letters of two brides-第16章

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dear　one；　in　making　marriage　irrevocable　and　imposing　on　it　a
relentless　formula；　which　admits　of　no　exceptions；　they　have　rendered
each　union　a　thing　as　distinct　as　one　individual　is　from　another。　Each
has　its　own　inner　laws　which　differ　from　those　of　others。　The　laws
regulating　married　life　in　the　country；　for　instance；　cannot　be　the
same　as　those　regulating　a　household　in　town；　where　frequent
distractions　give　variety　to　life。　Or　conversely；　married　life　in
Paris；　where　existence　is　one　perpetual　whirl；　must　demand　different
treatment　from　the　more　peaceful　home　in　the　provinces。

But　if　place　alters　the　conditions　of　marriage；　much　more　does
character。　The　wife　of　a　man　born　to　be　a　leader　need　only　resign
herself　to　his　guidance；　whereas　the　wife　of　a　fool；　conscious　of
superior　power；　is　bound　to　take　the　reins　in　her　own　hand　if　she
would　avert　calamity。

You　speak　of　vice；　and　it　is　possible　that；　after　all；　reason　and
reflection　produce　a　result　not　dissimilar　from　what　we　call　by　that
name。　For　what　does　a　woman　mean　by　it　but　perversion　of　feeling
through　calculation？　Passion　is　vicious　when　it　reasons；　admirable
only　when　it　springs　from　the　heart　and　spends　itself　in　sublime
impulses　that　set　at　naught　all　selfish　considerations。　Sooner　or
later；　dear　one；　you　too　will　say；　〃Yes！　dissimulation　is　the
necessary　armor　of　a　woman；　if　by　dissimulation　be　meant　courage　to
bear　in　silence；　prudence　to　foresee　the　future。〃

Every　married　woman　learns　to　her　cost　the　existence　of　certain　social
laws；　which；　in　many　respects；　conflict　with　the　laws　of　nature。
Marrying　at　our　age；　it　would　be　possible　to　have　a　dozen　children。
What　is　this　but　another　name　for　a　dozen　crimes；　a　dozen　misfortunes？
It　would　be　handing　over　to　poverty　and　despair　twelve　innocent
darlings；　whereas　two　children　would　mean　the　happiness　of　both；　a
double　blessing；　two　lives　capable　of　developing　in　harmony　with　the
customs　and　laws　of　our　time。　The　natural　law　and　the　code　are　in
hostility；　and　we　are　the　battle　ground。　Would　you　give　the　name　of
vice　to　the　prudence　of　the　wife　who　guards　her　family　from
destruction　through　its　own　acts？　One　calculation　or　a　thousand；　what
matter；　if　the　decision　no　longer　rests　with　the　heart？

And　of　this　terrible　calculation　you　will　be　guilty　some　day；　my　noble
Baronne　de　Macumer；　when　you　are　the　proud　and　happy　wife　of　the　man
who　adores　you；　or　rather；　being　a　man　of　sense；　he　will　spare　you　by
making　it　himself。　（You　see；　dear　dreamer；　that　I　have　studied　the
code　in　its　bearings　on　conjugal　relations。）　And　when　at　last　that　day
comes；　you　will　understand　that　we　are　answerable　only　to　God　and　to
ourselves　for　the　means　we　employ　to　keep　happiness　alight　in　the
heart　of　our　homes。　Far　better　is　the　calculation　which　succeeds　in
this　than　the　reckless　passion　which　introduces　trouble；　heart…
burnings；　and　dissension。

I　have　reflected　painfully　on　the　duties　of　a　wife　and　mother　of　a
family。　Yes；　sweet　one；　it　is　only　by　a　sublime　hypocrisy　that　we　can
attain　the　noblest　ideal　of　a　perfect　woman。　You　tax　me　with
insincerity　because　I　dole　out　to　Louis；　from　day　to　day；　the　measure
of　his　intimacy　with　me；　but　is　it　not　too　close　an　intimacy　which
provokes　rupture？　My　aim　is　to　give　him；　in　the　very　interest　of　his
happiness；　many　occupations；　which　will　all　serve　as　distractions　to
his　love；　and　this　is　not　the　reasoning　of　passion。　If　affection　be
inexhaustible；　it　is　not　so　with　love：　the　task；　therefore；　of　a　woman
truly　no　light　oneis　to　spread　it　out　thriftily　over　a　lifetime。

At　the　risk　of　exciting　your　disgust；　I　must　tell　you　that　I　persist
in　the　principles　I　have　adopted；　and　hold　myself　both　heroic　and
generous　in　so　doing。　Virtue；　my　pet；　is　an　abstract　idea；　varying　in
its　manifestations　with　the　surroundings。　Virtue　in　Provence；　in
Constantinople；　in　London；　and　in　Paris　bears　very　different　fruit；
but　is　none　the　less　virtue。　Each　human　life　is　a　substance　compacted
of　widely　dissimilar　elements；　though；　viewed　from　a　certain　height；
the　general　effect　is　the　same。

