the dwelling place of ligh-第26章

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against　this　low…class　European　labour　trying　to　run　a　mill　with　them。　　They're
here　one　day　and　there　the　next；　they　don't　know　what　loyalty　is。　　You've　got
to　drive　'emif　you　give　'em　an　inch　they'll　jump　at　your　throat；　dynamite
your　property。　　Why；　there's　nothing　I　wouldn't　do　for　them　if　I　could　depend
on　them；　I'd　build　'em　houses；　I'd　have　automobiles　to　take　'em　home。　　As　it
is；　I　do　my　best；　though　they　don't　deserve　it；in　slack　seasons　I　run　half
time　when　I　oughtn't　to　be　running　at　all。〃

His　tone　betrayed　an　effort　of　self…justification；　and　his　irritation　had　been
increased　by　the　suspicion　in　Janet　of　a　certain　lack　of　the　sympathy　on　which
he　had　counted。　　She　sat　silent；　gazing　searchingly　at　his　face。

〃What's　the　matter？〃　　he　demanded。　　〃You　don't　mean　to　say　you　agree　with　that
kind　of　talk？〃

〃I　was　wondering〃　she　began。

〃What？〃

〃If　you　wereif　you　could　really　understand　those　who　are　driven　to　work　in
order　to　keep　alive？〃

〃Understand　them！　　Why　not？〃　he　asked。

〃Becausebecause　you're　on　top；　you've　always　been　successful；　you're　pretty
much　your　own　masterand　that　makes　it　different。　　I'm　not　blaming　youin
your　place　I'd　be　the　same；　I'm　sure。　　But　this　man；　Siddons；　made　me　think。
I've　lived　like　that；　you　see；　I　know　what　it　is；　in　a　way。〃

〃Not　like　these　foreigners！〃　he　protested。

〃Oh；　almost　as　bad；〃　she　cried　with　vehemence；　and　Ditmar；　stopped　suddenly　in
his　pacing　as　by　a　physical　force；　looked　at　her　with　the　startled　air　of　the
male　who　has　inadvertently　touched　off　one　of　the　many　hidden　springs　in　the
feminine　emotional　mechanism。　　〃How　do　you　know　what　it　is　to　live　in　a
squalid；　ugly　street；　in　dark　little　rooms　that　smell　of　cooking；　and　not　be
able　to　have　any　of　the　finer；　beautiful　things　in　life？　　Unless　you'd　wanted
these　things　as　I've　wanted　them；　you　couldn't　know。　　Oh；　I　can　understand　what
it　would　feel　like　to　strike；　to　wish　to　dynamite　men　like　you！〃

〃You　can！〃　he　exclaimed　in　amazement。　　〃You！〃

〃Yes；　me。　　You　don't　understand　these　people；　you　couldn't　feel　sorry　for　them
any　more　than　you　could　feel　sorry　for　me。　　You　want　them　to　run　your　mills　for
you；　you　don't　want　to　know　how　they　feel　or　how　they　live；　and　you　just　want
mefor　your　pleasure。〃

He　was　indeed　momentarily　taken　aback　by　this　taunt；　which　no　woman　in　his
experience　had　had　the　wit　and　spirit　to　fling　at　him；　but　he　was　not　the　type
of　man　to　be　shocked　by　it。　　On　the　contrary；　it　swept　away　his　irritation；　and
as　a　revelation　of　her　inner　moltenness　stirred　him　to　a　fever　heat　as　he
approached　and　stood　over　her。

〃You　littlepanther！〃　he　whispered。　　〃You　want　beautiful　things；　do　you？
Well；　I'll　give　'em　to　you。　　I'll　take　care　of　you。〃

〃Do　you　think　I　want　them　from　you？〃　she　retorted；　almost　in　tears。　　〃Do　you
think　I　want　anybody　to　take　care　of　me？　　That　shows　how　little　you　know　me。　　I
want　to　be　independent；　to　do　my　work　and　pay　for　what　I　get。〃

Janet　herself　was　far　from　comprehending　the　complexity　of　her　feelings。
Ditmar　had　not　apologized　or　feigned　an　altruism　for　which　she　would　indeed
have　despised　him。　　The　ruthlessness　of　his　laughthe　laugh　of　the　red…blooded
man　who　makes　laws　that　he　himself　may　be　lawless　shook　her　with　a　wild　appeal。
〃What　do　I　care　about　any　othersI　want　you！〃　　such　was　its　message。　　And
against　this　paradoxical　wish　to　be　conquered；　intensified　by　the　magnetic
field　of　his　passion；　battled　her　self…assertion；　her　pride；　her　innate　desire
to　be　free；　to　escape　now　from　a　domination　the　thought　of　which　filled　her
with　terror。　　She　felt　his　cheek　brushing　against　her　hair；　his　fingers
straying　along　her　arm；　for　the　moment　she　was　hideously　yet　deliciously
powerless。　　Then　the　emotion　of　terror　conqueredterror　of　the　unknownand
she　sprang　away；　dropping　her　note…book　and　running　to　the　window；　where　she
stood　swaying。

