lavengro-第73章

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but　how　would　you　get　rid　of　them？'



'I　would　have　the　Church　exert　its　authority。'



'What　do　you　mean　by　exerting　its　authority？'



'I　would　not　have　the　Church　bear　the　sword　in　vain。'



'What；　the　sword　of　St。　Peter？　　You　remember　what　the　founder　of　

the　religion　which　you　profess　said　about　the　sword；　〃He　who　

striketh　with　it　。。。　〃　　I　think　those　who　have　called　themselves　

the　Church　have　had　enough　of　the　sword。　　Two　can　play　with　the　

sword；　Mr。　Platitude。　　The　Church　of　Rome　tried　the　sword　with　the　

Lutherans：　　how　did　it　fare　with　the　Church　of　Rome？　　The　Church　of　

England　tried　the　sword；　Mr。　Platitude；　with　the　Puritans：　　how　did　

it　fare　with　Laud　and　Charles？'



'Oh；　as　for　the　Church　of　England；'　said　Mr。　Platitude；　'I　have　

little　to　say。　　Thank　God；　I　left　all　my　Church　of　England　

prejudices　in　Italy。　　Had　the　Church　of　England　known　its　true　

interests；　it　would　long　ago　have　sought　a　reconciliation　with　its　

illustrious　mother。　　If　the　Church　of　England　had　not　been　in　some　

degree　a　schismatic　church；　it　would　not　have　fared　so　ill　at　the　

time　of　which　you　are　speaking；　the　rest　of　the　Church　would　have　

come　to　its　assistance。　　The　Irish　would　have　helped　it；　so　would　

the　French；　so　would　the　Portuguese。　　Disunion　has　always　been　the　

bane　of　the　Church。'



Once　more　I　fell　into　a　reverie。　　My　mind　now　reverted　to　the　past；　

methought　I　was　in　a　small　comfortable　room　wainscoted　with　oak；　I　

was　seated　on　one　side　of　a　fireplace；　close　by　a　table　on　which　

were　wine　and　fruit；　on　the　other　side　of　the　fire　sat　a　man　in　a　

plain　suit　of　brown；　with　the　hair　combed　back　from　his　somewhat　

high　forehead；　he　had　a　pipe　in　his　mouth；　which　for　some　time　he　

smoked　gravely　and　placidly；　without　saying　a　word；　at　length；　

after　drawing　at　the　pipe　for　some　time　rather　vigorously；　he　

removed　it　from　his　mouth；　and；　emitting　an　accumulated　cloud　of　

smoke；　he　exclaimed　in　a　slow　and　measured　tone；　'As　I　was　telling　

you　just　now；　my　good　chap；　I　have　always　been　an　enemy　to　humbug。'



When　I　awoke　from　my　reverie　the　Reverend　Mr。　Platitude　was　

quitting　the　apartment。



'Who　is　that　person？'　said　I　to　my　entertainer；　as　the　door　closed　

behind　him。



'Who　is　he？'　said　my　host；　'why；　the　Reverend　Mr。　Platitude。'



'Does　he　reside　in　this　neighbourhood？'



