sketches new and old-第26章

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calamitous　idea　among　heads　of　families　that　Franklin　acquired　his　great
genius　by　working　for　nothing；　studying　by　moonlight；　and　getting　up　in
the　night　instead　of　waiting　till　morning　like　a　Christian；　and　that　this
program；　rigidly　inflicted；　will　make　a　Franklin　of　every　father's　fool。
It　is　time　these　gentlemen　were　finding　out　that　these　execrable
eccentricities　of　instinct　and　conduct　are　only　the　evidences　of　genius；
not　the　creators　of　it。　　I　wish　I　had　been　the　father　of　my　parents　long
enough　to　make　them　comprehend　this　truth；　and　thus　prepare　them　to　let
their　son　have　an　easier　time　of　it。　　When　I　was　a　child　I　had　to　boil
soap；　notwithstanding　my　father　was　wealthy；　and　I　had　to　get　up　early
and　study　geometry　at　breakfast；　and　peddle　my　own　poetry；　and　do
everything　just　as　Franklin　did；　in　the　solemn　hope　that　I　would　be　a
Franklin　some　day。　　And　here　I　am。






MR。　BLOKE'S　ITEM　＇Written　about　1865。＇

Our　esteemed　friend；　Mr。　John　William　Bloke；　of　Virginia　City；　walked
into　the　office　where　we　are　sub…editor　at　a　late　hour　last　night；　with
an　expression　of　profound　and　heartfelt　suffering　upon　his　countenance；
and；　sighing　heavily；　laid　the　following　item　reverently　upon　the　desk；
and　walked　slowly　out　again。　　He　paused　a　moment　at　the　door；　and　seemed
struggling　to　command　his　feelings　sufficiently　to　enable　him　to　speak；
and　then；　nodding　his　head　toward　his　manuscript；　ejaculated　in　a　broken
voice；　〃Friend　of　mineoh！　how　sad！〃　and　burst　into　tears。　　We　were　so
moved　at　his　distress　that　we　did　not　think　to　call　him　back　and　endeavor
to　comfort　him　until　he　was　gone；　and　it　was　too　late。　　The　paper　had
already　gone　to　press；　but　knowing　that　our　friend　would　consider　the
publication　of　this　item　important；　and　cherishing　the　hope　that　to　print
it　would　afford　a　melancholy　satisfaction　to　his　sorrowing　heart；　we
stopped；　the　press　at　once　and　inserted　it　in　our　columns：

　　　　　DISTRESSING　ACCIDENT。Last　evening；　about　six　o'clock；　as　Mr。
　　　　　William　Schuyler；　an　old　and　respectable　citizen　of　South　Park；　was
　　　　　leaving　his　residence　to　go　down…town；　as　has　been　his　usual　custom
　　　　　for　many　years　with　the　exception　only　of　a　short　interval　in　the
　　　　　spring　of　1850；　during　which　he　was　confined　to　his　bed　by　injuries
　　　　　received　in　attempting　to　stop　a　runaway　horse　by　thoughtlessly
　　　　　placing　himself　directly　in　its　wake　and　throwing　up　his　hands　and
　　　　　shouting；　which　if　he　had　done　so　even　a　single　moment　sooner；　must
　　　　　inevitably　have　frightened　the　animal　still　more　instead　of　checking
　　　　　its　speed；　although　disastrous　enough　to　himself　as　it　was；　and
　　　　　rendered　more　melancholy　and　distressing　by　reason　of　the　presence
　　　　　of　his　wife's　mother；　who　was　there　and　saw　the　sad　occurrence
　　　　　notwithstanding　it　is　at　least　likely；　though　not　necessarily　so；
　　　　　that　she　should　be　reconnoitering　in　another　direction　when
　　　　　incidents　occur；　not　being　vivacious　and　on　the　lookout；　as　a
　　　　　general　thing；　but　even　the　reverse；　as　her　own　mother　is　said　to
　　　　　have　stated；　who　is　no　more；　but　died　in　the　full　hope　of　a　glorious
　　　　　resurrection；　upwards　of　three　years　ago；　aged　eighty…six；　being　a
　　　　　Christian　woman　and　without　guile；　as　it　were；　or　property；　in
　　　　　consequence　of　the　fire　of　1849；　which　destroyed　every　single　thing
　　　　　she　had　in　the　world。　　But　such　is　life。　　Let　us　all　take　warning　by
　　　　　this　solemn　occurrence；　and　let　us　endeavor　so　to　conduct　ourselves
　　　　　that　when　we　come　to　die　we　can　do　it。　　Let　us　place　our　hands　upon
　　　　　our　heart；　and　say　with　earnestness　and　sincerity　that　from　this　day
　　　　　forth　we　will　beware　of　the　intoxicating　bowl。'First　Edition　of
　　　　　the　Californian。'