〃Janet；　you're　killing　me；〃　she　heard　him　say。　　〃For　God's　sake；　why　can't　you
trust　me？〃

She　did　not　answer；　but　gazed　out　at　the　primrose　lights　beginning　to　twinkle
fantastically　in　the　distant　mills。　　Presently　she　turned。　　Ditmar　was　in　his
chair。　　She　crossed　the　room　to　the　electric　switch；　turning　on　the　flood　of
light；　picked　up　her　tote…book　and　sat　down　again。

〃Don't　you　intend　to　answer　your　letters？〃　　she　asked。

He　reached　out　gropingly　toward　the　pile　of　his　correspondence；　seized　the
topmost　letter；　and　began　to　dictate；　savagely。　　She　experienced　a　certain
exultation；　a　renewed　and　pleasurable　sense　of　power　as　she　took　down　his
words。




End　of　The　Dwelling　Place　of　Light；　V1
by　Winston　Churchill






THE　DWELLING…PLACE　OF　LIGHT

BY　WINSTON　CHURCHILL


VOLUME　2


CHAPTER　IX

At　certain　moments　during　the　days　that　followed　the　degree　of　tension
her　relationship　with　Ditmar　had　achieved　tested　the　limits　of　Janet's
ingenuity　and　powers　of　resistance。　　Yet　the　sense　of　mastery　at　being
able　to　hold　such　a　man　in　leash　was　by　no　means　unpleasurable　to　a　young
woman　of　her　vitality　and　spirit。　　There　was　always　the　excitement　that
the　leash　might　breakand　then　what？　　Here　was　a　situation；　she　knew
instinctively；　that　could　not　last；　one　fraught　with　all　sorts　of
possibilities；　intoxicating　or　abhorrent　to　contemplate；　and　for　that
very　reason　fascinating。　　When　she　was　away　from　Ditmar　and　tried　to
think　about　it　she　fell　into　an　abject　perplexity；　so　full　was　it　of
anomalies　and　contradictions；　of　conflicting　impulses；　so　far　beyond　her
knowledge　and　experience。　　For　Janet　had　been　born　in　an　age　which　is
rapidly　discarding　blanket　morality　and　taboos；　which　has　as　yet　to
achieve　the　morality　of　scientific　knowledge；　of　the　individual　instance。
Tradition；　convention；　the　awful　examples　portrayed　for　gain　in　the
movies；　even　her　mother's　pessimistic　attitude　in　regard　to　the　freedom
with　which　the　sexes　mingle　to…day　were　powerless　to　influence　her。　　The
thought；　however；　that　she　might　fundamentally　resemble　her　sister　Lise；
despite　a　fancied　superiority；　did　occasionally　shake　her　and　bring　about
a　revulsion　against　Ditmar。　　Janet's　problem　was　in　truth；　though　she
failed　so　to　specialize　it；　the　supreme　problem　of　our　time：　what　is　the
path　to　self…realization？　how　achieve　emancipation　from　the　commonplace？

Was　she　in　love　with　Ditmar？　　The　question　was　distasteful；　she　avoided
it；　for　enough　of　the　tatters　of　orthodox　Christianity　clung　to　her　to
cause　her　to　feel　shame　when　she　contemplated　the　feelings　he　aroused　in
her。　　It　was　when　she　asked　herself　what　his　intentions　were　that　her
resentment　burned；　pride　and　a　sense　of　her　own　value　convinced　her　that
he　had　deeply　insulted　her　in　not　offering　marriage。　　Plainly；　he　did　not
intend　to　offer　marriage；　on　the　other　hand；　if　he　had　done　so；　a
profound；　self…respecting　and　moral　instinct　in　her　would；　in　her　present
mood；　have　led　her　to　refuse。　　She　felt　a　fine　scorn　for　the　woman　who；
under　the　circumstances；　would　insist　upon　a　bond　and　all　a　man's　worldly
goods　in　return　for　that　which　it　was　her　privilege　to　give　freely；　while
the　notion　of　servility；　of　economic　dependencethough　she　did　not　so
phrase　itrepelled　her　far　more　than　the　possibility　of　social　ruin。

This　she　did　not　contemplate　at　all；　her　impulse　to　leave　Hampton　and
Ditmar　had　nothing　to　do　with　that。。。。

Away　from　Ditmar；　this　war　of　inclinations　possessed　her　waking　mind；
invaded　her　dreams。　　When　she　likened　herself　to　the　other　exploited
beings　he　drove　to　run　his　mills　and　fill　his　orders；of　whom　Mr。
Siddons　had　spokenher　resolution　to　leave　Hampton　gained　such　definite
ascendancy　that　her　departure　seemed　only　a　matter　of　hours。