'He　holds　a　living　about　three　miles　from　here；　his　history；　as　far　

as　I　am　acquainted　with　it；　is　as　follows。　　His　father　was　a　

respectable　tanner　in　the　neighbouring　town；　who；　wishing　to　make　

his　son　a　gentleman；　sent　him　to　college。　　Having　never　been　at　

college　myself；　I　cannot　say　whether　he　took　the　wisest　course；　I　

believe　it　is　more　easy　to　unmake　than　to　make　a　gentleman；　I　have　

known　many　gentlemanly　youths　go　to　college；　and　return　anything　

but　what　they　went。　　Young　Mr。　Platitude　did　not　go　to　college　a　

gentleman；　but　neither　did　he　return　one：　　he　went　to　college　an　

ass；　and　returned　a　prig；　to　his　original　folly　was　superadded　a　

vast　quantity　of　conceit。　　He　told　his　father　that　he　had　adopted　

high　principles；　and　was　determined　to　discountenance　everything　

low　and　mean；　advised　him　to　eschew　trade；　and　to　purchase　him　a　

living。　　The　old　man　retired　from　business；　purchased　his　son　a　

living；　and　shortly　after　died；　leaving　him　what　remained　of　his　

fortune。　　The　first　thing　the　Reverend　Mr。　Platitude　did；　after　his　

father's　decease；　was　to　send　his　mother　and　sister　into　Wales　to　

live　upon　a　small　annuity；　assigning　as　a　reason　that　he　was　averse　

to　anything　low；　and　that　they　talked　ungrammatically。　　Wishing　to　

shine　in　the　pulpit；　he　now　preached　high　sermons；　as　he　called　

them；　interspersed　with　scraps　of　learning。　　His　sermons　did　not；　

however；　procure　him　much　popularity；　on　the　contrary；　his　church　

soon　became　nearly　deserted；　the　greater　part　of　his　flock　going　

over　to　certain　dissenting　preachers；　who　had　shortly　before　made　

their　appearance　in　the　neighbourhood。　　Mr。　Platitude　was　filled　

with　wrath；　and　abused　Dissenters　in　most　unmeasured　terms。　　Coming　

in　contact　with　some　of　the　preachers　at　a　public　meeting；　he　was　

rash　enough　to　enter　into　argument　with　them。　　Poor　Platitude！　he　

had　better　have　been　quiet；　he　appeared　like　a　child；　a　very　

infant；　in　their　grasp；　he　attempted　to　take　shelter　under　his　

college　learning；　but　found；　to　his　dismay；　that　his　opponents　knew　

more　Greek　and　Latin　than　himself。　　These　illiterate　boors；　as　he　

had　supposed　them；　caught　him　at　once　in　a　false　concord；　and　Mr。　

Platitude　had　to　slink　home　overwhelmed　with　shame。　　To　avenge　

himself　he　applied　to　the　ecclesiastical　court；　but　was　told　that　

the　Dissenters　could　not　be　put　down　by　the　present　ecclesiastical　

law。　　He　found　the　Church　of　England；　to　use　his　own　expression；　a　

poor；　powerless；　restricted　Church。　　He　now　thought　to　improve　his　

consequence　by　marriage；　and　made　up　to　a　rich　and　beautiful　young　

lady　in　the　neighbourhood；　the　damsel　measured　him　from　head　to　

foot　with　a　pair　of　very　sharp　eyes；　dropped　a　curtsey；　and　refused　

him。　　Mr。　Platitude；　finding　England　a　very　stupid　place；　

determined　to　travel；　he　went　to　Italy；　how　he　passed　his　time　

there　he　knows　best；　to　other　people　it　is　a　matter　of　little　

importance。　　At　the　end　of　two　years　he　returned　with　a　real　or　

assumed　contempt　for　everything　English；　and　especially　for　the　

Church　to　which　he　belongs；　and　out　of　which　he　is　supported。　　He　

forthwith　gave　out　that　he　had　left　behind　him　all　his　Church　of　

England　prejudices；　and；　as　a　proof　thereof；　spoke　against　

sacerdotal　wedlock　and　the　toleration　of　schismatics。　　In　an　evil　

hour　for　myself　he　was　introduced　to　me　by　a　clergyman　of　my　

acquaintance；　and　from　that　time　I　have　been　pestered；　as　I　was　

this　morning；　at　least　once　a　week。　　I　seldom　enter　into　any　

discussion　with　him；　but　fix　my　eyes　on　the　portrait　over　the　

mantelpiece；　and　endeavour　to　conjure　up　some　comic　idea　or　

situation；　whilst　he　goes　on　talking　tomfoolery　by　the　hour　about　

Church　authority；　schismatics；　and　the　unlawfulness　of　sacerdotal　

wedlock；　occasionally　he　brings　with　him　a　strange　kind　of　being；　

whose　acquaintance　he　says　he　made　in　Italy；　I　believe　he　is　some　

sharking　priest　who　has　come　over　to　proselytise　and　plunder。　　This　

being　has　some　powers　of　conversation　and　some　learning；　but　

carries　the　countenance　of　an　arch　villain；　Platitude　is　evidently　

his　tool。'



'Of　what　religion　are　you？'　said　I　to　my　host。



'That　of　the　Vicar　of　Wakefield　…　good；　quiet；　Church　of　England；　

which　would　live　and　let　live；　practises　charity；　and　rails　at　no　

one；　where　the　priest　is　the　husband　of　one　wife；　takes　care　of　his　

family　and　his　parish　…　such　is　the　religion　for　me；　though　I　

confess　I　have　hitherto　thought　too　little　of　religious　matters。　　

When；　however；　I　have　completed　this　plaguy　work　on　which　I　am　

engaged；　I　hope　to　be　able　to　devote　more　attention　to　them。'



After　some　further　conversation；　the　subjects　being；　if　I　remember　

right；　college　education；　priggism；　church　authority；　tomfoolery；　

and　the　like；　I　rose　and　said　to　my　host；　'I　must　now　leave　you。'



'Whither　are　you　going？'



'I　do　not　know。'



'Stay　here；　then　…　you　shall　be　welcome　as　many　days；　months；　and　

years　as　you　please　to　stay。'



