the essays of montaigne, v17-第5章

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　　　　　＇〃As　if　my　dry　throat　had　drunk　seducing　cups　of　Lethaean
　　　　　oblivion。〃Horace；　Epod。；　xiv。　3。＇

I　must　be　fain　for　the　time　to　come　（for　hitherto；　thanks　be　to　God；
nothing　has　happened　much　amiss）；　whereas　others　seek　time　and
opportunity　to　think　of　what　they　have　to　say；　to　avoid　all　preparation；
for　fear　of　tying　myself　to　some　obligation　upon　which　I　must　insist。　　To
be　tied　and　bound　to　a　thing　puts　me　quite　out；　and　to　depend　upon　so
weak　an　instrument　as　my　memory。　　I　never　read　this　following　story　that
I　am　not　offended　at　it　with　a　personal　and　natural　resentment：
Lyncestes；　accused　of　conspiracy　against　Alexander；　the　day　that　he　was
brought　out　before　the　army；　according　to　the　custom；　to　be　heard　as　to
what　he　could　say　for　himself；　had　learned　a　studied　speech；　of　which；
hesitating　and　stammering；　he　pronounced　some　words。　　Whilst　growing　more
and　more　perplexed；　whilst　struggling　with　his　memory；　and　trying　to
recollect　what　he　had　to　say；　the　soldiers　nearest　to　him　charged　their
pikes　against　him　and　killed　him；　looking　upon　him　as　convict；　his
confusion　and　silence　served　them　for　a　confession；　for　having　had　so
much　leisure　to　prepare　himself　in　prison；　they　concluded　that　it　was　not
his　memory　that　failed　him；　but　that　his　conscience　tied　up　his　tongue
and　stopped　his　mouth。　　And；　truly；　well　said；　the　place；　the　assembly；
the　expectation；　astound　a　man；　even　when　he　has　but　the　ambition　to
speak　well；　what　can　a　man　do　when　'tis　an　harangue　upon　which　his　life
depends？

For　my　part；　the　very　being　tied　to　what　I　am　to　say　is　enough　to　loose
me　from　it。　　When　I　wholly　commit　and　refer　myself　to　my　memory；　I　lay　so
much　stress　upon　it　that　it　sinks　under　me：　it　grows　dismayed　with　the
burden。　　So　much　as　I　trust　to　it；　so　much　do　I　put　myself　out　of　my　own
power；　even　to　the　finding　it　difficult　to　keep　my　own　countenance；　and
have　been　sometimes　very　much　put　to　it　to　conceal　the　slavery　wherein　I
was　engaged；　whereas　my　design　is　to　manifest；　in　speaking；　a　perfect
calmness　both　of　face　and　accent；　and　casual　and　unpremeditated　motions；
as　rising　from　present　occasions；　choosing　rather　to　say　nothing　to
purpose　than　to　show　that　I　came　prepared　to　speak　well；　a　thing
especially　unbecoming　a　man　of　my　profession；　and　of　too　great　obligation
on　him　who　cannot　retain　much。　　The　preparation　begets　a　great　deal　more
expectation　than　it　will　satisfy。　　A　man　often　strips　himself　to　his
doublet　to　leap　no　farther　than　he　would　have　done　in　his　gown：

　　　　　　　　　　〃Nihil　est　his；　qui　placere　volunt；　turn　adversarium；
　　　　　　　　　　quam　expectatio。〃

　　　　　＇〃Nothing　is　so　adverse　to　those　who　make　it　their　business　to
　　　　　please　as　expectation〃Cicero；　Acad。；　ii。　4＇

It　is　recorded　of　the　orator　Curio；　that　when　he　proposed　the　division　of
his　oration　into　three　or　four　parts；　or　three　or　four　arguments　or
reasons；　it　often　happened　either　that　he　forgot　some　one；　or　added　one
or　two　more。　　I　have　always　avoided　falling　into　this　inconvenience；
having　ever　hated　these　promises　and　prescriptions；　not　only　out　of
distrust　of　my　memory；　but　also　because　this　method　relishes　too　much　of
the　artist：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃Simpliciora　militares　decent。〃

　　　　　＇〃Simplicity　becomes　warriors。〃Quintilian；　Instit。　Orat。；　xi。　I。＇

'Tis…　enough　that　I　have　promised　to　myself　never　again　to　take　upon　me
to　speak　in　a　place　of　respect；　for　as　to　speaking；　when　a　man　reads　his
speech；　besides　that　it　is　very　absurd；　it　is　a　mighty　disadvantage　to
those　who　naturally　could　give　it　a　grace　by　action；　and　to　rely　upon　the
mercy　of　my　present　invention；　I　would　much　less　do　it；　'tis　heavy　and
perplexed；　and　such　as　would　never　furnish　me　in　sudden　and　important
necessities。