In　this　perspective　Ditmar　appeared　so　ruthless；　his　purpose　to　use　her
and　fling　her　away　so　palpable；　that　she　despised　herself　for　having
hesitated。　　A　longing　for　retaliation　consumed　her；　she　wished　to　hurt
him　before　she　left。　　At　such　times；　however；　unforeseen　events
invariably　intruded　to　complicate　her　feelings　and　alter　her　plans。　　One
evening　at　supper；　for　instance；　when　she　seemed　at　last　to　have　achieved
the　comparative　peace　of　mind　that　follows　a　decision　after　struggle；　she
gradually　became　aware　of　an　outburst　from　Hannah　concerning　the　stove；
the　condition　of　which　for　many　months　had　been　a　menace　to　the　welfare
of　the　family。　　Edward；　it　appeared；　had　remarked　mildly　on　the　absence
of　beans。

〃Beans！〃　Hannah　cried。　　〃You're　lucky　to　have　any　supper　at　all。　　I　just
wish　I　could　get　you　to　take　a　look　at　that　oventhere's　a　hole　you　can
put　your　hand　through；　if　you've　a　mind　to。　　I've　done　my　best；　I've　made
out　to　patch　it　from　time　to　time；　and　to…day　I　had　Mr。　Tiernan　in。　　He
says　it's　a　miracle　I've　been　able　to　bake　anything。　　A　new　one'll　cost
thirty　dollars；　and　I　don't　know　where　the　money's　coming　from　to　buy　it。
And　the　fire…box　is　most　worn　through。〃


〃Well；　mother；　we'll　see　what　we　can　do；〃　said　Edward。

〃You're　always　seeing　what　you　can　do；　but　I　notice　you　never　do
anything；〃　retorted　Hannah；　and　Edward　had　the　wisdom　not　to　reply。
Beside　his　place　lay　a　lengthy；　close…written　letter；　and　from　time　to
time；　as　he　ate　his　canned　pears；　his　hand　turned　over　one　of　its　many
sheets。

〃It's　from　Eben　Wheeler；　says　he's　been　considerably　troubled　with
asthma；〃　he　observed　presently。　　〃His　mother　was　a　Bumpus；　a　daughter　of
Caleb…descended　from　Robert；　who　went　from　Dolton　to　Tewksbury　in　1816；
and　fought　in　the　war　of　1812。　　I've　told　you　about　him。　　This　Caleb　was
born　in　'53；　and　he's　living　now　with　his　daughter's　family　in
Detroit。。。。　　Son…in…law's　named　Nott；　doing　well　with　a　construction
company。　　Now　I　never　could　find　out　before　what　became　of　Robert's
descendants。　　He　married　Sarah　Styles〃　（reading　painfully）　〃‘and　they　had
issue；　John；　Robert；　Anne；　Susan；　Eliphalet。　　John　went　to　Middlebury；
Vermont；　and　married　'〃

Hannah；　gathering　up　the　plates；　clattered　them　together　noisily。

〃A　lot　of　good　it　does　us　to　have　all　that　information　about　Eben
Wheeler's　asthma！〃　she　complained。　　〃It'll　buy　us　a　new　stove；　I　guess。
Him　and　his　old　Bumpus　papers！　　If　the　house　burned　down　over　our　heads
that's　all　he'd　think　of。〃

As　she　passed　to　and　fro　from　the　dining…room　to　the　kitchen　Hannah's
lamentations　continued；　grew　more　and　more　querulous。　　Accustomed　as
Janet　was　to　these　frequent　arraignments　of　her　father's　inefficiency；　it
was　gradually　borne　in　upon　her　nowdespite　a　preoccupation　with　her　own
fatethat　the　affair　thus　plaintively　voiced　by　her　mother　was　in　effect
a　family　crisis　of　the　first　magnitude。　　She　was　stirred　anew　to　anger
and　revolt　against　a　life　so　precarious　and　sordid　as　to　be　threatened　in
its　continuity　by　the　absurd　failure　of　a　stove；　when；　glancing　at　her
sister；　she　felt　a　sharp　pang　of　self…conviction；　of　self…disgust。　　Was
she；　also；　like　that；　indifferent　and　self…absorbed？　　Lise；　in　her
evening　finery；　looking　occasionally　at　the　clock；　was　awaiting　the　hour
set　for　a　rendezvous；　whiling　away　the　time　with　the　Boston　evening　sheet
whose　glaring　red　headlines　stretched　across　the　page。　　When　the
newspaper　fell　to　her　lap　a　dreamy　expression　clouded　Lise's　eyes。　　She
was　thinking　of　some　man！　　Quickly　Janet　loo