The　head　editor　has　been　in　here　raising　the　mischief；　and　tearing　his
hair　and　kicking　the　furniture　about；　and　abusing　me　like　a　pickpocket。
He　says　that　every　time　he　leaves　me　in　charge　of　the　paper　for　half　an
hour　I　get　imposed　upon　by　the　first　infant　or　the　first　idiot　that　comes
along。　　And　he　says　that　that　distressing　item　of　Mr。　Bloke's　is　nothing
but　a　lot　of　distressing　bash；　and　has　no　point　to　it；　and　no　sense　in
it；　and　no　information　in　it；　and　that　there　was　no　sort　of　necessity　for
stopping　the　press　to　publish　it。

Now　all　this　comes　of　being　good…hearted。　　If　I　had　been　as
unaccommodating　and　unsympathetic　as　some　people；　I　would　have　told
Mr。　Bloke　that　I　wouldn't　receive　his　communication　at　such　a　late　hour；
but　no；　his　snuffling　distress　touched　my　heart；　and　I　jumped　at　the
chance　of　doing　something　to　modify　his　misery。　　I　never　read　his　item　to
see　whether　there　was　anything　wrong　about　it；　but　hastily　wrote　the　few
lines　which　preceded　it；　and　sent　it　to　the　printers。　　And　what　has　my
kindness　done　for　me？　　It　has　done　nothing　but　bring　down　upon　me　a　storm
of　abuse　and　ornamental　blasphemy。

Now　I　will　read　that　item　myself；　and　see　if　there　is　any　foundation　for
all　this　fuss。　　And　if　there　is；　the　author　of　it　shall　hear　from　me。

I　have　read　it；　and　I　am　bound　to　admit　that　it　seems　a　little　mixed　at　a
first　glance。　　However；　I　will　peruse　it　once　more。

I　have　read　it　again；　and　it　does　really　seem　a　good　deal　more　mixed　than
ever。

I　have　read　it　over　five　times；　but　if　I　can　get　at　the　meaning　of　it　I
wish　I　may　get　my　just　deserts。　　It　won't　bear　analysis。　　There　are
things　about　it　which　I　cannot　understand　at　all。　　It　don't　say　whatever
became　of　William　Schuyler。　　It　just　says　enough　about　him　to　get　one
interested　in　his　career；　and　then　drops　him。　　Who　is　William　Schuyler；
anyhow；　and　what　part　of　South　Park　did　he　live　in；　and　if　he　started
down…town　at　six　o'clock；　did　he　ever　get　there；　and　if　he　did；　did
anything　happen　to　him？　　Is　he　the　individual　that　met　with　the
〃distressing　accident〃？　　Considering　the　elaborate　circumstantiality　of
detail　observable　in　the　item；　it　seems　to　me　that　it　ought　to　contain
more　information　than　it　does。　　On　the　contrary；　it　is　obscure　and　not
only　obscure；　but　utterly　incomprehensible。　　Was　the　breaking　of　Mr。
Schuyler's　leg；　fifteen　years　ago；　the　〃distressing　accident〃　that
plunged　Mr。　Bloke　into　unspeakable　grief；　and　caused　him　to　come　up　here
at　dead　of　night　and　stop　our　press　to　acquaint　the　world　with　the
circumstance？　　Or　did　the　〃distressing　accident　〃　consist　in　the
destruction　of　Schuyler's　mother…in…law's　property　in　early　times？
Or　did　it　consist　in　the　death　of　that　person　herself　three　years　ago
（albeit　it　does　not　appear　that　she　died　by　accident）？　　In　a　word；　what
did　that　〃distressing　accident〃　consist　in？　　What　did　that　driveling　ass
of　a　Schuyler　stand　in　the　wake　of　a　runaway　horse　for；　with　his　shouting
and　gesticulating；　if　he　wanted　to　stop　him？　　And　how　the　mischief　could
he　get　run　over　by　a　horse　that　had　already　passed　beyond　him？　　And　what
are　we　to　take　〃warning〃　by？　　And　how　is　this　extraordinary　chapter　of
incomprehensibilities　going　to　be　a　〃lesson〃　to　us？　　And；　above　all；　what
has　the　intoxicating　〃bowl〃　got　to　do　with　it；　anyhow？　　It　is　not　stated
that　Schuyler　drank；　or　that　his　wife　drank；　or　that　his　mother…in…law
drank；　or　that　the　horse　drank　wherefore；　then；　the　reference　to　the
intoxicating　bowl？　　It　does　seem　to　me　that　if　Mr。　Bloke　had　let　the
intoxicating　bowl　alone　himself；　he　never　would　have　got　into　so　much
trouble　about　this　exasperating　imaginary　accident。　　I　have　read　this。
absurd　item　over　and　over　again；　with　all　its　insinuating　plausibility；
until　my　head　swims；　but　I　can　make　neither　head　nor　tail　of　it。　　There
certainly　seems　to　have　been　an　accident　of　some　kind　or　other；　but　it　is
impossible　to　determine　what　the　nature　of　it　was；　or　who　was　the
sufferer　by　it。　　I　do　not　like　to　do　it；　but　I　feel　compelled　to　request
that　the　next　time　anything　happens　to　one　of　Mr。　Bloke's　friends；　he
will　append　such　explanatory　notes　to　his　account　of　it　as　will　enable　me
to　find　out　what　sort　of　an　accident　it　was　and　whom　it　happened　to。　　I
had　rather　all　his　friends　should　die　than　that　I　should　be　driven　to　the
verge　of　lunacy　again　in　trying　to　cipher　out　the　meaning　of　another　such
production　as　the　above。






