XVI。

HELENA'S　DIARY。



WHEN　I　reached　the　foot　of　the　stairs；　my　father　called　me　into
his　study。

I　found　him　at　his　writing…table；　with　such　a　heap　of　torn…up
paper　in　his　waste…basket　that　it　overflowed　on　to　the　floor。　He
explained　to　me　that　he　had　been　destroying　a　large　accumulation
of　old　letters；　and　had　ended　（when　his　employment　began　to　grow
wearisome）　in　examining　his　correspondence　rather　carelessly。　The
result　was　that　he　had　torn　up　a　letter；　and　a　copy　of　the　reply；
which　ought　to　have　been　set　aside　as　worthy　of　preservation。
After　collecting　the　fragments；　he　had　heaped　them　on　the　table。
If　I　could　contrive　to　put　them　together　again　on　fair　sheets　of
paper；　and　fasten　them　in　their　right　places　with　gum；　I　should
be　doing　him　a　service；　at　a　time　when　he　was　too　busy　to　set　his
mistake　right　for　himself。

Here　was　the　best　excuse　that　I　could　desire　for　keeping　out　of
Miss　Jillgall's　way。　I　cheerfully　set　to　work　on　the　restoration
of　the　letters；　while　my　father　went　on　with　his　writing。

Having　put　the　fragments　togetherexcepting　a　few　gaps　caused　by
morsels　that　had　been　lostI　was　unwilling　to　fasten　them　down
with　gum；　until　I　could　feel　sure　of　not　having　made　any
mistakes；　especially　in　regard　to　some　of　the　lost　words　which　I
had　been　obliged　to　restore　by　guess…work。　So　I　copied　the
letters；　and　submitted　them；　in　the　first　place；　to　my　father's
approval。

He　praised　me　in　the　prettiest　manner　for　the　care　that　I　had
taken。　But；　when　he　began；　after　some　hesitation；　to　read　my
copy；　I　noticed　a　change。　The　smile　left　his　face；　and　the
nervous　quiverings　showed　themselves　again。

〃Quite　right；　my　child；〃　he　said；　in　low　sad　tones。

On　returning　to　my　side　of　the　table；　I　expected　to　see　him
resume　his　writing。　He　crossed　the　room　to　the　window　and　stood
（with　his　back　to　me）　looking　out。

When　I　had　first　discovered　the　sense　of　the　letters；　they　failed
to　interest　me。　A　tiresome　woman；　presuming　on　the　kindness　of　a
good…natured　man　to　beg　a　favor　which　she　had　no　right　to　ask；
and　r　eceiving　a　refusal　which　she　had　richly　deserved；　was　no
remarkable　event　in　my　experience　as　my　father's　secretary　and
copyist。　But　the　change　in　his　face；　while　he　read　the
correspondence；　altered　my　opinion　of　the　letters。　There　was　more
in　them　evidently　than　I　had　discovered。　I　kept　my　manuscript
copyhere　it　is：


From　Miss　Elizabeth　Chance　to　the　Rev。　Abel　Gracedieu。

（Date　of　year；　1859。　Date　of　month；　missing。）


〃DEAR　SIRYou　have；　I　hope；　not　quite　forgotten　the　interesting
conversation　that　we　had　last　year　in　the　Governor's　rooms。　I　am
afraid　I　spoke　a　little　flippantly　at　the　time；　but　I　am　sure　you
will　believe　me　when　I　say　that　this　was　out　of　no　want　of
respect　to　yourself。　My　pecuniary　position　being　far　from
prosperous；　I　am　endeavoring　to　obtain　the　vacant　situation　of
housekeeper　in　a　public　institution　the　prospectus　of　which　I
inclose。　You　will　see　it　is　a　rule　of　the　place　that　a　candidate
must　be　a　single　woman　（which　I　am）；　and　must　be　recommended　by　a
clergyman。　You　are　the　only　reverend　gentleman　whom　it　is　my　good
fortune　to　know；　and　the　thing　is　of　course　a　mere　formality。
Pray　excuse　this　application；　and　oblige　me　by　acting　as　my
reference。