If　I　wished　to　make　Louis　unhappy　and　to　bring　about　a　separation；　all
I　need　do　is　to　leave　the　helm　in　his　hands。　I　have　not　had　your　good
fortune　in　meeting　with　a　man　of　the　highest　distinction；　but　I　may
perhaps　have　the　satisfaction　of　helping　him　on　the　road　to　it。　Five
years　hence　let　us　meet　in　Paris　and　see！　I　believe　we　shall　succeed
in　mystifying　you。　You　will　tell　me　then　that　I　was　quite　mistaken；
and　that　M。　de　l'Estorade　is　a　man　of　great　natural　gifts。

As　for　this　brave　love；　of　which　I　know　only　what　you　tell　me；　these
tremors　and　night　watches　by　starlight　on　the　balcony；　this　idolatrous
worship；　this　deification　of　womanI　knew　it　was　not　for　me。　You　can
enlarge　the　borders　of　your　brilliant　life　as　you　please；　mine　is
hemmed　in　to　the　boundaries　of　La　Crampade。

And　you　reproach　me　for　the　jealous　care　which　alone　can　nurse　this
modest　and　fragile　shoot　into　a　wealth　of　lasting　and　mysterious
happiness！　I　believed　myself　to　have　found　out　how　to　adapt　the　charm
of　a　mistress　to　the　position　of　a　wife；　and　you　have　almost　made　me
blush　for　my　device。　Who　shall　say　which　of　us　is　right；　which　is
wrong？　Perhaps　we　are　both　right　and　both　wrong。　Perhaps　this　is　the
heavy　price　which　society　exacts　for　our　furbelows；　our　titles；　and
our　children。

I　too　have　my　red　camellias；　but　they　bloom　on　my　lips　in　smiles　for
my　double　chargethe　father　and　the　sonwhose　slave　and　mistress　I
am。　But；　my　dear；　your　last　letters　made　me　feel　what　I　have　lost！　You
have　taught　me　all　a　woman　sacrifices　in　marrying。　One　single　glance
did　I　take　at　those　beautiful　wild　plateaus　where　you　range　at　your
sweet　will；　and　I　will　not　tell　you　the　tears　that　fell　as　I　read。　But
regret　is　not　remorse；　though　it　may　be　first　cousin　to　it。

You　say；　〃Marriage　has　made　you　a　philosopher！〃　Alas！　bitterly　did　I
feel　how　far　this　was　from　the　truth；　as　I　wept　to　think　of　you　swept
away　on　love's　torrent。　But　my　father　has　made　me　read　one　of　the
profoundest　thinkers　of　these　parts；　the　man　on　whom　the　mantle　of
Boussuet　has　fallen；　one　of　those　hard…headed　theorists　whose　words
force　conviction。　While　you　were　reading　/Corinne/；　I　conned　Bonald；
and　here　is　the　whole　secret　of　my　philosophy。　He　revealed　to　me　the
Family　in　its　strength　and　holiness。　According　to　Bonald；　your　father
was　right　in　his　homily。

Farewell；　my　dear　fancy；　my　friend；　my　wild　other　self。



XIX

LOUISE　DE　CHAULIEU　TO　MME。　DE　L'ESTORADE

Well；　my　Renee；　you　are　a　love　of　a　woman；　and　I　quite　agree　now　that
we　can　only　be　virtuous　by　cheating。　Will　that　satisfy　you？　Moreover；
the　man　who　loves　us　is　our　property；　we　can　make　a　fool　or　a　genius
of　him　as　we　please；　only；　between　ourselves；　the　former　happens　more
commonly。　You　will　make　yours　a　genius；　and　you　won't　tell　the　secret
there　are　two　heroic　actions；　if　you　will！

Ah！　if　there　were　no　future　life；　how　nicely　you　would　be　sold；　for
this　is　martyrdom　into　which　you　are　plunging　of　your　own　accord。　You
want　to　make　him　ambitious　and　to　keep　him　in　love！　Child　that　you
are；　surely　the　last　alone　is　sufficient。

Tell　me；　to　what　point　is　calculation　a　virtue；　or　virtue　calculation？
You　won't　say？　Well；　we　won't　quarrel　over　that；　since　we　have　Bonald
to　refer　to。　We　are；　and　intend　to　remain；　virtuous；　nevertheless　at
this　moment　I　believe　that　you；　with　all　your　pretty　little　knavery；
are　a　better　woman　than　I　am。

