letters of two brides-第29章

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While　he　was　whispering　this　in　my　ear；　his　arm　round　me；　my　head
resting　on　his　shoulder；　the　cries　of　a　bat；　surprised　by　an　owl；
disturbed　us。　This　death…cry　struck　me　with　such　terror　that　Felipe
carried　me　half…fainting　to　my　bed。　But　don't　be　alarmed！　Though　this
augury　of　evil　still　resounds　in　my　soul；　I　am　quite　myself　this
morning。　As　soon　as　I　was　up；　I　went　to　Felipe；　and；　kneeling　before
him；　my　eyes　fixed　on　his；　his　hands　clasped　in　mine；　I　said　to　him：

〃My　love；　I　am　a　child；　and　Renee　may　be　right　after　all。　It　may　be
only　your　love　that　I　love　in　you；　but　at　least　I　can　assure　you　that
this　is　the　one　feeling　of　my　heart；　and　that　I　love　you　as　it　is
given　me　to　love。　But　if　there　be　aught　in　me；　in　my　lightest　thought
or　deed；　which　jars　on　your　wishes　or　conception　of　me；　I　implore　you
to　tell　me；　to　say　what　it　is。　It　will　be　a　joy　to　me　to　hear　you　and
to　take　your　eyes　as　the　guiding…stars　of　my　life。　Renee　has
frightened　me；　for　she　is　a　true　friend。〃

Macumer　could　not　find　voice　to　reply；　tears　choked　him。

I　can　thank　you　now；　Renee。　But　for　your　letter　I　should　not　have
known　the　depths　of　love　in　my　noble；　kingly　Macumer。　Rome　is　the　city
of　love；　it　is　there　that　passion　should　celebrate　its　feast；　with　art
and　religion　as　confederates。

At　Venice　we　shall　find　the　Duc　and　Duchesse　de　Soria。　If　you　write；
address　now　to　Paris；　for　we　shall　leave　Rome　in　three　days。　The
ambassador's　was　a　farewell　party。

P。　S。Dear；　silly　child；　your　letter　only　shows　that　you　knew　nothing
of　love；　except　theoretically。　Learn　then　that　love　is　a　quickening
force　which　may　produce　fruits　so　diverse　that　no　theory　can　embrace
or　co…ordinate　them。　A　word　this　for　my　little　Professor　with　her
armor　of　stays。



XL

THE　COMTESSE　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　THE　BARONNE　DE　MACUMER
January　1827。

My　father　has　been　elected　to　the　Chamber；　my　father…in…law　is　dead；
and　I　am　on　the　point　of　my　second　confinement；　these　are　the　chief
events　marking　the　end　of　the　year　for　us。　I　mention　them　at　once；
lest　the　sight　of　the　black　seal　should　frighten　you。

My　dear；　your　letter　from　Rome　made　my　flesh　creep。　You　are　nothing
but　a　pair　of　children。　Felipe　is　either　a　dissembling　diplomat　or
else　his　love　for　you　is　the　love　a　man　might　have　for　a　courtesan；　on
whom　he　squanders　his　all；　knowing　all　the　time　that　she　is　false　to
him。　Enough　of　this。　You　say　I　rave；　so　I　had　better　hold　my　tongue。
Only　this　would　I　say；　from　the　comparison　of　our　two　very　different
destinies　I　draw　this　harsh　moralLove　not　if　you　would　be　loved。

My　dear；　when　Louis　was　elected　to　the　provincial　Council；　he　received
the　cross　of　the　Legion　of　Honor。　That　is　now　nearly　three　years　ago；
and　as　my　fatherwhom　you　will　no　doubt　see　in　Paris　during　the
course　of　the　sessionhas　asked　the　rank　of　Officer　of　the　Legion　for
his　son…in…law；　I　want　to　know　if　you　will　do　me　the　kindness　to　take
in　hand　the　bigwig；　whoever　he　may　be；　to　whom　this　patronage　belongs；
and　to　keep　an　eye　upon　the　little　affair。　But；　whatever　you　do；　don't
get　entangled　in　the　concerns　of　my　honored　father。　The　Comte　de
Maucombe　is　fishing　for　the　title　of　Marquis　for　himself；　but　keep
your　good　services　for　me；　please。　When　Louis　is　a　deputynext　winter
that　iswe　shall　come　to　Paris；　and　then　we　will　move　heaven　and
earth　to　get　some　Government　appointment　for　him；　so　that　we　may　be
able　to　save　our　income　by　living　on　his　salary。　My　father　sits
between　the　centre　and　the　right；　a　title　will　content　him。　Our　family
was　distinguished　even　in　the　days　of　King　Rene；　and　Charles　X。　will
hardly　say　no　to　a　Maucombe；　but　what　I　fear　is　that　my　father　may
take　it　into　his　head　to　ask　some　favor　for　my　younger　brother。　Now；
if　the　marquisate　is　dangled　out　of　his　reach；　he　will　have　no
thoughts　to　spare　from　himself。

