lavengro-第28章

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'I　don't　understand　you；'　said　my　mother。



'You　can　understand　nothing　that　would　seem　for　a　moment　to　impugn　

the　conduct　of　that　child。　　I　am　not；　however；　so　blind；　want　of　

discrimination　was　the　word；　and　it　both　sounds　well；　and　is　

expressive。　　It　appears　that；　since　he　has　been　placed　where　is；　he　

has　been　guilty　of　the　grossest　blunders；　only　the　other　day；　Mr。　

S…　told　me；　as　he　was　engaged　in　close　conversation　with　one　of　his　

principal　clients；　the　boy　came　to　tell　him　that　a　person　wanted　

particularly　to　speak　with　him；　and；　on　going　out；　he　found　a　

lamentable　figure　with　one　eye；　who　came　to　ask　for　charity；　whom；　

nevertheless；　the　lad　had　ushered　into　a　private　room；　and　

installed　in　an　arm…chair；　like　a　justice　of　the　peace；　instead　of　

telling　him　to　go　about　his　business　…　now　what　did　that　show；　but　

a　total　want　of　discrimination？'



'I　wish　we　may　never　have　anything　worse　to　reproach　him　with；'　

said　my　mother。



'I　don't　know　what　worse　we　could　reproach　him　with；'　said　my　

father；　'I　mean　of　course　as　far　as　his　profession　is　concerned；　

discrimination　is　the　very　keystone；　if　he　treated　all　people　

alike；　he　would　soon　become　a　beggar　himself；　there　are　grades　in　

society　as　well　as　in　the　army；　and　according　to　those　grades　we　

should　fashion　our　behaviour；　else　there　would　instantly　be　an　end　

of　all　order　and　discipline。　　I　am　afraid　that　the　child　is　too　

condescending　to　his　inferiors；　whilst　to　his　superiors　he　is　apt　

to　be　unbending　enough；　I　don't　believe　that　would　do　in　the　world；　

I　am　sure　it　would　not　in　the　army。　　He　told　me　another　anecdote　

with　respect　to　his　behaviour；　which　shocked　me　more　than　the　other　

had　done。　　It　appears　that　his　wife；　who　by　the　bye；　is　a　very　fine　

woman；　and　highly　fashionable；　gave　him　permission　to　ask　the　boy　

to　tea　one　evening；　for　she　is　herself　rather　partial　to　the　lad；　

there　had　been　a　great　dinner　party　there　that　day；　and　there　were　

a　great　many　fashionable　people；　so　the　boy　went　and　behaved　very　

well　and　modestly　for　some　time；　and　was　rather　noticed；　till；　

unluckily；　a　very　great　gentleman；　an　archdeacon　I　think；　put　some　

questions　to　him；　and；　finding　that　he　understood　the　languages；　

began　talking　to　him　about　the　classics。　　What　do　you　think？　the　

boy　had　the　impertinence　to　say　that　the　classics　were　much　

overvalued；　and　amongst　other　things　that　some　horrid　fellow　or　

other；　some　Welshman　I　think　（thank　God　it　was　not　an　Irishman）；　

was　a　better　poet　than　Ovid；　the　company　were　of　course　horrified；　

the　archdeacon；　who　is　seventy　years　of　age；　and　has　seven　thousand　

a　year；　took　snuff　and　turned　away。　　Mrs。　S…　turned　up　her　eyes；　

Mr。　S…；　however；　told　me　with　his　usual　good…nature　（I　suppose　to　

spare　my　feelings）　that　he　rather　enjoyed　the　thing；　and　thought　it　

a　capital　joke。'



'I　think　so　too；'　said　my　mother。



'I　do　not；'　said　my　father；　'that　a　boy　of　his　years　should　

entertain　an　opinion　of　his　own　…　I　mean　one　which　militates　

against　all　established　authority　…　is　astounding；　as　well　might　a　

raw　recruit　pretend　to　offer　an　unfavourable　opinion　on　the　manual　

and　platoon　exercise；　the　idea　is　preposterous；　the　lad　is　too　

independent　by　half。　　I　never　yet　knew　one　of　an　independent　spirit　

get　on　in　the　army；　the　secret　of　success　in　the　army　is　the　spirit　

of　subordination。'



'Which　is　a　poor　spirit　after　all；'　said　my　mother；　'but　the　child　

is　not　in　the　army。'



