sketches new and old-第3章

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has　done　no　harm　has　been　unjustly　treated；　he　is　privileged　to　do　his
best　to　right　himself。　　My　attention　has　just　beep　called　to　an　article
some　three　years　old　in　a　French　Magazine　entitled；　'Revue　des　Deux
Mondes'　（Review　of　Some　Two　Worlds）；　wherein　the　writer　treats　of　〃Les
Humoristes　Americaines〃　（These　Humorist　Americans）。　　I　am　one　of　these
humorists　American　dissected　by　him；　and　hence　the　complaint　I　am　making。

This　gentleman's　article　is　an　able　one　（as　articles　go；　in　the　French；
where　they　always　tangle　up　everything　to　that　degree　that　when　you　start
into　a　sentence　you　never　know　whether　you　are　going　to　come　out　alive　or
not）。　　It　is　a　very　good　article　and　the　writer　says　all　manner　of　kind
and　complimentary　things　about　mefor　which　I　am　sure　thank　him　with　all
my　heart；　but　then　why　should　he　go　and　spoil　all　his　praise　by　one
unlucky　experiment？　　What　I　refer　to　is　this：　he　says　my　jumping　Frog　is
a　funny　story；　but　still　he　can't　see　why　it　should　ever　really　convulse
any　one　with　laughterand　straightway　proceeds　to　translate　it　into
French　in　order　to　prove　to　his　nation　that　there　is　nothing　so　very
extravagantly　funny　about　it。　　Just　there　is　where　my　complaint
originates。　　He　has　not　translated　it　at　all；　he　has　simply　mixed　it　all
up；　it　is　no　more　like　the　jumping　Frog　when　he　gets　through　with　it　than
I　am　like　a　meridian　of　longitude。　　But　my　mere　assertion　is　not　proof；
wherefore　I　print　the　French　version；　that　all　may　see　that　I　do　not
speak　falsely；　furthermore；　in　order　that　even　the　unlettered　may　know　my
injury　and　give　me　their　compassion；　I　have　been　at　infinite　pains　and
trouble　to　retranslate　this　French　version　back　into　English；　and　to　tell
the　truth　I　have　well…nigh　worn　myself　out　at　it；　having　scarcely　rested
from　my　work　during　five　days　and　nights。　　I　cannot　speak　the　French
language；　but　I　can　translate　very　well；　though　not　fast；　I　being　self…
educated。　　I　ask　the　reader　to　run　his　eye　over　the　original　English
version　of　the　jumping　Frog；　and　then　read　the　French　or　my
retranslation；　and　kindly　take　notice　how　the　Frenchman　has　riddled　the
grammar。　　I　think　it　is　the　worst　I　ever　saw；　and　yet　the　French　are
called　a　polished　nation。　　If　I　had　a　boy　that　put　sentences　together　as
they　do；　I　would　polish　him　to　some　purpose。　　Without　further
introduction；　the　jumping　Frog；　as　I　originally　wrote　it；　was　as　follows
＇after　it　will　be　found　the　French　version　（French　version　is　deleted
from　this　edition）；　and　after　the　latter　my　retranslation　from　the
French＇




THE　NOTORIOUS　JUMPING　FROG　OF　CALAVERAS　COUNTY　＇Pronounced　Cal…e…va…ras＇

In　compliance　with　the　request　of　a　friend　of　mine；　who　wrote　me　from　the
East；　I　called　on　good…natured；　garrulous　old　Simon　Wheeler；　and　inquired
after　my　friend's　friend；　Leonidas　W。　Smiley；　as　requested　to　do；　and　I
hereunto　append　the　result。　　I　have　a　lurking　suspicion　that　Leonidas　W。
Smiley　is　a　myth　that　my　friend　never　knew　such　a　personage；　and　that　he
on　conjectured　that　if　I　asked　old　Wheeler　about　him；　it　would　remind　him
of　his　infamous　Jim　Smiley；　and　he　would　go　to　work　and　bore　me　to　death
with　some　exasperating　reminiscence　him　as　long　and　as　tedious　as　it
should　be　useless　to　me。　　If　that　was　the　design；　it　succeeded。

I　found　Simon　Wheeler　dozing　comfortably　by　the　bar…room　stove　of　the
dilapidated　tavern　in　the　decayed　mining　camp　Angel's；　and　I　noticed　that
he　was　fat　and　bald…headed；　and　had　an　expression　of　winning　gentleness
and　simplicity　upon　his　tranquil　countenance。　　He　roused　up；　and　gave　me
good　day。　　I　told　him　that　a　friend　of　mine　had　commissioned　me　to　make
some　inquiries　about　a　cherished　companion　of　his　boyhood　named　Leonidas
W。　SmileyRev。　Leonidas　W。　Smiley；　a　young　minister　of　the　Gospel；　who
he　had　heard　was　at　one　time　resident　of　Angel's　Camp。　　I　added　that　if
Mr。　Wheeler　could　tell　me　anything　about　this　Rev。　Leonidas　W。　Smiley；
I　would　feel　under　many　obligations　to　him。

