the dwelling place of ligh-第20章

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caricatured；　become　a　shrieking　monster　from　whom　she　sought　in　agony　to
escape。。。。　　In　this　paralysis　of　fear　she　awoke；　staring　with　wide　eyes　at　the
flickering　flame　of　the　lamp；　to　a　world　filled　with　excruciating　soundthe
siren　of　the　Chippering　Mill！　　She　lay　trembling　with　the　horror　of　the
dreamspell　upon　her；　still　more　than　half　convinced　that　the　siren　was　Ditmar's
voice；　his　true　expression。　　He　was　waiting　to　devour　her。　　Would　the　sound
never　end？。。。

Then；　remembering　where　she　was；　alarmed　lest　her　mother　might　come　in　and　find
her　there；　she　left　the　sofa；　turned　out　the　sputtering　lamp；　and　ran　into　the
bedroom。　　Rain　was　splashing　on　the　bricks　of　the　passage…way　outside；　the
shadows　of　the　night　still　lurked　in　the　corners；　by　the　grey　light　she　gazed
at　Lise；　who　breathed　loudly　and　stirred　uneasily；　her　mouth　open；　her　lips
parched。　　Janet　touched　her。

〃Liseget　up！〃　she　said。　　〃It's　time　to　get　up。〃　　She　shook　her。

〃Leave　me　alonecan't　you？〃

〃It's　time　to　get　up。　　The　whistle　has　sounded。〃

Lise　heavily　opened　her　eyes。　　They　were　bloodshot。

〃I　don't　want　to　get　up。　　I　won't　get　up。〃

〃But　you　must；〃　insisted　Janet；　tightening　her　hold。　　〃You've　got　toyou've
got　to　eat　breakfast　and　go　to　work。〃

〃I　don't　want　any　breakfast；　I　ain't　going　to　work　any　more。〃

A　gust　of　wind　blew　inward　the　cheap　lace　curtains；　and　the　physical　effect　of
it　emphasized　the　chill　that　struck　Janet's　heart。　　She　got　up　and　closed　the
window；　lit　the　gas；　and　returning　to　the　bed；　shook　Lise　again。

〃Listen；〃　she　said；　〃if　you　don't　get　up　I'll　tell　mother　what　happened　last
night。〃

〃Say；　you　wouldn't！〃　exclaimed　Lise；　angrily。

〃Get　up！〃　Janet　commanded；　and　watched　her　rather　anxiously；　uncertain　as　to
the　after　effects　of　drunkenness。　　But　Lise　got　up。　　She　sat　on　the　edge　of　the
bed　and　yawned；　putting　her　hand　to　her　forehead。

〃I've　sure　got　a　head　on　me；〃　she　remarked。

Janet　was　silent；　angrier　than　ever；　shocked　that　tragedy；　degradation；　could
be　accepted　thus　circumstantially。　　Lise　proceeded　to　put　up　her　hair。　　She
seemed　to　be　mistress　of　herself；　only　tired；　gaping　frequently。　　Once　she
remarked：

〃I　don't　see　the　good　of　getting　nutty　over　a　highball。〃

Seeing　that　Janet　was　not　to　be　led　into　controversy；　she　grew　morose。

Breakfast　in　Fillmore　Street；　never　a　lively　meal；　was　more　dismal　than　usual
that　morning；　eaten　to　the　accompaniment　of　slopping　water　from　the　roofs　on
the　pavement　of　the　passage。　　The　indisposition　of　Lise　passed　unobserved　by
both　Hannah　and　Edward；　and　at　twenty　minutes　to　eight　the　two　girls；　with
rubbers　and　umbrellas；　left　the　house　together；　though　it　was　Janet's　custom　to
depart　earlier；　since　she　had　farther　to　go。　　Lise；　suspicious；　maintained　an
obstinate　silence；　keeping　close　to　the　curb。　　They　reached　the　corner　by　the
provision　shop　with　the　pink　and　orange　chromos　of　jellies　in　the　window。

〃Lise；　has　anything　happened　to　you？〃　demanded　Janet　suddenly。　　〃I　want　you　to
tell　me。〃

〃Anything　happenedwhat　do　you　mean？　　Anything　happened？〃

〃You　know　very　well　what　I　mean。〃

〃Well；　suppose　something　has　happened？〃　　Lise's　reply　was　pert；　defiant。
〃What's　it　to　you？　　If　anything's　happened；　it's　happened　to　mehasn't　it？〃

Janet　approached　her。

〃What　are　you　trying　to　do？〃　said　Lise。　　〃Push　me　into　the　gutter？〃

〃I　guess　you're　there　already；〃　said　Janet。

Lise　was　roused　to　a　sudden　pitch　of　fury。　　She　turned　on　Janet　and　thrust　her
back。

〃Well；　if　I　am　who's　going　to　blame　me？〃　she　cried。　　〃If　you　had　to　work　all
day　in　that　hole；　standing　on　your　feet；　picked　on　by　yaps　for　six　a　week；　I
guess　you　wouldn't　talk　virtuous；　either。　　It's　easy　for　you　to　shoot　off　your
mouth；　you've　got　a　soft　snap　with　Ditmar。〃

