sketches new and old-第44章

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I　said：　〃Oh；　hang　my　wooden　head；　it　ain't　any　use！it　ain't　any　use　to
tryI　can't　understand　anything。　　The　plainer　you　get　it　the　more　I
can't　get　the　hang　of　it。〃

I　heard　a　suspicious　noise　behind　me；　and　turned　in　time　to　see　Hingston
dodging　behind　a　newspaper；　and　quaking　with　a　gentle　ecstasy　of
laughter。　　I　looked　at　Ward　again；　and　he　had　thrown　off　his　dread
solemnity　and　was　laughing　also。　　Then　I　saw　that　I　had　been　soldthat　I
had　been　made　a　victim　of　a　swindle　in　the　way　of　a　string　of　plausibly
worded　sentences　that　didn't　mean　anything　under　the　sun。　　Artemus　Ward
was　one　of　the　best　fellows　in　the　world；　and　one　of　the　most
companionable。　　It　has　been　said　that　he　was　not　fluent　in　conversation；
but；　with　the　above　experience　in　my　mind；　I　differ。






CANNIBALISM　IN　THE　CARS　＇Written　abort　1867。＇

I　visited　St。　Louis　lately；　and　on　my　way　West；　after　changing　cars　at
Terre　Haute；　Indiana；　a　mild；　benevolent…looking　gentleman　of　about
forty…five；　or　maybe　fifty；　came　in　at　one　of　the　way…stations　and　sat
down　beside　me。　　We　talked　together　pleasantly　on　various　subjects　for　an
hour；　perhaps；　and　I　found　him　exceedingly　intelligent　and　entertaining。
When　he　learned　that　I　was　from　Washington；　he　immediately　began　to　ask
questions　about　various　public　men；　and　about　Congressional　affairs；　and
I　saw　very　shortly　that　I　was　conversing　with　a　man　who　was　perfectly
familiar　with　the　ins　and　outs　of　political　life　at　the　Capital；　even　to
the　ways　and　manners；　and　customs　of　procedure　of　Senators　and
Representatives　in　the　Chambers　of　the　national　Legislature。　　Presently
two　men　halted　near　us　for　a　single　moment；　and　one　said　to　the　other：

〃Harris；　if　you'll　do　that　for　me；　I'll　never　forget　you；　my　boy。〃

My　new　comrade's　eye　lighted　pleasantly。　　The　words　had　touched　upon　a
happy　memory；　I　thought。　　Then　his　face　settled　into　thoughtfulness
almost　into　gloom。　　He　turned　to　me　and　said；

〃Let　me　tell　you　a　story；　let　me　give　you　a　secret　chapter　of　my　life
a　chapter　that　has　never　been　referred　to　by　me　since　its　events
transpired。　　Listen　patiently；　and　promise　that　you　will　not　interrupt
me。〃

I　said　I　would　not；　and　he　related　the　following　strange　adventure；
speaking　sometimes　with　animation；　sometimes　with　melancholy；　but　always
with　feeling　and　earnestness。


　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　THE　STRANGER'S　NARRATIVE

〃On　the　19th　of　December；　1853；　I　started　from　St。　Louis　on　the　evening
train　bound　for　Chicago。　　There　were　only　twenty…four　passengers；　all
told。　　There　were　no　ladies　and　no　children。　　We　were　in　excellent
spirits；　and　pleasant　acquaintanceships　were　soon　formed。　　The　journey
bade　fair　to　be　a　happy　one；　and　no　individual　in　the　party；　I　think；　had
even　the　vaguest　presentiment　of　the　horrors　we　were　soon　to　undergo。

〃At　11　P。m。　　it　began　to　snow　hard。　　Shortly　after　leaving　the　small
village　of　Welden；　we　entered　upon　that　tremendous　prairie　solitude　that
stretches　its　leagues　on　leagues　of　houseless　dreariness　far　away　toward
the　jubilee　Settlements。　　The　winds；　unobstructed　by　trees　or　hills；　or
even　vagrant　rocks；　whistled　fiercely　across　the　level　desert；　driving
the　falling　snow　before　it　like　spray　from　the　crested　waves　of　a　stormy
sea。　　The　snow　was　deepening　fast；　and　we　knew；　by　the　diminished　speed
of　the　train；　that　the　engine　was　plowing　through　it　with　steadily
increasing　difficulty。　　Indeed；　it　almost　came　to　a　dead　halt　sometimes；
in　the　midst　of　great　drifts　that　piled　themselves　like　colossal　graves
across　the　track。　　Conversation　began　to　flag。　　Cheerfulness　gave　place
to　grave　concern。　　The　possibility　of　being　imprisoned　in　the　snow；　on
the　bleak　prairie；　fifty　miles　from　any　house；　presented　itself　to　every
mind；　and　extended　its　depressing　influence　over　every　spirit。