Simon　Wheeler　backed　me　into　a　corner　and　blockaded　me　there　with　his
chair；　and　then　sat　down　and　reeled　off　the　monotonous　narrative　which
follows　this　paragraph。　　He　never　smiled　he　never　frowned；　he　never
changed　his　voice　from　the　gentle　flowing　key　to　which　he　tuned　his
initial　sentence；　he　never　betrayed　the　slightest　suspicion　of
enthusiasm；　but　all　through　the　interminable　narrative　there　ran　a　vein
of　impressive　earnestness　and　sincerity；　which　showed　me　plainly　that；
so　far　from　his　imagining　that　there　was　anything　ridiculous　or　funny
about　his　story；　he　regarded　it　as　a　really　important　matter；　and　admired
its　two　heroes　as　men　of　transcendent　genius　in　'finesse。'　　I　let　him　go
on　in　his　own　way；　and　never　interrupted　him　once。

〃Rev。　Leonidas　W。　　H'm；　Reverend　Lewell；　there　was　a　feller　here；　once
by　the　name　of　Jim　Smiley；　in　the　winter　of　'49　or　maybe　it　was　the
spring　of　'50I　don't　recollect　exactly；　somehow；　though　what　makes　me
think　it　was　one　or　the　other　is　because　I　remember　the　big　flume　warn't
finished　when　he　first　come　to　the　camp；　but　anyway；　he　was　the
curiousest　man　about　always　betting　on　anything　that　turned　up　you　ever
see；　if　he　could　get　anybody　to　bet　on　the　other　side；　and　if　he　couldn't
he'd　change　sides。　　Any　way　that　suited　the　other　man　would　suit　him　any
way　just　so's　he　got　a　bet；　he　was　satisfied。　　But　still　he　was　lucky；
uncommon　lucky；　he　most　always　come　out　winner。　　He　was　always　ready　and
laying　for　a　chance；　there　couldn't　be　no　solit'ry　thing　mentioned　but
that　feller'd　offer　to　bet　on　it；　and　take　any　side　you　please；　as　I　was
just　telling　you。　　If　there　was　a　horse…race；　you'd　find　him　flush　or
you'd　find　him　busted　at　the　end　of　it；　if　there　was　a　dog…fight；　he'd
bet　on　it；　if　there　was　a　cat…fight；　he'd　bet　on　it；　if　there　was　a
chicken…fight；　he'd　bet　on　it；　why；　if　there　was　two　birds　setting　on　a
fence；　he　would　bet　you　which　one　would　fly　first；　or　if　there　was　a
camp…meeting；　he　would　be　there　reg'lar　to　bet　on　Parson　Walker；　which　he
judged　to　be　the　best　exhorter　about　here；　and　so　he　was　too；　and　a　good
man。　　If　he　even　see　a　straddle…bug　start　to　go　anywheres；　he　would　bet
you　how　long　it　would　take　him　to　get　toto　wherever　he　was　going　to；
and　if　you　took　him　up；　he　would　foller　that　straddle…bug　to　Mexico　but
what　he　would　find　out　where　he　was　bound　for　and　how　long　he　was　on　the
road。　　Lots　of　the　boys　here　has　seen　that　Smiley；　and　can　tell　you　about
him。　　Why；　it　never　made　no　difference　to　himhe'd　bet　on　any　thingthe
dangdest　feller。　　Parson　Walker's　wife　laid　very　sick　once；　for　a　good
while；　and　it　seemed　as　if　they　warn't　going　to　save　her；　but　one　morning
he　come　in；　and　Smiley　up　and　asked　him　how　she　was；　and　he　said　she　was
considerable　betterthank　the　Lord　for　his　inf'nite　mercyand　coming　on
so　smart　that　with　the　blessing　of　Prov'dence　she'd　get　well　yet；　and
Smiley；　before　he　thought；　says；　'Well；　I'll　resk　two…and…a…half　she
don't　anyway。'

〃Thish…yer　Smile）　had　a　marethe　boys　called　her　the　fifteen…minute　nag；
but　that　was　only　in　fun；　you　know；　because　of　course　she　was　faster　than
thatand　he　used　to　win　money　on　that　horse；　for　all　she　was　so　slow　and
always　had　the　asthma；　or　the　distemper；　or　the　consumption；　or　something
of　that　kind。　　They　used　to　give　her　two　or　three　hundred　yards'　start；
and　then　pass　her　under　way；　but　always　at　the　fag　end　of　the　race　she
get　excited　and　desperate　like；　and　come　cavorting　and　straddling　up；
and　scattering　her　legs　around　limber；　sometimes　in　the　air；　and
sometimes　out　to　one　side　among　the　fences；　and　kicking　up　m…o…r…e　dust
and　raising　m…o…r…e　racket　with　her　coughing　and　sneezing　and　blowing　her
noseand　always　fetch　up　at　the　stand　just　about　a　neck　ahead；　as　near
as　you　could　cipher　it　down。