'Do　you　think　I　would　hang　upon　another　man？　　No；　not　if　he　were　

Emperor　of　all　the　Chinas。　　I　will　now　make　my　preparations；　and　

then　bid　you　farewell。'



I　retired　to　my　apartment　and　collected　the　handful　of　things　which　

I　carried　with　me　on　my　travels。



'I　will　walk　a　little　way　with　you；'　said　my　friend　on　my　return。



He　walked　with　me　to　the　park　gate；　neither　of　us　said　anything　by　

the　way。　　When　we　had　come　upon　the　road；　I　said；　'Farewell　now；　I　

will　not　permit　you　to　give　yourself　any　further　trouble　on　my　

account。　　Receive　my　best　thanks　for　your　kindness；　before　we　part；　

however；　I　should　wish　to　ask　you　a　question。　　Do　you　think　you　

shall　ever　grow　tired　of　authorship？'



'I　have　my　fears；'　said　my　friend；　advancing　his　hand　to　one　of　the　

iron　bars　of　the　gate。



'Don't　touch；'　said　I；　'it　is　a　bad　habit。　　I　have　but　one　word　to　

add：　　should　you　ever　grow　tired　of　authorship　follow　your　first　

idea　of　getting　into　Parliament；　you　have　words　enough　at　command；　

perhaps　you　want　manner　and　method；　but；　in　that　case；　you　must　

apply　to　a　teacher；　you　must　take　lessons　of　a　master　of　

elocution。'



'That　would　never　do！'　said　my　host；　'I　know　myself　too　well　to　

think　of　applying　for　assistance　to　any　one。　　Were　I　to　become　a　

parliamentary　orator；　I　should　wish　to　be　an　original　one；　even　if　

not　above　mediocrity。　　What　pleasure　should　I　take　in　any　speech　I　

might　make；　however　original　as　to　thought；　provided　the　gestures　I　

employed　and　the　very　modulation　of　my　voice　were　not　my　own？　　Take　

lessons；　indeed！　why；　the　fellow　who　taught　me；　the　professor；　

might　be　standing　in　the　gallery　whilst　I　spoke；　and；　at　the　best　

parts　of　my　speech；　might　say　to　himself；　〃That　gesture　is　mine　…　

that　modulation　is　mine。〃　　I　could　not　bear　the　thought　of　such　a　

thing。'



'Farewell；'　said　I；　'and　may　you　prosper。　　I　have　nothing　more　to　

say。'



I　departed。　　At　the　distance　of　twenty　yards　I　turned　round　

suddenly；　my　friend　was　just　withdrawing　his　finger　from　the　bar　of　

the　gate。



'He　has　been　touching；'　said　I；　as　I　proceeded　on　my　way；　'I　wonder　

what　was　the　evil　chance　he　wished　to　baffle。'







CHAPTER　LXVIII







Elastic　step　…　Disconsolate　party　…　Not　the　season　…　Mend　your　

draught　…　Good　ale　…　Crotchet　…　Hammer　and　tongs　…　Schoolmaster　…　

True　Eden　life　…　Flaming　Tinman　…　Twice　my　size　…　Hard　at　work　…　My　

poor　wife　…　Grey　Moll　…　A　Bible　…　Half…and…half　…　What　to　do　…　Half　

inclined　…　In　no　time　…　On　one　condition　…　Don't　stare　…　Like　the　

wind。



AFTER　walking　some　time；　I　found　myself　on　the　great　road；　at　the　

same　spot　where　I　had　turned　aside　the　day　before　with　my　new…made　

acquaintance；　in　the　direction　of　his　house。　　I　now　continued　my　

journey　as　before；　towards　the　north。　　The　weather；　though　

beautiful；　was　much　cooler　than　it　had　been　for　some　time　past；　I　

walked　at　a　great　rate；　with　a　springing　and　elastic　step。　　In　

about　two　hours　I　came　to　where　a　kind　of　cottage　stood　a　little　

way　back　from　the　road；　with　a　huge　oak　before　it；　under　the　shade　

of　which　stood　a　little　pony　and　a　cart；　which　seemed　to　contain　

various　articles。　　I　was　going　past　…　when　I　saw　scrawled　over　the　

door　of　the　cottage；　'Good　beer　sold　here'；　upon　which；　feeling　

myself　all　of　a　sudden　very　thirsty；　I　determined　to　go　in　and　

taste　the　beverage。



I　entered　a　well…sanded　kitchen；　and　seated　myself　on　a　bench；　on　

one　side　of　a　long　white　table；　the　other　side；　which　was　nearest　

to　the　wall；　was　occ