'And　it　is　well　for　him　that　he　is　not；'　said　my　father；　'but　you　

do　not　talk　wisely；　the　world　is　a　field　of　battle；　and　he　who　

leaves　the　ranks；　what　can　he　expect　but　to　be　cut　down？　　I　call　

his　present　behaviour　leaving　the　ranks；　and　going　vapouring　about　

without　orders；　his　only　chance　lies　in　falling　in　again　as　quick　

as　possible；　does　he　think　he　can　carry　the　day　by　himself？　an　

opinion　of　his　own　at　these　years　…　I　confess　I　am　exceedingly　

uneasy　about　the　lad。'



'You　make　me　uneasy　too；'　said　my　mother；　'but　I　really　think　you　

are　too　hard　upon　the　child；　he　is　not　a　bad　child；　after　all；　

though　not；　perhaps；　all　you　could　wish　him；　he　is　always　ready　to　

read　the　Bible。　　Let　us　go　in；　he　is　in　the　room　above　us；　at　least　

he　was　two　hours　ago；　I　left　him　there　bending　over　his　books；　I　

wonder　what　he　has　been　doing　all　this　time；　it　is　now　getting　

late；　let　us　go　in；　and　he　shall　read　to　us。'



'I　am　getting　old；'　said　my　father；　'and　I　love　to　hear　the　Bible　

read　to　me；　for　my　own　sight　is　something　dim；　yet　I　do　not　wish　

the　child　to　read　to　me　this　night；　I　cannot　so　soon　forget　what　I　

have　heard；　but　I　hear　my　eldest　son's　voice；　he　is　now　entering　

the　gate；　he　shall　read　the　Bible　to　us　this　night。　　What　say　you？'