〃Sincerely　yours；

〃ELIZABETH　CHANCE。〃


〃P。　S。Please　address：　Miss　E。　Chance；　Poste　Restante；　St。
Martin's…le…Grand；　London。〃


〃From　the　Rev。　Abel　Gracedieu　to　Miss　Chance。

（Copy。）


〃MADAMThe　brief　conversation　to　which　your　letter　alludes；　took
place　at　an　accidental　meeting　between　us。　I　then　saw　you　for　the
first　time；　and　I　have　not　seen　you　since。　It　is　impossible　for
me　to　assert　the　claim　of　a　perfect　stranger；　like　yourself；　to
fill　a　situation　of　trust。　I　must　beg　to　decline　acting　as　your
reference。

〃Your　obedient　servant；

〃ABEL　GRACEDIEU。〃

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

My　father　was　still　at　the　window。

In　that　idle　position　he　could　hardly　complain　of　me　for
interrupting　him；　if　I　ventured　to　talk　about　the　letters　which　I
had　put　together。　If　my　curiosity　displeased　him；　he　had　only　to
say　so；　and　there　would　be　an　end　to　any　allusions　of　mine　to　the
subject。　My　first　idea　was　to　join　him　at　the　window。　On
reflection；　and　still　perceiving　that　he　kept　his　back　turned　on
me；　I　thought　it　might　be　more　prudent　to　remain　at　the　table。

〃This　Miss　Chance　seems　to　be　an　impudent　person？〃　I　said。

〃Yes。〃

〃Was　she　a　young　woman；　when　you　met　with　her？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃What　sort　of　a　woman　to　look　at？　Ugly？〃

〃No。〃

Here　were　three　answers　which　Eunice　herself　would　have　been
quick　enough　to　interpret　as　three　warnings　to　say　no　more。　I
felt　a　little　hurt　by　his　keeping　his　back　turned　on　me。　At　the
same　time；　and　naturally；　I　think；　I　found　my　interest　in　Miss
Chance　（I　don't　say　my　friendly　interest）　considerably　increased
by　my　father's　unusually　rude　behavior。　I　was　also　animated　by　an
irresistible　desire　to　make　him　turn　round　and　look　at　me。

〃Miss　Chance's　letter　was　written　many　years　ago；〃　I　resumed。　〃I
wonder　what　has　become　of　her　since　she　wrote　to　you。〃

〃I　know　nothing　about　her。〃

〃Not　even　whether　she　is　alive　or　dead？〃

〃Not　even　that。　What　do　these　questions　mean；　Helena？〃

〃Nothing；　father。〃

I　declare　he　looked　as　if　he　suspected　me！

〃Why　don't　you　speak　out？〃　he　said。　〃Have　I　ever　taught　you　to
conceal　your　thoughts？　Have　I　ever　been　a　hard　father；　who
discouraged　you　when　you　wished　to　confide　in　him？　What　are　you
thinking　about？　Do　_you_　know　anything　of　this　woman？〃

〃Oh；　father；　what　a　question！　I　never　even　heard　of　her　till　I
put　the　torn　letters　together。　I　begin　to　wish　you　had　not　asked
me　to　do　it。〃

〃So　do　I。　It　never　struck　me　that　you　would　feel　such
extraordinaryI　had　almost　said；　such　vulgarcuriosity　about　a
worthless　letter。〃

This　roused　my　temper。　When　a　young　lady　is　told　that　she　is
vulgar；　if　she　has　any　self…conceitI　mean　self…respectshe
feels　insulted。　I　said　something　sharp　in　my　turn。　It　was　in　the
way　of　argument。　I　do　not　know　how　it　may　be　with　other　young
persons；　I　never　reason　so　well　myself　as　when　I　am　angry。

〃You　call　it　a　worthless　letter；〃　I　said；　〃and　yet　you　think　it
worth　preserving。〃

〃Have　you　nothing　more　to　say　to　me　than　that？〃　he　asked。

〃Nothing　more；〃　I　answered。

He　changed　again。　After　having　looked　unaccountably　angry；　he　now
looked　unaccountably　relieved。