January　15th。

Ah！　Louise；　I　have　been　in　hell。　If　I　can　bear　to　tell　you　of　my
anguish；　it　is　because　you　are　another　self；　even　so；　I　don't　know
whether　I　shall　ever　be　able　to　live　again　in　thought　those　five
ghastly　days。　The　mere　word　〃convulsions〃　makes　my　very　heart　sick。
Five　days！　to　me　they　were　five　centuries　of　torture。　A　mother　who　has
not　been　through　this　martyrdom　does　not　know　what　suffering　is。　So
frenzied　was　I　that　I　even　envied　you；　who　never　had　a　child！

The　evening　before　that　terrible　day　the　weather　was　close；　almost
hot；　and　I　thought　my　little　Armand　was　affected　by　it。　Generally　so
sweet　and　caressing；　he　was　peevish；　cried　for　nothing；　wanted　to
play；　and　then　broke　his　toys。　Perhaps　this　sort　of　fractiousness　is
the　usual　sign　of　approaching　illness　with　children。　While　I　was
wondering　about　it；　I　noticed　Armand's　cheeks　flush；　but　this　I　set
down　to　teething；　for　he　is　cutting　four　large　teeth　at　once。　So　I　put
him　to　bed　beside　me；　and　kept　constantly　waking　through　the　night。　He
was　a　little　feverish；　but　not　enough　to　make　me　uneasy；　my　mind　being
still　full　of　the　teething。　Towards　morning　he　cried　〃Mamma！〃　and
asked　by　signs　for　something　to　drink；　but　the　cry　was　spasmodic；　and
there　were　convulsive　twitchings　in　the　limbs；　which　turned　me　to　ice。
I　jumped　out　of　bed　to　fetch　him　a　drink。　Imagine　my　horror　when；　on
my　handing　him　the　cup；　he　remained　motionless；　only　repeating
〃Mamma！〃　in　that　strange；　unfamiliar　voice；　which　was　indeed　by　this
time　hardly　a　voice　at　all。　I　took　his　hand；　but　it　did　not　respond　to
my　pressure；　it　was　quite　stiff。　I　put　the　cup　to　his　lips；　the　poor
little　fellow　gulped　down　three　or　four　mouthfuls　in　a　convulsive
manner　that　was　terrible　to　see；　and　the　water　made　a　strange　sound　in
his　throat。　He　clung　to　me　desperately；　and　I　saw　his　eyes　roll；　as
though　some　hidden　force　within　were　pulling　at　them；　till　only　the
whites　were　visible；　his　limbs　were　turning　rigid。　I　screamed　aloud；
and　Louis　came。

〃A　doctor！　quick！　。　。　。　he　is　dying；〃　I　cried。

Louis　vanished；　and　my　poor　Armand　again　gasped；　〃Mamma！　Mamma！〃　The
next　moment　he　lost　all　consciousness　of　his　mother's　existence。　The
pretty　veins　on　his　forehead　swelled；　and　the　convulsions　began。　For　a
whole　hour　before　the　doctors　came；　I　held　in　my　arms　that　merry　baby；
all　lilies　and　roses；　the　blossom　of　my　life；　my　pride；　and　my　joy；
lifeless　as　a　piece　of　wood；　and　his　eyes！　I　cannot　think　of　them
without　horror。　My　pretty　Armand　was　a　mere　mummyblack；　shriveled；
misshapen。

A　doctor；　two　doctors；　brought　from　Marseilles　by　Louis；　hovered　about
like　birds　of　ill　omen；　it　made　me　shudder　to　look　at　them。　One　spoke
of　brain　fever；　the　other　saw　nothing　but　an　ordinary　case　of
convulsions　in　infancy。　Our　own　country　doctor　seemed　to　me　to　have
the　most　sense；　for　he　offered　no　opinion。　〃It's　teething；〃　said　the
second　doctor。〃Fever；〃　said　the　first。　Finally　it　was　agreed　to　put
leeches　on　his　neck　and　ice　on　his　head。　It　seemed　to　me　like　death。
To　look　on；　to　see　a　corpse；　all　purple　or　black；　and　not　a　cry；　not　a
movement　from　this　creature　but　now　so　full　of　life　and　soundit　was
horrible！