CHAPTER　XXI







The　eldest　son　…　Saying　of　wild　Finland　…　The　critical　time　…　

Vaunting　polls　…　One　thing　wanted　…　A　father's　blessing　…　Miracle　

of　art　…　The　Pope's　house　…　Young　enthusiast　…　Pictures　of　England　

…　Persist　and　wrestle　…　The　little　dark　man。



THE　eldest　son！　　The　regard　and　affection　which　my　father　

entertained　for　his　first…born　were　natural　enough；　and　appeared　to　

none　more　so　than　myself；　who　cherished　the　same　feelings　towards　

him。　　What　he　was　as　a　boy　the　reader　already　knows；　for　the　reader　

has　seen　him　as　a　boy；　fain　would　I　describe　him　at　the　time　of　

which　I　am　now　speaking；　when　he　had　attained　the　verge　of　manhood；　

but　the　pen　fails　me；　and　I　attempt　not　the　task；　and　yet　it　ought　

to　be　an　easy　one；　for　how　frequently　does　his　form　visit　my　mind's　

eye　in　slumber　and　in　wakefulness；　in　the　light　of　day　and　in　the　

night　watches；　but　last　night　I　saw　him　in　his　beauty　and　his　

strength；　he　was　about　to　speak；　and　my　ear　was　on　the　stretch；　

when　at　once　I　awoke；　and　there　was　I　alone；　and　the　night　storm　

was　howling　amidst　the　branches　of　the　pines　which　surround　my　

lonely　dwelling：　　'Listen　to　the　moaning　of　the　pine；　at　whose　root　

thy　hut　is　fastened；'　…　a　saying　that；　of　wild　Finland；　in　which　

there　is　wisdom；　I　listened　and　thought　of　life　and　death。　。　。　。　Of　

all　human　beings　that　I　have　ever　known；　that　elder　brother　was　the　

most　frank　and　generous；　ay；　and　the　quickest　and　readiest；　and　the　

best　adapted　to　do　a　great　thing　needful　at　the　critical　time；　when　

the　delay　of　a　moment　would　be　fatal。　　I　have　known　him　dash　from　a　

steep　bank　into　a　stream　in　his　full　dress；　and　pull　out　a　man　who　

was　drowning；　yet　there　were　twenty　others　bathing　in　the　water；　

who　might　have　saved　him　by　putting　out　a　hand；　without　

inconvenience　to　themselves；　which；　however；　they　did　not　do；　but　

stared　with　stupid　surprise　at　the　drowning　one's　struggles。　　Yes；　

whilst　some　shouted　from　the　bank　to　those　in　the　water　to　save　the　

drowning　one；　and　those　in　the　water　did　nothing；　my　brother　

neither　shouted　nor　stood　still；　but　dashed　from　the　bank　and　did　

the　one　thing　needful；　which；　under　such　circumstances；　not　one　man　

in　a　million　would　have　done。　　Now；　who　can　wonder　that　a　brave　old　

man　should　love　a　son　like　this；　and　prefer　him　to　any　other？



'My　boy；　my　own　boy；　you　are　the　very　image　of　myself；　the　day　I　

took　off　my　coat　in　the　park　to　fight　Big　Ben；'　said　my　father；　on　

meeting　his　son　wet　and　dripping；　immediately　after　his　bold　feat。　　

And　who　cannot　excuse　the　honest　pride　of　the　old　man　…　the　stout　

old　man？



Ay；　old　man；　that　son　was　worthy　of　thee；　and　thou　wast　worthy　of　

such　a　son；　a　noble　specimen　wast　thou　of　those　strong　single…

minded　Englishmen；　who；　without　making　a　parade　either　of　religion　

or　loyalty；　feared　God　and　honoured　their　king；　and　were　not　

particularly　friendly　to　the　French；　whose　vaunting　polls　they　

occasionally　broke；　as　at　Minden　and　at　Malplaquet；　to　the　

confusion　vast　of　the　eternal　foes　of　the　English　land。　　I；　who　was　

so　little　like　thee　that　thou　understoodst　me　not；　and　in　whom　with　

justice　thou　didst　feel　so　little　pride；　had　yet　perception　enough　

to　see　all　thy　worth；　and　to　feel　it　an　honour　to　be　able　to　call　

myself　thy　son；　and　if　at　some　no　distant　time；　when　the　foreign　

enemy　ventures　to　insult　our　shore；　I　be　permitted　to　break　some　

vaunting　poll；　it　will　be　a　triumph　to　me　to　think　that；　if　thou　

hadst　lived；　thou　wouldst　have　hailed　the　deed；　and　mightest　yet　

discover　some　distant　resemblance　to　thyself；　the　day　when　thou　

didst　all　but　vanquish　the　mighty　Brain。



I　have　already　spoken　of　my　brother's　taste　for　painting；　and　the　

progress　he　had　made　in　that　beautiful　art。　　It　is　probable　that；　

if　circumstances　had　not　eventually　diverted　his　mind　from　the　

pursuit；　he　would　have　attained　excellence；　and　left　behind　him　

some　enduring　monument　of　his　powers；　for　he　had　an　imagination　to　

conceive；　and　that　yet　rarer　endowment；　a　hand　capable　of　giving　

life；　body；　and　reality　to　the　conceptions　of　his　mind；　perhaps　he　

wanted　one　thing；　the　want　of　which　is　but　too　often　fatal　to　the　

sons　of　genius；　and　without　which　genius　is　little　more　than　a　

splendid　toy　in　the　hands　of　the　possessor　…　perseverance；　dogged　

perseverance；　in　his　proper　calling；　otherwise；　though　the　grave　

had　closed　over　him；　he　might　still　be　living　in　the　admiration　of　

his　fellow…creatures。　　O　ye　gifted　ones；　follow　your　calling；　for；　

however　various　your　talents　may　be；　ye　can　have　but　one　calling　

capable　of　leading　ye　to　eminence　and　renown；　follow　resolutely　the　

one　straight　path　before　you；　it　is　that　of　your　good　angel；　let　

neither　obstacles　nor　temptations　induce　ye　to　leave　it；　bound　

along　if　you　can；　if　not；　on　hands　and　knees　follow　it；　perish　in　

it；　if　needful；　but　ye　need　not　fear　that；　no　one　ever　yet　died　in　

the　true　path　of　his　calling　before　he　had　attained　the　pinnacle。　　

Turn　into　other　paths；　and　for　a　momentary　advantage　or　

gratification　ye　have　sold　your　inheritance；　your　immortality。　　Ye　

will　never　be　heard　of　after　death。



'My　father　has　given　me　a　hundred　and　fifty　pounds；'　said　my　

brother　to　me　one　morning；　'and　something　which　is　better　…　his　

blessing。　　I　am　going　to　leave　you。'



'And　where　are　you　going？'



'Where？　to　the　great　city；　to　London；　to　be　sure。'



'I　should　like　to　go　with　you。'



'Pooh；'　said　my　brother；　'what　should　you　do　there？　　But　don't　be　

discouraged；　I　daresay　a　time　will　come　when　you　too　will　go　to　

London。'



And；　sure　enough；　so　it　did；　and　all　but　too　soon。



'And　what　do　you　purpose　doing　there？'　I　demanded。



'Oh；　I　go　to　improve　myself　in　art；　to　place　myself　under　some　

master　of　high　name；　at　least　I　hope　to　do　so　eventually。　　I　have；　

however；　a　plan　in　my　head；　which　I　should　wish　first　to　execute；　

indeed；　I　do　not　think　I　can　rest　till　I　have　done　so；　every　one　

talks　so　much　about　Italy；　and　the　wondrous　artists　which　it　has　

produced；　and　the　wondrous　pictures　which　are　to　be　found　there；　

now