〃At　two　o'clock　in　the　morning　I　was　aroused　out　of　an　uneasy　slumber　by
the　ceasing　of　all　motion　about　me。　　The　appalling　truth　flashed　upon　me
instantlywe　were　captives　in　a　snow…drift！　　'All　hands　to　the　rescue！'
Every　man　sprang　to　obey。　　Out　into　the　wild　night；　the　pitchy　darkness；
the　billowy　snow；　the　driving　storm；　every　soul　leaped；　with　the
consciousness　that　a　moment　lost　now　might　bring　destruction　to　us　all。
Shovels；　hands；　boardsanything；　everything　that　could　displace　snow；
was　brought　into　instant　requisition。　　It　was　a　weird　picture；　that　small
company　of　frantic　men　fighting　the　banking　snows；　half　in　the　blackest
shadow　and　half　in　the　angry　light　of　the　locomotive's　reflector。

〃One　short　hour　sufficed　to　prove　the　utter　uselessness　of　our　efforts。
The　storm　barricaded　the　track　with　a　dozen　drifts　while　we　dug　one　away。
And　worse　than　this；　it　was　discovered　that　the　last　grand　charge　the
engine　had　made　upon　the　enemy　had　broken　the　fore…and…aft　shaft　of　the
driving…wheel！　　With　a　free　track　before　us　we　should　still　have　been
helpless。　　We　entered　the　car　wearied　with　labor；　and　very　sorrowful。
We　gathered　about　the　stoves；　and　gravely　canvassed　our　situation。　　We
had　no　provisions　whateverin　this　lay　our　chief　distress。　　We　could　not
freeze；　for　there　was　a　good　supply　of　wood　in　the　tender。　　This　was　our
only　comfort。　　The　discussion　ended　at　last　in　accepting　the
disheartening　decision　of　the　conductor；　viz。；　that　it　would　be　death　for
any　man　to　attempt　to　travel　fifty　miles　on　foot　through　snow　like　that。
We　could　not　send　for　help；　and　even　if　we　could　it　would　not　come。　　We
must　submit；　and　await；　as　patiently　as　we　might；　succor　or　starvation！
I　think　the　stoutest　heart　there　felt　a　momentary　chill　when　those　words
were　uttered。

〃Within　the　hour　conversation　subsided　to　a　low　murmur　here　and　there
about　the　car；　caught　fitfully　between　the　rising　and　falling　of　the
blast；　the　lamps　grew　dim；　and　the　majority　of　the　castaways　settled
themselves　among　the　flickering　shadows　to　thinkto　forget　the　present；
if　they　couldto　sleep；　if　they　might。

〃The　eternal　night…it　surely　seemed　eternal　to　us…wore　its　lagging　hours
away　at　last；　and　the　cold　gray　dawn　broke　in　the　east。　　As　the　light
grew　stronger　the　passengers　began　to　stir　and　give　signs　of　life；　one
after　another；　and　each　in　turn　pushed　his　slouched　hat　up　from　his
forehead；　stretched　his　stiffened　limbs；　and　glanced　out　of　the　windows
upon　the　cheerless　prospect。　　It　was　cheer　less；　indeed！…not　a　living
thing　visible　anywhere；　not　a　human　habitation；　nothing　but　a　vast　white
desert；　uplifted　sheets　of　snow　drifting　hither　and　thither　before　the
winda　world　of　eddying　flakes　shutting　out　the　firmament　above。

〃All　day　we　moped　about　the　cars；　saying　little；　thinking　much。　　Another
lingering　dreary　nightand　hunger。

〃Another　dawninganother　day　of　silence；　sadness；　wasting　hunger；
hopeless　watching　for　succor　that　could　not　come。　　A　night　of　restless
slumber；　filled　with　dreams　of　feastingwakings　distressed　with　the
gnawings　of　hunger。

〃The　fourth　day　came　and　wentand　the　fifth！　　Five　days　of　dreadful
imprisonment！　　A　savage　hunger　looked　out　at　every　eye。　　There　was　in　it
a　sign　of　awful　importthe　foreshadowing　of　a　something　that　was　vaguely
shaping　itself　in　every　hearta　something　which　no　tongue　dared　yet　to
frame　into　words。

〃The　sixth　day　passedthe　seventh　dawned　upon　as　gaunt　and　haggard　and
hopeless　a　company　of　men　as　ever　stood　in　the　shadow　of　death。　　It　must
out　now！　　That　thing　which　had　been　growing　up　in　every　heart　was　ready
to　leap　from　every　lip　at　last！　　Nature　had　been　taxed　to　the　utmostshe
must　yield。　　RICHARD　H。　GASTON　of　Minnesota；　tall；　cadaverous；　and　pale；
rose　up。　　All　knew　what　was　coming。　　All　preparedevery　emotion；　every
semblance　of　excitementwas　smotheredonly　a　calm；　thoughtful
seriousness　appeared　in　the　eyes　that　were　lately　so　wild。