Janet　was　outraged。　　She　could　not　restrain　her　anger。

〃How　dare　you　say　that？〃　she　demanded。

Lise　was　cowed。

〃Well；　you　drove　me　to　ityou　make　me　mad　enough　to　say　anything。　　Just
because　I　went　to　Gruber's　with　Neva　Lorrie　and　a　couple　of　gentlementhey
were　gentlemen　all　right；　as　much　gentlemen　as　Ditmaryou　come　at　me　and　tell
me　I'm　all　to　the　bad。〃　　She　began　to　sob。　　〃I'm　as　straight　as　you　are。　　How
was　I　to　know　the　highball　was　stiff？　　Maybe　I　was　tiredanyhow；　it　put　me　on
the　queer；　and　everything　in　the　joint　began　to　tango　'round　meand　Neva　came
home　with　me。〃

Janet　felt　a　surge　of　relief；　in　which　were　mingled　anxiety　and　resentment：
relief　because　she　was　convinced　that　Lise　was　telling　the　truth；　anxiety
because　she　feared　for　Lise's　future；　resentment　because　Ditmar　had　been
mentioned。　　Still；　what　she　had　feared　most　had　not　come　to　pass。　　Lise　left
her　abruptly；　darting　down　a　street　that　led　to　a　back　entrance　of　the
Bagatelle；　and　Janet　pursued　her　way。　　Where；　she　wondered；　would　it　all　end？
Lise　had　escaped　so　far；　but　drunkenness　was　an　ominous　sign。　　And　〃gentlemen〃？
What　kind　of　gentlemen　had　taken　her　sister　to　Gruber's？　　Would　Ditmar　do　that
sort　of　thing　if　he　had　a　chance？

The　pavement　in　front　of　the　company　boarding…houses　by　the　canal　was　plastered
with　sodden　leaves　whipped　from　the　maples　by　the　driving　rain　in　the　night。
The　sky　above　the　mills　was　sepia。　　White　lights　were　burning　in　the　loom
rooms。　　When　she　reached　the　vestibule　Simmons；　the　watchman；　informed　her　that
Mr。　Ditmar　had　already　been　there；　and　left　for　Boston。

Janet　did　not　like　to　acknowledge　to　herself　her　disappointment　on　learning
that　Ditmar　had　gone　to　Boston。　　She　knew　he　had　had　no　such　intention　the
night　before；　an　accumulated　mail　and　many　matters　demanding　decisions　were
awaiting　him；　and　his　sudden　departure　seemed　an　act　directed　personally
against　her；　in　the　nature　of　a　retaliation；　since　she　had　offended　and
repulsed　him。　　Through　Lise's　degrading　act　she　had　arrived　at　the　conclusion
that　all　adventure　and　consequent　suffering　had　to　do　with　Mana　conviction
peculiarly　maddening　to　such　temperaments　as　Janet's。　　Therefore　she
interpreted　her　suffering　in　terms　of　Ditmar；　she　had　looked　forward　to
tormenting　him　again；　and　by　departing　he　had　deliberately　balked　and　cheated
her。　　The　rain　fell　ceaselessly　out　of　black　skies；　night　seemed　ever　ready　to
descend　on　the　river；　a　darknessaccording　to　young　Mr。　Caldwelldue　not　to
the　clouds　alone；　but　to　forest　fires　many　hundreds　of　miles　away；　in　Canada。
As　the　day　wore　on；　however；　her　anger　gradually　gave　place　to　an　extreme
weariness　and　depression；　and　yet　she　dreaded　going　home；　inventing　things　for
herself　to　do；　arranging　and　rearranging　Ditmar's　papers　that　he　might　have
less　trouble　in　sorting　them；　putting　those　uppermost　which　she　thought　he
would　deem　the　most　important。　　Perhaps　he　would　come　in；　late！　　In　a　world　of
impending　chaos　the　brilliantly　lighted　office　was　a　tiny　refuge　to　which　she
clung。　　At　last　she　put　on　her　coat　and　rubbers；　faring　forth　reluctantly　into
the　wet。

At　first　when　she　entered　the　bedroom　she　thought　it　empty；　though　the　gas　was
burning；　and　them　she　saw　Lise　lying　face　downward　on　the　bed。　　For　a　moment
she　stood　still；　then　closed　the　door　softly。

〃Lise；〃　she　said。

〃What？〃

Janet　sat　down　on　the　bed；　putting　out　her　hand。　　Unconsciously　she　began　to
stroke　Lise's　hand；　and　presently　it　turned　and　tightened　on　her　own。

〃Lise；〃　she　said；　〃I　understand　why　you〃　she　could　not　bring　herself　to
pronounce　the　words　〃got　drunk；〃〃I　understand　why　you　did　it。　　I　oughtn't　to
have　talked　to　you　that　way。　　But　it　was　terrible　to　wake　up　and　see　you。〃