A　MEDIEVAL　ROMANCE


CHAPTER　I

THE　SECRET　REVEALED。

It　was　night。　　Stillness　reigned　in　the　grand　old　feudal　castle　of
Klugenstein。　　The　year　1222　was　drawing　to　a　close。　　Far　away　up　in　the
tallest　of　the　castle's　towers　a　single　light　glimmered。　　A　secret
council　was　being　held　there。　　The　stern　old　lord　of　Klugenstein　sat　in
a　chair　of　state　meditating。　　Presently　he；　said；　with　a　tender
accent：

〃My　daughter！〃

A　young　man　of　noble　presence；　clad　from　head　to　heel　in　knightly　mail；
answered：

〃Speak；　father！〃

〃My　daughter；　the　time　is　come　for　the　revealing　of　the　mystery　that　hath
puzzled　all　your　young　life。　　Know；　then；　that　it　had　its　birth　in　the
matters　which　I　shall　now　unfold。　　My　brother　Ulrich　is　the　great　Duke　of
Brandenburgh。　　Our　father；　on　his　deathbed；　decreed　that　if　no　son　were
born　to　Ulrich；　the　succession　should　pass　to　my　house；　provided　a　son
were　born　to　me。　　And　further；　in　case　no　son；　were　born　to　either；　but
only　daughters；　then　the　succession　should　pass　to　Ulrich's　daughter；
if　she　proved　stainless；　if　she　did　not；　my　daughter　should　succeed；
if　she　retained　a　blameless　name。　　And　so　I；　and　my　old　wife　here；　prayed
fervently　for　the　good　boon　of　a　son；　but　the　prayer　was　vain。　　You　were
born　to　us。　　I　was　in　despair。　　I　saw　the　mighty　prize　slipping　from　my
grasp；　the　splendid　dream　vanishing　away。　　And　I　had　been　so　hopeful！
Five　years　had　Ulrich　lived　in　wedlock；　and　yet　his　wife　had　borne　no
heir　of　either　sex。

〃'But　hold；'　I　said；　'all　is　not　lost。'　　A　saving　scheme　had　shot　athwart
my　brain。　　You　were　born　at　midnight。　　Only　the　leech；　the　nurse；　and　six
waiting…women　knew　your　sex。　　I　hanged　them　every　one　before　an　hour　had
sped。　　Next　morning　all　the　barony　went　mad　with　rejoicing　over　the
proclamation　that　a　son　was　born　to　Klugenstein；　an　heir　to　mighty
Brandenburgh！　　And　well　the　secret　has　been　kept。　　Your　mother's　own
sister　nursed　your　infancy；　and　from　that　time　forward　we　feared　nothing。

〃When　you　were　ten　years　old；　a　daughter　was　born　to　Ulrich。　　We　grieved；
but　hoped　for　good　results　from　measles；　or　physicians；　or　other　natural
enemies　of　infancy；　but　were　always　disappointed。　　She　lived；　she　throve…
…Heaven's　malison　upon　her！　　But　it　is　nothing。　　We　are　safe。　　For；
Ha…ha！　have　we　not　a　son？　　And　is　not　our　son　the　future　Duke？　　Our　well…
beloved　Conrad；　is　it　not　so？for；　woman　of　eight…and…twenty　yearsas
you　are；　my　child；　none　other　name　than　that　hath　ever　fallen　to　you！

〃Now　it　hath　come　to　pass　that　age　hath　laid　its　hand　upon　my　brother；
and　he　waxes　feeble。　　The　cares　of　state　do　tax　him　sore。　　Therefore　he
wills　that　you　shall　come　to　him　and　be　already　Dukein　act；　though　not
yet　in　name。　　Your　servitors　are　readyyou　journey　forth　to…night。

〃Now　listen　well。　　Remember　every　word　I　say。　　There　is　a　law　as　old　as
Germany　that　if　any　woman　sit　for　a　single　instant　in　the　great　ducal
chair　before　she　hath　been　absolutely　crowned　in　presence　of　the　people；
SHE　SHALL　DIE！　So　heed　my　；words。　　Prete