〃And　he　had　a　little　small　bull…pup；　that　to　look　at　him　you'd　think　he
warn't　worth　a　cent　but　to　set　around　and　look　ornery　and　lay　for　a
chance　to　steal　something。　　But　as　soon　as　money　was　up　on　him　he　was　a
different　dog；　his　under…jaw'd　begin　to　stick　out　like　the　fo'castle　of
a　steamboat；　and　his　teeth　would　uncover　and　shine　like　the　furnaces。
And　a　dog　might　tackle　him　and　bully…rag　him；　and　bite　him；　and　throw　him
over　his　shoulder　two　or　three　times；　and　Andrew　Jacksonwhich　was　the
name　of　the　pupAndrew　Jackson　would　never　let　on　but　what　he　was
satisfied；　and　hadn't　expected　nothing　elseand　the　bets　being　doubled
and　doubled　on　the　other　side　all　the　time；　till　the　money　was　all　up；
and　then　all　of　a　sudden　he　would　grab　that　other　dog　jest　by　the　j'int
of　his　hind　leg　and　freeze　to　itnot　chaw；　you　understand；　but　only　just
grip　and　hang　on　till　they　throwed　up　the　sponge；　if　it　was　a　year。
Smiley　always　come　out　winner　on　that　pup；　till　he　harnessed　a　dog　once
that　didn't　have　no　hind　legs；　because　they'd　been　sawed　off　in　a
circular　saw；　and　when　the　thing　had　gone　along　far　enough；　and　the　money
was　all　up；　and　he　come　to　make　a　snatch　for　his　pet　holt；　he　see　in　a
minute　how　he'd　been　imposed　on；　and　how　the　other　dog　had　him　in　the
door；　so　to　speak；　and　he　'peared　surprised；　and　then　he　looked　sorter
discouraged…like　and　didn't　try　no　more　to　win　the　fight；　and　so　he　got
shucked　out　bad。　　He　give　Smiley　a　look；　as　much　as　to　say　his　heart　was
broke；　and　it　was　his　fault；　for　putting　up　a　dog　that　hadn't　no　hind
legs　for　him　to　take　holt　of；　which　was　his　main　dependence　in　a　fight；
and　then　he　limped　off　a　piece　and　laid　down　and　died。　　It　was　a　good
pup；　was　that　Andrew　Jackson；　and　would　have　made　a　name　for　hisself　if
he'd　lived；　for　the　stuff　was　in　him　and　he　had　geniusI　know　it；
because　he　hadn't　no　opportunities　to　speak　of；　and　it　don't　stand　to
reason　that　a　dog　could　make　such　a　fight　as　he　could　under　them
circumstances　if　he　hadn't　no　talent。　It　always　makes　me　feel　sorry　when
I　think　of　that　last　fight　of　his'n；　and　the　way　it　turned　out。

〃Well；　thish…yer　Smiley　had　rat…tarriers；　and　chicken　cocks；　and　tomcats
and　all　them　kind　of　things；　till　you　couldn't　rest；　and　you　couldn't
fetch　nothing　for　him　to　bet　on　but　he'd　match　you。　　He　ketched　a　frog
one　day；　and　took　him　home；　and　said　he　cal'lated　to　educate　him；　and　so
he　never　done　nothing　for　three　months　but　set　in　his　back　yard　and　learn
that　frog　to　jump。　And　you　bet　you　he　did　learn　him；　too。　He'd　give　him　a
little　punch　behind；　and　the　next　minute　you'd　see　that　frog　whirling　in
the　air　like　a　doughnutsee　him　turn　one　summerset；　or　maybe　a　couple；
if　he　got　a　good　start；　and　come　down　flat…footed　and　all　right；　like　a
cat。　He　got　him　up　so　in　the　matter　of　ketching　flies；　and　kep'　him　in
practice　so　constant；　that　he'd　nail　a　fly　every　time　as　fur　as　he　could
see　him。　Smiley　said　all　a　frog　wanted　was　education；　and　he　could　do
'most　anythingand　I　believe　him。　　Why；　I've　seen　him　set　Dan'l　Webster
down　here　on　this　floorDan'1　Webster　was　the　name　of　the　frogand　sing
out；　'Flies；　Dan'l；　flies！'　and　quicker'n　you　could　wink　he'd　spring
straight　up　and　snake　a　fly　off'n　the　counter　there；　and　flop　down　on　the
floor　ag'in　as　solid　as　a　gob　of　mud；　and　fall　to　scratching　the　side　of
his　head　with　his　hind　foot　as　indifferent　as　if　he　hadn't　no　idea　he'd
been　doin'　any　more'n　any　frog　mig