For　awhile　Lise　did　not　reply。　　Then　she　raised　herself；　feeling　her　hair　with
an　involuntary　gesture；　regarding　her　sister　with　a　bewildered　look；　her　face
puckered。　　Her　eyes　burned；　and　under　them　were　black　shadows。

〃How　do　you　meanyou　understand？〃　　she　asked　slowly。　　〃You　never　hit　the
booze。〃

Even　Lise's　language；　which　ordinarily　offended　her；　failed　to　change　her
sudden　impassioned　and　repentant　mood。　　She　was　astonished　at　herself　for　this
sudden　softening；　since　she　did　not　really　love　Lise；　and　all　day　she　had　hated
her；　wished　never　to　see　her　again。

〃No；　but　I　can　understand　how　it　would　be　to　want　to；〃　Janet　said。　　〃Lise；　I
guess　we're　searchingboth　of　us　for　something　we'll　never　find。〃

Lise　stared　at　her　with　a　contracted；　puzzled　expression；　as　of　a　person
awaking　from　sleep；　all　of　whose　faculties　are　being　strained　toward
comprehension。

〃What　do　you　mean？〃　she　demanded。　　〃You　and　me？　　You're　all　rightyou've　got
no　kick　coming。〃

〃Life　is　hard；　it's　hard　on　girls　like　uswe　want　things　we　can't　have。〃
Janet　was　at　a　loss　to　express　herself。


〃Well；　it　ain't　any　pipe　dream；〃　Lise　agreed。　　Her　glance　turned　involuntarily
toward　the　picture　of　the　Olympian　dinner　party　pinned　on　the　wall。　　〃Swells
have　a　good　time；〃　she　added。

〃Maybe　they　pay　for　it；　too；〃　said　Janet。

〃I　wouldn't　holler　about　payingit's　paying　and　not　getting　the　goods；〃
declared　Lise。

〃You'll　pay；　and　you　won't　get　it。　　That　kind　of　life　ishell；〃　Janet　cried。

Self…centered　as　Lise　was；　absorbed　in　her　own　trouble　and　present　physical
discomfort；　this　unaccustomed　word　from　her　sister　and　the　vehemence　with　which
it　was　spoken　surprised　and　frightened　her；　brought　home　to　her　some　hint　of
the　terror　in　Janet's　soul。

〃Me　for　the　water　wagon；〃　she　said。

Janet　was　not　convinced。　　She　had　hoped　to　discover　the　identity　of　the　man　who
had　taken　Lise　to　Gruber's；　but　she　did　not　attempt　to　continue　the
conversation。　　She　rose　and　took　off　her　hat。

〃Why　don't　you　go　to　bed？〃　　she　asked。　　〃I'll　tell　mother　you　have　a　headache
and　bring　in　your　supper。〃

〃Well；　I　don't　care　if　I　do；〃　replied　Lise；　gratefully。

Perhaps　the　most　disconcerting　characteristic　of　that　complex　affair；　the　human
organism；　is　the　lack　of　continuity　of　its　moods。　　The　soul；　so　called；　is　as
sensitive　to　physical　conditions　as　a　barometer：　affected　by　lack　of　sleep；　by
smells　and　sounds；　by　food；　by　the　weatherwhether　a　day　be　sapphire　or
obsidian。　　And　the　resolutions　arising　from　one　mood　are　thwarted　by　the
actions　of　the　next。　　Janet　had　observed　this　phenomenon；　and　sometimes；　when
it　troubled　her；　she　thought　herself　the　most　inconsistent　and　vacillating　of
creatures。　　She　had　resolved；　far　instance；　before　she　fell　asleep；　to　leave
the　Chippering　Mill；　to　banish　Ditmar　from　her　life；　to　get　a　position　in　Boston；
whence　she　could　send　some　of　her　wages　home：　and　in　the　morning；　as　she　made　her
way　to　the　office；　the　determination　gave　her　a　sense　of　peace　and　unity。　　But　the
northwest　wind　was　blowing。　　It　had　chased　away　the　mist　and　the　clouds；　the　smoke
from　Canada。　　The　sun　shone　with　a　high　brilliancy；　the　elms　of　the　Common　cast
sharp；　black　shadow…patterns　on　the　pavements；　and　when　she　reached　the　office
and　looked　out　of　his　window　she　saw　the　blue　river　covered　with　quicksilver
waves　chasing　one　another　across　the　current。　　Ditmar　had　not　yet　returned　to
Hampton。　　About　ten　o'clock；　as　she　was　copying　out　some　figures　for　Mr。　Price；
young　Mr。　Caldwell　approached　her。　　He　had　a　Boston　newspaper　in　his　hand。

〃Have　you　seen　this　article　about　Mr。　Ditmar？〃　he　asked。

〃About　Mr。　Ditmar？　　No。〃

〃It's　quite　a　send…off　for　the　Colonel；〃　said