Yes；　I　am　shockingly　deceitful。　I　love　Felipe；　and　I　conceal　it　from
him　with　an　odious　hypocrisy。　I　long　to　see　him　leap　from　his　tree　to
the　top　of　the　wall；　and　from　the　wall　to　my　balconyand　if　he　did；
how　I　should　wither　him　with　my　scorn！　You　see；　I　am　frank　enough　with
you。

What　restrains　me？　Where　is　the　mysterious　power　which　prevents　me
from　telling　Felipe；　dear　fellow；　how　supremely　happy　he　has　made　me
by　the　outpouring　of　his　loveso　pure；　so　absolute；　so　boundless；　so
unobtrusive；　and　so　overflowing？

Mme。　de　Mirbel　is　painting　my　portrait；　and　I　intend　to　give　it　to
him；　my　dear。　What　surprises　me　more　and　more　every　day　is　the
animation　which　love　puts　into　life。　How　full　of　interest　is　every
hour；　every　action；　every　trifle！　and　what　amazing　confusion　between
the　past；　the　future；　and　the　present！　One　lives　in　three　tenses　at
once。　Is　it　still　so　after　the　heights　of　happiness　are　reached？　Oh！
tell　me；　I　implore　you；　what　is　happiness？　Does　it　soothe；　or　does　it
excite？　I　am　horribly　restless；　I　seem　to　have　lost　all　my　bearings；　a
force　in　my　heart　drags　me　to　him；　spite　of　reason　and　spite　of
propriety。　There　is　this　gain；　that　I　am　better　able　to　enter　into
your　feelings。

Felipe's　happiness　consists　in　feeling　himself　mine；　the　aloofness　of
his　love；　his　strict　obedience；　irritate　me；　just　as　his　attitude　of
profound　respect　provoked　me　when　he　was　only　my　Spanish　master。　I　am
tempted　to　cry　out　to　him　as　he　passes；　〃Fool；　if　you　love　me　so　much
as　a　picture；　what　will　it　be　when　you　know　the　real　me？〃

Oh！　Renee；　you　burn　my　letters；　don't　you？　I　will　burn　yours。　If　other
eyes　than　ours　were　to　read　these　thoughts　which　pass　from　heart　to
heart；　I　should　send　Felipe　to　put　them　out；　and　perhaps　to　kill　the
owners；　by　way　of　additional　security。

Monday。

Oh！　Renee；　how　is　it　possible　to　fathom　the　heart　of　man？　My　father
ought　to　introduce　me　to　M。　Bonald；　since　he　is　so　learned；　I　would
ask　him。　I　envy　the　privilege　of　God；　who　can　read　the　undercurrents
of　the　heart。

Does　he　still　worship？　That　is　the　whole　question。

If　ever；　in　gesture；　glance；　or　tone；　I　were　to　detect　the　slightest
falling　off　in　the　respect　he　used　to　show　me　in　the　days　when　he　was
my　instructor　in　Spanish；　I　feel　that　I　should　have　strength　to　put
the　whole　thing　from　me。　〃Why　these　fine　words；　these　grand
resolutions？〃　you　will　say。　Dear；　I　will　tell　you。

My　fascinating　father；　who　treats　me　with　the　devotion　of　an　Italian
/cavaliere　servente/　for　his　lady；　had　my　portrait　painted；　as　I　told
you；　by　Mme。　de　Mirbel。　I　contrived　to　get　a　copy　made；　good　enough　to
do　for　the　Duke；　and　sent　the　original　to　Felipe。　I　despatched　it
yesterday；　and　these　lines　with　it：

　　〃Don　Felipe；　your　single…hearted　devotion　is　met　by　a　blind
　　confidence。　Time　will　show　whether　this　is　not　to　treat　a　man　as
　　more　than　human。〃

It　was　a　big　reward。　It　looked　like　a　promise　anddreadful　to　saya
challenge；　butwhich　will　seem　to　you　still　more　dreadfulI　quite
intended　that　it　should　suggest　both　these　things；　without　going　so
far　as　actually　to　commit　me。　If　in　his　reply　there　is　〃Dear　Louise！〃
or　even　〃Louise；〃　he　is　done　for！

Tuesday。

No；　he　is　not　done　for。　The　constitutional　minister　is　perfect　as　a
lover。　Here　is　his　letter：

　　〃Every　moment　passed　away　from　your　sight　has　been　filled　by　me
　　with　ideal　pictures　of　you；　my　eyes　closed　to　the　outside　world
　　and　fixed　in　meditation　on　your　image；　which　used　to　obey　the
　　summons　too　slowly　in　that　dim　palace　of　dreams；　glorified　by　your
　　presence。　Henceforth　my　gaze　will　rest　upon　this　wondrous　ivory
　　this　talisman；　might　I　not　say？since　your　blue　eyes　sparkle　with
　　life　as　I　lo