Permit；　reader；　this　essay　its　course　also；　and　this　third　sitting　to
finish　the　rest　of　my　picture：　I　add；　but　I　correct　not。　　First；　because
I　conceive　that　a　man　having　once　parted　with　his　labours　to　the　world；
he　has　no　further　right　to　them；　let　him　do　better　if　he　can；　in　some　new
undertaking；　but　not　adulterate　what　he　has　already　sold。　　Of　such
dealers　nothing　should　be　bought　till　after　they　are　dead。　　Let　them　well
consider　what　they　do　before　they；　produce　it　to　the　light　who　hastens
them？　　My　book　is　always　the　same；　saving　that　upon　every　new　edition
（that　the　buyer　may　not　go　away　quite　empty）　I　take　the　liberty　to　add
（as　'tis　but　an　ill　jointed　marqueterie）　some　supernumerary　emblem；　it　is
but　overweight；　that　does　not　disfigure　the　primitive　form　of　the　essays；
but；　by　a　little　artful　subtlety；　gives　a　kind　of　particular　value　to
every　one　of　those　that　follow。　　Thence；　however；　will　easily　happen　some
transposition　of　chronology；　my　stories　taking　place　according　to　their
opportuneness；　not　always　according　to　their　age。

Secondly；　because　as　to　what　concerns　myself；　I　fear　to　lose　by　change：
my　understanding　does　not　always　go　forward；　it　goes　backward　too。　　I　do
not　much　less　suspect　my　fancies　for　being　the　second　or　the　third；　than
for　being　the　first；　or　present；　or　past；　we　often　correct　ourselves　as
foolishly　as　we　do　others。　　I　am　grown　older　by　a　great　many　years　since
my　first　publications；　which　were　in　the　year　1580；　but　I　very　much　doubt
whether　I　am　grown　an　inch　the　wiser。　　I　now；　and　I　anon；　are　two　several
persons；　but　whether　better；　I　cannot　determine。　　It　were　a　fine　thing　to
be　old；　if　we　only　travelled　towards　improvement；　but　'tis　a　drunken；
stumbling；　reeling；　infirm　motion：　like　that　of　reeds；　which　the　air
casually　waves　to　and　fro　at　pleasure。　　Antiochus　had　in　his　youth
strongly　written　in　favour　of　the　Academy；　in　his　old　age　he　wrote　as
much　against　it；　would　not；　which　of　these　two　soever　I　should　follow；　be
still　Antiochus？　　After　having　established　the　uncertainty；　to　go　about
to　establish　the　certainty　of　human　opinions；　was　it　not　to　establish
doubt；　and　not　certainty；　and　to　promise；　that　had　he　had　yet　another　age
to　live；　he　would　be　always　upon　terms　of　altering　his　judgment；　not　so
much　for　the　better；　as　for　something　else？

The　public　favour　has　given　me　a　little　more　confidence　than　I　expected；
but　what　I　'most　fear　is；　lest　I　should　glut　the　world　with　my　writings；
I　had　rather；　of　the　two；　pique　my　reader　than　tire　him；　as　a　learned　man
of　my　time　has　done。　　Praise　is　always　pleasing；　let　it　come　from　whom；
or　upon　what　account　it　will；　yet　ought　a　man　to　understand　why　he　is
commended；　that　he　may　know　how　to　keep　up　the　same　reputation　still：
imperfections　themselves　may　get　commendation。　　The　vulgar　and　common
estimation　is　seldom　happy　in　hitting；　and　I　am　much　mistaken　if；　amongst
the　writings　of　my　time；　the　worst　are　not　those　which　have　most　gained
the　popular　applause。　　For　my　part；　I　return　my　thanks　to　those　good…
natured　men　who　are　pleased　to　take　my　weak　endeavours　in　good　part；　the
faults　of　the　workmanship　are　nowhere　so　apparent　as　in　a　matter　which　of
itself　has　no　recommendation。　　Blame　not　me；　reader；　for　those　that　slip
in　here　by　the　fancy　or　inadvertency　of　others；　every　hand；　every
artisan；　contribute　their　own　materials；　I　neither　concern　myself　with
orthography　（and　only　care　to　have　it　after　the　old　way）　nor　pointing；
being　very　inexpert　both　in　the　one　and　the　other。　　Where　they　wholly
break　the　sense；　I　am　very　little　concerned；　for　they　at　least　discharge
me；　but　where　they　substitute　a　false　one；　as　they　so　often　do；　and　wrest
me　to　their　conception；　they　ruin　me。　　When　the　sentence；　nevertheless；
is　not　strong　enough　for　my　proportion；　a　civil　person　ought　to　reject　it
as　spurious；　and　none　of　mine。　　Whoever　shall　know　how　lazy　I　am；　and　how
indulgent　to　my　own　humour；　will　easily　believe　that　I　had　rather　write
as　many　more　essays；　than　be　tied　to　revise　these　over　again　for　so
childish　a　correction。

