the dwelling place of ligh-第44章

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she　herself　had　taken。　　Had　that　been　heaven；　and　this　of　Lise's；
hell？。。。　　And　was。　　Lise's　ambition　to　be　supported　in　idleness　and
luxury　to　be　condemned　because　she　had　believed　her　own　to　be　higher？
Did　not　both　lead　to　destruction？　　The　weight　that　had　lain　on　her　breast
since　the　siren　had　awakened　her　that　morning　and　she　had　reached　out　and
touched　the　chilled；　empty　sheets　now　grew　almost　unsupportable。

〃It's　true；〃　said　Janet；　〃all　men　are　the　same。〃

Lise　was　staring　at　her。

〃My　God！〃　she　exclaimed。　　〃You？〃

〃Yes…me；〃　cried　Janet。〃And　what　are　you　going　to　do　about　it？　　Stay
here　with　him　in　this　filthy　place　until　he　gets　tired　of　you　and　throws
you　out　on　the　street？　　Before　I'd　let　any　man　do　that　to　me　I'd　kill
him。〃

Lise　began　to　whimper；　and　suddenly　buried　her　face　in　the　pillow。　　But　a
new　emotion　had　begun　to　take　possession　of　Janetan　emotion　so　strong
as　to　give　her　an　unlookedfor　sense　of　detachment。　　And　the　words　Lise
had　spoken　between　her　sobs　at　first　conveyed　no　meaning。

〃I'm　going　to　have　a　baby。。。。〃

Lise　was　going　to　have　a　child！　　Why　hadn't　she　guessed　it？　　A　child！
Perhaps　she；　Janet；　would　have　a　child！　　This　enlightenment　as　to　Lise's
condition　and　the　possibility　it　suggested　in　regard　to　herself　brought
with　it　an　overwhelming　sympathy　which　at　first　she　fiercely　resented
then　yielded　to。　　The　bond　between　them；　instead　of　snapping；　had
inexplicably　strengthened。　　And　Lise；　despite　her　degradation；　was　more
than　ever　her　sister！　　Forgetting　her　repugnance　to　the　bed；　Janet　sat
down　beside　Lise　and　put　an　arm　around　her。

〃He　said　he'd　marry　me；　he　swore　he　was　richand　he　was　a　spender　all
right。　　And　then　some　guy　came　up　to　me　one　night　at　Gruber's　and　told　me
he　was　married　already。〃

〃What？〃　Janet　exclaimed。

〃Sure！　　He's　got　a　wife　and　two　kids　here　in　Boston。　　That　was　a　twenty…
one　round　knockout！　　Maybe　I　didn't　have　something　to　tell　him　when　he
blew　into　Hampton　last　Friday！　　But　he　said　he　couldn't　help　ithe　loved
me。〃　　Lise　sat　up；　seemingly　finding　relief　in　the　relation　of　her
wrongs；　dabbing　her　eyes　with　a　cheap　lace　handkerchief。　　〃Well；　while
he'd　been　awaythis　thing　came。　　I　didn't　know　what　was　the　matter　at
first；　and　when　I　found　out　I　was　scared　to　death；　I　was　ready　to　kill
myself。　　When　I　told　him　he　was　scared　too；　and　then　he　said　he'd　fix　it。
Say；　I　was　a　goat　to　think　he'd　marry　me！〃　Lise　laughed　hysterically。

〃And　then〃　Janet　spoke　with　difficulty；　〃and　then　you　came　down　here？〃

〃I　told　him　he'd　have　to　see　me　through；　I'd　start　something　if　he
didn't。　　Say；　he　almost　got　down　on　his　knees；　right　there　in　Gruber's！
But　he　came　back　inside　of　ten　secondshe's　a　jollier；　for　sure；　he　was
right　there　with　the　goods；　it　was　because　he　loved　me；　he　couldn't　help
himself；　I　was　his　cutie；　and　all　that　kind　of　baby　talk。〃

Lise's　objective　manner　of　speaking　about　her　seducer　amazed　Janet。

〃Do　you　love　him？〃　she　asked。

〃Say；　what　is　love？〃　Lise　demanded。　　〃Do　you　ever　run　into　it　outside　of
the　movies？　　Do　I　love　him？　　Well；　he's　a　good　looker　and　a　fancy
dresser；　he　ain't　a　tight　wad；　and　he　can　start　a　laugh　every　minute。　　If
he　hadn't　put　it　over　on　me　I　wouldn't　have　been　so　sore。　　I　don't　know
he　ain't　so　bad。　　He's　weak；　that's　the　trouble　with　him。〃

This　was　the　climax！　　Lise's　mental　processes；　her　tendency　to　pass　from
wild　despair　to　impersonal　comment；　her　inability；　her　courtesan's
temperament　that　prevented　her　from　realizing　tragedy　for　more　than　a
moment　at　a　timeeven　though　the　tragedy　were　her　ownwere
incomprehensible　to　Janet。