At　one　moment　I　lost　my　head；　and　gave　a　sort　of　hysterical　laugh；　as
I　saw　the　pretty　neck　which　I　used　to　devour　with　kisses；　with　the
leeches　feeding　on　it；　and　his　darling　head　in　a　cap　of　ice。　My　dear；
we　had　to　cut　those　lovely　curls；　of　which　we　were　so　proud　and　with
which　you　used　to　play；　in　order　to　make　room　for　the　ice。　The
convulsions　returned　every　ten　minutes　with　the　regularity　of　labor
pains；　and　then　the　poor　baby　writhed　and　twisted；　now　white；　now
violet。　His　supple　limbs　clattered　like　wood　as　they　struck。　And　this
unconscious　flesh　was　the　being　who　smiled　and　prattled；　and　used　to
say　Mamma！　At　the　thought；　a　storm　of　agony　swept　tumultuously　over　my
soul；　like　the　sea　tossing　in　a　hurricane。　It　seemed　as　though　every
tie　which　binds　a　child　to　its　mother's　heart　was　strained　to　rending。
My　mother；　who　might　have　given　me　help；　advice；　or　comfort；　was　in
Paris。　Mothers；　it　is　my　belief；　know　more　than　doctors　do　about
convulsions。

After　four　days　and　nights　of　suspense　and　fear；　which　almost　killed
me；　the　doctors　were　unanimous　in　advising　the　application　of　a　horrid
ointment；　which　would　produce　open　sores。　Sores　on　my　Armand！　who　only
five　days　before　was　playing　about；　and　laughing；　and　trying　to　say
〃Godmother！〃　I　would　not　have　it　done；　preferring　to　trust　in　nature。
Louis；　who　believes　in　doctors；　scolded　me。　A　man　remains　the　same
through　everything。　But　there　are　moments　when　this　terrible　disease
takes　the　likeness　of　death；　and　in　one　of　these　it　seemed　borne　in
upon　me　that　this　hateful　remedy　was　the　salvation　of　Armand。　Louise；
the　skin　was　so　dry；　so　rough　and　parched；　that　the　ointment　would　not
act。　Then　I　broke　into　weeping；　and　my　tears　fell　so　long　and　so　fast；
that　the　bedside　was　wet　through。　And　the　doctors　were　at　dinner！

Seeing　myself　alone　with　the　child；　I　stripped　him　of　all　medical
appliances；　and　seizing　him　like　a　mad　woman；　pressed　him　to　my　bosom；
laying　my　forehead　against　his；　and　beseeching　God　to　grant　him　the
life　which　I　was　striving　to　pass　into　his　veins　from　mine。　For　some
minutes　I　held　him　thus；　longing　to　die　with　him；　so　that　neither　life
nor　death　might　part　us。　Dear；　I　felt　the　limbs　relaxing；　the
writhings　ceased；　the　child　stirred；　and　the　ghastly；　corpselike　tints
faded　away！　I　screamed；　just　as　I　did　when　he　was　taken　ill；　the
doctors　hurried　up；　and　I　pointed　to　Armand。

〃He　is　saved！〃　exclaimed　the　oldest　of　them。

What　music　in　those　words！　The　gates　of　heaven　opened！　And；　in　fact；
two　hours　later　Armand　came　back　to　life；　but　I　was　utterly　crushed；
and　it　was　only　the　healing　power　of　joy　which　saved　me　from　a　serious
illness。　My　God！　by　what　tortures　do　you　bind　a　mother　to　her　child！
To　fasten　him　to　our　heart；　need　the　nails　be　driven　into　the　very
quick？　Was　I　not　mother　enough　before？　I；　who　wept　tears　of　joy　over
his　broken　syllables　and　tottering　steps；　who　spent　hours　together
planning　how　best　to　perform　my　duty；　and　fit　myself　for　the　sweet
post　of　mother？　Why　these　horrors；　these　ghastly　scenes；　for　a　mother
who　already　idolized　her　child？

As　I　write；　our　little　Armand　is　playing；　shouting；　laughing。　What　can
be　the　cause　of　this　terrible　disease　with　children？　Vainly　do　I　try
to　puzzle　it　out；　remembering　that　I　am　again　with　child。　Is　it
teething？　Is　it　some　peculiar　process　in　the　brain？　Is　there　something
wrong　with　the　nervous　system　of　children　who　are　subject　to
convulsions？　All　these　thoughts　disquiet　me；　in　view　alike　of　the
present　and　the　future。　Our　country　doctor　holds　to　the　theory　of
nervous　trouble　produced　by　teething。　I　would　give　every　tooth　in　my
head　to　see　little　Armand's　all　through。　The　sight　of　one　of　those
little　white　pearls　peeping　out　of　the　swollen　gum　brings　a　cold　sweat
over　me　now。　The　heroism　with　which　the　little　angel　bore　his
sufferings　proves　to　me　that　he　will　be　his　mother's　son。　A　look　from
him　goes　to　my　very　heart。

Medical　science　can　give　no　satisfactory　explanation　as　to　the　origin
of　this　sort　of　tetanus；　which　passes　off　as　rapidly　as　it　comes　on；
and　can　apparently　be　neither　guarded　against　nor　cured。　One　thing
alone；　as　I　said　before；　is　certain；　that　it　i