〃I　will　soon　satisfy　you；〃　he　said；　〃that　I　have　a　good　reason
for　preserving　a　worthless　letter。　Miss　Chance；　my　dear；　is　not　a
woman　to　be　trusted。　If　she　saw　her　advantage　in　making　a　bad　use
of　my　reply；　I　am　afraid　she　would　not　hesitate　to　do　it。　Even　if
she　is　no　longer　living；　I　don't　know　into　what　vile　hands　my
letter　may　not　have　fallen；　or　how　it　might　be　falsified　for　some
wicked　purpose。　Do　you　see　now　how　a　correspondence　may　become
accidentally　important；　though　it　is　of　no　value　in　itself？〃

I　could　say　〃Yes〃　to　this　with　a　safe　conscience。

But　there　were　some　perplexities　still　left　in　my　mind。　It　seemed
strange　that　Miss　Chance　should　（apparently）　have　submitted　to
the　severity　of　my　father's　reply。　〃I　should　have　thought；〃　I
said　to　him；　〃that　she　would　have　sent　you　another　impudent
letteror　perhaps　have　insisted　on　seeing　you；　and　using　her
tongue　instead　of　her　pen。〃

〃She　could　do　neither　the　one　nor　the　other；　Helena。　Miss　Chance
will　never　find　out　my　address　again；　I　have　taken　good　care　of
that。〃

He　spoke　in　a　loud　voice；　with　a　flushed　faceas　if　it　was　quite
a　triumph　to　have　prevented　this　woman　from　discovering　his
address。　What　reason　could　he　have　for　being　so　anxious　to　keep
her　away　from　him？　Could　I　venture　to　conclude　that　there　was　a
mystery　in　the　life　of　a　man　so　blameless；　so　truly　pious？　It
shocked　one　even　to　think　of　it。

There　was　a　silence　between　us；　to　which　the　housemaid　offered　a
welcome　interruption。　Dinner　was　ready。

He　kissed　me　before　we　left　the　room。　〃One　word　more；　Helena；〃　he
said；　〃and　I　have　done。　Let　there　be　no　more　talk　between　us
about　Elizabeth　Chance。〃


CHAPTER　XVIL

HELENA'S　DIARY。


MISS　JILLGALL　joined　us　at　the　dinner…table；　in　a　state　of
excitement；　carrying　a　book　in　her　hand。

I　am　inclined；　on　reflection；　to　suspect　that　she　is　quite　clever
enough　to　have　discovered　that　I　hate　herand　that　many　of　the
aggravating　things　she　says　and　does　are　assumed；　out　of
retaliation；　for　the　purpose　of　making　me　angry。　That　ugly　face
is　a　double　face；　or　I　am　much　mistaken。

To　return　to　the　dinner…table；　Miss　Jillgall　addressed　herself；
with　an　air　of　playful　penitence；　to　my　father。

〃Dear　cousin；　I　hope　I　have　not　done　wrong。　Helena　left　me　all　by
myself。　When　I　had　finished　darning　the　curtain；　I　really　didn't
know　what　to　do。　So　I　opened　all　the　bedroom　doors　upstairs　and
looked　into　the　rooms。　In　the　big　room　with　two　bedsoh；　I　am　so
ashamedI　found　this　book。　Please　look　at　the　first　page。〃

My　father　looked　at　the　title…page：　〃Doctor　Watts's　Hymns。　Well；
Selina；　what　is　there　to　be　ashamed　of　in　this？〃

〃Oh；　no！　no！　It's　the　wrong　page。　Do　look　at　the　other　pagethe
one　that　comes　first　before　that　one。〃

My　patient　father　turned　to　the　blank　page。

〃Ah；〃　he　said　quietly；　〃my　other　daughter's　name　is　written　in
itthe　daughter　whom　you　have　not　seen。　Well？〃

Miss　Jillgall　clasped　her　hands　distractedly。　〃It's　my　ignorance
I'm　so　ashamed　of。　Dear　cousin；　forgive　me；　enlighten　me。　I　don't
know