〃Get　on　to　this；〃　Lise　adjured　her。　　〃When　I　first　was　acquainted　with
him　he　handed　me　a　fairy　tale　that　he　was　taking　five　thousand　a　year
from　Humphrey　and　Gillmount；　he　was　going　into　the　firm。　　He　had　me
razzle…dazzled。　　He's　some　hypnotizes　as　a　salesman；　too；　they　say。
Nothing　was　too　good　for　me；　I　saw　myself　with　a　house　on　the　avenue
shopping　in　a　limousine。　　Well；　he　blew　up；　but　I　can't　help　liking　him。〃

〃Liking　him！〃　cried　Janet　passionately。　　〃I'd　kill　him　that's　what　I'd
do。〃

Lise　regarded　her　with　unwilling　admiration。

〃That's　where　you　and　me　is　different；〃　she　declared。　　〃I　wish　I　was　like
that；　but　I　ain't。　　And　where　would　I　come　in？　　Now　you're　wise　why　I
can't　go　back　to　Hampton。　　Even　if　I　was　stuck　on　the　burg　and　cryin'　my
eyes　out　for　the　Bagatelle　I　couldn't　go　back。〃

〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃　Janet　demanded。

〃Well；〃　said　Lise；　〃he's　come　acrossI'll　say　that　for　him。　　Maybe　it's
because　he's　scared；　but　he's　stuck　on　me；　too。　　When　you　dropped　in　I
was　just　going　down　town　to　get　a　pair　of　patent　leathers；　these　are　all
wore　out；〃　she　explained；　twisting　her　foot；　〃they　ain't　fit　for　Boston。
And　I　thought　of　lookin'　at　blousesthere's　a　sale　on　I　was　reading
about　in　the　paper。　　Say；　it's　great　to　be　on　easy　street；　to　be　able　to
stay　in　bed　until　you're　good　and　ready　to　get　up　and　go　shopping；　to
gaze　at　the　girls　behind　the　counter　and　ask　the　price　of　things。　　I'm
going　to　Walling's　and　give　the　salesladies　the　ha…hathat's　what　I'm
going　to　do。〃

〃But？〃　　Janet　found　words　inadequate。

Lise　understood　her。

〃Oh；　I'm　due　at　the　doctor's　this　afternoon。〃

〃Where？〃

〃The　doctor's。　　Don't　you　get　me？it's　a　private　hospital。〃　　Lise　gave　a
slight　shudder　at　the　word；　but　instantly　recovered　her　sang…froid。
〃Howard　fixed　it　up　yesterdayand　they　say　it　ain't　very　bad　if　you　take
it　early。〃

For　a　space　Janet　was　too　profoundly　shocked　to　reply。

〃Lise！　　That's　a　crime！〃　she　cried。

〃Crime；　nothing！〃　　retorted　Lise；　and　immediately　became　indignant。
〃Say；　I　sometimes　wonder　how　you　could　have　lived　all　these　years　without
catching　on　to　a　few　things！　　What　do　you　take　me　for！　　What'd　I　do　with
a　baby？〃

What　indeed！　　The　thought　came　like　an　avalanche；　stripping　away　the
veneer　of　beauty　from　the　face　of　the　world；　revealing　the　scarred　rock
and　crushed　soil　beneath。　　This　was　reality！　　What　right　had　society　to
compel　a　child　to　be　born　to　degradation　and　prostitution？　to　beget；
perhaps；　other　children　of　suffering？　　Were　not　she　and　Lise　of　the
exploited；　of　those　duped　and　tempted　by　the　fair　things　the　more
fortunate　enjoyed　unscathed？　　And　now；　for　their　natural　cravings；　their
family　must　be　disgraced；　they　must　pay　the　penalty　of　outcasts！　　Neither
Lise　nor　she　had　had　a　chance。　　She　saw　that；　now。　　The　scorching
revelation　of　life's　injustice　lighted　within　her　the　fires　of　anarchy
and　revenge。　　Lise；　other　women　might　submit　tamely　to　be　crushed；　might
be　lulled　and　drugged　by　bribes：　she　would　not。　　A　wild　desire　seized　her
to　get　back　to　Hampton。

〃Give　me　the　address　of　the　hospital；〃　she　said。

〃Come　off！〃　cried　Lise；　in　angry　bravado。　　〃Do　you　think　I'm　going　to　let
you　butt　into　this？　　I　guess　you've　got　enough　to　do　to　look　out　for　your
own　business。〃

Janet　produced　a　pencil　from　her　bag；　and　going　to　the　table　tore　off　a
piece　of　the　paper　in　which　had　been　wrapped　the　candy　box。

〃Give　me　the　address；〃　she　insisted。

〃Say；　what　are　you　going　to　do？〃

〃I　want　to　know　where　you　are；　in　case　anything　happens　to　you。〃

〃Anything　happens！　　What　do　you　mean？〃　　Janet's　words　had　frightened
Lise；　the　withdrawal　of　Janet's　opposition　bewildered　her。　　But　above
all；　she　was　cowed　by　the　sudden　change　in　Janet　herself；　by　the　attitude
of　steely　determination　eloquent　of　an　animus　persons　of　Lise's　type　are
incapable　of　feeling；　and　which　to　them　is　therefore　incomprehensible。
〃Nothing's　going　to　happen　to　me；〃　she　whined。　　〃The　place　is　all　right
he'd　be　scared　to　send　me　there　if　it　wasn't。　　It　costs　something；　too。
Say；　you　ain't　going　to　tell　'em　at　home？〃　she　cried　with　a　fresh　access
of　alarm。