I　said　elsewhere；　that　being　planted　in　the　very　centre　of　this　new
religion；　I　am　not　only　deprived　of　any　great　familiarity　with　men　of
other　kind　of　manners　than　my　own；　and　of　other　opinions；　by　which　they
hold　together；　as　by　a　tie　that　supersedes　all　other　obligations；　but
moreover　I　do　not　live　without　danger；　amongst　men　to　whom　all　things　are
equally　lawful；　and　of　whom　the　most　part　cannot　offend　the　laws　more
than　they　have　already　done；　from　which　the　extremist　degree　of　licence
proceeds。　　All　the　particular　being　summed　up　together；　I　do　not　find　one
man　of　my　country；　who　pays　so　dear　for　the　defence　of　our　laws　both　in
loss　and　damages　（as　the　lawyers　say）　as　myself；　and　some　there　are　who
vapour　and　brag　of　their　zeal　and　constancy；　that　if　things　were　justly
weighed；　do　much　less　than　I。　　My　house；　as　one　that　has　ever　been　open
and　free　to　all　comers；　and　civil　to　all　（for　I　could　never　persuade
myself　to　make　it　a　garrison　of　war；　war　being　a　thing　that　I　prefer　to
see　as　remote　as　may　be）；　has　sufficiently　merited　popular　kindness；　and
so　that　it　would　be　a　hard　matter　justly　to　insult　over　me　upon　my　own
dunghill；　and　I　look　upon　it　as　a　wonderful　and　exemplary　thing　that　it
yet　continues　a　virgin　from　blood　and　plunder　during　so　long　a　storm；　and
so　many　neighbouring　revolutions　and　tumults。　　For　to　confess　the　truth；
it　had　been　possible　enough　for　a　man　of　my　complexion　to　have　shaken
hands　with　any　one　constant　and　continued　form　whatever；　but　the　contrary
invasions　and　incursions；　alternations　and　vicissitudes　of　fortune　round
about　me；　have　hitherto　more　exasperated　than　calmed　and　mollified　the
temper　of　the　country；　and　involved　me；　over　and　over　again；　with
invincible　difficulties　and　dangers。

I　escape；　'tis　true；　but　am　troubled　that　it　is　more　by　chance；　and
something　of　my　own　prudence；　than　by　justice；　and　am　not　satisfied　to　be
out　of　the　protection　of　the　laws；　and　under　any　other　safeguard　than
theirs。　　As　matters　stand；　I　live；　above　one　half；　by　the　favour　of
others；　which　is　an　untoward　obligation。　　I　do　not　like　to　owe　my　safety
either　to　the　generosity　or　affection　of　great　persons；　who　allow　me　my
legality　and　my　liberty；　or　to　the　obliging　manners　of　my　predecessors；
or　my　own：　for　what　if　I　were　another　kind　of　man？　　If　my　deportment；　and
the　frankness　of　my　conversation　or　relationship；　oblige　my　neighbours；
'tis　that　that　they　should　acquit　themselves　of　obligation　in　only
permitting　me　to　live；　and　they　may　say；　〃We　allow　him　the　free　liberty
of　having　divine　service　read　in　his　own　private　chapel；　when　it　is
interdicted　in　all　churches　round　about；　and　allow　him　the　use　of　his
goods　and　his　life；　as　one　who　protects　our　wives　and　cattle　in　time　of
need。〃　　For　my　house　has　for　many　descents　shared　in　the　reputation　of
Lycurgus　the　Athenian；　who　was　the　general　depository　and　guardian　of　the
purses　of　his　fellow…citizens。　　Now　I　am　clearly　of　opinion　that　a　man
should　live　by　right　and　by　authority；　and　not　either　by　recompense　or
favour。　　How　many　gallant　men　have　rather　chosen　to　lose　their　lives　than
to　be　debtors　for　them？　　I　hate　to　subject　myself　to　any　sort　of
obligation；　but　above　all；　to　that　which　binds　me　by　the　duty　of　honour。
I　think　nothing　so　dear　as　what　has　been　given　me；　and　this　because　my
will　lies　at　pawn　under　the　title　of　gratitude；　and　more　willingl