〃'Gentlemen：　It　cannot　be　delayed　longer！　　The　time　is　at　hand！　　We　must
determine　which　of　us　shall　die　to　furnish　food　for　the　rest！'

〃MR。　JOHN　J。　WILLIAMS　of　Illinois　rose　and　said：　'　GentlemenI　nominate
the　Rev。　James　Sawyer　of　Tennessee。'

〃MR。　Wm。　R。　ADAMS　of　Indiana　said：　'I　nominate　Mr。　Daniel　Slote　of　New
York。'

〃MR。　CHARLES　J。　LANGDON：　'I　nominate　Mr。　Samuel　A。　　Bowen　of　St。　Louis。'

〃MR。　SLOTE：　'GentlemenI　desire　to　decline　in　favor　of　Mr。　John　A。　Van
Nostrand；　Jun。；　of　New　Jersey。'

〃MR。　GASTON：　'If　there　be　no　objection；　the　gentleman's　desire　will　be
acceded　to。'

〃MR。　VAN　NOSTRAND　objecting；　the　resignation　of　Mr。　Slote　was　rejected。
The　resignations　of　Messrs。　Sawyer　and　Bowen　were　also　offered；　and
refused　upon　the　same　grounds。

〃MR。　A。　L。　BASCOM　of　Ohio：　'I　move　that　the　nominations　now　close；　and
that　the　House　proceed　to　an　election　by　ballot。'

〃MR。　SAWYER：　'GentlemenI　protest　earnestly　against　these　proceedings。
They　are；　in　every　way；　irregular　and　unbecoming。　　I　must　beg　to　move
that　they　be　dropped　at　once；　and　that　we　elect　a　chairman　of　the　meeting
and　proper　officers　to　assist　him；　and　then　we　can　go　on　with　the
business　before　us　understandingly。'

〃MR。　BELL　of　Iowa：　'GentlemenI　object。　　This　is　no　time　to　stand　upon
forms　and　ceremonious　observances。　　For　more　than　seven　days　we　have　been
without　food。　　Every　moment　we　lose　in　idle　discussion　increases　our
distress。　　I　am　satisfied　with　the　nominations　that　have　been　madeevery
gentleman　present　is；　I　believeand　I；　for　one；　do　not　see　why　we　should
not　proceed　at　once　to　elect　one　or　more　of　them。　　I　wish　to　offer　a
resolution'

〃MR。　GASTON：　'It　would　be　objected　to；　and　have　to　lie　over　one　day　under
the　rules；　thus　bringing　about　the　very　delay　you　wish　to　avoid。　　The
gentleman　from　New　Jersey'

〃MR。　VAN　NOSTRAND：　'GentlemenI　am　a　stranger　among　you；　I　have　not
sought　the　distinction　that　has　been　conferred　upon　me；　and　I　feel　a
delicacy'

〃MR。　MORGAN　Of　Alabama　（interrupting）：　'I　move　the　previous　question。'

〃The　motion　was　carried；　and　further　debate　shut　off；　of　course。　　The
motion　to　elect　officers　was　passed；　and　under　it　Mr。　Gaston　was　chosen
chairman；　Mr。　Blake；　secretary；　Messrs。　　Holcomb；　Dyer；　and　Baldwin　a
committee　on　nominations；　and　Mr。　R。　M。　Howland；　purveyor；　to　assist　the
committee　in　making　selections。

〃A　recess　of　half　an　hour　was　then　taken；　and　some　little　caucusing
followed。　　At　the　sound　of　the　gavel　the　meeting　reassembled；　and　the
committee　reported　in　favor　of　Messrs。　George　Ferguson　of　Kentucky；
Lucien　Herrman　of　Louisiana；　and　W。　Messick　of　Colorado　as　candidates。
The　report　was　accepted。

〃MR。　ROGERS　of　Missouri：　'Mr。　President　The　report　being　properly　before
the　House　now；　I　move　to　amend　it　by　substituting　for　the　name　of　Mr。
Herrman　that　of　Mr。　Lucius　Harris　of　St。　　Louis；　who　is　well　and
honorably　known　to　us　all。　　I　do　not　wish　to　be　understood　as　casting　the
least　reflection　upon　the　high　character　and　standing　of　the　gentleman
from　Louisiana　far　from　it。　　I　respect　and　esteem　him　as　much　as　any
gentleman　here　present　possibly　can；　but　none　of　us　can　be　blind　to　the
fact　that　he　has　lost　more　flesh　during　the　week　that　we　have　lain　here
than　any　among　usnone　of　us　can　be　blind　to　the　fact　that　the　committee
has　been　derelict　in　its　duty；　either　through　negligence　or　a　graver
fault；　in　thus　offering　for　our　suffrages　a　gentleman　who；　however　pure
his