〃If　you　do　as　I　say；　I　won't　tell　anybody；〃　Janet　replied；　in　that　odd；
impersonal　tone　her　voice　had　acquired。　　〃You　must　write　me　as　soonas
soon　as　it　is　over。　　Do　you　understand？〃

〃Honest　to　God　I　will；〃　Lise　assured　her。

〃And　you　mustn't　come　back　to　a　house　like　this。〃

〃Where'll　I　go？〃　Lise　asked。

〃I　don't　know。　　We'll　find　out　when　the　time　comes；〃　said　Janet；
significantly。

〃You've　seen　him！〃　Lise　exclaimed。

〃No；〃　said　Janet；　〃and　I　don't　want　to　see　him　unless　I　have　to。　　Mr。
Tiernan　has　seen　him。　　Mr。　Tiernan　is　downstairs　now；　waiting　for　me。〃

〃Johnny　Tiernan！　　Is　Johnny　Tiernan　downstairs？〃

Janet　wrote　the　address；　and　thrust　the　slip　of　paper　in　her　bag。

〃Good…bye；　Lise；〃　she　said。　　〃I'll　come　down　again　I'll　come　down
whenever　you　want　me。〃　　Lise　suddenly　seized　her　and　clung　to　her；
sobbing。　　For　a　while　Janet　submitted；　and　then；　kissing　her；　gently
detached　herself。　　She　felt；　indeed；　pity　for　Lise；　but　something　within
her　seemed　to　have　hardenedsomething　that　pity　could　not　melt；
possessing　her　and　thrusting　heron　to　action。　　She　knew　not　what　action。
So　strong　was　this　thing　that　it　overcame　and　drove　off　the　evil　spirits
of　that　darkened　house　as　she　descended　the　stairs　to　join　Mr。　Tiernan；
who　opened　the　door　for　her　to　pass　out。　　Once　in　the　street；　she
breathed　deeply　of　the　sunlit　air。　　Nor　did　she　observe　Mr。　Tiernan's
glance　of　comprehension。。。。　　When　they　arrived　at　the　North　Station　he
said：

〃You'll　be　wanting　a　bite　of　dinner；　Miss　Janet；〃　and　as　she　shook　her
head　he　did　not　press　her　to　eat。　　He　told　her　that　a　train　for　Hampton
left　in　ten　minutes。　　〃I　think　I'll　stay　in　Boston　the　rest　of　the　day；
as　long　as　I'm　here；〃　he　added。

She　remembered　that　she　had　not　thanked　him；　she　took　his　hand；　but　he
cut　her　short。

〃It's　glad　I　was　to　help　you；〃　he　assured　her。　　〃And　if　there's　anything
more　I　can　do；　Miss　Janet；　you'll　be　letting　me　knowyou'll　call　on
Johnny　Tiernan；　won't　you？〃

He　left　her　at　the　gate。　　He　had　intruded　with　no　advice；　he　had　offered
no　comment　that　she　had　come　downstairs　alone；　without　Lise。　　His
confidence　in　her　seemed　never　to　have　wavered。　　He　had　respected；
perhaps　partly　imagined　her　feelings；　and　in　spite　of　these　now　a　sense
of　gratitude　to　him　stole　over　her；　mitigating　the　intensity　of　their
bitterness。　　Mr。　Tiernan　alone　seemed　stable　in　a　chaotic　world。　　He　was
a　man。

No　sooner　was　she　in　the　train；　however；　than　she　forgot　Mr。　Tiernan
utterly。　　Up　to　the　present　the　mental　process　of　dwelling　upon　her　own
experience　of　the　last　three　months　had　been　unbearable；　but　now　she　was
able　to　take　a　fearful　satisfaction　in　the　evolving　of　parallels　between
her　case　and　Lise's。　　Despite　the　fact　that　the　memories　she　had
cherished　were　now　become　hideous　things；　she　sought　to　drag　them　forth
and　compare　them；　ruthlessly；　with　what　must　have　been　the　treasures　of
Lise。　　Were　her　own　any　less　tawdry？　　Only　she；　Janet；　had　been　the
greater　fool　of　the　two；　the　greater　dupe　because　she　had　allowed　herself
to　dream；　to　believe　that　what　she　had　done　had　been　for　love；　for　light！
because　she　had　not　listened　to　the　warning　voice　within　her！　　It　had
always　been　on　the　little；　unpremeditated　acts　of　Ditmar　that　she　had
loved　to　linger；　and　now；　in　the　light　of　Lise's　testimony；　of　Lise's
experience；　she　saw　them　all　as　false。　　It　seemed　incredible；　now；　that
she　had　ever　deceived　herself　into　thinking　that　Ditmar　mea